This is real life right now. I’ve been holed up in my room for three days and I already can’t stand it. I’ve read three books, watched two movies and a show, painted 6 tiny landscapes and did 4 hours of Korean.
I’m bored.
I miss seeing my people. I already hate my bedroom and I have to spend another few days minimum here before I can retest and then hopefully I can have my surgery only to find myself back in this bedroom for a few more weeks.
If you have shows, movies, books, or anything else you’ve loved, I’d love to know. I expect I am going to reach new heights of boredom here.
I was supposed to have surgery tomorrow. I woke up to a runny nose and a tickle of a cough today so they asked me to take a COVID test just in case. I had already tested at home so I was pretty sure I was in the clear.
I was wrong.
I have COVID again.
14 months since last time. It sucks. No surgery of course and now I have to sit alone in my bedroom again.
What a bummer.
I guess I’m going to have to stay open to whatever this means.
Happy March. It’s still cold and rainy here so it doesn’t feel like spring at all. At least the days are getting longer.
One of the biggest aspects of having open as my word is making sure I remember that just because it’s always been this way it doesn’t mean it always has to be this way. I want to stay open to possibilities, open to change, open to a shift in perspective, in response.
That also requires paying attention, slowing down and not reacting but responding intentionally.
It’s interesting how there are some times when I really want to be totally present moment focused. When I am listening to someone I want to be here right now and focused on this very moment. When I am hugging my kids. When something wonderful is happening.
And then there are times when I want to remember that the present moment is ephemeral and this too shall pass. Being sick, having a tough work day, being really upset about a fight or a situation at work etc.
I think this plays off of how the brain is Velcro for the bad stuff so I need to actively remind myself that this is one of many many moments and in the wider context of life maybe doesn’t matter as much as I’m making it mean right now. And Teflon for the good stuff so I need to really pause and acknowledge the moment so I can really lock it in, prolong it and remember it.
It’s the end of a week off for my kiddos and tomorrow we all go back to routine. It’s nice to have time off and it’s nice to have a routine.
I was driving to see my cousin today and the whole time I thought about how calm and quiet I felt inside. I had been anxious about driving in the rain and anxious about the week ending and anxious about some upcoming health stuff.
But in that moment, in the car, my head was completely quiet and I felt content.
Not only am I glad for the moment but I am also glad that I took time to notice and appreciate it.
Painting while waiting for the little one at Stanford today. Listening to Babel and painting while I sip coffee. So grateful for simple pleasures today.
This is one of the trees that fell down near our neighborhood. We are lucky that our power was finally restored yesterday, there are still many people without power.
It’s amazing how much we take for granted until it’s not there. All the infrastructure that our life is built upon.
Little reminders like this help keep things in perspective.
This is the story of the aftermath of one of Emilia’s best friends committing suicide. It’s not about mental health or really about her friend directly. It’s Emilia revisiting her memories, her story and keeping her friend alive and processing her own feelings on paper. I found this story to be moving and a wonderful way to remember someone who was an impactful part of her life. Someone who left way too soon.
with gratitude to IDW Publishing and edelweiss for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
