On My Mind – 10 – Giving Grace

I had a car accident last week. 

While I’m okay, my kids are ok, the other person’s ok and even the car is mostly okay, it still shook me of course and it comes with a lot of inconveniences around insurance, body shops, having to function without my car for a while, etc. etc. But none of these inconveniences matter as much as how hard i’ve been on myself about all of this.

I don’t do well with causing problems. I don’t do well with disappointing or letting others down. I never want to be a burden. I want to help and never hurt.

So when I am in situations like this, it’s really hard for me give myself the grace that would be really easy to give to my husband, friends, or my kids. I just have this endless loop in my head about all the things I should have done instead, all the ways this will bring harm to the people I love, all the ways in which I am such a burden.

And on and on it goes into a spiral of crazy proportions. 

So this time around, I am trying really hard to give myself grace.

I have the kindest husband in the world, who is saying all the right things and trying really hard to coach me through this. My family is kind and supportive and loving and want me to remember to focus on the fact that this could have gone much more poorly and that we are all feeling well. And I am trying to remind myself that problems are part of life. Things won’t always go right. I’ve been incredibly lucky in my life that so much has gone right and I don’t want to dishonor that by exaggerating the impact of things that go wrong. 

But it’s still tough. And I am having to work hard to coach myself and to give myself so much grace and not to let the negative tapes in my head own the conversation. I know that to some people this is a nothing. It’s annoying sure, but come on already, a lot of people have accidents and no one was hurt and move on already. But that’s not how I’m built. And what makes me this way is also the same thing that allows me to be empathetic and caring to others and careful when I make decisions and on and on.  I firmly believe that the characteristics that serve us so much also have a shadow side that make life difficult when in different circumstances.

So I don’t think this will change. I don’t even want to change it. But what I want to do is learn to cope with it better when it happens. Learn to slow down and give myself the big, big dose of grace I need. 

So I’ve been trying to do that. Here’s to hoping I can get better at it each time. 



On My Mind is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.

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