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FIVE REASONS I LOVE YOU MADLY - COSMO CRICKET           MAGIC - COSMO CRICKET  Journaling Reads: David, since all these layouts and books I'm making are for you and any siblings you might one day have, I wanted to make sure you had not just your stories recorded but you also knew the stories behind your mom and dad and all the wonderful memories we have between us. It's 2007, and in a few weeks, your dad and I will celebrate our dating anniversary of thirteen years. I've been in this country for fifteen years and have spend thirteen of those with your dad. Over these years, we've collected an amazing number of memories. Our lives changed considerably, and our personalities as well. But one of the few things that didn't change much from our first few days together is the fact that your dad is my very best friend. A few days after we met, he and I started hanging out 24/7. Especially since we were in college and it was during finals, there were no classes and we had nothing that stopped us from staying up all night and chatting. Which we did. We talked about anything and everything. We laughed all the time. He became my closest friend within a few short days and all these years later, I still prefer to share every little detail with him over anyone else. We have a million little inside jokes and single words that conjure joyful memories. I don't know how I got lucky enough to find your dad when I did and I am so thankful that we both had the foresight to see there was something magical there. Over the years, we've had tough times, and even tougher times but we stuck together and through it all, we stayed best friends. Today, I cannot imagine my life without him. He's a part of the air I breathe. When something bad happens to me, I run to him for comfort. When something good happens to me, I know his joy will be genuine. I want you to know that what we have is magical and doesn't happen to everyone. More importantly, I want you to know that I know that and appreciate what I have every moment of every day. YOU TWO - COSMO CRICKET  Journaling Reads: The week I met your Dad, he did something amazing. He was on the phone with his own father and at the end of the conversation, he said, "I love you, Dad." I remember thinking, at the time, that there was something special about him. Not all men are good at showing their emotions. Many men don't hug their kids, especially their sons. Many men believe it's a sign of weakness. This must be a sore point for me because I always feel good when I see men with their sons. Not that I was ever worried about your Dad, but watching the two of you play and bond and laugh and horse around fills me with joy. Watching your Dad hug you, seeing how much you love him, and how neither of you feels shy about showing it, makes my day. Little boy, I hope you always stay that way. I hope you always lean on your dad, show him your love, hold his hand, hug him tight, and tell him you love him. Remember this: Men who can show emotion are far superior to those who stifle it. FAMILY - COSMO CRICKET  I am so glad I captured these wonderful photos while my family is here. HALLOWEEN - COSMO CRICKET  This didn't turn out the way I liked. I had all these Halloween photos and didn't really want to give them up. So I double-sided them and made them minibooks on the LO so you could flip each side. It looks kinda neat in person but looks so plain in the photos! PURPOSEFUL One of the biggest challenges of work in general is balancing the work, the deadlines, and the politics. One of the main reasons I quit Wall Street was the fact that I wanted to spend my time doing something worthwhile. Until last year, I could easily say that my changes were such. I did Teach For America and regardless of how it turned out, it was definitely a worthwhile way to spend my life. After TFA, I worked for home and did something small and not too relevant but I was still supporting two worthwhile causes: my husband's business and growing our family by one magical person. Then, last year, I changed course and went back to work. Full time. Albeit, it wasn't Wall Street but still, I often wonder if I am still pursuing the original goal of living a more purposeful life. What I realized today was that if I put aside politics and the need to move ahead or be recognized, I can easily make my life purposeful and regularly try to do the right thing. Which will in return make my life more purposeful and make me feel more proud of myself. Politics, to me, is the worst side of any company, even for a nonprofit. Good people, doing the right thing, should be rewarded. Period. If this were consistently the case, the only goal people had would be to do the right thing. However, often times, it's much more about who you are, who you know, etc. And I have so little interest in being part of that game. I don't know what that means for my future in the corporate world, but I know that now that I've found a way to make my life purposeful again, no one is taking it away from me. Get excited! WORK WITH WHAT YOU HAVE Back when I read Now, Discover Your Strengths, the one idea that stuck with me was that working with one's strengths is a faster road to success than fixating on your weaknesses. Not only do I agree with that sentiment, but I also think it applies when dealing with others. Instead of trying to make other people different than what they are or getting frustrated by their weaknesses, I think it's best to concentrate on their strengths and to work with what you have. Even in the personal context. You get one Mom and one Dad. Learn to work with what you have, find a way to make it work for you. I think if we all spent our energy on optimizing our strengths, while slowly but steadily improving our weaknesses and learned to take people as they are and work with them, life would be considerably easier. Often times, people disappoint us so much more because of our expectations of them as opposed to anything they actually do. Imagine if we stopped expecting and just took what we got. MY FIRST PUMPKIN CARVING  TALKATIVE So David's finally begun to talk. A lot. He's funny. Today he even responded when someone asked his name. He then told me "You Mommy, I David." This is big progress for us. I am so glad to see it happening. And he's so very entertaining, it's amazing to watch. You can't help but get caught up in it. He truly is the best thing I ever did. CONTAGIOUS It's interesting how life works out where a small, tiny thing can completely turn my day/week/life around. An inkling of something good is all I need for all aspects of my life to get affected by that. And it goes both ways, so it works for an idea of something bad too. It colors everything else I do and everything I feel. It even colors how I feel about future possibilities. This reminds me about the dual self post I had made a long time ago. I think I am now feeling my centered and happy self. I feel like I am at my best. There's still a tiny nag deep within, the part that won't let go but I've been kicking it regularly and telling it to fuck off. The best part is, I am happier at home, nicer to Jake, more patient with David, more relaxed about my other commitments, just in general more pleasant to be around. Which then makes the people around me happier and then they go home and affect the people in their lives. And next thing you know, it's a snowball effect. And all it takes is a tiny idea. A change in perception. A change in perspective. The possibility of a good thing and not the promise or guarantee of one. I think that's phenomenal. A tiny stirring in one person results in tons of happier people. If that's not magic, I don't know what is. REALLY GOOD DAY Today was a really good day. Really good. It reminded me why I am here to begin with and what I was thinking when I decided to leave my little boy and go back to work full-time. Sometimes it's good to remember these things and remember why you did what you did and keep a record of them. So when the days are like yesterday, I can come back and read this post and feel good. And remember that there were days like this one. I can feel the beginning of something big here. And I hope, hope, hope that I am not wrong. DOING THE RIGHT THING Some days things just magically fall into place. On other days, doing the right thing is a major struggle. Constant uphill battle. Today was one of those days. In the grand scheme of things, I suppose it doesn't have to matter but it's so frustrating that it taints the rest of your day or your overall outlook on things. That's when you know it's a good time to go to sleep and start over tomorrow. Sorry for the short entry but I think I need a good dose of sleep to feel full again. JOY One of the reasons I love having a little kid like David is his incredible ability to share joy. He's so expressive with his happiness that it's contagious. Last week, we went to the Google Halloween party and they had an inflatable cauldron where a witch came in and out of it and each time the witch came out, David shrieked with joy. Pure, unadulterated joy. It was so amazing that everyone around him was laughing at his intensity. It's funny how such things become socially unacceptable over time. It's sad how we don't feel (or at least) express that kind of happiness anymore. I honestly can't remember the last time I felt that good and I wonder if I ever expressed myself the way he does. But this is sort of why I wish it was okay to be straightforward with people. Not only is expressing outlandish joy pooh-poohed upon, but so is telling people you think they're great. If you say things like that you must either be hitting on the person or have an ulterior motive. Some days I wish it was okay to tell people that you think they're awesome and interesting and you're glad they're in your life. Like an official "go tell people you like that you like them" day or something. I wish people knew how to take compliments and say thank you. I wish people heard you and believed you and it actually made them feel good. I certainly value the bad more than the good. When someone compliments me, they mustn't know what they are talking about and when they bash me, they must be right. But I wish I was good at listening and hearing, too. Even if just for one day. National express-joy-like-a-toddler and take-compliments-well day. NOT ALONE I've always had this theory that there's no one like me out there. This is not in the boasting, "aren't I great" way. On the contrary, it's more like wondering "what's wrong with me that there's no one else like me?" When I was in Turkey, I could use that as an excuse. Surely, there would be more people like me in the United States. College would do the trick for me. After all, people came from all over the world to go to college. Well college came and went, New York came and went, and I never met anyone who made me feel like I wasn't a complete anomaly of a human being. Until yesterday. I was at my first ever scrapbooking event and the speaker went on and on about her life, her approach to things (including scrapping) and I couldn't stop thinking how she was a kindred spirit to me. The funny thing is, on the surface, I've met many others who seem to be much more similar to me: people who love computers, books, writing, or anything else I like to do. But this woman, she felt like she was similar to who I am and not what I do. To be honest, I don't even know if she really is. I've only heard her give a speech and maybe chatted with her for 30 minutes. We may have almost nothing in common. But the few words she mentioned were exactly what I've said/felt at times and that's all I needed to hear for this "aloneness" to disappear. And pooof! it went. Amazing how great it feels to let go of something I've been carrying around for over twenty years. HOUSECLEANING I just posted around twenty layouts that mean that the site is now caught up to all my recent scrapbooking. I also separated the two sites for those of you who don't care for scrapbooking and those of you who don't care about my non-scrap related thoughts. The scrapping has its own site and the link is permanently on the top right. I also separated the rss feeds. If you want the main site, here's the feed for all but scrapbooking. If you want the scrapbooking one, here is the scrapbooking one. If you want both in one rss, here is both. At some point, I might join all back, but for November, this is how things will be. ME - AMM DT CHALLENGE  So I wanted to make this challenge all about the layouts you will leave to your kids, grand kids, your loved ones. The things about you that make you uniquely you. It can be superficial stuff, fun stuff, serious or sad stuff. Whatever you want. If you feel uncomfortable, feel free to do hidden journaling. Cathy Z. has a section in her book about how important it is to journal yourself for the other people in your life. So here are the rules: 1. make a layout about you 2. use journaling spots, if you don't have them, make them like i did with stamps 3. handwrite (it's ok, i hate my handwriting too but this is all about giving the generations after you a way to know you and your handwriting is a part of that) 4. use a layout size you don't usually do. if you're a 12x12'er do a 8.5x11 or a 6x6 or even an odd size like 10x7 Remember, this is not about making the prettiest layout with the latest products. This is all about the journaling. I know there are those of you out there who feel like they can't write well or they don't know where to start. Just remember that your great-grand children won't care about any of that. They will be delighted to have any piece of you. I did an 8x12. I purposefully left it plain to emphasize that it's all about the words. DEFINING MOMENTS - AMM NOVEMBER KIT  So I wanted to make this book about defining moments in my life. Things that made me who i am today. I coupled the events so if A hadn't happened B wouldn't have. I put A and B on two sides of a cardboard that I covered and put that journaling on the same page, I drilled holes on the side of the minibook to make sure the journaling would flip back and forth. Here are the topics: 1. My parents' divorce and my parents' remarriage (to each other) 2. Getting into college (CMU is my school's name - Carnegie Mellon) and moving to the United States 3. Meeting Jake and getting married 4. Making VP on my Wall Street job and quitting to pursue a non-profit work (TFA is Teach For America which is the program I did when I quit my job - taught 5th grade) 5. Quitting TFA and having David 6. Getting my citizenship and starting my own company       CONTROL - AMM NOVEMBER KIT  Journaling Reads: Little boys don’t get to control much. They don’t get a say about when they go to bed or when they eat lunch. Sometimes they don’t even get to pick what they eat for lunch. They don’t get to decide when we go out and when we come back home. They can throw fits, but, in the end, they do what Mommy and Daddy want. It must be frustrating to be trapped in a little body when you have demands of your own. I bet that’s why little boys love to control other people and get a reaction out of them. You’re no exception. When you were little, I taught you the sign and sound for lions. Over time you made it your own and now you bend the tips of all your fingers and move your hand forward as if you're attacking me while you make the roaring sound. During one of our MyGym classes you were imitating a lion and the teacher acted like she got scared. You thought this was the funniest thing in the world and spent the rest of the class chasing her around and scaring her over and over again. For hours. Months later, you still get a kick out of scaring us with your roar. Each time I have a tendency to get impatient, I remind myself that this is one of the few ways you get to have control and you deserve that much. My little boy, with time, you’ll want to have more and more of a say in how you spend each moment of your life and I promise you that I will do my best to respect your wishes each step of the way. MOMENTS I MISS - AMM NOVEMBER KIT  Journaling Reads: I have this theory that you do something new every single day and that by working, I actually miss a lot more than your dad says I do. He says each day is the same: you eat, you play, you sleep and then you do it all over again. But I know he’s wrong. These last few weeks, I’ve had the luxury of being home with you and last week I took you to MyGym playtime instead of your dad. We’ve been going there for months and you’ve never ever gone in the ball pit. For the first few months, you wouldn’t even go near it. And then you started sitting next to it and leaning over to play with the balls. But you still wouldn’t go in. Each time I suggested it, you said, “No!” and walked away. So imagine my surprise when, today, you walked right to the ball pit and jumped in. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Even when you started sinking, you didn’t panic. You played and played and played. Maybe Daddy doesn’t notice these little things anymore cause he gets to be home with you every day, but, to me, these little things are the best part of being a mom and I am so sad that I miss them each and every single day. OUCH - AMM NOVEMBER KIT  It has hand journaling about how very much unprepared i am to watch David skin his knee or any thing worse :( ONE DAY - AMM - CLOUD 9 SPOTLIGHT  It's all about a day in David's life and the different things we do at different times of the day and what they mean to me.        ON THE GO - AMM - CLOUD 9 SPOTLIGHT  No journaling. FUNNY - AMM - CLOUD 9 SPOTLIGHT  Journaling Reads: I don’t like traveling. I definitely don’t like traveling on a plane. Not since you were born. Not since security checks became hours long. And not since I have to carry all your stuff and my stuff as a carry on. I used to love to fly, but now, given the choice, I will always choose to drive somewhere than fly there. Last month, your dad’s brother got married in Nashville. Unfortunately, driving there would have taken us days so we had no choice but to fly. To make matters worse, there were no direct flights from here to there. I may hate flying but I hate layovers ten times more. Rushing from one plane to another, stressing about all our luggage, making it to the flight on time, getting your car seat settled in and making sure we can find a seat so all three of us can sit together. None of these are my idea of fun. So I’d been dreading the whole trip. And as we flew to Kansas City, I whined the whole time. As I deplaned and found the next flight, I was still twitchy and stressed out. I was so impatient that I managed to find ways to get on your dad’s last nerve. But, as always you came to the rescue. While I was checking my watch to see when we’d board, you walked right up to the metal box for checking your carryover size and climbed into it. You sat your pretty bottom down and proceeded to read the brochure you dad gave you. By the time I looked up, half the passengers were smiling. I couldn’t help but do the same. My wonderful boy, you constantly find wways to make me laugh and remind me that there’s joy in every little moment with you. NOT INSOLENT - AMM - CLOUD 9 SPOTLIGHT  Journaling Reads: Many two-year-olds are disrespectful. Many two-year-old boys are insolent. They don’t call it “the terrible twos” for nothing. And you have your share of difficult moments here and there when what we want you to do really doesn’t mesh with what you want to be doing. But you are never outright disrespectful. Even when you want to do something else, you wait for a cue from us that it’s okay. A few weeks ago, we were visiting San Diego and sat down at this café for some water. You saw a rack filled with candy and wanted to pick them all up. When we told you to not touch and to come sit with us, you moved away from the rack but you didn’t leave the doorway. You stood there staring at us and looking mad. When we asked you to come sit with us, you said “Nooooo!” but you didn’t walk back to touch the candy either. Every few minutes, you’d walk closer to the candy and we’d tell you that you couldn’t touch it. You’d make a sour face but you’d also walk away. We played this game back and forth for a good twenty minutes before you gave up and sat down with us. David, I can’t tell you how proud of you I am for being such a wonderful kid and being so nice to your dad and me. I know it must be hard to have someone tell you what you can and cannot do all the time and you’re being a complete angel about it. Even when you get angry, you still come and give us kisses and hugs. I don’t know how we got so lucky but I want you to know that we are fully aware of how rare you are and how blessed we are. Thank you, my son. Thank you. 5 REASONS WHY I LOVE YOU - LAST SCRAPPER STANDING  Hey all! Your next challenge is to rock out with ribbon. Vintage, scraps, sequins and trims…bust em out and use em up! We’re not looking for a specific number or style, just EXCESSIVE ribbon usage. Something fun, something different. And this is what I did.        FALL - AMM - RUSTY PICKLE FRENCH MARKET  No journaling. BONDING - AMM - RUSTY PICKLE FRENCH MARKET  Journaling is about how much I love to watch Jake and David bond. WARHOL INSPIRED - AMM - RUSTY PICKLE FRENCH MARKET  A DAY AT THE PUMPKIN PATCH - AMM - SCRAPWORKS HALLOWEEN         VERSATILE - - AMM - SCRAPWORKS HALLOWEEN  FULL OF LOVE - - AMM - SCRAPWORKS HALLOWEEN  Journaling Reads: Little David, I’m regularly amazed at your displays of love. You are so generous with others. If we have a friend come over and we ask you to give him a hug, you don’t even hesitate before you give this practical stranger a wonderful hug. Last weekend, we went to the pumpkin patch, and it was your first time. You were so excited to see all the pumpkins that you ran from one corner to another, touching each of the pumpkins. It gave me so much joy to watch you. As you walked up to this very large pumpkin, I observed you give it an interested look and then a hesitant touch. To encourage you to explore, I said, “David, give the pumpkin a hug.” And you did: a kind, full, and genuine hug. It made me feel so warm inside to see you do that. I am so thrilled that you are so full of love and so generous with it. I hope you continue to share your love with everyone around you, even with pumpkins. TRICK OR TREAT - AMM - SCRAPWORKS HALLOWEEN  Journaling Reads: Everyone has a different reason for loving Halloween. Some people go all out decorating their lawns and houses. Others have a blast with the costumes. Some people get a thrill from all the spooky stuff. They create haunted houses, rent scary movies, and enjoy every moment of it. And, of course, there are those who are all about the pumpkin carving. The funny faces, the scary ones, and some that are downright weird. I am not the spooky type. Scary things actually scare me and don’t thrill me one bit. They give me nightmares. Costumes are fun, but too much work for me. So is all the decorating. I think I would actually enjoy the pumpkin carving but I am still too new to it. So, for me, Halloween is all about the food. The cookies, the muffins, the candy: I don’t discriminate; I love all. You can have your costumes, your decorations, and your spooky movies. For me to have the best Halloween all I need is for you to share your baked goods! 7 RANDOM FACTS - LAST SCRAPPER STANDING  "Alright. Your next challenge from the Dare book. It is to scrap 7 Random Facts. They could be facts about yourself, your spouse, your child, your best friend…whomever. Just make em random and make em 7." I wanted to give the impression that I was looking at a mirror, so I wrapped my background in aluminum paper. I put a black frame to make it look like the mirror frame and even embossed the corners like a mirror might have. It didn't photograph well but it's really shiny and reflects. The facts are: 1. I can't ride a bike. 2. I am scared of the dark 3. I have no middle name. 4. I am double-jointed on my arms 5. I went to my parents' wedding. I even ditched school for it. 6. I have never broken a bone anywhere. 7. I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue. FALL 2007 - MAYA ROAD MINIBOOK           NO TRUCK  Journaling Reads: Towards the end of every MyGym class, they give a surprise to everyone. Each week the surprise is something different. Sometimes it’s a ball, or a cone, or a slinky, or a ring. Once you have your surprise, they act out a lot of different things to do with it. They put it on their head and then ask, “Is this a hat?” A few seconds later, they go, “Noooo, it’s not a hat.” “Is this a shoe?” “Noooo, not a shoe.” And on and on. You always participate in the games but never say anything. I never minded it because you have so much fun during surprise time even without the words. Last week, when you came home from the class, you were out in the backyard, playing with the bike pump. You drove it like a truck and then said, “Truck!” so I said. “Is that a truck?” And you replied, “Noooo, no truck.” I couldn’t believe what I heard. You always manage to surprise me, David. Just when I think you’re not paying any attention or understanding anything, you show me that you were listening all along. CAROUSEL  Journaling Reads: Up until last week, we'd never put you on a merry-go-round but I always thought you would absolutely love it. What kid doesn't love a carousel? Apparently: You. When you first saw it, you were excited about the horses and wanted to get on them with me. But once it started turning around, you immediately broke down. You kept climbing on Daddy or me; crying hysterically. We couldn't ask them to stop the ride, so we held on tight to make sure you knew we had you covered and would not let anything bad happen to you. I know that, one day, you will love carousels and wonder why you were crying, but for now, it's not something you want to try and I completely respect that. At some point, I might encourage you to give it another try, but I will never force you. David, I want you to know that we will always be here for you, to cover you, hold you, love you, and protect you from anything and everything that gets in the way of your happiness. A BOY AND HIS BAG  NO SAD  Journaling Reads: When they meet you in person, people always comment on how much you look like your dad. My sister was so surprised about the close resemblance that she said, "Couldn't you have passed on one of your genes?" And, it's true, on the surface you don't look anything like me. But, there's always more to people than their looks. Tomorrow is my thirty-third birthday and my wonderful sister decided to do something extra special this time. She found a writer and had her write the story of how much my sister loves and appreciates me. When I got the book in the mail, I couldn't believe my eyes. I sat down to read and my eyes instantly filled with tears. I didn't even notice that you were watching me until you walked up to me. You said: "No sad. No crying." You took the book from my hands and you put it on the table. David, you're still a little too young for me to explain the difference between sad tears and happy ones, but obviously not too young for empathy. Paying attention to others' feelings and wanting to put an end to their sadness is something we share. My wonderful son, I hope you never lose the genuineness with which you care about others and always bring them the kind of joy you've brought into my life. I am so delighted to know you. I'm also glad to know that I did pass on a few genes to you, after all. I SEE TREES  Journaling Reads: Muir Woods is my sanctuary. The first time your Daddy and I visited Muir Woods, I was writing novels. We were in town for a wedding and your dad drove me to the park as part of our two-day sightseeing. I fell in love with the park immediately. I was so enamored with the magnanimity of nature that I sat there in awe for quite some time. I told Daddy that I could sit in these woods and write all day and all night. I decided we needed to move to San Francisco just so I could visit this place regularly. Sadly, since we've moved to the Bay Area, we hadn't visited Muir Woods once until two weeks ago, when your grandpa came to visit. I was whiny all the way up to the park and wished I had decided to stay home and scrap. But the moment we walked in, you screamed: "I see trees!" And I knew I was doing something much better than scrapbooking: I was living one of those moments that I work hard to capture on my scrapbook pages. For the next hour, we walked along the magical pathways of Muir Woods, and you ran around and explored everything. You looked at the bugs. You watched the water. You kept pointing out animals. Your enthusiasm was contagious. I am so glad to know that a place that brings me so much peace brought you an equal amount of joy. I promise you, my little boy, there are many more Muir Woods trips in our future. CONFLICTING PRIORITIES One of my non-ending struggles is to find a way to "have-it-all." I am constantly trying to decide what I should do and what I am willing to give up in return. Often times, I am not willing to give up anything completely so I try to do it all and I don't have enough time to spread across all so I end up doing a sub-par job at each and I get really frustrated. Back when I used to write, I'd always get annoyed that people around me seemed to send out their stories more often or write so much more than I did. Of course, many of them had no job or an easy 9-5 job as opposed to my Wall Street insanity. Today, I face the same struggles. When I don't reach a goal as fast as the person next to me, or don't reach it at all, I get endlessly disappointed in myself. I feel like life is unfair. I'm working just as hard as this person but I am not getting the credit. The fact is I am not. This person is only doing the one thing. I am doing seventeen things. When I distribute my attention and brain power across that many things, there's low chance I will do as well as the next person (unless they are naturally a lot less skilled than I am, which is rarely the case.) and it's not fair for me to expect to. Yet, I still do and I still get sad when I don't get the recognition or the opportunities others do. But then I try to step back and remember why I do what I do and remember that the next step may not actually be the best step for me to take. Sometimes opportunities aren't actually in the direction I want to go and it's hard to pull myself away enough to remember that point. So this is here to remind me. The next step in the ladder isn't always the best step for me. There's so much more to my life than the accomplishments. Recognition. Being over-accomplished is over-rated. And often not worth giving up the "other stuff" for. For the next time I forget. VARIETY OF FRIENDS I miss New York City. Even though I was completely ready to leave it when we did, I never realized how very much I was going to miss it. Sometimes it's as bad as craving. There are many reasons why I miss the beautiful city, but one of them is the variety of friends I had there. Mostly due to the fact that I did more differing activities when I lived in NYC, but also because the city draws so many different people. When I look back upon the years I spent there, the people whose faces jump out at me are from so many different backgrounds, not just Wall Street. I remember the artists, the musicians, the readers, the goth, the programmers, the deaf, the teachers, the executives, the Turks, childhood friends, fleeting friends, random acquaintances. It was wonderful having such a wide variety because it was a constant reminder that my way wasn't the only way to live life. And it's too easy to forget that sometimes. It's easy to get lost on the Wall Street life or the Silicon Valley life. I've been blessed to have worked at the best of the street and the best of the valley, but it's still crucially important for me to remember that these are small microcosms of humanity. They may be where the money is concentrated but they definitely are not the only place to look for interesting people (sometimes just the opposite in fact.) So I need to find a way to build that variety in my California life. I have a bit of it with the scrapbooking I do. But not enough of it. Not nearly enough of it. Too Intense So I've been experiencing a new bout of giddy with new friendship syndrome. And I was trying to remember the last time this happened so I was looking through my archives and spent the day going down memory lane. The last time I blogged about it was in 2001 but I did have another one of these in 2003, when I moved to San Diego. It's interesting to see that they are not as frequent as they seem and, over time, I am not actually even friends with half these people. I am with some and in those cases, they are solid, strong friendships that feel good and not messed up even though the intensity is gone. It's good to know it can last but it doesn't matter too much to me if it doesn't each time. Some people have staying power, others don't. Each plays his/her role in my life and that's the part that matters. I've also noticed today that the intensity with which I go to this phase can freak some people out. This has happened before when people interpret it as more than friendship or aren't used to people being really this straight with them and not having it be sexual. But it's not. And generally, eventually they come around. But, maybe not every time. Who knows? Anyhow, another important thing I thought today is that I miss writing this blog. I mean properly writing it. Where it's not photos or scrapbooking or books, but it's me. My thoughts. Not just about David, though those too. But about me, what I think. What's going on. Why it matters. So I'm going to try to do a lot of that. Daily, in fact. Let's see if I can manage every day in November. |
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