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FIXED


Bye Bye More Than Words. Since no one seemed interested in the lyrics and neither was I, I decided to stop doing them. Lemme know if you think otherwise.

Thoughts
Last night, I got spam about voting in the upcoming presidential election. Obviously, these spam people didn't do their homework correctly. What's point of sending that email to a foreigner?

On the way home last night, what I'd done wrong with my bio page hit me and I fixed it. It loads much quicker now. Apologies for being so stupid before.


September 30, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | site related | share[]


CAN YOU CHANGE THE WORLD


Reading the latest long discussion threads in MetaFilter and then reading this and this made me think, so I decided to share my two cents.

I agree with Stewart that, for the most part, today's problems are less severe than the past's. Reading it made me thing of the wheel-thing in Disneyworld where as it moves from the 60s to the 70s and so on, everyone sings about how they're living in the best of times. (For those of you who've never seen this, I will try to find a link.) While there are still a lot of issues to resolve, there are many improvements that have already been made and the past is and has been far from perfect.

I also sympathize with Matt's frustration but have a slightly different perspective on the issue. I've been lucky enough to come from a well-to-do background. My parents could afford to offer me many luxuries that others didn't have. I managed to come to the United States cause they could afford to send me to college without a scholarship, which is truly difficult to get as a foreigner with my kind of background. I tried hard not to take advantage of the situation and worked hard during college to receive both my Bachelors and Masters simultaneously to make sure their sacrifices weren't for nothing.

Since I was seven, I wanted to be a computer programmer. I didn't even know enough about the machines to make an educated decision but I wanted it anyhow. So I went to a school known for its good computer science program and studied hard. I graduated and took a job in the field and I should have been happy cause I'd achieved my lifelong goal, right? Well, several months ago, I decided that I wasn't doing enough good for the world. Instead of spending my days in a cubicle, I wanted to go out there and touch people, change people's lives, make the world a better place.

While I agree with Matt that there's so much to change and that it's an unreasonable goal to set, I have a slightly differing view on what constitutes as change. All of us would agree that finding a cure for cancer would be a drastic improvement to humankind. A cure for any major disease would be a huge accomplishment. I know that it's unlikely I will find that cure. Actually, it's impossible since I'm not even trying to. I have the highest respect for those who are and I'm thankful for people like that in the world, for without the people who try to achieve these unreasonable goals, we would never move forward in big strides.

What I can do, however, is make small strides. It's unlikely that I can change a million people's lives, but it's not only possible, but highly plausible that I can change one person's life. I might even be able to change five people's lives, or maybe thirty. Even more. I feel that, if I've made one person's life truly better, my life has been worthwhile. I know that's an optimistic look on things but all great things start with a small step. What if you helped some kid decide to go to school and he grew up to be the man who found a cure for cancer? Would you, then, think your life had a meaning?

In an effort to make my life more meaningful, I decided to reduce my work to three days a week and use the other two to volunteer. Have I saved the world? Nope, nowhere close. Have I made a drastic change? Not, yet, but I plan to and I'm hanging on to the belief that I can.

I'm not saying that everyone should care to change the world, neither am I saying that it would be easy to do so. All I'm saying is that you shouldn't undermine the importance of a small change. You might not have the power to rid the world of all bigoted people, but you do have the opportunity to educate the two or three that might be at close proximity to your surroundings.

All this talk makes me think of two quotations I like by two amazing people. The first is a well-known saying by Ralph Waldo Emerson. "To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success." Again, maybe it's an optimistic view, but I believe it.

The second by George Bernard Shaw, says: "Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people." All I can say to that one is that I strive to be unreasonable and I hope you all do the same.

Looking back at all my words above, I wonder why I even bothered to write all this. I guess the main reason is that when I read pieces like Matt's I get saddened by people's loss of hope. Yes, there's a lot of work to be done but please don't be sad that you're one of the rare people who think about improving the world. The world might never reach your ideal and it might be true that few things will change in your lifetime but if we stop being unreasonable and trying, even those small changes will not happen. The world needs as many 'unreasonable people' as possible.

I'm glad that Matt says he won't stop trying and I hope all the other disillusioned souls out there feel similarly cause if everyone stops trying, how will progress ever be made?

My apologies to Matt and Stewart if I've misinterpreted any of their words. I don't know either of them personally or otherwise. I certainly didn't have the intention of making it seem like they might have said something that they didn't. And if I have, please feel free to let me know and I will make all the necessary changes.

Another set of apologies for having such a long post, I will try to move this to a page of its own.


September 30, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | pet peeve | share[]


KITTY


I'm really a dog-person but I also love cats. How can anyone look at this and not love it? Actually, I'm an animal-person. I love all animals. Except cockroaches.

Wanna read yesterday's?


September 29, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | links | share[]


GYM


More Than Words
Yesterday's lyric, "And if you said this life ain't good enough, I would give my world to lift you up." is from Smooth by Rob Thomas and Santana.

Here's today's lyric: "You want a part of me? Well I'm not selling cheap."

Know the source? Hate these lyrics? Have better suggestions?

Goody Links
If you're into books, and I am if you haven't guessed so far, you'll enjoy the mp3lit page with lots of mp3s on books read by their authors. While it is hard to navigate and it's still missing most of my favorite authors, I did enjoy listening to Kurt Vonnegut and Anthony Burgess. They also have poetry and non-fiction. Thanks go to megnut for this link. Go listen to some books!

Thoughts
For the last three months, I've been going to the gym here at work. I've never been a shower-in-public person. I don't feel comfortable being naked around other people. To be totally honest, I don't even feel comfortable being naked alone. I'm sure many people would say that it means I am oppressed and have issues. Most likely, they're right. I always told myself that if I can get rid of the weight I gained during college, I can be at peace with my body once again, but I'm not even sure that's true. While I'd finally be more comfortable, I still don't think I can prance around naked in a room full of other people, even if they are all members of my gender. Maybe I should have gone to burning man, it might have freed me. It's really not possible for me not to be self-conscious. If anyone has any good suggestions, I'm all ears.

One of the greatest things about sleeping in the same bed with a male is that men are walking heaters. As I lay in bed, shivering, I feel utterly thankful for the heat Jake's body gives off. I'm sure there's a scientific explanation for why men are much warmer than women. While I look into the matter, I'm gonna keep enjoying my personal heater.

Some people have differing thoughts about the TiVo Giveaway. I think it's perfectly fine not to enter. I already wanted one. I can't function without the TV on, so it'd be good to have the shows I enjoy instead of most of the crap I end up having to watch.

Oh, and, Happy New Year.

Exactly one week from today, I'm flying home. Hooray!


September 29, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | personal | share[]


DEATH


More Than Words
Yesterday's lyric, "Trying to make some sense of it all, but I can see that it makes no sense at all" is from Stuck in the middle with you by Stealers Wheel.

Here's today's: "And if you said this life ain't good enough, I would give my world to lift you up."

Know the source? Mail me.

Have suggestions?

Goody Links
I usually don't link to anything that's already mentioned in MetaFilter but I've talked about these cows before, so I figure it's fair that I let you know that amazon's auctioning them tomorrow.

Openletters has a new letter everyday. I've enjoyed quite a few of them. The conversation with the most popular girl in school was one of my favorites.

Thoughts
It's amazing how short life is. It's also sad that we only think about how short life is when someone dies suddenly. While I don't necessarily subscribe to the "be thankful you have arms and legs" mantra that most parents preach to their children, I do think that it's not a good idea to spend too much time being upset over things. (Don't get me wrong, I am thankful that I have arms and legs. I am thankful for much more than that. But every time something makes me sad, I can't just smile cause I have all my limbs. Sometimes, I want to be sad and look up at the people who have more than I do, not less.) Life really is too short. If you're in a job you don't like, get out of it. Or at least start thinking seriously about how you can get out of it. If you have friends who make you sad or angry more often than happy, they're not your friends. If something isn't working out for you, then change it. Believe me, you can. I just think that most people are too lazy to make their life into what they wish it could be. Days pass so quickly and as Derek put so wonderfully: "I think that you only get one go at this life, and it's up to you to make sure you leave a story worth telling."

Sorry about the little preaching session. Someone I met a month ago, died today and I just realized, once more, that life is too short. I wish it didn't take such tragedy to knock some sense into me.

I would lie if I said I read his page but I do think this is truly well-said. I would give credit to the source of my link but I read it in several places and I can't remember which one was first.


September 28, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | random thoughts | share[]


WON TIVO


I won a TiVo, too. Ordinarily, I'd think this is an amazing thing, but it seems the competition is really a giveaway disguised as a competition. I would link my entry but I don't even think I saved a copy, it was that lame. Oh well, I own one now. If you wanna read the essays of others, here's a bunch.


September 27, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | technical | share[]


EMPTY NEST


More Than Words
Yesterday's lyric: "I just don't understand how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes." was from Everclear's Wonderful.

Here's today's lyric: "Trying to make some sense of it all, but I can see that it makes no sense at all."

Know the source? Mail me.

Have suggestions?

Goody Links
I can't imagine there's anyone who reads my page and doesn't read MetaFilter, but I figured I should mention it anyhow. Since I read it often, I don't repost the links on my page. If you want neat links with interesting discussions, check it out.

If you want food for thought, checkout inequality.org. It's a site created by a bunch of journalists, writers and researchers. It's nonprofit and tries to cover information that isn't widely covered by the media. I also like their quotes.

Thoughts
Last night, Jake was away recruiting in Baltimore and the house didn't feel the same to me. Most nights, at least one of us comes home really late so that we don't get to spend a lot of time together, but when I wake up in the middle of the night, he's always there, sleeping. Knowing that gives me a level of comfort that I just came to take for granted.



September 27, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | links | share[]


MULTIPLE CLASSES


More Than Words
I've decided to try something new. I will post a lyric from a song everyday but I won't tell you who it's from. If you know the name of the band/person and the song, email me and the next day I will have the answers as well as the names of the people who guessed correctly.

Here's today's: "I just don't understand how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes"

Have suggestions?

Goody Links
If you're into words like I am, checkout a collection of word oddities and trivia. It has a page of names that became words, commonly misspelled words and much more. Thanks Cheryl, for the link.

If you have science questions, you should checkout Mad Sci Network. As they put it, it's a "collective cranium of scientists providing answers to your questions. For good measure we provide a variety of oddities and other ends as well."

Thoughts
The interesting thing about a sign language class is that you can have several in the same area. Where I take my classes, we have two different levels being taught in the same room. Since the students are not allowed to speak during class, the two classes don't interfere with each other. Kinda neat, eh?


September 26, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | learning & education | share[]


SEPTEMBER 25, 2000


I took Carl's link from Harrumph and put my tagline on it: "Happiness is a frame of mind." It came out with: "The wealth is a field of the alcohol." I don't think this one needs any explanation!


September 25, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | art & music & film | share[]


TAKING CARE


I'm sure you've heard the phrase "Today's the first day of the rest of your life" often enough, but last week, I made the decision to really make today a different day for myself. I am trying out a three-month experiment on following my own advice and taking better care of my body, heart, brain, and skin. Since I truly believe that it's all a mindset, I decided to change mine. I'm sure you'll get to see how well I manage to keep it up.

One of the things I notice in most successful people is that they were totally ambitious about what they wanted. There are a few lucky people who fell into something they liked and got to do it, but most people worked hard and totally concentrated on wanting the life they eventually got. Think of your own life. Your goals. Are you where you've always wanted to be? If so, you're in a rare situation, make the most of it. If not, why not?



September 25, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | personal | share[]


MOUNT AVALON


We spent the weekend in New Hampshire. My first time. The leaves had already started turning yellow, orange and red. Living in New York and working too many hours, it's easy to lose track of the changing of the seasons. I highly recommend that you go out and watch nature for a few minutes.

We climbed Mount Avalon. My first climb ever. The weather was quite unaccommodating as it drizzled all the way up and the climb was steep. But we made it to the top and it was amazing. I can certainly understand the rush of feeling on top of the world. (Even though this mountain was tiny compared to the substantial ones.)

We dined at the beautiful Mount Washington Hotel and drove up Mount Washington. The weather was so bad that 4 miles up the road the visibility was no more than 30 feet. At one point, we couldn't even see the car driving in front of us.

All in all, it was a great weekend. Getting away once in a while helps the brain.



September 24, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | travel | share[]


CHILDREN


It's amazing to me how much we underestimate children. A woman I know told me yesterday that her 3.5 year old son can speak both Cantonese and Mandarin. Not only does he speak both but he knows to talk to his mother only in Cantonese and his father only in Mandarin. He figured out, on his own, that each parent can only speak one.

I think we should try to teach as much as possible to kids at a young age. I wonder what slows down our capacity to take in and adapt to new information as we get older. Anyone will tell you that learning a new language is much easier if you're young. I wonder why?

Going hiking in New Hampshire today. Happie!




September 23, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | learning & education | share[]


LONG WEEKEND


My 5-day weekend has started. Wo hoo!


September 22, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | personal | share[]


DHARM & GREG


If you've ever watched Dharma and Greg you might have noticed the vanity card that flashes on the screen for a split second at the end of each show. The only way to read these cards is to tape the episode and freeze frame at the exact point. Or you can go here and read them all.


September 21, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | art & music & film | share[]


FAILING


Things are just not going my way lately. I seem to be failing at everything I try, which leads me back to the point of me not being good at anything. Especially writing. Some people say that anyone can write. They say that all it takes is for you to sit and do it. Over and over again. While others believe that writing isn’t something just anyone can do. Who’s right? Who knows? Not me. All I know is that I suck at it.


September 21, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | personal | share[]


MASOCHISTIC?


Masochistic? You might want to try this.


September 21, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | links | share[]


PEPPERMINT


What flavor are you? via Harrumph.

I am peppermint! Crisp and refreshing, you're the flavor of candy canes and after-dinner mints — everyone's favorite comfort candies. If you were a season, you'd be winter — bracing and energizing, but cozy, too. Your honesty and forthright personality make people feel like they've known you forever — they can't help but be drawn to your sweet, fresh nature. Perhaps a little old-fashioned, and occasionally shy, you're generally happy and well-liked. Traditional and invigorating, you're a truly tasty treat.

Hmm. Winter. My favorite season is Spring. And I must say my forthright personality often embarrasses the people around me. And I hate peppermint! Oh well, at least it was correct about how people can’t help being drawn to me. Heh heh.




September 21, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | personal | share[]


SPORTS II


We're watching Any Given Sunday. I always thought that only writers and actors put themselves out there to be critiqued by everyone. I would get frustrated when I read a negative review of a book I liked. I read somewhere that John Irving never reviewed a book without having read all other published works of the same author. How many critics do that, in your opinion? I think my answer would be: very few. People are so quick and excited to judge. I wonder why putting other people down gives us so much pleasure.

Anyhow, my original point was about how people who play sports also put themselves out there to be freely critiqued. In the movie, they have a scene were Foxx's character is playing his first game and he throws up. Afterwards, he helps score a touchdown. That night, the TV stations only show the throwing up. I guess the rest wasn't sensational enough.

Anytime someone's work is watched or read by public, we all feel justified in judging the person. While the rewards of public recognition might be immeasurable for some people, the more common bashing requires one to have a thick skin.

These people have the impossible job of pleasing everyone.


September 20, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | art & music & film | share[]


MBTV


I just love the Simpsons.

Until this year, I used to watch at least 2 hours of TV every night. I can't seem to work without the TV on. I need the noise. I've been this way since I was a little kid. During college, people would come in and out of my room at all hours and point at the TV, which was located behind me, and ask why I watched an infomercial about a cooking instrument. I had no idea what actually played on TV at any moment, I just enjoyed the noise.

Last December, I went to Japan for a six-month business trip. Going six months with no TV was a dreadful thought. Luckily, I have a portable DVD player and friends with tons of DVDs. I took over 60 movies with me. With the help of the movies and MBTV, I survived. Now that I'm back here and the new season's about to start, I'm wondering whether it's a good idea to return to watching all that TV. To be fully honest, the MBTV recaps are a lot more fun.



September 19, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | art & music & film | share[]


RANDOM PEOPLE


It's amazing how strong an effect random people can have on you. I jumped in a cab on the way to my class today and the driver went on and on about how pretty I looked. Now, he probably says that to everyone but it still made me smile and for a few minutes I felt good.

On Saturday night, as I watched the movie with my friend, the woman sitting next to me kept staring at me throughout the movie. For a while, I thought it might be cause I moved, but even when I didn't blink or utter a word, she kept staring. It took me large amounts of self-restraint not to turn to her and yell, "What's your problem?" Afterwards, I wondered how much effect random people have on my day and my mood.

Obviously, it only matters what you think of yourself but it's fascinating how a total stranger can sway one's mood.


September 18, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | personal | share[]


STAGGERING GENIUS


I finished the Eggers book. I used to not be a non-fiction reader, but with books like The Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius and The New New Thing I'm enjoying reading biographies more and more. Even though the two were totally different stories in style and substance, they both told the life of interesting people in a well-written manner.

I enjoyed the Michael Lewis book because it inspired me to do something extraordinary. He has found ways to discover the new new thing over and over again. Once he decided what it was, he delved into it totally and made it happen. He did it his way but he kept succeeding. A person with as little formal education as he proves that it's not schooling that matters in real life. It's how much you believe in something.

The Eggers book is more personal, maybe because it's an autobiography or maybe due to the angle he took with the book. The voice is that of a funny, self-conscious twenty-something who has had more than his fair share of misfortunes in life. It's heartbreaking and hilarious packed in one. It gets longwinded at times but it never ceases to be fascinating.

I also just finished How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. The 112 page book made me laugh so hard that I cried. As an amazon reviewer said, the drawings are the best part of this book.




September 17, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | literature | share[]


COPYRIGHT


With all the talks about copyright going on at MetaFilter I found this article about whether imitation is flattery or thievery really informative and well put. Thanks to Brigitte for pointing to this link on her site.


September 17, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | links | share[]


THOSE WHO MATTER


There are very few people in your life who matter. The ones who'd be there when you really need them. The ones who truly understand who you are. The ones who know your shortcomings and still love you. The people who have seen you do stupid and embarrassing things and still stayed by your side. If you're one of the lucky souls who have a person like that in their life, don't you think you should celebrate that? Do you let them know how much you appreciate them? If you don't have someone like that in your life, do you wonder why?


September 17, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | pet peeve | share[]


DUETS


Last night, I went to see Duets with a friend. I used to not like Gwenyth Paltrow until I saw Sliding Doors which I recommend wholeheartedly. Last night's movie, however, wasn't all that amazing. While I wouldn't say it was a total waste of time, it just didn't do anything for me. I didn't feel like the movie explored some of the issues it wanted to as much as it should have. The relationship between Gwenyth's character and her father just got resolved after a five-minute conversation. I know a movie is only so long, but that was just way too unrealistic. My favorite character was the salesman and his wife. Either way, this is nothing more than a rental.


September 17, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | art & music & film | share[]


SPEECH


Yesterday, the president of Smith College, Dr. Ruth J Simmons, came to give a speech where I work. The speech was exclusively for women and there was such an overwhelming response, that I almost couldn't attend it.

She told us a little of her life story and how she made it to where she is. I liked some of the points she made so much, that I wanted to record them. Please note that these are my interpretations of her words, not her actual words.

One of the things she mentioned was how she never had a true mentor. She had many people help shape her life and future but no one person she emulated fully. She said that for the most part, she tried to make her own journey. She used the word journey in conjunction with life often and advised us to ensure our journeys are not imitations of others. I think that's precious advice. When you see someone at a spot you see yourself reaching one day, try to observe how she got there. Approach them and ask questions. You'd be amazed at how many people love to be approached. But when it comes to your path, lay your own. We all have one life to live, at least one that we remember, and we should make it memorable. Don't take the easy road by stealing other people's experiences. Make your own. At the end, even if you haven't reached the desired goal, the journey will have been amazing.

Another point she made was about working at a place where you can be who you are. I think most of us try to fit into the culture of a firm instead of finding a firm where the culture fits who we are. If you work with people who appreciate who you are instead of telling you to change, you will flourish and be immensely more productive. Not to mention, happy. I think it's crucial, for personal fulfillment, to work at a place that celebrates who you are instead of trying to stump your growth.

Similar to the above comment, she mentioned being loyal to your firm. She said that if you're loyal during the good days, be even more loyal during the bad ones. One of the values that disappeared with the booming economy is loyalty. One of the things that makes you loyal to the firm is how you feel about what they do and the kind of people who work there. If you're proud of your firm and think it to be exceptional, leaving becomes a difficult decision. Take the time to think about the place where you spent most of your day. Are you proud of where you work? Does it represent you as a person?

Dr. Simmons gave a lot of other great advice. Some of which I agreed with and others where I had a differing point of view. Either way, it was a really interesting and enjoyable hour.




September 16, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | work | share[]


CROWE


Okay, one more thing. Here's a fan site that has a lot of Crowe's old Rolling Stone articles.


September 16, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | links | share[]


ALMOST FAMOUS


We just saw Almost Famous and I would highly recommend it. It's the new movie by Cameron Crowe who made feel-good movies such as Say Anything, Singles and Jerry Maguire. Not to mention, the movie starred one of my favorite actors, Jason Lee.

As with all of Crowe's movies that I've seen, I left the theater with a great feeling of happiness and ambition. I felt good and kind and powerful and kinda happy to be living. Cheesy, I know, but it's been a long week and I truly did enjoy this movie. I'm too tired to write more about it tonight, so go check it out and I will talk more about it later.

Nitey Nite.


September 15, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | art & music & film | share[]


BEAUTIFUL


Life is beautiful.


September 15, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | personal | share[]


SPORTS


Think it's too late to start playing sports? Think Again.


September 14, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | links | share[]


OPTIONS


Life is about options. Each time you choose to do something, you’re choosing to do that thing over something else. While we think long and hard about some choices we make, we arbitrarily make many others. For example, most of us, I hope, wake up and brush our teeth. We don’t stop and think about whether we should or not. It’s something we’ve done since childhood and it’s automatic. This is an obvious example but I bet there are many other things in your life that you do without thinking cause at one point you made the decision to do things that way. Take today to think of some things you do without realizing that you’ve made that choice over something else. Do you always go out drinking on Thursday nights? Do you spend Sunday nights talking to your mother? Whatever it is, try and observe the choices you make a little more carefully since your priorities might have changed since the last time you made that decision.

Wow, I didn’t mean to drivel like that. I have no idea where it came from. Anyhow, after that heavy piece, here’s some fun. Okay, not very funny, but I’m trying.

Btw, we bought it and I highly recommend it.




REMNANTS


Scientists have found possible remnants of human habitation under the Black Sea. These are left from the days when Black Sea was a freshwater lake. The coolest part of this whole thing, of course, is that the findings are in Turkey. I knew you'd think so, too.


September 13, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | links | share[]


BIRTHDAY


I had a great birthday. Yum.

Due to the McSweeney's reading selling out last week, they had another reading last night and it was two blocks from my house! After my volunteer job and sign language class, I came home and changed and Jake and I went to hand out at the bar, just incase this one sold out as well. We were there on time and got to hear Neal Pollack's awesome book read by the great author himself. Right before the reading, he came over and talked to us. He even wished me a happy birthday. We all sang some Irish songs (since the reading was at an Irish bar).

After the reading Jake and I went to dinner at this beautiful restaurant right by the East River. It had the most amazing view of the city.

All in all, I had an amazing day.

Oh, and I figured out what I want to do with my life. But that's another story for another day.


September 13, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | holidays | share[]


MAIL ME


Happy Birthday To Me!

Send me mail, wish me well.


September 12, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | personal | share[]


SMALL PEOPLE


My signature file contains the following quote:

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." --Mark Twain

I totally believe in the above sentence.

People who are truly good at what they do will never undermine others. They make it seem easy and possible. They can explain things in a clear, concise and easy to understand manner. The only person who can't break something to chewable portions is someone who doesn't truly understand it.

Many people, to cover up their lack of knowledge, will try to make things seem confusing and complicated. They will put down the efforts of others. I've heard people say, "Why does everyone think they know how to write a book?" The same sentence can be applied to many professions, especially ones involving artistic ability.

Why is it so awful if anyone can do what you can? I don't take it offensively if I meet another coder. I don't turn my nose at someone who's just learning how to write programs. I try to help people who are learning a language I can already speak.

If other people can do what you can, does it make it less important? Does it make it less impressive? Less cool?

Not at all.

The fact is, even if someone can also write a novel, they'll never do it the way you do. We are all unique creatures and have our own way of thinking, our own creativity, our own stories to tell, our own voices to tell them with. Even if everyone in the world were a painter, all the paintings would look different.

Next time you see someone making an effort, instead of bashing her, offer her advice and encourage her for trying. Remember that while that particular thing might be your forte, you have weaknesses too. If we all helped each other, we would all improve collectively.

If you try to do something and people make fun of you, remember Twain's words. Only the little people belittle your ambitions.

Cause it's so much harder to be nice.


September 11, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | literature | share[]


INSECURITY


Insecurity is a bad thing. It makes you doubt everything. It makes you paranoid and uncomfortable. You look around and you feel like everyone's staring at you. You hear a snicker and conclude they must be laughing at you. You read a comment and swear the person had you in mind when writing it. You obsess about it until you can think of absolutely nothing else.

You don't even stop to ponder how self-involved you are to imagine that people have nothing better to do. People spend a lot less time thinking about you than you think they do. Next time, you find yourself worrying about how someone is directing a comment at you, try to refocus your perspective.


September 11, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | personal | share[]


RIBBONS


Tonight's Emmy's guests are wearing a yellow ribbon, which got me thinking. I hopped on google and started a search on the different ribbon campaigns. I was going to list all of them here until I found the site. This site has a bigger list than one I could've come up with. There are 192 ribbon campaigns and over 50 orphaned ones. Talk about an overused symbol.

Most of the ribbons are for sicknesses of serious messages. However, there are some fun ones. We have the Less Crap Online one and the Anti-Gravity Campaign. People asking you to Ban the Blink and to Fight Against Decaf Coffee. This one wants you to stop calling those annoying e-mails spam. And this guy is so pissed at Yahoo! that he launched an Anti-Yahoo Campaign.

What would your ribbon say?


September 10, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | links | share[]


FIGHT CLUB


Been to I am? The first thing I thought when I saw this ad was, I am Joe's Clenching Bowels.

I bought Fight Club way before the movie came out. Since I'm trying to write, I like to read first time authors. I dunno if you've seen the movie, but I gotta tell you, the book is much much better. I loved his writing style and the whole ending thing was handled in a much better way in the book. If you haven't seen the movie, I'd highly recommend reading the book first.

This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.




September 10, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | literature | share[]


EMMY


Oh, and the Emmy Awards are on tonight.


September 10, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | art & music & film | share[]


DRUNK


Last night, around 11, Jake and I took a walk around the neighborhood. As we walked back into the building, some girl lay sprawled all over the lobby. A bunch of people knelt next to her, so I walked over to the doorman and asked after her well being. The doorman replied, "She's a little drunk."

For a second, I got a glimpse of my college days. I must say I don't miss that part of school.

Only two days till my birthday, what did you get me?


September 10, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | random thoughts | share[]


BIO


So I finally finished my bio page redesign. My apologies to those of you with modem connections. It's my first real effort on design and all feedback is welcome and much appreciated. Seriously.

I'm gonna go out and salvage the rest of my weekend, now.




September 10, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | site related | share[]


DON'T GO AWAY


The awards were so bad that I couldn't get myself to watch the entire thing.

It always makes me laugh when the TV person says, "Don't go anywhere, we'll be right back." Is there really anyone who stays just cause the chick on TV said so? Just wondering.



September 09, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | art & music & film | share[]


BARE


Watching the MTV awards. I know I'm two days late. The Wayans brothers are truly awful. Not funny. Britney Spears must have decided it's not enough just to show your belly button anymore. She needs to bare it all. Scary and quite disgusting if you ask me. If it had any artistic value, I'd be fine with it, but it doesn't. None at all. The only person mildly entertaining so far has been Jim Carrey.

I used to be a huge award-show fan. I remember when we used to stay up all night to watch the live Oscar awards in Turkey. It's all just gone downhill.


September 09, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | art & music & film | share[]


REAL SHOWS


I missed the MTV video music awards but it makes no difference whatsoever. MTV will be rerunning the program on an hourly basis for the next several months. That's what MTV is all about: reruns.

While on the subject of MTV, I'd also like to say that I hate the Real World. Actually I hate all 'realistic' shows including Survivor. I can't pinpoint the exact source of my dislike but I have a hunch it might have something to do with the extremely annoying people who like to be on the show.

The subway station by my house has several exits. One of them always closes by 7pm. Night after night, I see people walk towards the door, after seven, and shake the chains. I wonder what they're thinking. Are they hoping the chains will crumble under the sheer force of their hands? Or do they think they can will the chains away? Humans are weird creatures.


September 09, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | art & music & film | share[]


BUMMY


Still feeling bummed, still don't exactly know why. I've decided that I want to try my hand at some design work and, since it sucks, I plan to start with my bio page. I have no idea whether this will even happen or how long it will take. It may take me a long time and it might still suck, who knows? I figure it'll be something new to learn. I haven't used anything besides Photoshop since college so it should be fun to get reacquainted.

We watched Happy, Texas last night. I still can't make up my mind about whether I liked it or not. It definitely is no masterpiece, but it was sort of funny. Stupid funny, but funny nonetheless.


September 08, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | personal | share[]


LINKS


I've changed my page so that the links don't open up new pages. If you want the link to be in a new page, right-click and choose "Open in New Window". Thank You.

Looks like last night's reading was tons of fun. Even more reason to be bummed. Oh well. I meant to tell you that as Jake and I went home, the guy sitting next to us in the subway was reading Neal's book and had the latest issue of McSweeney's on his lap. Obviously, he hadn't been able to get in either. Brooklyn being Dave's current hometown, we shouldn’t have been surprised that the event was so packed. I guess it's good for them. Next time we'll have to remember to get there early.

Oh well.




September 08, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | site related | share[]


BE INSPIRED


It’s amazing how something so small can make someone’s day. Give it a try. Reply to an email you received from an admirer. Send an email to a long time friend whom you haven’t contacted in a long time. Smile to a stranger. Say ‘good morning’ to a stranger. Call your mother. Call your sister. Hug a friend. Hug a stranger. (okay, that might not be a good idea if you’re living in New York) Make a small effort to please someone today and you’ll see how great it feels.

Next time you’re jealous of someone, change your perspective. Decide to be inspired instead.


September 08, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | pet peeve | share[]


TEENAGE CODERS


So the McSweeney's reading was a flop. We got there at 7:15 and the line was already a block and a half long. And that's outside. They also had a weaving line inside the place. By the time we made it to the actual entrance, they were already full and sent people back home. Bummer. But I guess it's been that kind of week for me.

Slashdot discusses the NYTimes article about teenager programmers who'd rather take a high paying job than go to college. For me, college was so much more than classes. The slashdotters make some great points about the computer science information you learn in college that you really wouldn't learn anywhere else. But on an even higher level, college is the only time in your life that you get to be away from home and make your own decisions. Yet you don't have to work all day long, you don't have to pay rent and you are in an environment where you're surrounded by other people your age. People in college spend hours philosophizing and talking about nothing. I just think that if you skip college, you miss out on a lot of great memories and lifelong friends. While making money is nice and makes you feel like a grownup, you have the rest of your life to do that. What's the rush?


September 07, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | learning & education | share[]


BOOK READING


It's a bummer I can't vote.

Well, I'm off to the book reading. Hopefully, that'll cheer me up.


September 07, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | random thoughts | share[]


BLUE


Feeling kinda blue lately. Don't know exactly why which makes it much harder to get rid of the overwhelming emotion. I can't figure out if it's best for me to just go out and have a good time so I can forget all about it or if I should sit and ponder until I can pinpoint the exact cause of the lack of happiness. Any suggestions?

Argh.


September 07, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | personal | share[]


COWS


Several months ago a bunch of cows started appearing all over New York City. Today, I was trying to remember their website when I accidentally found myself at the real site. It's no wonder such a great idea would produce copycats, but the American version could have at least given credit where it's due. I guess that goes against the principle of stealing ideas.

If you like the cows, you might like the fish or the moose.


September 07, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | links | share[]


CHEESE


Find out your cheese profile.


September 06, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | links | share[]


MONKEY APPETITIE


In Turkish, there is a saying. The closest translation is 'monkey appetite.' It's used for a person who wants everything. Someone who can't have enough. That's exactly how I feel about my life. I want to do everything. I don't want to choose. I want to spend more time volunteering. I want to learn how to write better. I want to finish my novel. I want to get published. I want to learn how to draw better. I want to learn how to play the saxophone. I want to speak Japanese fluently. I want to remember all my German. I want to perfect my Italian. I want to learn Russian and Hebrew. I want to learn how to do graphic design and 3-D graphics and animation. I want to get in better shape. I want to eat healthier. I want to read more, much more. I want to keep a more detailed diary. I want to sign like a pro. I want to learn all about art history and American history. I want to understand physics and biology. I want to be a much better programmer. One of the best. I want to teach and work with little children. I want to have a dog. Dalmatian. I want to live by a lake and take walks in the morning. I want to have children. I want to fly a plane. I want to learn to let go. I want to learn to forgive myself.

I don't want to choose. I want it all.


September 06, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | personal | share[]


NEAL POLLACK


I convinced Jake and a bunch of other friends to go to Neal Pollack's reading tomorrow. After having read the interview with Dave Eggers, I'm interested to see what their readings are like. I've never been to an actual book reading before but I have a hunch this one will be quite unique.


September 06, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | literature | share[]


THE STORY OF US


Last night, we watched The Story of Us. The movie never did well in theaters and got quite bad ratings overall, but I liked it. I first saw it on one of my trips to Japan and bawled on the plane. Even though last night was my second time, I still cried during the last scene. I think the movie is a somewhat accurate depiction of how bad some marriages get. Anyhow, I enjoyed it and would recommend it. I would like to warn, however, that it is quite sappy.


September 06, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | art & music & film | share[]


PICNIC


Go out and enjoy the last days of summer. Here in New York, the days are getting shorter and colder. Tonight, Jake and I went to the park for his birthday and had a picnic. It was so wonderful to sit among squirrels, dogs, birds and the trees. We had a small bottle of wine and some candles. It was wonderful.

Afterwards, we went to Toys R Us and bought some toys. A perfect ending to a beautiful night.


September 05, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | holidays | share[]


KEEP TRYING


Sometimes, it's hard to keep things in perspective. I spend many hours of my day thinking about writing. About how I wish I were better at it. I read what I write and I cringe. I ask myself why I even bother to try. Why is it so important to me? Why can't I just give it up and do the things I am good at? Inevitably, I then wallow in misery and tell myself that I'm not good at anything. I can't write, I can't draw, and I can't play any instruments. I can't even code all that well. I speak seven languages, all of them half-assed. I did well at school, but what does that mean? Nothing in real life. I'm decent at many things, but I'm not great at anything. And I want to be. I really do.

I swear to myself that I will no longer try. I say that I will just read amazing books and appreciate the people who are capable of creating them. I will enjoy good movies and masterpieces of art. I don't have to be an artist to be a great person. It's okay to not have the talent to write. I have to stop the torture of putting myself out there just to get disappointed over and over again. If I don't try, I can't fail. Yes, I say, I will stop. I'm not writing anymore.

Until the next morning, when I wake up with an idea and run to the keyboard. This is the one, I fool myself, this one will be my masterpiece.

And the vicious circle begins once more.



September 05, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | personal | share[]


LOVE!


Happy Birthday Jake!


September 05, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | relationships | share[]


LUCID


A truly enjoyable moment, for me, is when I wake up but I know that I don't have to get up. I lie in bed, not exactly awake but not in deep sleep either. That's the time when I have most of my lucid dreams. If I worked from home, I could have those moments everyday. I wonder, tho, whether they would lose their meaning if I had them all the time?



September 05, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | personal | share[]


KERNIGHAN


I remember sitting at a speech Kernighan gave at Carnegie Mellon my junior year. He was funny and interesting which is a lot to say about a computer science person. Especially one as bright as he. A student at CMU recently interviewed him for a Romanian magazine and translated the interview to English and posted the link to slashdot.

If you're into programming, I think you'd find the interview informative. Even if you don't care about programming, I think it's fascinating to hear what he has to say. When asked about teaching programming classes he comments on how schools should not be teaching things people can learn in trade schools and goes on to say, "That's not what universities should be doing; universities should be teaching things which are likely to last, for a lifetime if you're lucky, but at least 5 or 10 or 20 years, and that means principles and ideas. At the same time, they should be illustrating them with the best possible examples taken from current practice."

Another interesting point is when the interviewer asks him what areas a student who's interested in computers should enter, amongst other things, he says, "I think unfortunately the best advice you can give somebody is ``do what you think is interesting, do something that you think is fun and worthwhile, because otherwise you won't do it well anyway''. But that's not any real help."

As I said, it's an interesting interview.


September 04, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | learning & education | share[]


PUT DOWN ADS


I just saw a Rick Lazio ad about how Hilary Clinton is running ads bashing him. The ad talks about how she has nothing better to do, etc. Isn't he doing the same thing by running this ad?

I really don't understand why candidates run ads that put down their opponents. Do they really think that people vote for them because they said something negative about the other person?

The same behavior bothers me in corporate ads. When Pepsi runs an ad bashing Coke or vice versa, I feel like they must be so pathetic that they need to put down the competition. Their own product obviously must have no redeeming qualities.


September 04, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | politics & news | share[]


CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS


Home at last. Another seven-hour trip and we're back in the beautiful city of New York. My little bird jumped up and down when he saw us and my flowers seem to have survived the weekend. So far so good.

Have you read any children's books lately? I checked Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs from the New York Public Library after reading a delightful amazon review of it. I highly recommend it. It's neat to read creative and entertaining children's books. At the back of the book, in the blurb about Ron Barrett, the illustrator, is the following note: "Mr. Barrett says his drawings of meatballs in no way endorses their consumption. He's a vegetarian."


September 04, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | literature | share[]


CANDIDATE HOMEPAGES


Goodbye summer.

Wanna read all the candidate's speeches? As a non-American, I don't qualify to vote, but I still think it's kinda cool that all the candidates have their own homepages. The fact that they can't afford not to have an online presence says so much about the importance of the Net.


September 04, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | links | share[]


PORTAL


I've spent a major part of today going through brig's portal and I must say there are a large number of weblogs out there. Obviously, expressing one's thoughts is not a new hobby by any means, but it's interesting to me that many of the sites have the same links. I wonder if that means that the people behind the pages are interested in similar subject matter. Or does it mean that the people are doing what they think will get the hits to their page? Just wondering.

I also noticed that the list of 'my favorite blogs' varies only slightly amongst pages. What do these people have that the others don't? I wonder if weblogging has gotten to be like high school where you're either 'in' or you're not. How do you get in?

Maybe it's all just random and most likely, it doesn't even matter.

I guess I am just curious cause I just started this journey and I like to analyze things to death.


September 03, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | web & weblog | share[]


TESTS


Like tests? Check out emode. I've already wasted a good portion of my morning on it. After you do the true-color test, checkout the weblog colorwheel, it's a neat idea!

I've been in love with the Herman Miller Aeron chair for quite a long time, but it's way too expensive. Today, I found a place that claims to have it for much cheaper. Their price is just 50 bucks less than the Herman Miller store. And for a chair which costs 750 dollars, 50 bucks less is not "much cheaper." If anyone knows where this chair is sold for a more affordable price, I would worship you forever if you share the info.


September 03, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | links | share[]


SEVEN WONDERS


A while ago, a friend visiting Turkey told me that five of the seven wonders of the ancient world are in Turkey. Which, of course, isn't true. Tonight, over dinner, we tried to remember all the wonders but were able to only come up with five. So I found the site and we got them all. Greece has two, as does Egypt and Iraq has one. The other two are in Turkey. One in Bodrum and the other in Efes, close to Izmir.


September 02, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | travel | share[]


KANJI


This is for those of you who always wanted to drive the wienermobile.

Man, Japanese is hard. I have to learn around 100 kanji for the exam in December on top of all the grammar and vocabulary. In fact, the language is so hard that many native speakers cannot read the newspaper. The kids in Japan go to school six days a week. What's the point of making your language so hard that even the native speakers cannot fully learn it? It just makes so little sense to me. But I do find it fascinating and really fun to learn. I like the way they put meaningful symbols together to form words. For example the two symbols which make up the word telephone (denwa) are the symbol for electricity and the symbol for speaking. The symbols for electricity and car make up the word for train (densha). Neat isn't it?


September 02, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | learning & education | share[]


GETTING TO THE VINEYARD


We got up at 6:30am and took a cab at 7am to the Hertz rental place in midtown and drove for the next three hours to New London, Connecticut. Then, we grabbed a taxi from the Hertz drop off place to get to the docks. We waited there for about two hours and took a 2 and a half-hour boat. The boat arrived at 2:30pm. A total of 8 hours of traveling just to get from NYC to Martha's Vineyard. Is it worth it?

During the entire trip, the answer was a decided no, but now that we're here and I can hear the crickets and the seagulls, I'm having second thoughts. It might be a pain in the ass to get here, but it's like a little piece of heaven on earth, which must be the reason we’re willing to repeat this ordeal several times a summer.


September 02, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | travel | share[]


WOMAN ON TOP


Oh, btw, another movie following on the theme of "I am woman, hear me roar" is: Woman on Top. 2000 must be the year when women finally become independent. At least as far as Hollywood is concerned...


September 01, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | art & music & film | share[]


WHIPPED - AFTER


We just saw Whipped and, as I suspected, it was awful. A great look at how pathetic some men are. The acting was worse than awful but the some of the scenes were sadly realistic. At one point, the guy sitting next to me actually said, "Thank God I'm gay." I kid you not.

Here, in New York, it's pouring. What a great way to end a terrible summer. Weather-wise, that is. I sure hope it gets better tomorrow or it'll be kinda pointless to travel all the way to the Vineyard.

Double Indemnity, on the other hand, was very good. My favorite part is where he says he couldn't hear his footsteps. I liked that image.


September 01, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | art & music & film | share[]


DIFFERENT BOOK


Bond market closed and we all got sent home. Yeay!

I finally got A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius from the library. I haven't read it yet, but even the blurbs on the back cover are amusing. I'm sure this book won't disappoint me.

Ash: A Secret History has a full version published in the UK while it will be published in four parts in the US. Hmmm, a marketing ploy you think?

A Clockwork Orange was also published differently between the UK and the US. Actually, the US version didn't have the last chapter. In the intro of my book, which did have the entire set of chapters, Burgess talks about how his American publisher thought the book ended better if the last chapter were left out. When Kubrick made the movie, he used the American version of the book, therefore, left out the actual ending. Burgess said that, for years after the movie was made, he got letters from his European readers asking why the ending was excluded. He was quite pissed about it.

Btw, that was one strange book.


September 01, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | literature | share[]


WHIPPED


Gonna go see Whipped tonight. The sad thing is that I already know it sucks. I think that, after a long week, I just want to relax and see a totally stupid movie that doesn't require any mental capacity. I'm quite sure this one will qualify.


September 01, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | art & music & film | share[]


Friday

It's Friday! Love Fridays.

It seems we can't use the phrase going postal anymore cause it's upsetting the postal workers and it's a myth. Hmmm.

What kind of country changes their grammar and spelling rules?



September 01, 2000 ~ 00:09 | link | links | share[]
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