Healing

I’ve been thinking a lot about healing lately. It seems to be a common theme across several classes I am taking and as I sat down to write my actions for the One Little Word class, it came to me almost immediately. I had this image of carrying around a lot of dead weight. I wrote:

release.

I think that’s what I want to do. I feel like shedding. I feel like I’ve been carrying all this stuff for this long and maybe I am ready to put it all down. And when I thought about it, putting it down didn’t even seem enough. It had to be shed. Putting down implied I might pick it up again.

But I have no intention to do so.

I want to be done with it all.

So I’ve been thinking about healing. How it can be done and what I am willing to do. Melody had an intense exercise in her The Walk class and I spent some time doing it yesterday. I’ve also been reading some of Cheri Huber’s work and listening to her audio.

and it all helps.

But I think what helps more than anything is the unwavering determination to be done with it all. Maybe all this stuff served me for a while and maybe it helped me in some ways but at this point it feels like a large mountain of dead weight I am dragging around with me.

It’s dragging behind me and slowing me down. Sucking my energy. Keeping me heavy and close to the ground.

It is definitely not serving me anymore.

And, this time, I don’t even want to know why. Who cares why I latched on to these thoughts, who cares why I chose to believe the untruths. Who cares how they served me in the past. Who cares whose fault it was. Who cares, who cares, who cares?

Knowing the why doesn’t help. It doesn’t move me forward.

The only thing that moves me forward is the what. What do I want now? What am I willing to do to get rid of it? What will be possible for me if I shed it all?

Healing.

That’s what will be possible. I can reach one of my most core desires: I can be whole.

I can’t think of a better reason than that.

So I’ve been thinking about healing. What it means, how we do it, what helps and what doesn’t. I am still trying to sort my way through it all but I feel readier than ever.