This is for creative therapy catalyst
twenty-four: What inspires you?

A few months ago, I took this class where we talked about who we are as
a whole and what we’d like to stand for in the world. We created three
to four areas of things that we stood for. My four were: peace, family,
changing the world, and creativity. These are the areas that inspire me.
I want to feel a strong sense of peace every day. I want to leave the
world better than I found it. I want to have strongly bonded and
supportive family. And I want to foster creativity within myself and
others.



For this week’s catalyst, I took a photo for each area and printed them
together. I then sewed between the photographs to create pockets and
inside each pocked I tucked two sets of journaling. One was a list of
things that inspire me around that category and the other was a list of
things I aspire to do in each area. Whenever I have to make a choice
about how to spend my time or how to decide around a commitment, I look
at this page and see if it fits within one of my squares. This makes
sure that the life I live is aligned with my priorities.

This is for creative
therapy – catalyst twenty-two – what’s your biggest
accomplishment?

I went through a long thought process for this week’s catalyst. I even
created several pieces of art. Like several others, I was going to make
it about my son, but, like Becky already mentioned, I don’t think of him
as my accomplishment. He is so amazing and special all by himself. I was
then going to make it about coming to the United States. Moving here was
the beginning of a series of achievements for me and I consider it to be
the achievement that allowed all others. But the more I thought the more
I knew that wasn’t the right one either. So I finally opened my computer
and let my thoughts come together as they always seem to when I’m
typing. I think the journaling says the rest. More thoughts on the art
itself in the technique section below.

Journaling Reads:
I have accomplished a lot in my life. I got in to the college of my
dreams. At seventeen, I moved from Turkey to the United States. I
graduated from college in four years with an undergraduate and a masters
degree. I worked at a very selective Wall street firm and I got to
become a Vice President pretty quickly. I got accepted to a very
selective Nonprofit program. I married the man of my dreams. I quit
everything and started all over again in California. I started my own
photography business. I had an amazing baby who is now an amazing boy. I
became an American citizen. I got a job with Google and I’ve been
consistently doing well at my job. Just to list a few.

These were all goals I’d set for myself at some point or another. I am
good at achieving goals. I always have been. I work hard. I put my mind
to it and I get it. And then I quickly forget all about it and set the
next goal. the next challenge, the next mountain to climb. While I am
very proud of all my achievements and I do take many of them for granted
now. I look back upon them and think they were easy. They must have
been. I was able to accomplish them, wasn’t I?

Then I look at my achievements and they are all things I do. I am good
at work. I work hard. But I am not so good at creative. My very
organized, very structured mind doesn’t do so well with the
unstructured, big picture oriented art world. I’ve always craved being
more artistic. I’ve always wished I had that magical gene that made you
creative. The one that meant I could draw. I could see things and
imagine things the way other creative people did.

Alas, it appears I wasn’t waiting in that line when they were handing
out the genes.

So when I look back upon my life, especially the one I am leading now, I
am most proud of this place. Creative therapy. It’s something I created
to tell myself that I can be creative too. That creativity is not always
about drawing perfectly. It’s not about being the best designer. The
most talented artist.

I can create art too. I can even use it to grow. To learn. To reflect.
To dream.

This was my way of making myself create every week. It is my way of not
letting myself give up (like I did for writing). Letting the
conversations in my head go. Allowing myself to experiment. Giving
myself a space to create. Recurringly. Holding myself responsible.
Putting myself out there.

Sharing my art scares me. I never think I am good enough. I always think
people will laugh at me. People will say “who does she think she is to
be displaying her art?” It scares me more than any of my work
commitments ever did. It scares me more than having a baby did. It’s too
raw. It comes from the place of ultimate uncertainty and it’s exposing
something deep down that I normally prefer to leave in the dark.

So I am most proud of creative therapy. Proud that I have the guts to do
this week after week. That I have kept this commitment to myself. That I
have created this space for me and for others. I am proud that it exists.

I am proud that I wasn’t too scared to make it happen. I am still
scared. Every week.

But I am proud.

Technique Highlight:
I meant for this piece to feel raw. I used a sheet of old paper, put
gesso all over it and stamped it with pink paint. Pink for color of
skin. Since the journaling was really really long and personal and about
being scared, I made it a tiny font and printed it on a sheet of music
that I had also gessoed over. I stamped “ME” on the journaled paper to
emphasize the theme of “for me.” I added a few pink pieces to make sure
the little piece of paper didn’t get lost on top of the big one of the
same color. I put some butterflies to symbolize freedom and a photo of
me laughing for happiness. I stamped my title and sprayed some water
over it to give the sense of tears. It’s not nearly as beautiful as I
wish it were and it didn’t even come close to what I had in my head but
none the less, this is what came out.

This is my art for catalyst
Eighteen at creative therapy, which is: What’s your favorite place
in your house, and why?

When I first thought of this catalyst, I was going to make it about our
living room. It’s the room where I scrap, where David plays, and where
the TV is. For me, that makes it the best room. Then I thought I might
do it about the garden. I’ve never lived in a house that had a garden,
so I think it’s so special and I thought it would be worthy of the
catalyst. Then I realized that the thing I love the most is that we live
in a house.

I grew up in a big city where there are no houses, only apartment
buildings. So living in a house, having my own backyard, my own little
space on the street, my own driveway: it all makes me so happy. It’s
something I always wanted as a kid. And it’s something I love. I don’t
even care that I don’t own it or that it’s falling apart a bit. I love
living in it. I love my house. My yard. My driveway. All of it.

This is for catalyst
fifteen: your happiest memory.

I decided to write about a car trip my husband and I took to Joshua Tree
National Park. It was our first time at the park and we were awed by its
uniqueness. We walked around and then sat down at a bench and talked for
hours until it got dark. On the way home, we put the windows down, put
on some music and sang at the top of our lungs.



It was just another ordinary day, but knowing that I can still spend a
whole day talking with my husband after having been together nine years
(at the time) and just having returned from a 3-month cross-country trip
where it was just the two of us, made me feel so happy. He has always
been and will always be my best friend. If I ever doubt that, all I have
to do is remember the day we spent at Joshua Tree.

Thank you to Tattered Angels and A Million Memories for the
beautiful Glimmer Mist.

This is for creative therapy catalyst
13: thank someone.

There are many people who have helped me in my life. Many people who
deserve thanks for so many things. But what my son has already done for
my life will forever be the one thing I am eternally grateful for.

Before David was born, I had always been a sad person inside. Not that I
didn’t have happy moments but overall, my normal state of being was on
the sad side. I remember that when I was pregnant, I was really worried
that my son would have a sad mom and blame himself. I was worried I
would have really bad post-partum. I was worried about a lot of things.
I wanted to “fix myself” before he came. I made up this big sign that
read “Give up that there’s something wrong.” and I put it above my
bedroom door so I saw it every morning and night. I was going to learn
to be happy, no matter what it took.

It turned out that I really didn’t have anything to worry about. I
cannot explain why or how but the minute David was born, something
fundamental shifted inside me. Not only did I not have an inkling of
post-partum, but David made me a happy person. Since his birth, I have
felt a deep peace inside that I had never experienced previously. He has
literally changed who I am.

No matter what the coming years bring, I will forever be thankful to my
boy for giving me this priceless gift.

Journaling Reads:
David the list of things for which I am thankful to you goes on and on.
You have brought so much joy into my life and you have taught me that
life is full of fun and happiness. The way your life is all about the
little moments and making tons of tiny memories is what I cherish the
most. You have taught me how to live and how to love you.
—

I’ve used Glimmer Mist that I was lucky to get as part of being on A Million Memories DT. You
can’t really see but the hearts glimmer.

This is for creative Therapy catalyst
eleven.

Here’s the journaling:
You gave me the love of words.

My first memory ever is of you sitting on our parents’ bed and reading
the newspaper. I was so envious, I asked you to teach me to read, too.
And you did. One letter at a time.

Yona, you may not know this, but you gave me the biggest present anyone
ever gave me. You gave me the love of words. Over the years, through
sad, boring, and even happy times, I always had books. It didn’t matter
where I was, with whom I was, or what I did. As long as I had a book or
two, life was swell.

Those few hours we spent together opened up an entire world for me. It
became my best escape. My way of falling into other people’s lives. My
way of living, loving, learning. My favorite thing in the whole world.

I went through a tough childhood and didn’t have a lot of good friends.
But I always had books. I lived vicariously through so many of them. I
still remember how you drove me to bookstores far away just so I could
pick my favorite books. I remember how much you supported my love of the
written word. From that first memory and onward.

Over the years, many things about me changed. But not my love of
reading. I still read two books a week, most weeks. I still crave the
words, the stories, the lives that I get to experience. I still carry a
book with me everywhere I go. It’s still my very favorite way to relax,
escape, and to feel happy.

I want you to know, Yona, that I owe it all to you. To that moment when
you didn’t tell me to leave you alone. That moment when you let me lie
there, next to you, on Mom and Dad’s bed, and showed me how to read each
letter.

You gave me the love of words, my sister. The best present I’ve ever
received in my whole life.