Next to my family, my favorite way to spend time is to read. With the
exception of horror and fantasy, I read and enjoy almost every kind of
book. But every now and then there’s that one book that comes along and
stops my whole life. When I find one of those, nothing else much
matters. I completely fall into the story. I take the book with me to
the bathroom. I take it in the car. I read it while I am waiting for the
microwave. I read it as I walk from room to room. I don’t put it down
for a second. I am so engulfed in these characters’ lives that I don’t
want to miss a moment of it.
Today was one of those days and My
Sister’s Keeper was that book. I can’t even remember why I put this
book on hold. I think I saw it at Walmart (in one of the very rare
occasions I sadly visited this establishment whose politics and employee
treatment I vehemently oppose) and I had heard of the Jodi Picoult many
times before and wanted to read her. I can’t tell you what made me pick
up the book last night over the 22 books I have checked out. But I can
tell you that since I picked it up, I didn’t put it down until I
finished it. I spent a good time crying afterwards just to get all the
pent up emotion out.
Jodi Picoult has a way with words. Not only does she create the most
relatable characters, but she knows how to take emotions and wrap them
around such simple, natural words that you wonder why no one else
thought to express that emotion in that exact way before. It’s like you
know exactly what she means.
This story is tragic. It’s horrifying. It’s a situation no parent ever
wants to be in. From the outside, you can take sides, you can judge. But
when you see the story from all the points of view, you can see the
conundrum so well. You know there’s no easy answer here. Even from the
very beginning, you know it’s not going to end well. But still, like the
parents, you keep hoping. But the author doesn’t disappoint. She doesn’t
cop out. She doesn’t create a Hollywood ending. To the contrary, all the
way to the very twist at end, the story holds true to its point.
Life is too short and no one gets to have a say at how things turn out.
When I read A Dirty Job back in January (or was it December?), I loved it so much that I wanted to read more Christopher Moore right away. So I checked out another book by him (The Stupidest Angel) and was really frustrated by how much I didn’t like it. A few months ago, I wanted to give it another try, so I checked out Coyote Blue. The book was funny and overall I enjoyed it. However, in the end, it lacked the un-put-downable-ness of A Dirty Job. I want to read more by him cause I do like his unique sense of humor, but I am not sure which of his books to pick up next…
When David stopped waking up every 35 minutes, we made a pact never to
go into his room in the middle of the night and with few exceptions
we’ve stuck to the rule. Lately, our little boy picked up two
interesting habits that make us wander what he does behind closed doors.
First of all, he randomly wakes up at all hours and shrieks like his
eyeballs are being plucked right out. The sounds are so scary that
you’re convinced he must be bleeding. However, two seconds after I walk
in, he’s in great humors and pointing to the door and making the
enthusiastic sounds of “please let me out so I can play.”
Secondly, he has managed to master zippers, pants, diapers and any
other forms of clothing such that he can go from fully dressed to stark
naked within seconds. He loves doing this during naps and in the morning
before we even know he’s awake. For all we know, he does it in the
middle of the night. What we do know is that we come in and he’s naked.
The bed holds what would usually be so well covered by the diaper. Add
to that, the fact that David loves pooping first thing in the morning
and you should have a good visual of our morning surprises.
To get a better sense of exactly what’s going on behind the dark, closed
doors, we just bought a baby video monitor. This lets me watch David all
night long and it has quickly become my favorite channel.
When you do a writing exercise, teachers tell you to imagine this
peaceful place. A place that’s quiet and happy. A place that gets your
creative juices flowing. This is exactly what crossed my mind when I saw
this spot. This is part of a park that’s only open to Palo Alto
residents. The park is pretty just like all parks are, but this
particular spot took my breath away.
Another shot from our weekend away. Aren’t they lovely?
We spent President’s Day Weekend in Avila Beach, right below San Luis
Obispo. The day we got there, it was raining. We drove 3 hours for
beautiful weather so we were really bummed, but the next day was
beautiful and we had a wonderful time. Especially when we stopped at a
local park on the drive home and David explored all around. As no
holiday tends to be, this was relaxing and grounding.
As some of you already remembered, David had his second birthday
recently. We were fortunate enough to rent out the MyGym by our house
where David goes to class once a week. It’s his favorite place on earth.
The birthday was wonderful and David had a blast. This particular photo
is my favorite photo of David from the day. It might even be one of my
all-time favorites. I tried to explain it to Jake multiple times but I
can’t put it into proper words. To me, if you opened the dictionary to
the word bliss, this would be the photo next to it.
Here’s another photo from the beautiful drive Jake, David and I took a
few months ago. Quite breathless.
When we first moved here, Jake and I drove up to Skyline Drive early in
the morning and I snapped some photos. They’ve been sitting in the drive
for weeks (months actually) so I thought this would be a good time to
post a few.
We
Are All Welcome Here is Elizabeth Berg’s newest novel. (There’s a
newer one coming out in May.) I am a huge fan of hers and was thrilled
to find this book at the library. To be honest, it wasn’t a favorite of
mine. While I thought the story was beautiful and touching, it wasn’t as
strong as many of her others. Berg has a distinct skill of writing about
women and not making it cheesy or fluffy.
Three little books from Anna Quindlen, another powerful and strong
female author: Peing
Perfect, How
Reading Changed My Life and A
short Guide to a Happy Life. I was interested in all of these books
but didn’t want to pay the list price for such a small book that I knew
would be an hour read.
Thanks to the Palo Alto Library, I finally got my
hands on them and was able to read the lovely little stories which
really should have been essays and not books of their own. To be fair,
the reading book did recommend many awesome books to me that I love.
And finally I just finished Anna Quindlen’s latest book, Rise
and Shine. Since the story was about two sisters and took place in
New York, I really looked forward to reading it. Quindlen is a fantastic
author so, of course, the book wasn’t bad. However, it wasn’t great
either. I felt that she has done and could have done a lot better. The
characters were just not three-dimensional enough. 
I didn’t feel
sympathetic towards either of the sisters and felt like some of the
major plot points were either implausible or unnecessarily dramatic. I had a pretty hard time getting into the story and I kept waiting for it to get more interesting and for something to happen. And when it finally did, I compeltely didn’t believe it. It felt like a cop-out. However, when I got to the end of the book, the last two lines spoke to the core of the story and made me remember why I love her so much.
Another fantastic female author and one of my very favorites is Jane
Smiley. And I am delighted that I’ll be getting to hear her talk this
week (cross fingers). Now I need a new book by Anne Tyler and I will be
all set.
I am a huge fan of Paulo Coelho. I have read most of his novels and
found every one of them to be thought provoking and un-putdownable. And
The
Devil and Miss Prym was no exception. I read the entire novel in a
day and loved every moment of it. This one is an interesting study of
human morality. Or lack thereof. Books with this topic always make me
think of Lord of the Flies which I think is the ultimate story of human
nature.
Playing the part of a charitable soul was only for those who were afraid
of taking a stand in life. It is always far easier to have faith in your
own goodness than to confront others and fight for your rights. It is
always easier to hear an insult and not retaliate than have the courage
to fight back against someone stronger than yourself; we can always say
we’re not hurt by the stones others throw at us, and it’s only at night
– when we’re alone and our wife our husband or our school friend is
asleep – that we can silently grieve over our own cowardice.
…
Not a single voice in the crowd was raised against the choice. The mayor
was glad because they had accepted his authority; but the priest knew
that this could be a good or a bad sign, because silence does not always
mean consent – usually all it meant was that people were incapable of
coming up with an immediate response. If someone did not agree, they
would later torture themselves with the idea that they had accepted
without really wanting to, and the consequences of that would be grave.
There’s something about Paulo Coelho that I completely connect with and
I cannot describe in words.
I can’t even remember where I read about Paradox of Choice. All in all, it wasn’t the most interesting book I read. I
flipped through a lot of the pages but did read many passages with a
lot of interesting thoughts. There are a lot of passages from this one
and honestly each deserve their own posts, but I figure let’s document
this first, I can always come back to them.
Participants in a laboratory study were asked to listen to a pair of
very loud, unpleasant noises played through headphones. One noise lasted
for eight seconds. The other lasted sixteen. The first eighteen seconds
of second noise were identical to the first noise, whereas the second
eight seconds, while still loud and unpleasant, were not as
loud. Later, the participants, were told that they would have to listen
to one of the noises again, but that they could choose which one.
Clearly, the second to be repeated. Why? Because whereas both noises
were unpleasant and had the same aversive peak, the second had a less
unpleasant end, and so was remembered as less annoying than the first.
…
When asked about what they regret the most in the last six months,
people tend to identify actions that didn’t meet expectations. But when
asked about what they regret the most when they look back on their lives
as a whole, people tend to identify failures to act. In the short run,
we regret a bad educational choice, whereas in the long run, we regret a
missed educational opportunity. In the short run, we regret a broken
romance, whereas in the long run, we regret a missed romantic
opportunity. So it seems that we don’t close the psychological door on
decisions we’ve made, and as time passes, what we’ve failed to do looms
larger and larger.
…
The fundamental significance of having control was highlighted in a
study of three-month-old infants done more than thirty years ago.
Infants in one group – those who had control – were placed in a faceup
in an ordinary crib with their heads on a pillow. Mounted on the crib
was a translucent umbrella, with figures of various animals dangling
from the springs inside. These figures were not visible to the infants,
but if the infants turned their heads on the pillows, a small light
would go on behind the umbrella, making the “dancing” figures visible
for a little while. Then the light would go off. When the infants did
turn their heads, just by chance, and turned on the light and saw the
dancing figures, hey showed interest, delight, and excitement. They
quickly learned to keep the figures visible by turning their heads, and
they kept on doing so, again and again. They also continued to show
delight at the visual spectacle. Other infants in the study got a “free
ride.” Whenever a “control” infant turned on the light behind the
umbrella in its crib, that action also turned on the light behind
the umbrella in the crib of another infant. So these other infants got
to see the dancing figures just as often and for just as long as their
controlling partners did. Initially, these infants showed just as much
delight in the dancing figures. But their interest quickly waned. They
adapted.
…
People do differ in the types of predispositions they display.
“Optimists” explain success with chronic, global, and personal causes
and failures with transient, specific, and universal ones. “Pessimists”
do the reverse. Optimists say things like “I got an A” and “She gave me
a C.” Pessimists say things like “I got a C” and “He gave me an A.” And
it is the pessimists who are candidates for depression. When these
predispositions are assessed in people who are not depressed, the
predispositions predict who will become depressed when failures occur.
People who find chronic causes for failure expect failures to persist:
those who find transient causes don’t. People who find global causes for
failure expect failure to follow them into every area of life; those who
find specific causes don’t. And people who find personal causes for
failure suffer large losses in self-esteem; those who find universal
causes don’t.
…
I think the power of nonreversible decisions comes through most clearly
when we think abut our most important choices. A friend once told me how
his minister had shocked the congregation with a sermon on marriage in
which he said flatly that, yes, the grass is always greener. What
he meant was that, inevitably, you will encounter people who are
younger, better looking, funnier, smarter, or seemingly more
understanding and empathetic than your wife or husband. But finding a
life partner is not a matter of comparison shopping and “trading up.”
The only way to find happiness and stability in the presence of
seemingly attractive and tempting options is to say, “I’m simply not
going there. I’ve made my decision about a life partner, so this
person’s empathy or that person’s good looks really have nothing to do
with me. I’m not in the market – end of story.” Agonizing over whether
your love is “the real thing” or your sexual relationship above or below
par, and wondering whether you could have done better is a prescription
for misery, Knowing that you’ve made a choice that you will not reverse
allows you to pour your energy into improving the relationship that you
have rather than consistently second-guessing it.
…
As the number of choices we face increases, freedom of choice eventually
becomes a tryanny of choice. Routine decisions take so much time and
attention that it becomes difficult to get through the day. In
circumstances like this, we should learn to view limits on the
possibilities we face as liberating not constraining. Society provides
rules, standards, and norms for making choices, and individual
experience creates habits. By deciding to follow a rule (for example,
always wear a seat belt; never drink more than two glasses of wine in
one evening), we avoid having to make a deliberate decision again and
again. This kind of rule-following frees up time and attention that can
be devoted to thinking about choices and decisions to which rules don’t
apply.
Lots of food for thought.
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