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UNPROMPTED
I came home early on Thursday due to an appointment and took the time to
take David to MyGym for the free play hour. We were laughing and playing
and just in general having a lot of fun when he ran up to me and hugged
me and said "I Love You." Completely unprompted. Not as a response. Just
cause.
It was one of the best moments of my life.
THE HAND I WAS DEALT
This is from an old blog entry. Journaling Reads:
When I was younger, I used to travel in a crowd of beautiful women. I
don't know how it happened but all my female "friends" were drop dead
gorgeous and within a few weeks, my self-image managed to wither away to
nothing. At the time, I started playing a game where each time I caught
myself wishing I had someone else's something (like hair or eyes or nose
or legs) I would force the issue.
I told myself that the rules were such that I wasn't allowed to take
body parts or personality traits and plug them into the rest of me. If I
liked someone's something, I had to completely change places with that
person. Not only did I get their whole body, but I got all their
personal issues, emotions, family, psychological state of mind, past,
living status, job and anything else you can think of. I basically
forced myself to choose between me and this random (or in some cases not
so random) person. Yeah, I got to have their small nose or blue eyes,
but was I ready to also have their eating disorder? How about the
disinterested mom? Was I willing to give up all of who I am to look like
this person? It was my way of forcing myself to face the fact that
people don't come in pieces. You want a part, you get the whole thing.
How do you like them apples?
In fifteen years, I've never met one person I was willing to change
places with. I don't know if it was the fact that I wasn't willing to
give up certain aspects of who I am of my life or the fact that I tend
to favor the known over the unknown. Looking at a woman walking down the
street, I can see she has pretty hair or a size-2 figure, but I can't
see what goes on in her head or how much she suffers daily. With me, at
least I know what I'm getting. Or maybe I was finally growing to like
myself. The game's done a lot to improve my self-esteem.
SLIDE
An old old layout from the first time David ever went down a slide on
his own.
DARE
This is one of my favorite quotes of all time. Each time I am too
chicken to do something, I remember Twain's words and know that real
people would be supportive of me and I can do anything I want.
"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.
Small people always do that, but the really great make you
feel that you, too, can become great." --Mark Twain
CONTENT
Journaling Reads:
My mother used to like telling me the story of how when I was a baby,
I'd sit there any stare at my hands for hours. She said that I was a
very self-sufficient baby, didn't need a lot of attention.
Maybe it's because I've worked since the day you were born, maybe you
were just born this way. Either way, you've always been the same kind of
kid. You used to take all of your toys and bring them next to me and
play while I worked.
A few weeks ago, we were invited to your dad's cousin's wedding and I
completely forgot to bring any toys or crayons to keep you busy.
Thankfully, Daddy's mom had bought you a pack of little cars. Those four
cars, and the package they came in, entertained you for the full two
hours. You didn't scream or have a tantrum once. You didn't even make a
sound. You just played with your cars, quietly and made me so very proud
for having you as my son.
I think being self-sufficient and easily-entertained are two important
skills, David, and I am thrilled that you have successfully mastered
both. – June 23, 2007.
LAUGHTER PART II
No journaling needed. (Just the date of July 2007)
BUBBLES
Journaling Reads:
" I wish I could enjoy anything the way my kids enjoy bubbles." - quote
from "Knocked Up"
ATTENTION SPAN
Journaling Reads:
Little boys your age cannot sit still for more than three minutes. They
run from place to place and destroy everything along the way. You
certainly cause your share of destruction but I am always amazed at the
length of your attention span.
A week ago, we went to the Google family picnic and I was worried that
you'd quickly lose interest and want to come back home. But, I was
totally wrong. One of the areas was full of little beads that you could
string into a furry wire and make bracelets and I knew this would be
your very favorite part of the picnic, so I took you there and got a
mini bowl of beads and a few wires so we could sit down and play
together. I figured it would keep you busy for at least a few minutes.
Two hours later, you were still putting the beads on and taking them off
and putting them back on without showing any sign of boredom. If I
didn't insist that we leave to look at the other sections, you could
have spent another three hours with the beads.
When you were born, I was worried you might have your dad's ADD, but it
turns out that when it comes to attention, you've taken after me. When
you're doing something you love, you get lost in that world.
Isn't it wonderful?
HAVING FUN
Journaling Reads:
My beautiful son, there are many things I love about you. I love you
big, blue eyes and how they shine with excitement when you discover
something new. I love your warm and cuddly hugs. I love it when you lie
on me and let me hold you. I love your generosity and your kindness. I
love your curiosity. I love your desire to learn.
But most of all, I love how you make me laugh. How you squeal with joy
each time I play games with you and how you react with such raw
happiness that it makes me laugh genuinely and openly. I love how much
laughter and joy you've brought into my life.
Thank you, my son.
I'M MAD
Journaling Reads:
Two-year-olds are famous for their tantrums and lack of patience, and
you're no exception. You have such a predictable pattern that I can
almost time you. Here are the steps we go through multiple times a day:
• You want something.
• I tell you that you can't have it.
• You repeat your ask, insisting as if I didn't understand what you were
saying and that must be why I am refusing you.
• I tell you that I heard you but that's something you can't have.
• You simultaneously stomp your foot and say, "I'm MAD!"
• I tell you not to be mad and try to explain to you why you can't have
it. When I can see that won't work, I try to steer you in a different
direction.
• You let your body go limp and start throwing the books off the table,
or hit me.
• Now I am angry and I give you a serious look to indicate what you did
was not the right way to handle your feelings.
• You walk to a convenient wall, lean your head away from me, and start
crying.
• I keep talking to you softly and trying to redirect your attention.
• Finally, you give up and come to give me a hug. Within seconds, we're
laughing.
We laugh, giggle, and forget all about it. At least until the next time
you find something you can't have.
My son, I know it's frustrating to not be able to have everything you
want and I know it's annoying to not be express yourself clearly, but I
promise it will get better with time. I love you very much and I wish
you were a bit more patient and got a little less mad. While your
routine is so predictable and almost funny at this point, it still
breaks my heart a little each time I see those tears come flooding down.
BALL
Journaling Reads:
You love all toys but balls have a special place in your heart. Even if
it's not yours, when there's a ball around you, you must play with it.
FIRST TRIKE
One of the few without journaling.
SURPRISES
Journaling Reads:
You like to hide things in the most obscure places. I open a drawer in
the bathroom and find graham crackers and a sippy cup full of water. Our
drain pipes are home to little, colorful balls that you've tucked away.
The basketball pole has a piece of toast with cream cheese in it. The
list goes on and on.
You're curious about every nook and cranny of the house. You think of
the most creative storage places and I don't think you remember 80% of
the places you leave your stuff in and, often times, they sit there
until I stumble upon them, sometimes weeks later. At times, you find
them yourself and laugh with joy at your discovery.
Little David, life with you never has a dull moment. Each time I uncover
a new storage space you made up, I marvel at your creativity. It's
become a daily game for me. I wake up and I can't wait to see the new
set of surprises you've left me.
PLAYING IT SAFE
Journaling Reads:
"David, do you want to go to bed?"
*
"No!"
"David, do you want to stay up?"
"No"
"David, do you want to play all night?"
"No"
"David do you want some blue berries?"
(...pause...)
"Yea!"
You still don't understand most of what I say so I love playing
the "No" game with you. No matter what I ask, you just say no. It
doesn't matter if I say two sentences that are exact opposites.
Your rule of thumb is to never agree to anything you don't
understand. Until you recognize a word, at which point the answer
becomes an enthusiastic "Yes!"
Little David, I know that you will soon understand everything I
say and these games will disappear forever. I wanted to make sure
we saved the memory so we could look back years later and laugh at
your clever way of playing it safe.
STAYING UP
And finally one from this weekend.
Journaling Reads:
Daddy and I are quite religious about what time we put you down. We had
some problems getting you to stay asleep in the early months, so we
adopted a very structured routine and have stuck to it every day.
Until a few weeks ago.
Our good friends, Manu and Hana decided to get married right during the
time we put you to bed, so instead of getting a babysitter, we decided
to bring you along. We figured if you stay up late for one night, it
wouldn't make the world end. I didn’t tell Daddy but I was nervous about
how you might behave and whether we'd have to leave during the ceremony.
But I was wrong.
You were an angel the whole time. You read your book, ate bread, drank
water, played with crayons and even cheered at the end when everyone
clapped. At the end of the night, when it got dark, the restaurant lit
up little candles all along the tables. You'd never seen such little
fires before and you were absolutely fascinated with them. Looking at
them, touching them, and especially blowing them out. You leaned into
the little flames and puffed as hard as you could. I was having so much
fun watching you that I forgot to tell you not to do it.
My little David, it turns out the world doesn't end when we keep you up
once in a blue moon. It can even be a little bit of fun.
Okay, maybe more than a little bit.
MAGICAL MOMENTS
Journaling Reads:
A magical moment.
That's what photography is all about: freezing a magical moment.
That's what scrapbooking is all about: taking a magical moment and
keeping it for eternity. Getting the opportunity to relive it over and
over again, long after it's erased from our memory.
When Daddy captured this very magical moment between us, I knew it was
the perfect picture for me to preserve forever.
Years from now, you will be living in your own house, with your own
family, creating your own magical moments. When that time comes, I hope
you'll look back on these pages and smile at the moments we had
together. At the joy we shared. At our laughter.
And show your children that having magical moments and preserving them
is our family tradition.
YOU MAKE ME LAUGH
Journaling Reads:
Before you were born, I promised myself that I would be a happy person.
I kept reading stories about kids who grew up with sad moms and how they
blamed themselves for the sorrow. I used to get sad easily and I told
myself that it would have to stop that. You deserved better and I was
determined to make it happen. I put positive, inspirational messages all
over the house and reminded myself daily that my attitude was going to
change. I wasn't sure how it would happen since I had been this way for
thirty years and old habits die hard, but I refused to worry about the
how and just knew that it would have to happen. You deserved that much.
I would work night and day if I had to.
It turns out that much effort was completely unnecessary. The moment you
came out, my personality shifted. I felt healthier and happier. More
fulfilled. I thought it might be the high from the birth and later the
hormones from nursing. I kept making up reasons for why my sad old self
hadn't returned. I waited for it to rear its ugly head any moment now.
Two years after the birth, even after the breastfeeding, I am still
happy, David. I think it's time for me to admit that it's just you. You
make me happy. Your joyful sounds, your funny imitations, even your
crazy tantrums make my day. Lately, you started imitating the car
sound. You close your hands into fists and put them in a circle like
you're driving a car and then you run around the house, moving your
hands back and forth, making the noise, and spitting everywhere in the
process. Your dad and I can't help but laugh. You are a perfect little
boy when it comes to entertaining yourself and your exuberance and joy
is contagious. Thank you, little boy, for making me a truly happier person.
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
Journaling Reads:
When I go through the rolls of photos I take of you, I always run into a
few pictures where I feel like I am intruding on a private moment. Since
you're not talking much, yet, I haven't had the opportunity to discover
how your mind works and I am very curious. When you're sitting in the
little white chair in the backyard by yourself, what are you thinking?
When you're looking far away, not responding to any of my questions,
what are you thinking? When you're so lost in your own world that you
don't even notice the click of the camera, what are you thinking?
Little boy, I can't wait until you're fully talking. I can't wait to see
how your mind works and all the thoughts that occupy your time. I can't
wait to hear all your questions and I can't wait for you to stump me. I
can't wait to explain things to you and see your mind working to digest
them, only to come up with new questions to push the boundaries of your
knowledge, and mine.
I can't wait to tell you all about why the sky is blue and the grass is
green. I can't wait to hear your thoughts about the clouds and the bugs
that you so love to watch. I can't wait to get to a place where your
speech skills catch up with your obvious need and wish to communicate.
Until then, I will look at these photos and wonder: what are you
thinking?
CREATE
Journaling Reads:
Today you found a pen in your drawer. You took the envelope on the floor
and ran away to the living room. Normally, I'd run after you to make
sure you're not drawing all over the walls, but I didn't. I was busy, so
I let you go.
A few minutes later, when I came to the living room, I found you on the
couch, quietly drawing on your envelope. Not on the walls, not on the
couch, just on the envelope.
I love that you love to draw and I hate that we can't give you pens all
the time because you haven't learned to differentiate between walls and
paper yet. I want to encourage you. I love looking at what you create.
How hard you concentrate and how much you obviously enjoy it.
TOO QUIET
Journaling Reads:
Your dad and I both know that if we're sitting in the living room and
you're playing in another room, all is good as long as you're making
noise. When the house suddenly gets quiet, we know you're doing
something you shouldn't be, so we run to find you.
Yesterday, I was sitting on the couch, reading, and listening to you
play in the main room. When you got all quiet, I panicked and rushed to
the room, only to find you sitting at the dinner table, like a big boy,
eating your raisins one by one. Seeing you like that made me realize how
quickly you're growing up. How sweet you are and how you enjoy your
peaceful and quiet moments along with the crazy, fun ones.
WONDER
Journaling Reads:
You have many toys you like to play with, but nothing makes you jump
with joy as much as balls. Balls in all shapes and sizes are your
favorite things to play with. When Daddy found his box of old squash
balls, he put them on the floor and waited for you to discover them. It
didn't take you very long. When you saw the little, unopened boxes, you
meticulously picked up, turned over, tried to open, and finally tore
through every box. There were over fifteen boxes and each time you
successfully opened one, you yelled, "A ball!!" with enthusiasm. The
excitement didn't diminish one bit from the first box to the sixteenth.
You childish wonder and joy made us laugh every single time. My amazing
son, I hope you never lose the enthusiasm with which you live your life.
4 MINUTES
Journaling Reads:
This week you've learned all the letters of the alphabet and most of the
numbers. I love hearing you practice constantly.
But what I love even more is how much more loving you've become. You now
sit next to me on the couch, put your arm on my shoulder, and bring your
cheek right next to mine. It's the most wonderful feeling in the entire
world.
Our moment lasts about four minutes before you're bored and off to
discover your daily adventures. Those four minutes are the very favorite
moments of my day.
5.11.2007
Journaling Reads:
Today I stayed home from work. It was a day full of firsts. We went to
MyGym for free play and you said, "slide" for the first time. You played
Simon Says for the first time. You told me to sit across from you so we
could rock back and forth in the rocking boat. When we were in the
backyard, you told me you were pooping. Today, we went to an Italian
restaurant for dinner and you sat on the bench, right next to me, and
behaved beautifully.
David, I know you have firsts every day of your life and I know I miss
thousands of them. I'm always sad about missing all those special
moments that we will never get to have together and all the memories I
won't get to capture.
But today was an exception. Today I got to experience them all. I got to
soak you in and I got to be a part of the person whom I love, the little
boy who's changing every minute of every day.
Today was the best day ever.
SIGN
Journaling Reads:
When I told my mom that we were going to teach you sign language, she
thought I was crazy. "What if he never speaks?" she asked. "Kids who
grow up learning sign language don't become mute just because they can
learn to talk with their hands," I replied patiently. It turns out
babies who are taught sign language have higher IQs and bigger
vocabularies by the time they are in elementary school. But that's not
why I wanted to teach it to you; I just wanted to help you communicate
earlier so you got frustrated less.
In the beginning I didn't make enough of an effort, but even with that,
you quickly mastered milk, more, food, and the other basics. As you grew
older you'd make the signs with the sounds and now you still sign even
though you can also say the words. When you see a dog, you
simultaneously say "woof, woof," sign your version of dog, and scream
"doooog!" You're only two and can already understand three languages.
Who's crazy now?
Easter 2007
Here are a bunch of old layouts from months ago and even though now it
seems like I've already changed my style. But I love the photos and I
love the journaling in many of them so here goes nothing.
After you woke up form your nap, you were groggy and grouchy, but then
you found the little Halloween bag where you'd stashed all your Easter
candy. You took your little bag and ran out to the backyard, so you
could enjoy your treats in peace. I knew this would be a good
opportunity, so I grabbed my camera and followed you. Each time I got
close, you moved to another corner. So finally, I just stepped back, and
shot from a distance so you could enjoy the last bits of your wonderful
Easter day.
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