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If I were superstitious, I'd say I must shut down my site. Since I began rewriting, I threw out my back, I got swamped with work, David got a stuffy nose, I got a sinus infection, I got a fever, David lost his voice, and David got an ear infection. All in a month's work.

One of the reasons, among many many, that I wanted to nurse is because it's known that babies who are nursed get sick less often. David made it to eight months without any sickness at all. And then he got a stuffy nose. Everyone told me it was teeth. Well, two weeks passed, and still stuffy nose, still drooling, but no teeth. Then he woke up with no voice. When he cried, all we could hear were tiny squeals. That was so sad, but not even nearly as sad as the small, tiny laughs that came out without a sound.

We went to the doctor a week into the stuffy nose but there was nothing else wrong. So, after a week, when he lost his voice, I wanted to take him back to the doctor and Jake thought I was insane. But I dragged him anyway. Which is when I found out David had an ear infection. And the doctor said it wouldn't have gone away on its own and I was wise to bring him in now while it's still mild. Yey for maternal instinct.

Being sick and having a sick baby means everything else goes to shits. Nothing gets done. Mommy feels sorry for herself and she feels sorry for her little boy who's getting sick for the first time. So now that we're both feeling better, I've been trying to play catchup. I have six shoots in the next six weeks. My parents are coming to town next week for three weeks. I just deleted 4893 spam emails from my work account. I have fifty-seven personal emails to respond to and not the kind that take one or two minutes. The kind where you want to take the time and write a long response to and thus you keep putting off. I have to clean up my house and get it ready for my parents' arrival. Not to mention, I might have to move in two months and thus look for a new place to live, pack up all of our crap and move and unpack all the crap. Just thinking about it all makes me want to burst into tears.

So that's my excuse for "coming back" and then disappearing almost right away. How did I do?

October 17, 2005 | personal | share[]

I think we've finally entered the seperation anxiety phase of our little boy. He starts crying immediately after you put him down now. If I walk out of the room, even to go into the kitchen, it's as if the world is falling apart. He's also developed an aversion to his bed. As soon as we go near it, he holds on to me really tight and he stiffens up. If I put him into his bed, he wails like there's no tomorrow. I tried leaving him alone, it doesn't work. He wails and wails and wails. When I go back in there, he sticks his little arm out and hold on to me tight as I bend down to the crib and he falls asleep right away. I love the little boy so so much. I am cherishing these moments as hard as they may be because I know that soon I will be begging him to hold on to me as hard as he is doing so now.

8 months 1 week 1 day | share []
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