We went climbing today at the gym for the first time in months.
Last night, I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep and my mind kept going back to an email I sent that had a typo in it. I kept trying to decide if I should get up and respond to acknowledge the typo or if I should just let it go. I spent a good 20 minutes thinking about this while I was lying in bed in the dark.
The amount of time and energy I spend on things that are seemingly inconsequential is way too much. And also the way I use my time in general is not necessarily in line with my long-term goals and values.
I’ve been thinking this week that I should put a sign above my desk that says: “Will this matter in 5 years?” So every time I’m making a decision I can look up at the sign and answer that question first and then decide.
While I love reading and can spend all my minutes doing that, I could definitely read a few fewer books and spend some of that time cooking myself nutritious food or going climbing with my husband or hanging out with my children to hear about some of their day. And yet I don’t prioritize those things nearly as much as I wish I did. And remembering if this will matter in 5 years will help with that too because really is it going to matter that I read an extra 50 books this year when compared with the relationships that allows me to deepen if I take time to be with my people? Or if I take time to get healthier and stronger?
5 years from now my older son will be in college and my younger son will be in high school, only a handful of years away from going away himself.
5 years from now my job will decidedly be different than it is today.
And 5 years from now the typo I made in that email will definitely not matter.
But it will matter that I took some time today to go climbing with my husband. It will mean I’m stronger and it will mean our relationship is deeper because I took an hour and a half out of my schedule to do something that we share and love doing.
Now I just have to think and act this way more often.
Yes to remembering what matters and yes to letting go of the rest. Yes to choosing important over urgent.
I’ve noticed two interesting things about how I’m approaching my wellness.
1. I was thinking yesterday that my lunch contains some cheese and that maybe that’s not super healthy for me. once I got that idea in my head I couldn’t get it out, So I didn’t make my regular lunch yesterday. This was in fact so complicated that I just didn’t have lunch at all. So by the evening I was starving hungry and I was incredibly tired and I ended up eating crackers and cheese for dinner. So I ended up eating the cheese anyway and ended up not eating all the vegetables and protein I eat during lunch. Not super awesome.
2. As our schedule worked out it looks like I’m going to go climbing three times this week. This means I’m going to have less time to be able to exercise outside of that. Because of the way I set up my plan this means I won’t be able to check off everything I have. Instead of realizing that my goal is to get a bunch of exercise everyday I’m getting stuck on the specific exercise. Because of the kind of exercise climbing is I’m actually going to end up having more exercise this week than usual. I need to have my goals to be flexible enough such that I’m still fulfilling the high level goal without getting stuck in the specific ways I do it. So if the goal is some form of movement every day then I need to let go of the sub goals.
So there you are. It’s been interesting to see the ways in which I can sabotage myself and my wellness goals. But that’s part of the point of this project. So I can pay attention and learn and hopefully do better.
I feel absolutely exhausted today. So right now I am saying yes to just resting on the couch and watching a movie and soon I will say yes to going to bed so I can rest and hope that tomorrow is a bit less exhausting.
One of the things I’ve been noticing with this project is how multi-sensory experiences can really be magical. This cancel looks wonderful, smells delicious, and makes a crackle that reminds me of being at a campground. What a joy.
Today was decidedly not a no-meeting day 🙂 I am tired and wiped.
It hasn’t been a year since I was last at work but it’s pretty close. And while I can’t believe it’s been this long, what really makes me struggle more is the lack of clarity around timeline and path to reintegration. I can’t see a line of sight to any version of normal life.
I can’t see what will change so that my kids can fully go back to school. Or so we can go back to work. So we can eat at a coffee shop with friends. So I can travel and see my family again. All of these milestones seem an indeterminate amount of time away. Can’t tell if it’s 6 months 9 months 2 years or even more. That uncertainty is the hardest part.
And yet the climbing gym is opening on Wednesday which is a cause for celebration. So maybe it’s just about baby steps.
Yes to small wins and also yes to naming the pain and frustration. Naming things matters.
One of the side benefits of this project has been the variety in my exercise routine. I am now doing climbing, biking, strength, yoga, stretching and walking each week. And I like the idea of this diversity even if I do less of each.
I wonder how j can create a similar practice with nutrition. And with soul care and skin care. I have to think more about this. The Peloton app helps a lot with the former, I wish there was something similar for all the other areas.
It’s no meeting week at work today. On a usual day, I start at 8-9am and have meetings straight through to 5-6pm. On a good day, I get 30 minutes for lunch and maybe another 30 mins at some point.
So having no meetings is not a small change for me. It fundamentally shifts how I approach my work and what I can get done.
Today I was able to get up, exercise, journal and draw, make a healthy breakfast and read and reply to each mail fully. I was able to read all the links, documents and presentations. I was able to have impromptu conversations to resolve issues. I was able to write intelligent and thoughtful replies.
It felt both productive and calm and rewarding. While it’s not a realistic way for every week to look, I do think having a day or two without meetings semi-regularly seems to be a very good idea.
More generally, changing up routine and taking a step back is the best way to see inefficiency in the system or even have enough distance from it to see what modification might be helpful. I’m grateful to get this chance to do that for work.
Really grateful for this project today. When I do more things on my list, I start the day grounded and calm and centered. It works every single time.
As we walk into March, my OLW class will have a commitment for every day in March and I am wondering whether that’s the push I need to progress in a sub area that I would like but am not progressing enough.
Or if I should pick something completely different.
Or if I should give myself credit for what I am already doing.
Weekly Intention:Â My weekly intention this week is to spend some time getting some of the big rocks moving at work. It’s no meeting week and besides Tuesday when I have a LOT of meetings, I expect it to be quiet. I would like to use that time to think and plan.
This month’s intention is:February: Yes to the Unknown: Be open to new things this month. Listen more, watch others. Be willing to take some steps into the unknown and assume the best. Be brave. As we walk into the last week of February, I would love to think about where in my life I can be a bit braver this week.
One way I will leap this week:Â i am hoping to make some leaps at work, let’s see if I can.
One boundary I will set this week:Â I am going to try hard not to setup meetings and really honor no meeting week.
One area where I will go deeper this week:Â personally journaling, professionally figuring some next steps for the big rocks.
What do I need to sit with this week? i still didn’t do this: the stories I am telling myself. I want to write them down. let’s try one more week and i’ll stop.
I am looking forward to:Â no meetings, let’s see if it sticks.
Focus onCore Desired Feelings (lighter, kinder, enough, magic, wild): hmm this week I want to focus on feeling lighter. how can i unburden myself a bit.
This week’s challenges: i really really would like to move some big rocks instead of getting lost in email. I hope I can make it happen.
Top Goals:Â
Work:Â Â write up the 3 for L and 3 for D, sort out advocates, talk to R, maybe talk to A, figure out next steps for analyst+pgm.
Personal:Â Â get back to drawing and journaling, and see if you can up the bike to 30 mins.
Family: take walks with J. do one thing with N and do one thing with D.
This week, I want to remember: slow is okay. let yourself slow down enough to hear your thoughts.
