karenika

A Book a Week – why we broke up

I read Why We Broke Up because my friend Evelyn recommended it and I pretty much devoured it. I didn’t want to work or sleep or go pickup the kids because I just wanted to keep reading it.

You know it doesn’t end well, because, well, it’s called why we broke up so you know they break up! But even knowing that, the story was so well told, so lovely, so just right.

If young adult is your cup of tea, this one is highly recommended.

Holding on and Letting Go

Full disclosure: not only am i not crazy about today’s girl, I actually had to correct her right eye because it was way too high and just crooked. It bothered me so much, I couldn’t help it. Even with that, I am not crazy about her. But I am keeping it. As I mentioned yesterday, it all counts. Little by little, I’ll get there. Wherever “there” is.

As for today’s quote, it says:

Life is a balance of holding on and letting go. -rumi

Nothing teaches me the truth of this better than having kids. Especially as they get older. My son has some big milestones coming up and I am constantly battling between how much I hold on and how much I let go. And I can never seem to decide what the perfect balance is. I am constantly second guessing myself. Constantly putting pressure on myself to get it “right.”

And, of course, I have no idea what “right” looks like.

I just often feel that I’ll know it when I see it. Or when I feel it. But I never feel it. I always feel like I am tipped over to one side or another. Often times, I’m holding on too tight, trying to control the situation. I was like this for myself, in my own life, too. But it’s so much harder for my kids. I want to be able to control the outcome so much more for them because I feel such a strong desire to protect them from grief and hardship. Even as I know that those are the experiences that make us grow. They are the roads we must walk on to get to appreciate our journeys. They help us become who we are. I know these tougher moments are a necessary part of life.

But it’s still hard.

I spent much of this morning trying to navigate this dichotomy. And I have no idea how to do it. Most days, I just end up being exhausted and hope that I do better the next day.

31 More Things – 1 – Passion

Back in 2012, Ali offered a 31 Things class through Big Picture Scrapbooking. It was one of my favorite classes and I remember looking forward to the prompts every single day. So when I saw that she offered 31 More Things, I knew I really wanted to take it. After about a week of debating with myself on whether I could do it or not, I just took the plunge and did it even though I knew September would be pretty hectic. I just love this class too much.

So here’s my day one – passion.

(journaling below)

Journaling:

When I look back through my life, it feels impossible to point to one particular passion. The truth is, I am passionate about everything I do. I tend to favor the “all-or-nothing” approach to life. I like to throw myself at the things I care about and explore both deeply and widely.

Over the course of last twenty years alone, I’ve been passionate about writing, photography, scrapbooking, mixed media, journaling, languages, computers, 3-D animation, psychology, mindfulness, sketching, life coaching, and teaching, just to list a few. I guess the one thread across all the years of my life has been reading so if I were forced to name one passion I’ve had all my life, I’d have to point to reading. For as long as I can remember, books have been my saviors. I will never go anywhere without at least three books on hand. So maybe it’s fair to say that books have always been my biggest passion.

But all these pale in comparison to my true passion: my family.

Yes, I have many hobbies and subjects I like to learn. And, yes, I am always exploring, growing, and looking for new hobbies to get passionate about. But, there’s nothing that’s ever meant more to me than my family. And there never will be. My passion for them is of another sort altogether.

My family members are pretty much my favorite people in the world. These are my people. They are the ones I can count on and they are the ones I will help whenever they need, no questions asked. I feel deeply grateful each time I look at this picture. It is my reminder that I am never alone. And that I belong. I am passionate about the happiness of each of these people.

I am very lucky to have an incredible family of kind, loving, and generous people. And I want to make sure that, at the end of my life, when I look back on my years, I feel like my days have been full of these people and I have told each of them how much they mean to me. And that I’ve spent many of my moments not just telling them that but showing them my love many, many times in many, many ways.

So very, very grateful.

Today’s the Day!

Brave Girl University is now open. I hope you’ll come join me.

My course is called “Living Intentionally”

And here’s what the description says:

This class is about setting intentions. It’s about thinking about how you want to live your life (or at least one aspect of it), setting intentions, taking action, and then using art and journaling to reflect so that you can keep setting new intentions in a way that allows you to live your life to the fullest. It’s so that life is not happening to you but you’re choosing how to live it to the fullest on your own terms. This is your one and only life, choose to live it intentionally.

It’s new content I created just for Brave Girl University.

And look at all those teachers!!

I hope to see you there.

A Second Chance

In May of 2014, I did a project where I painted faces each day and then coupled those paintings with some quotes I liked. I then took the opportunity to write about the quote. This gave me an excuse to do art every day and to write here everyday; i miss both of these things dearly.

So I’ve decided that for the month of September, I will try to draw a quick girl and watercolor her everyday and couple her with quotes again. The drawings will be quick and imperfect and likely I will not like many of them. But the goal is to start flexing my drawing muscles again. I miss drawing. I miss watercolors. I miss doing creative things. September promises to be stressful so I am not sure if it will work out. But I will try.

We have to start somewhere, right?

So, for today, I drew this girl. I drew her in about 10 minutes and then spent the next 15 tinkering with her because I didn’t like her. I considered ripping the page about 11 times but wouldn’t let myself do it. The fact is, I make more bad art than I make good ones. I never really studied art. I forget how to do it right. I don’t have the instincts. I don’t like most of what I make. But I still keep trying. I like doing it. I like trying. And when, in one in a million chance, it looks like what I intended, it feels like my birthday and Christmas rolled into one. So I keep trying and I will keep trying. Nothing is wasted.

Today’s quote says:

You decide every moment of every day, who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second.

I believe this with my whole heart. It is never too late to be who you want to be. I believe all humans mess up. None of us are perfect. But I also believe that every moment is a new opportunity to do better. When I yell, I apologize and start over. When I make unhealthy choices, I try again for the next meal. I think there’s so much grace in giving yourself a second chance. So much kindness in allowing yourself to start over.

But it’s more than that. If I don’t believe that I get a second chance every second, then I give up. Which then gives me an excuse to continue the behavior that’s out of alignment with my values. I am constantly going against them and there’s nothing quite as draining as stepping on one’s values. Then I feel bad, then I do more of it, then I feel really bad, I feel ashamed, and that causes me to behave even more badly, and this story never ends well. Yet, if I believe in second chances, every second, any moment is an opportunity for me to course correct. Any moment is an opportunity to step into who I am. I don’t have to wait till tomorrow or monday or the beginning of the month. I can do it right now. I can be who I want to be. That’s so liberating. So empowering.

And as I grow older, I realize that I am allowed to change my mind, too. I am allowed to change my mind about what matters. About who I wish to be. Life is short, and I am only bound by the rules I create for myself. I get to choose what matters most to me and then I get to choose to be that person. When I mess up (which I always do), I get to get up, dust myself off, apologize, give myself grace, and then try all over again.

And, if I am lucky, most days, I do more good than bad. But, either way, I get a second chance, every second.

And thank goodness for that.

And So It Starts

karenika.com

School started yesterday for us, so I figure it’s about time I go back to writing here. I have so much to say but I never seem to be able to have enough time to sit and put thoughts down on paper. So I figure we’ll start with snippets and maybe it will help me get in the habit of writing again.

I’ll share some of what’s going on with me and I’d love to hear some of what’s going on with you.

This summer has been long and hectic and I have been completely thrown off my schedule. I haven’t touched art supplies in months and I am craving it so much but I also feel so insecure. It’s been so long that I am not sure I remember how to do anything. I am dreaming up ideas in my mind but then never delivering on them. The only art I’ve done all summer was my class for Brave Girl University. I keep thinking about creating a schedule for myself for the fall. Something to get me back on track. Something that excites me but I am too wiped to even make plans most days. I am even behind in my Life Book classes, which never happens!
My oldest one started Fifth Grade and around here that means Middle School applications, shadow visits, interviews and exams. I am not looking forward to any part of it. I am going to try to go through it as gracefully as possible and I am hoping we come out of it with as few scars as possible. Most importantly, I hope he ends up where he will be happiest for the next seven years. I wish him belonging, contentment, and enthusiastic curiosity.
Brave has been a really good word for me this year and I am hoping it will continue to serve me well. I’ve been braver this year I can remember in a long, long time. I’ve already chosen my 2016 word and I think it will serve me well, too.
I’ve been pretty bad with taking photos, too. I am going to make more of an effort this fall. Even if the days are busy, I know I always love looking back at them and I want to make sure I have some from this moment in our lives.
I finally said good-bye to the last scrapbooking commitment I had. I am not sure what this mean for my scrapping. But, for now, it was the right thing to do.
I am always trying to work on my schedule and always trying to be healthier. I find that exercise, eating well, journaling more, and getting the “best” schedule are always on my list for things I want to be better at. I don’t know what this means but I am making peace with the fact that I might never get any of them perfect and they might need to have permanent residence on my todo list.
I am deeply grateful for my husband and my family. They are the rocks in my life that always always make me feel like everything will be okay.
I was doing my August OLW page a few weeks ago and one of the things I realized is how amazing my life turned out. How it is above any expectations I could ever have had. I was born in Istanbul, Turkey and have dreamt of moving to the United States for as long as I can remember. And here I am. I live in beautiful California. Have an amazing husband, incredible kids, wonderful job, and so much more. How did I get this lucky?
I’ve been listening to a lot of books on audio lately and I’ve been loving it. It allows me to walk while I listen or listen while I drive. It’s reduced TV time because I so often prefer to listen to books instead. I really have been enjoying it. At the moment I am rereading 1984 so I can discuss it with my nephews and I am listening to The Corrections because I never read it way back when it came out. I cannot wait to start reading Brene’s new book.
I cannot, cannot, cannot wait until Brave Girl University launches. I hope you’ll join me. Kathy and Melody never create anything that’s not magical, in my book.
I really love my job. It’s not perfect and some days I wish many things were different but most days I am really grateful for it. I’m so glad I took the leap.
Some days I feel so on top of my life, my choices, my values and I feel like I behave the way I’d like to. Other days, I’m a total mess and do the exact opposite of everything I claim to want to be. I really disappoint myself. And then many days I am too tired to even figure out what to do, how to feel. I find myself living day to day more than I ever have and while this is good for some things, it’s not good for many others. I like having a plan and working day in, day out for my plan. I would like to be able to be flexible but still have a plan so my goal is to have it be so by mid-September. I hope I can do this.
I am thinking of starting to do some Yoga. It will come with this magical new schedule I will create.

So that’s a bit of what’s going on with me. How are you? Here’s to a magical Fall!

A Book a Week – the enchanted

I read The Enchanted because amazon recommended it and I just kept coming back to it like there was something calling to me.

It was also so very short that I felt like I should at least give it a chance. It takes place in jail, so I knew it wouldn’t be all that uplifting.

And it wasn’t.

But it also wasn’t all that great. Not the worst book I read but not as interesting as Amazon made it sound like it would be.

Everyday Brave – Week 25

Here’s this week’s layout:

The left side here is a door. It’s a bit crooked:

And the right side is a pair of sandals.

And there we are. Here’s another week of practicing courage.

Fifty-two stamps is a project for 2015. You can read more about it here.

You Choose – Week 26

It is not what you look at, it is what you see. This one is about being alive. Having fun. Seeing what’s possible.

shiny bits:

You Choose is a project for 2015. You can read more about it here.

A Book a Week – the bone clocks

I read The Bone Clocks because I am a big David Mitchell fan. I loved The Cloud Atlas and this was compared to that and it was also long listed for the Man Booker.

And it didn’t disappoint.

With the exception of the last story, which was a little out there for me, i loved all of the book. I read it relatively quickly but still savored it and found myself looking forward to it.

If you’ve never read Mitchell, I’d say start with Cloud Atlas, but if you’re a fan like I am, this is a good one to pick up.

Note to Self – Week 28

This week’s page was for One Little Word. The prompt was about music but I decided to do mottos for myself instead. These are all notes to self. They are things I want to remember and use as mantras for myself.

Note to Self is a project for 2015. You can read more about it here.