Back in 2000, I was taking art history classes, and I wrote the following passage on my blog:

As I sat in class, looking at the modern paintings, I kept thinking about how unappealing they were to me. I’ve always been a fan of Renaissance paintings. I love studying them and finding out about the history and the time period and why the painter thought to put that specific image. The paintings of that period are all about symbolism and if you have studied some art history, you can know the story behind each symbol. To me, that’s like sharing a secret between the painter and you. Even though, I know that everyone of that period knew the specific symbols, people who don’t study art history don’t know them and can’t look for the specific clues, like the image of Michelangelo’s face on the dead skin in The Last Judgement. To me, that’s like having a sneak peak into the painter’s mind. When I look at the modern paintings, I just don’t see that. I’m not saying that one has to, I’m just saying that I like to.

Over the years, I’ve learned to appreciate many other periods but my appreciation for knowing the background, the story behind the story of the painting has never dwindled. I love that there are so many layers to each piece of art. The subject, the artist’s intent, effects of the period in which it’s created, the story behind the story. This makes art so fascinating to me and it makes me appreciate each piece that much more.

I am so grateful for artists. The path to becoming an artist is not an easy one. More often than not, it’s under-appreciated, underpaid, and full of rejection. Yet, every day, there are people who choose to walk down it. People who cannot imagine any other life. They are the reason why our life is full of color and I am so thankful for their bravery to stay true to their heart.

Journaling Reads:
We always knew we hoped to have more than one child. We both have siblings and believe that it’s a wonderful experience to get to grow up with a sibling. But I have to admit that David is so great and easy that I was quite worried we couldn’t possibly get as lucky with the second one.

I was wrong.

Within moments of being born, Nathaniel made sure we were all head over heels in love with him. His Dad still thinks he’s an angel on earth and his brother enjoys nothing more than making him laugh.

And laugh he does. He’s the sweetest kid ever. Just like his brother, he also loves to play and can easily play by himself for a long time. But he also loves playing with David. He likes to come over to both of us occasionally and give us hugs. He loves to dance to music. He’s very good at expressing his emotions and communicating what he wants.

I must admit that I generally like being right. But this is one of those times when I am so grateful that I was wrong.

Yesterday, I woke up in a terrible mood. I was feeling both angry and sad, and of course, very soon, frustration joined in, too. Before it was 9am, I had already disappointed myself and been impatient with my kids. And, honestly, I could tell that I wasn’t nearly done. I was in such a bad mood that I could see it continuing for days and affecting others around me and creating this ripple of bad moods.

Wonderful, eh?

For some reason, around 11am, I decided enough was enough and that I wasn’t going to spend the day brooding and feeling sorry for my frustrated self. I decided to take the “fake it till you make it” approach. I figured I can act the way I want to feel. I decided I would mentally take the day off and have some ice cream with my kids, play in the yard, maybe even go for a walk and just fake being happy until I actually felt it.

So I grabbed a popsicle and told my older son that the three of us were going to share it. The joy in his face already did wonders for my mood. Within an hour or so, I was feeling considerably better. So much so that I sat and accomplished a lot of work. Then I went to the yard to play with my kids and we laughed and laughed as we played.

By night time, there were still some feelings of unease but they were receding quickly and I felt very strongly that tomorrow (today) was going to be a better day. This morning, I woke up feeling much better and more positive. It’s still not 100% better but I am still “faking it till I make it” and there’s a lot less faking than yesterday.

Sometimes that’s what a gratitude journal is about, too. There are days when it feels like there’s nothing good in my life. Days when I am so upset by something that it colors everything else I feel. But my journal forces me to come up with three things, even on that day. It feels fake and I just go through the motions. But, often, by the time my list is complete, I feel slightly better. I have to admit that even on that terrible day, there are good things in my life.

And sometimes the faking really really works.

Journaling Reads:
I met Jake sixteen years ago. What are the chances that the man I met in my third year in the United States would end up being my husband? What are the chances I’d find someone who completes me so fully, so perfectly, so quickly? Or ever.

Jake is everything I am not: funny, confident, happy. And he is everything I am: computer-savvy, kind, curious. And he’s so much more. He’s loving and generous. He’s always there for me right when I need him an exactly in the way I need him.

I’ve always wished I had a best friend. One to sit with in silence. One to go on adventures with. One to laugh with and one to cry with and I’ve always been sad that I never had one.

But then I realized I had one all along.

Jake is my best friend and more. He is the person I talk to when I am trying to make a decision and I need advice. The person I go to when I need to vent or cry. The person who hugs me (and his hugs are the very best!) when I need to feel less alone in the world. And how lucky am I that he also happens to be my children’s father, my life partner, and the person I will get to spend my forever with?