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I'll admit, I've been a bit down lately. Lack of sleep will do that to you. And the thing with being down is that it goes into a spiral. The more you're down, the more down you get. Everything suddenly looks blacker and it just self-perpetuates from there.

So, since I've been on this negative bend lately, everything seems to be getting to me. One of those things, the topic of our day, is the blogs I read. It appears that everyone in the world (in the blogosphere) is having a perfect life (besides me). I had the same problem when David was 3 months about how I just can't take this perfection anymore. It's like a disease.

I know that blogs are selective sharing. The weird thing about it is that people tend to share just enough that you feel like you know them. You feel like you get a glimpse into their lives. Personal lives. Yet, you totally don't. You only know what they choose to share. The way they choose to share it. You think you're friends with this person. But you are not. You're really just one of the voyeurs into the person's life. The part of their life they put up for the world to share.

While I know all this, it's all too easy to distort this reality. Especially on a day when you're seeing it al through negativity-tinted glasses. I read these blogs. I read about their perfect lives. Their perfect children. Their perfect jobs. Houses. Husbands. Friends. Weather. You name it. It's perfect. And I crumble to pieces. I wonder why mine can't be so perfect. Why doesn't my kid sleep? What am I doing wrong? And the guilt and loneliness just swallows me up.

Funny thing is, blogs are supposed to be about connection. Or so I think. And I understand the urge not to write the bad stuff. Who needs their laundry aired in public? Especially when it's cached forever. I get this. I swear I do. Yet I can't stop myself from the despair I feel when I read the perfect entries. I don't know that there's a solution. I just know that maybe it's time for me to walk away from reading them for a while.

Just in case anyone out there is reading my blog and thinks my life is perfect, I want you to know it's not. I have a lot of wonderful things and I am truly thankful for so many of them. I appreciate it all. But it's not perfect. I have days where: I get depressed. I fight with my husband. I get impatient with my kids. I don't clean up the messes in my house. I fail at my job. I cry. I have all sorts of bad days. They come, they go. Sometimes they stay longer than I want them to. In the end, I am thankful all that I have and I think most of the time the good days far outweigh the bad ones but I want to make sure you know that there are plenty of bad ones.

That's just how life is.

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