Journaling Reads:
Before you were born, I promised myself that I would be a happy person. I kept reading stories about kids who grew up with sad moms and how they blamed themselves for the sorrow. I used to get sad easily and I told myself that it would have to stop that. You deserved better and I was determined to make it happen. I put positive, inspirational messages all over the house and reminded myself daily that my attitude was going to change. I wasn't sure how it would happen since I had been this way for thirty years and old habits die hard, but I refused to worry about the how and just knew that it would have to happen. You deserved that much. I would work night and day if I had to.

It turns out that much effort was completely unnecessary. The moment you came out, my personality shifted. I felt healthier and happier. More fulfilled. I thought it might be the high from the birth and later the hormones from nursing. I kept making up reasons for why my sad old self hadn't returned. I waited for it to rear its ugly head any moment now.

Two years after the birth, even after the breastfeeding, I am still happy, David. I think it's time for me to admit that it's just you. You make me happy. Your joyful sounds, your funny imitations, even your crazy tantrums make my day. Lately, you started imitating the car sound. You close your hands into fists and put them in a circle like you're driving a car and then you run around the house, moving your hands back and forth, making the noise, and spitting everywhere in the process. Your dad and I can't help but laugh. You are a perfect little boy when it comes to entertaining yourself and your exuberance and joy is contagious. Thank you, little boy, for making me a truly happier person.