New Addition

It’s been a while since I’ve added a new section to the site but I’ve
finally managed to put together a new section which is mostly about my
relatively new hobby which has recently become mostly a favorite
pasttime (along with books of course.)

In honor of scrapbooking, which brings together my love of photography,
writing, and art, I created a new “create” section: find it here.



I have a lot of posts sitting in queue waiting to get posted. Expect
some blog diarrhea soon.

Tweaking

I forgot how much time it takes to tweak this site. I’ve spent the
better part of a Sunday updating my scripts and that’s no fun.

Back To Original

So I am trying to find a way to allow me to post more frequently and
I have decided to go back to the very original weblog look which
means everything gets dumped to the main page regardless of its
category. No special section for photos or david. If you don’t like
the topic of a post, feel free to skip it.

Frustrated and Tired

I am in a constant state of flux on what to do about this site. This May, I will have been writing on and off for six years. For the first three or four years, I did write consistently and I looked forward to coming home and writing down my thoughts and feelings. Some days it was an effort but most days it really wasn’t. I still regularly go back to those posts and reread them so I am really glad they’re there. Not to mention all the photos I’ve accumulated over the years. They are all fantastic records of those years. Since I stopped working at the investment bank, it seems I haven’t really written consistently. I had a bout of consistent photo posting but even that came to an end with David’s birth.



The times when I’ve taken an “official” break, I’ve felt like a weight has been lifted off of me. At least once a day, I think of the site and how I should be updating and writing more. I think of taking photos and get depressed at the state of my life. But then when the time comes to write, I look at my to-do list and look at the things I have to give up. I have a full-time job and a part-time job. I have a little boy who’s getting more demanding each day. I take photos of him every day and post them weekly for my family to see. I am making a scrapbook for his first year which does seem to take countless hours of my crazy time. I still try to read a book a week (or two weeks) since it’s one of the few things that makes me feel peaceful and sane. I get around 50 emails a day that I have to respond to which are besides the over 100 I get for work. Not to mention the daily things like preparing 3 meals a day for the little boy and feeding them to him. We go to music class once a week, two different mom’s groups once a week each, a baby book club once every two weeks, and a ton of random crap that just comes up.



The only peaceful and uninterrupted times I have in the day are from 6:30pm to bedtime. Lately, thanks to my sinuses, I have been going to bed as early as 8pm which means I have 1.5 hours to eat dinner, catch up with my husband and go through my entire to-do list. So, I’ve been feeling slightly overwhelmed lately and giving this site (which hasn’t been updated with any regularity for months now) seems so enticing.

But then I can’t get myself to do it. This feels like a part of me. Something I poured so much of myself into. Something I can’t seem to let go. So I sit here, frustrated and unsure and tired of going back an forth. I most likely will make yet another set of changes to see if I can make it more enticing, easier for me to update more regularly. And if that doesn’t work either, well we’ll get there when we get there I guess.



Apologies for all the whining, it’s been a weird few weeks.

Mini Update



I know it’s been ages. I’ve been trying to find ways to make it easier for me to update the site without it beomcing an ordeal that I simply put off. I honestly seem to be running short of time more often than not and I still want to be able to update and keep track of my life because I like having this record. So I am going to try a few different models in the next few weeks and we’ll see if any of them stick.

Last two months have been a blur to me. November was family month with my parents here for three weeks and Jake’s parents here for Thanksgiving. David spent most of the month not sleeping through the night. And then he started sleeping for 12 hours and then he got sick and the teeth came out and we’re back to square three.

Thanks to the holiday season end of November and first three weeks of December were a photography craziness here. I am happy I started this business and I guess I wasn’t mentally prepared for its taking off so quickly so all the work wore me down. I can’t really complain though since it also meant I got to buy a new camera and a nice flash. An unexpected side benefit. I was telling Jake the other day that I never imagined myself as a business-owner. I always thought I’d work for someone else sotake contracts. I never imagined that within weeks, I’d create and run my own little thing and actually turn a profit. Life’s been good to me. Hectic but good.

Life

I know it’s lame to stop writing a few days after “I’m back” from a break. But it seems things conspired to get in the way. First, my in-laws came to visit for the first time in seven months. This meant we were out all day and not on the computer when we were home. It also meant that Jake and I went on our first dates since David was born. It was weird being out alone. It felt like we were sneaking. I did miss David a lot even though we were only gone for about 2 hours and it was while David was sleeping. I just kept thinking of him and his smile and his breathing.



The night after my in-laws left, David began his weird waking-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night thing which is still going on. But just to add more fun to the adventure, I threw out my back for the first time since we came to San Diego. The whole time I was pregnant, I was worried about my back suddenly starting to hurt again. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to hold David as a baby and burp him. I was worried I’d be stuck in bed while everyone else held him and hugged him. Well none of that happened. I was perfectly, completely, totally fine. No real back-ache to speak of.

A week ago, something felt funny as I bent down and since then I haven’t been able to stand up without excruciating pain. Last time this happened, I was on Vioxx for almost two years and I did a lot of physical therapy and acupuncture for it to get better. Well, now Vioxx is off the market, I am nursing and I can’t take any medication. Except for Tylanol which I only let myself take twice a day since I don’t want to medicate David. Without the medicine to take off the edge of the pain, life’s been a ton of fun. Hence sitting at the computer hasn’t been one of my favorite activities lately.

Hence the no updates. Forgive me yet?

I am hoping that my stupid back will miraculously heal itself since I am determined not to take any pills and have a long long way to go before I am ready to stop nursing (think months in teens not in single digits) so cross your fingers for me and hope that the pain goes away as mysteriously and quickly as it came.

The good side of the pain has been that I’ve been in bed more and thus reading more. And my mother in law bought me six new books for my past birthday. I just finished _Running with Scissors_ which, while nothing compared to _A Million Little Pieces_, was still a very engrossing read. I am now reading the new Paolo Coelho book. He’s always an interesting and worthwhile read for me. As always, open for any and all recommendations.

What I Missed the Most



It’s been almost two months since my last entry. I’ve had this site on and off for five years. I wasn’t sure if I was going to miss writing this time. There are times when writing here is fun and times when it feels more like a chore. In the months preceding the closing, it had become more like the latter. Each night that I went to bed without updating, I’d feel like I let someone down. Fact is, I have few readers, but I still felt like shit. Which is why I stopped.

I wasn’t sure if I was going to miss any of it. I haven’t been taking photos (except of David) and I have just begun sleeping again and my days are filled with David, work, a new small business, reading, and, of course, Jake. I figured my life was full enough.

But I did miss it.

From the day I turned ten to Freshman year in college, I kept a diary every single night. Many people asked me how I found something to write each night. I just did. I liked writing every day. It was my thing. That’s sort of how I feel about this place. I want to make sure it never goes away. Since college, I’ve attempted to keep diaries many times and it just never worked. When David was born, I promised myself (as I did when I found out I was pregnant) that I would keep a written record. I have managed to take photos every day he’s been alive (except day three) but I have three failed attempts at writing. Whatever little I’ve written here is the most I’ve written anywhere.



So I am going to keep writing. I can’t promise it will be consistently, but I am going to try hard. I won’t post photos when I don’t have them but I also won’t let that stop me from posting. I will try to write a tidbit about David each day, more for me than you, I’m putting it in a different section so if you don’t want to read it, feel free to skip it. Sometimes the David section might be longer than the main section, but not usually. Once I start taking regular photos again, I will post those too. At least that’s the plan. And we know what happens to best laid plans.

So there we are. This is the closest thing I got to my childhood diaries. And I miss writing down my ideas. I miss talking about my random thoughts. I miss sharing my emotions. I miss recording my life. The everydayness of my life.

But, mostly, I missed the bitching. So expect some whiny posts coming soon.



Thank you for sticking around.

Falling Behind



I spend a certain amount of energy every day thinking about what I’m going to write here. I formulate the idea in my mind and then think of how I will put it all down. It doesn’t all come together until I sit down to type it all up.

The last few days have been even more hectic than usual. I have started Childbirth Preperation classes and I have CPR and Breastfeeding coming up, too. I now have to go to the doctor once every two weeks and not monthly since I am much closer to delivery. I’m having an even harder time sleeping since my belly is heavy enough to strain my back muscles and give me random cramps. I pee even more than before, if that’s possible to imagine. So I am so tired that I do the typical bored student thing at my desk: my head falls over as my eyes close and I jerk myself back up.

My company will be closing for the holidays in ten days and by the time they come back I will be 36 weeks or so and possibly too tired, too big and too stupid to function. Thus, I am trying to squish in all the big projects I’ve been meaning to do. This makes my days full of frenzy and I don’t have enough personal time to get my own projects done. Thus the website suffers.

I am sure stuff won’t get easier when the baby comes but I am hoping I will eventually learn to organize everything back to some sort of schedule. Cross fingers.

All this is to thank you for visiting even when I don’t update regularly and to let you know that I am going to do my best to update regularly.

Spreading Out



I’ve now been writing this site for the better part of four years. I registered the domain in March of 2000 and wrote for two months until I moved over to Blogger and then wouldn’t stop writing. I remember the initial days of looking through other people’s blogs and their links. It took only a few days to notice that everyone linked to the same people and, four years later, it’s no different. Some of the sites have disappeared and there are new popular ones. All in all, we have a list of twenty that’s linked by a majority of the people I visit.

I used to think that was a blogger problem. That everyone linked to the same people, etc. Two days ago, I decided that it was really my fault. There are millions of bloggers out there and many of them have never even heard of the list of twenty and do not link to any of the sites. The links they have are also interesting and refreshing new voices that I am delighted to read.

Another major change in the last four years has been in “topical” blogging. There are many blogs out there that are centered around a certain interest, philosophy, or area of expertise. These are fantastically interesting to me. Someone’s already doing all the research and showing me the latest and most interesting information on a subject matter. For some reason, I never went out there to look for these sites before but I must say that I absolutely love them.

So I’ve spent the last few days looking all over the net and trying to find new sites. I am interested in new voices, thought-provoking entries. I have a varied set of interests: anywhere from art to linguistics to physics to just about anything you can imagine. And of course books and photography.


I’ve updated my other places page to include a lot more places. Some of which I’ve read consistently, some of which are brand new to me and might or might not stay on the page. I am actively soliciting other sites. Is there a place you visit that you like? Is there a site you think I might like? If so, please add a comment below and I promise I will give each site a chance. Pretty please?

Exposing More



I’ve spent the last few weeks thinking about photography and wondering whether I should post bigger pictures on the main page. I wanted to push myself to take more pictures and to get more feedback on them so I can learn to be a better photographer. I also wanted to update my site even on days when I don’t have much to say or I am too busy to post a long entry. So I’ve decided to make the pictures bigger and to post the “story” of the picture, if and when there is one as a comment next to the picture. This way regular visitors can see something new almost daily, and read something new as often as I have something interesting to say. And also, pictures get their own comments so we can differentiate between them and the thoughts.

As always feel free to let me know what you think.

Major Construction Completed



I have finally managed to convert everything on my site to the new look and feel. Every entry has its own individual page. I also have monthly pages for all posts within a month and category pages for all posts in a category. The category files tend to be quite long, but they’re there. The only section that hasn’t been updated is the pages I had when I was planning my wedding. I will eventually post those, too, but I imagine you can live without them easily.

I’ve converted all the pictures and added a huge collection including: random mix i, torrey pines – part ii, la jolla, muir woods national monument, san francisco – twin peaks, pacific coast highway – big sur, pacific coast highway – ragged point, pacific coast highway – pismo beach, pacific coast highway – on the road, new year’s eve 2003 – hotel del, new year’s eve 2003 – torrey pines, new year’s eve 2003 – pacific beach, sea world, julian cemetery, san diego wild animal park, torrey pines – part i, anze borrego desert, san diego zoo, joshua tree national park, hillside, turkey with my family, and mosques in istanbul. Those should entertain you at least for a while. I’ve also added a feature where the main page in the photograph set shows you thumbnails and then you can click on anything you like. You might or might not be shocked to find out that there are over 5000 photographs posted in the photograps section of this site. I was certainly quite surprised. I wonder if that means I can justify buying a fancy camera, now.

The books section is updated as well and the book names are now alphabetical so you can easily find one you’re searching for in the really long list. There are many book excerpts to be posted in the coming weeks but I need a bit of downtime so I will be taking that first.

In the process of converting this site, I wrote over 40 php scripts so now I am quite familiar with the language and am enjoying having a chunk of my work automated. However, for those parts which weren’t, I have accidentally deleted and recreated many html files in the last two weeks so if you see a mistake, please feel free to point it out.

That’s it for today. Pithy thoughts coming tomorrow.

More Changes



With the help of mysql and php, I have managed to regenrate all the book excerpts. One of the downsides to having a site that’s almost four years old is that there is a lot of updating to be done when you make a design change. Oh, I also created a page to store links to all my pictures and updated other places, about and quotes. I haven’t fixed or updated the content yet but I will get to it.