
Journaling Reads:
Your dad and I both know that if we’re sitting in the living room and
you’re playing in another room, all is good as long as you’re making
noise. When the house suddenly gets quiet, we know you’re doing
something you shouldn’t be, so we run to find you.
Yesterday, I was sitting on the couch, reading, and listening to you
play in the main room. When you got all quiet, I panicked and rushed to
the room, only to find you sitting at the dinner table, like a big boy,
eating your raisins one by one. Seeing you like that made me realize how
quickly you’re growing up. How sweet you are and how you enjoy your
peaceful and quiet moments along with the crazy, fun ones.

Journaling Reads:
You have many toys you like to play with, but nothing makes you jump
with joy as much as balls. Balls in all shapes and sizes are your
favorite things to play with. When Daddy found his box of old squash
balls, he put them on the floor and waited for you to discover them. It
didn’t take you very long. When you saw the little, unopened boxes, you
meticulously picked up, turned over, tried to open, and finally tore
through every box. There were over fifteen boxes and each time you
successfully opened one, you yelled, “A ball!!” with enthusiasm. The
excitement didn’t diminish one bit from the first box to the sixteenth.
You childish wonder and joy made us laugh every single time. My amazing
son, I hope you never lose the enthusiasm with which you live your life.

Journaling Reads:
This week you’ve learned all the letters of the alphabet and most of the
numbers. I love hearing you practice constantly.
But what I love even more is how much more loving you’ve become. You now
sit next to me on the couch, put your arm on my shoulder, and bring your
cheek right next to mine. It’s the most wonderful feeling in the entire
world.
Our moment lasts about four minutes before you’re bored and off to
discover your daily adventures. Those four minutes are the very favorite
moments of my day.

Journaling Reads:
Today I stayed home from work. It was a day full of firsts. We went to
MyGym for free play and you said, “slide” for the first time. You played
Simon Says for the first time. You told me to sit across from you so we
could rock back and forth in the rocking boat. When we were in the
backyard, you told me you were pooping. Today, we went to an Italian
restaurant for dinner and you sat on the bench, right next to me, and
behaved beautifully.
David, I know you have firsts every day of your life and I know I miss
thousands of them. I’m always sad about missing all those special
moments that we will never get to have together and all the memories I
won’t get to capture.
But today was an exception. Today I got to experience them all. I got to
soak you in and I got to be a part of the person whom I love, the little
boy who’s changing every minute of every day.
Today was the best day ever.

Journaling Reads:
When I told my mom that we were going to teach you sign language, she
thought I was crazy. “What if he never speaks?” she asked. “Kids who
grow up learning sign language don’t become mute just because they can
learn to talk with their hands,” I replied patiently. It turns out
babies who are taught sign language have higher IQs and bigger
vocabularies by the time they are in elementary school. But that’s not
why I wanted to teach it to you; I just wanted to help you communicate
earlier so you got frustrated less.
In the beginning I didn’t make enough of an effort, but even with that,
you quickly mastered milk, more, food, and the other basics. As you grew
older you’d make the signs with the sounds and now you still sign even
though you can also say the words. When you see a dog, you
simultaneously say “woof, woof,” sign your version of dog, and scream
“doooog!” You’re only two and can already understand three languages.
Who’s crazy now?

Here are a bunch of old layouts from months ago and even though now it
seems like I’ve already changed my style. But I love the photos and I
love the journaling in many of them so here goes nothing.
After you woke up form your nap, you were groggy and grouchy, but then
you found the little Halloween bag where you’d stashed all your Easter
candy. You took your little bag and ran out to the backyard, so you
could enjoy your treats in peace. I knew this would be a good
opportunity, so I grabbed my camera and followed you. Each time I got
close, you moved to another corner. So finally, I just stepped back, and
shot from a distance so you could enjoy the last bits of your wonderful
Easter day.

Journaling Reads:
Every mom thinks her kid is perfect. He sits up the first. He has
perfect manners. He learns quickly. He never hits. He’s an angel.
Well, my little boy, you’re no angel. You throw six tantrums before
lunch. You hate eating veggies and won’t swallow one unless I mush them
and mix them with yogurt. When you don’t get your way, you lie flat on
the floor and make your whole body go limp so I cannot make you get back
on your feet. You find a way to get your hands on every one of our
things no matter where we hide them and how safe we think they are from
you. When we call for you from one side of the house to the other, all
we hear is a resounding “No!” coming from the room where you’re wreaking
havoc. You still can’t put two words together to form a sentence (except
for “No Way!” which you’ve mastered.) You hate having your hair washed
and will run out of the bathtub at the sight of the shampoo bottle. You
hate circle time and refuse to be a part of it. You’re impatient and
won’t wait for your turn in line, instead you will scream like your arm
is being chopped off until some mom takes mercy on me and lets you cut
in line.
Yes, my son, you’re not perfect.
But, you’re sweet and kind. You are an equal opportunity hug giver. If
you hug me, you run around the house until you can find Daddy so you can
hug him, too. If you eat something you like, after you take a bite, you
reach over and give me a bite as well. With a paper and pen, you can
play by yourself for hours. You will not hurt, push, or shove another
kid. Ever. You say hi to everyone and give them one of your magical
smiles. In case they didn’t hear you well, you say ten more hi’s, louder
and with more enthusiasm each time until they can’t help but laugh. You
get very excited by dogs, birds, cats, and bugs, but you won’t ever hurt
them. You crouch slowly and watch them from a distance. When you eat
something you like, you go “Mmmmmm,” persistently until I reciprocate.
You let me tickle you even when you’re mad. You love running around the
house with me chasing you. You giggle loudly as you run and you look
back every few seconds just to make sure I’m still there. When I leave
for work in the mornings, you come to the door and wave “bye.” When I
put you down at night, you blow me big, loud kisses and then say “shhh”
and “bye” before you lie down. You are so full of love that it pours out
of your eyes.
I love that you’re not perfect, David. I love that you’re a little human
being and like all of us, you have your bad moments and your good ones.
I love that we get to celebrate every day together. I love that you’re
in my life. You are my life. – march 2007

And let’s top off the evening with a recent layout.
Journaling Reads:
David, my favorite memories of the last few weeks are from the fifteen
minutes we spend every week trying to capture photos of you and me.
A few weeks ago, I complained to Daddy that there weren’t enough photos
of the two of us, since I am the official family photographer. So we
started these weekly sessions and you have quickly learned not to
cooperate.
When we go out in the yard, you think we’re going out to play, so when I
tell you to sit down, you quickly get annoyed with me. You completely
ignore me and walk in the opposite direction. You find a random toy and
act like I am not calling out to you. This is when I start to improvise:
I bribe, I tickle, I beg, I do whatever it takes for you to give me a hug.
Each time we do these sessions, Daddy and I give up after ten minutes,
admitting that you just will not play along. So imagine my surprise when
I download the photos and find some of the most precious photos I’ve
ever seen.
When I look at them, I can’t help but smile. Daddy did a perfect job of
capturing the joy of loving you and the laughter that you have brought
into my life. I am so thankful for each and every day we get to spend
together.
And here is the fake sneeze we were actually trying to capture. Isn’t he
a sweetheart?
Last week, David was fake sneezing. We thought it was so funny that we
decided to videotape it. While going through the footage we took, we saw
this little scene where David’s trying to pull the broken, green leg of
a toy and struggling really hard with it. When Jake laughs at him, David
notices that we’re noticing him and gives this fantastic nervous laugh.
It makes me laugh each time I watch it so I wanted to share it. Maybe
you have to be his mom, but even if it’s just for my enjoyment, I wanted
to preserve this moment.
I’ll post the actual fake sneezing video next.

Sick of Mommy and David photos yet? Too bad.
I must admit, I’ve been rejected from many things before and for many
reasons, but I have yet to be rejected for being too young. A book club
here just rejected me because they said I was too young to join them. If
at 32, I am too young, I suppose I should take that as a compliment!
What’s amazing is how much rejection hurts, even being rejected from the
smallest things. Even when you know you have no hope of getting
accepted. I try out for things, just to encourage myself to get projects
completed. And then when I don’t get accepted or win, I feel so sad.
Sometimes I feel sad for days. Even though, mentally, I know there was
no chance or that it doesn’t mean anything, emotionally it’s not
possible to ignore the rejection.
The good thing is, it doesn’t seem to have stopped me from trying to
submit, however I don’t know if that’s the answer either. Why is it so
important to me that others accept my work? Why do I need an “official”
stamp of approval? Why can’t my work be enough for me? I think I really
need to think hard about the answers to these questions so that I know
what my motivations are. If all this is just to seek approval, I need to
find other forms of it. If it’s to stretch myself and give myself
deadlines, those are good reasons. The best thing about those reasons is
that they don’t depend on the outcome. By the time I submit my work, I
have already completed something and I have also stretched myself. Those
should be enough to feel good.
If I am going to submit my work and keep putting myself out there, I
think it’s important to keep that in mind.
Rejection is part of day to day life. We get rejected in small and big
ways regularly. Just like we get accepted in small and big ways. It’s
important to celebrate the acceptances and grow from the rejections
without taking them personally. I need to remind myself of this
regularly. I need to stop diminishing the good and exaggerating the bad.
I know I have this terrible personality flow where if someone thinks I
am great, I quickly stop respecting or looking up to that person. I
figure they must not know what they are talking about. And if someone
doesn’t think I am hot shit, why they must be totally right.
And you thought you were fucked up.
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projects for twenty twenty-six
projects for twenty twenty-five
projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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