I’ve always felt like I’ve lacked solid female friends. Over the years, I’ve had several and some closer than others. Most of my local friends live hectic lives like me and we don’t often make the time to hang out as much as we should. I don’t have any friends here who do scrapbooking and/or art journaling like I do. So I’ve been itching, for quite some time, to get together with a group of women for a weekend away. A weekend full of art and soulful bonding.
This particular retreat that we had in Santa Cruz a few weeks ago was many many months in the making. The idea was formed at least eight months ago and the first email went out in October of 2009. For many, many months it looked like it wasn’t going to happen. And then it looked possible and then went back to highly unlikely. Until it really started solidifying and next thing we knew, it was actually happening.
The numbers went from over twenty to only eight back up to the teens and then back down to seven. And finally ended up with six. A plethora of handicaps, anxiety, and planning later, we finally got to meet in a beautiful house by the beach in Santa Cruz.
I had specifically setup this item on my list with the hopes that I would have the courage to accomplish it on this weekend:
28. Drive to santa cruz by myself
But by the time the weekend rolled around, I was feeling really down, a little sick, and definitely not up for doing any driving, let alone, by myself. For those of you who don’t know (I am not sure how much I’ve mentioned it here.) I don’t drive on the freeway. I never really drove until we moved to San Diego (we lived in NYC before and there was no reason to drive) and I was almost 30 when we moved so it was considerably harder to learn at that point. Add to that the really really big (for me, scary) freeways in San Diego where the lane you come into suddenly becomes exit-only and where sometimes the exits are on the left side instead of right. I just got frazzled and freaked out really early on and over the years it became this big thing so now I don’t and can’t get on the freeway. (Thankfully, I don’t need to almost ever.) Anyway, so as amazing as he is, Jake and David drove Nathaniel and me down to Santa Cruz.
Nathaniel was coming with because I am still nursing him (I nursed David until he was two.) and I don’t pump at all. I don’t even know where my pump is. So I had no choice. I knew having Nathaniel there would take away from the feeling I was hoping to have but it was this way or no retreat at all. So off we went.
Here’s a view of where we were. We were literally one block from the beach:
Despite the small numbers there was no one who actually knew all the women. Most of us knew one or two of the others in person and one of us knew none of us. Which was one of my goals. In the end, we all really got along beautifully and I, of course, didn’t actually snap as many photos as I would have liked. Here’s one of the five of us right before we left and then one of Colleen who had to leave early to make sure her store was ok. (It was.)
All in all, it really was a wonderful weekend. Nathaniel was very well behaved during the day. Some of the nights were challenging but we made it just fine and it was odd but nice being just the two of us. I had never spent 3 nights away from David ever before and I did miss him terribly and I missed Jake a lot, too. I was really happy to be home on Sunday. I just feel a really strong sense of belonging in my home. But it was also nice to be in the company of women for a few days and to talk, talk, talk. We didn’t end up doing enough art this time but we’ll have to make up for it next time.
I learned a lot about myself through this process and a lot about putting together a gathering. I am still processing a lot of what I learned and how I feel. But I am really grateful I did it. I have been wanting to go to an art retreat for a long time but since I am still nursing and it’s really expensive and I have no friends to go with, I’ve been unable to go. I’m hoping and planning to go in 2011, once I stop nursing the little boy. And I think another soulful weekend will be a blessing, too.
The journaling reads:
In Turkey, we have some of the world’s most amazing sunrises. I’ve had the privilege of watching several (especially as a teenager coming back from a night out) and they are truly breathtaking.
Much like the sunsets in California.
Since California is on the West Coast of the United States it’s easy to find a spot with beautiful sunsets. I took this above photo at La Jolla Shores beach and I remember that day as if it were yesterday. People walking on the beach, surfers in the water, birds digging into the sand. Yellow, orange and red lights dancing in the sky as the rest of the skyline turns dark. It never ceases to awe and inspire me.
I remember visiting the Muir Woods in Marin County and looking at the colossal redwood trees. The sea, the trees, and the sky always make me realize how big the universe is and how small my problems seem in comparison.
The following is cross-posted from the Weekly Gratitude Blog. I will post there every Tuesday and decided to post those posts here, too. For those of you who read both blogs, I apologize in advance. Some weeks the content might be different and other weeks, exactly the same.
45. Make an inspiration board for my crafting/design area.
The first step here was finding the right board. My craft space is in the living room so I don’t have a lot of space to hang a board in and the cork board I had was too big. I wanted to buy one that I saw in Pottery Barn but it was a little more than I wanted to pay so I got this one instead. It’s not on sale anymore but it was $15 when I bought it. It’s just the right size and it’s a quiet beige.
The board came, I hung it on the wall and spent a lot of time trying to decide what to do. Then I decided that since I am really inspired by fabric and stitching and people like Rebecca Sower and Pam Garrison right now, I’d make the board a stitching sampler.
I measured interfacing in the exact size of the board and then started stitching random bits of fabric on to it.
I didn’t pay too much attention, just lined up the ones I liked and kept stitching.
After a long while, I was done. I had the whole thing covered.
Then I added some lace.
And then started stitching a bit. Still practicing my French Knots. I still screw up more often than I get it right.
I added some more details here and there.
I then pinned it on top of the linen board:
My plan is to add a lot more stuff. Every now and then as I feel like it. I want to add buttons, dangle things, stitch, add beads, I have a lot of plans. I will share more photos as I work on this but it’s already inspiring me just to look at all that fabric I love.
Here it is with my sampler and the hearts on there:
The journaling reads:
I grew up in a city much like New York City, where people live in apartments and don’t have backyards. As a kid, I always dreamt of living in a house and having my own backyard.
When we moved to the San Francisco area, I decided we had to rent a house (instead of a condo) and it was the best decision I made. We then got lucky enough to own a house with its own small backyard.
Even though we don’t use it everyday and it’s really quite small, I still love having it. I love going out there to sit with the kids and soak up a little bit of the California sunshine. I love sitting outside when friends come to visit. I love taking my computer out to the yard. It’s like my own private piece of sunshine and grass. I really enjoy having it.
So this week I am really thankful for my little patch of green in this world and I plan to fill it with bubbles as often as possible.
I am a firm believer that your home should be filled with love and feelings of comfort and ease. I have been unfortunate enough to live in places where this wasn’t the case. My previous house was cold and I always felt uncomfortable and frustrated. It was also orevcluttered and disorganized. It didn’t instill a sense of peace in me.
So when I finally moved to this new house, I decided to make sure I could foster a sense of belonging. This wasn’t about home decorating or style. My main goal was to truly feel at home in my house. And while I still have a long way to go, one of my favorite spots in my home is my little craft area which I have filled with pieces of art that I love. Like this one from Rebecca Sower.
I love each of these pieces of art and they inspire me in their own unique ways. Sometimes I look up at my walls just to stare at the art and let it give my soul a little jump.
I’ve also filled the space with things that are meaningful to me in other ways. Like this nest I just bought from Saffron and Genevieve. I have always been a fan of nests and have a much bigger one in my living room but this little one brings me a piece of nature right here on my table. And I love that it has a single egg in it, too.
I also love putting meaningful messages on my desk. Things that encourage me and make me smile.
Reminders that I need every now and then.
My craft table is in the corner of our living area. It’s not that large but it’s my favorite spot in our house. It’s filled with my personality. It immediately inspires me and makes me feel peaceful.
I hope you have a spot like that in your home, too. If you do, I would love it if you shared it with us. If you don’t maybe today’s a good day to pick one and put one thing you love there. Maybe it’s just a piece of paper with a quote you cherish. It can start small. Anything works as long as it feels like “you.”
The following is cross-posted from the Weekly Gratitude Blog. I will post there every Tuesday and decided to post those posts here, too. For those of you who read both blogs, I apologize in advance. Some weeks the content might be different and other weeks, exactly the same.
That was the recipe I had so I just did it. I had the apples for over a month now and I figured it was now or never.
Here’s the finished product:
It’s french apple tart. The bottom is puff pastry, then Granny Smith apples, and then sugar and butter and baked. After it comes out, you then smear the apricot jelly on top. I couldn’t for the life of me take a good photo but I swear it tastes delicious.
The recipe is from a Barefoot Contessa book. This one. (I got this book on a whim because of a post in kelli’s blog and have since made almost every recipe in it. And let me say, it’s the first cookbook I ever bought.)
So does it count? Puff pastry from scratch? Tart from scratch?
By the way, that’s not burnt pastry. It’s the juices of the apple just in case you think I burned the whole thing.
The journaling reads:
This might seem awfully silly to some people but I’ve grown to appreciate our appliances. The house we lived in before this had an oven from the 60s. It didn’t work at all and on rare occasions when it did, it was hazardous to our health. Literally.
I have never been a cook. During the years we lived in New York, I worked eighteen-hour days and there was no time to sleep, let alone cook. My singular attempt in 1997 was met with criticism and that was all I needed to stop attempting.
And yet, over the years, especially after we had kids, I’ve found the urge to cook more and more. So when we moved to this house and finally had high quality appliances, I told myself that this was a sign that it was time for me to finally learn how to cook.
And I have. I still have a long way to go but I am enjoying the process tremendously and so is my family.
This week’s words are dedicated to those of you who had great intentions but have still not started this project due to a plethora of reasons. I’m sure they are all good ones and I am not here to discount any of them but I am here to challenge you to make this week be the week to jump in with both feet.
Assuming you’re still interested.
I am loving this project so much that I started getting my son to play along, too. As I’ve already mentioned, I write down three things I’m grateful for each day and as of a few weeks ago now I write two things my son’s grateful for each day, too. It’s become one of our bedtime rituals. If you have little ones, I highly recommend it.
Back to my point, I was listening to a podcast today and some artists were discussing how they cannot start a project because they can’t think of the perfect medium or the perfect time or they don’t have it all planned out yet and so they can’t even begin. I am a big planner, so I totally understand the need to have things figured out before you start but at the same time, I also believe in the power of diving in with both feet. Is it better to have nothing instead of something imperfect?
There are cases where I can see the value of being perfect (or as close as possible). If it’s for a job where you might otherwise be fired or hurt someone (like a doctor might). If it’s something where the goal is to master that particular craft or field etc. I can understand the need to be perfect in some cases.
Yet, I doubt that applies here. When you first heard about Weekly Gratitude and thought it would be a good idea and decided you wanted to play along, why did you want to do it? I imagine some of you thought it would make you more aware of how great your life is. Others thought it might be an exercise in mindfulness. Or a good reason to create regular pieces of art. Or make a little minibook.
I just can’t imagine you thought, “Well if I don’t do this perfectly, it will have been a complete waste.”
Seriously?
I think most people strive to be perfect because they think others will judge them if they are not. Let me tell you a secret: no one cares if your art isn’t perfect. No one cares if you didn’t spell a word correctly. No one cares if your lines are a bit crooked. Well…maybe a few people do. But those are not the kind of people you would like. No one actually spends any time looking at someone else’s work in detail and tearing it apart. Only small people do that and you don’t care what small people think. Trust me, you don’t.
So if you end up not doing your project because you’re worried what others will say, do you know who loses in the end?
Yep, you got it.
You.
You lose. Because while they won’t even remember your name a week from now, you’re the one who let that get to you and didn’t practice gratitude. Didn’t do art. Didn’t go for something you wanted just cause someone, somewhere might think you’re not perfect.
Sorry to make you mad but let me tell you: You’re not perfect. You’re not. Neither is your neighbor. Or the person whom you admire online. Or the “famous” person you wish you could be like. Etc etc. No person is perfect. Not to mention perfect is a moving target. The closer you get to it, the more flaws you see, the farther it gets. You never reach it.
Nor should you aim to.
I’m not one to tell you what to do in your life (even though I just did a bit) but I do have a challenge for you. If you’re one of those people who hasn’t started this habit because you haven’t found the perfect way to do it or the perfect album to put it in, I challenge you to throw all that out the window this week. Just pick a way and do it. Jot it on the back of your grocery list. Record it while you’re driving. Whatever, I don’t care. Just take a moment to be grateful. (This goes for those of you who started the project but haven’t done a thing for weeks, too. You haven’t failed. You can pick up and move on. You don’t have to go back and fill in. Just move forward. I promise, there is no WG police to come get you.)
Perfectionism can be a good drive for some people. An excuse to thrive and aim higher. And, in those cases, it’s a valuable tool. But for most people it’s crippling. It’s what stops you from functioning or accomplishing. In the case of this exercise, it’s possibly stopping you from feeling better. From realizing the good in your life.
Isn’t it worth it to let it go for a few weeks and see if you can enjoy being grateful?
Let me reiterate: there is no right way to do this project. Just do it. There is no right time to do this project. Do it now. Try taking a moment everyday for a week and write down one thing you’re grateful for. Don’t pick a format. Just write it down wherever it feels convenient each day. Say at 10am. Wherever you are at 10am, pause for one minute, grab a pen and write it down on the first piece of paper you can find. Just try it.
Maybe one week is not enough to reap the benefits, I don’t know but I hope you’ll try. I hope it will be the push you need to let go of the daunting task of being perfect with this and just doing it for the joy of practicing gratitude.
The following is cross-posted from the Weekly Gratitude Blog. I will post there every Tuesday and decided to post those posts here, too. For those of you who read both blogs, I apologize in advance. Some weeks the content might be different and other weeks, exactly the same.
As I already mentioned, I took the Freestyle Embroidery class from Teresa McFayden. Before her class, I only knew how to do a backstitch and I’d done a few french knots. After having done Rebecca’s hearts week, I wanted more so this workshop came at the perfect time.
Here’s the finished sampler:
The stitching I did on the first week ended up in the WIL book I made so here’s that one:
I then redid some of the things on the big sampler but not all of them. Here are some details:
closer-up:
back of the little dangly butterfly.
I stitched this happy yellow fabric on the back.
Here’s another look at the final product:
I absolutely loved doing this workshop. Even though my arm is still hurting.
The journaling reads:
Throughout my childhood, we spent our summers on this tiny island in the Marmara Sea. This island is so small that you can walk its circumference in two hours. It has no cars, only horse carriages. We know pracically everyone on the island and our family’s lived there for generations. So have many others. It’s like a small capsule of time. Our house and magical life there will forever be some of my fondest memories of my childhood.
The following is cross-posted from the Weekly Gratitude Blog. I post there every Tuesday and decided to post those posts here, too. For those of you who read both blogs, I apologize in advance. Some weeks the content might be different and other weeks, exactly the same.
I’ve always wished I could be an artist. Wished that I had the talent to draw. My mom can draw. She has natural artistic talent and has always been that way. She has taste and ability to see possibility in an open space.
Me, not so much.
Don’t get me wrong, this is not one of those “please tell me how good I am” posts. I know that one gets better with practice. I also know that what you tend to see is people’s best work, not their rough drafts, etc, etc. Having said all of that, I also know that artistic creativity doesn’t come as naturally to me as it seems to, to my mom. Or to others, I imagine.
I suffer from a loud, critical voice in my head. I suffer from my right-brain taking over and telling my left-brain that it’s more important for the project to be “done” than anything else so I should finish it instead of letting it brew or seeing where it might take me. I tend to give up because nothing I do looks good to me. Almost ever. It’s painful to share with others. It’s painful not to share with others. It’s hard to read the “this is great” comments because I feel they are so meaningless but it’s harder to get no comments. There’s just so much “stuff” surrounding this issue for me.
Yet, I still crave it. When I sit at my table, surrounded by paints, paper, glue, photos, I am happy. I am peaceful.
I am home.
At that moment, I don’t think about whether it’s pretty or ugly. Whether I will share it. What others will say. I am just playing, creating, re-living, listening to my soul. And it feels so good. And I know that no matter how deep and frustrating the issues surrounding this might be, I will never give it up. I don’t ever want to give it up.
I think that’s exactly what hobbies are meant to make you feel like. You don’t need to master them. You don’t need to be applauded for them. You just need to enjoy them. You need to bask in that wonderfully warm feeling of familiarity and joy. Forget about what comes after and just enjoy the moment.
