Being Right

I’ve been noticing how important it is for people to be right.

It doesn’t matter if the issue itself is unimportant or even a complete misunderstanding. I’ve talked to several people in the last few weeks who’d rather keep a fight going with their loved ones than to admit they may be wrong. Some won’t even give up until the other person explicitly says they’re right.

Any relationship between two people requires a lot of work. A strong friendship demands commitment to keep in touch, sharing the rough times and honest joy for the good times. A family needs attention and communication. A work relationship requires professionalism. A marriage craves all of the above and so much more. Relationships are built around kindness, honesty, patience, and a lot of respect. It’s hard to share your space and heart with other people.

In my opinion, the few people whom you’ve chosen to be your true friends and companions deserve better than your making a big deal over being right. Being right is important when it’s about standing up for your rights. When people are trying to be malicious.

Besides my family and, at times, my work structure, I have handpicked everyone in my life. I choose the people I get close to and I certainly chose my husband. There are specific reasons why the people I love are in my life. And malice definitely isn’t one of them.

In my experience, most fights start innocent. One person is frustrated for one reason or another and utters something remotely mean and the other jumps on the bandwagon. Next thing we know, here comes ten years of history. “But you did this and you said that and you never did this.” People say things they regret and both parties are too pissed off to remember how much they care for each other. They stop talking altogether.

If it didn’t start with a fight, it starts with quiet, internal observations. “Jim hasn’t called me in a month, he must hate me. Maybe he’s pissed at me for not calling him on his birthday.” The story starts small and snowballs before the other person is even remotely aware that there’s something fishy. Soon, the idea that Jim might be extremely busy or going through some tough times isn’t even considered an option. This is my favorite kind of fighting, because it literally comes out of nowhere.

No matter what the reason, most of the time, I think it’s a bad idea to stay mad at a loved one. The only exception I can think of is if the other person is malicious in nature and actually meant to hurt you, not out of momentary anger but planned, thought-out meanness. In that case, it’s fine to not talk to them ever again.

But in every other case, I feel like it’s a waste of precious time to wait until the other person admits his or her wrongdoing. Who cares who’s wrong? Aren’t you friends? Wouldn’t you rather spend time together than apart? In good relationships, as soon as one person has the guts to stop being right, the other person admits his or her wrongdoing too. So what if you’re the one who has to apologize first?

Who’s keeping tabs?