Now that the day is over and I look back, I am shocked at how little I did today. I finished a book and read a bunch of another one and that’s it. I hugged my kids. I didn’t even rest but I feel great. I am not all recovered and I am a bit scared of all that has to get done this week but it’s ok. It will all work out, one step at a time. Yes, it will.
Nathaniel still chews like mad. He’s got four teeth and another two coming out. He’s so cute. (And, yes, don’t worry, I make sure parts don’t come off that man.) He is going through this phase though, where he comes and lies on my lap all day long. I love it unless I have to get something done. Then it makes me go a bit crazy. And at night….well let’s just say it’s no fun at night.
Note to Self:
Two things today. The first is that I was chatting with my mom on Skype today and she had a bunch of friends over so they were all over the video talking to me and my kids. Usually this would irritate me to no end. (A long story that involves a lot of frustrations from my childhood that I might finally be letting go of.) But today, for the first time, I realized what she must be feeling while she did this. As her friends talked to David and watched Nathaniel and gushed over both of them, I felt so proud of my kids. I am so proud of them. I don’t take credit and feel like it’s my doing but I still feel like my kids are great (for the most part) and I am proud of them and so while they talked to them, I was beaming. Then I realized that it must be how my mom feels about me. Why she wants to show me off to others. In my many years of running away and wanting to be “private” I’ve sort of denied her that joy. I’m sorry, Mom and I love you. I’ll try to be much more accommodating, I promise.
The second thing was during dinner. I made Nathaniel some peas and apples and while he was eating them, I put the bowl on his tray and his fingers went right in it. Normally I’d freak out and take it away to make sure he doesn’t make a mess but tonight I just let him play. He got all dirty but he loved it. He was so fascinated with it and he didn’t actually do the kid thing of smearing it everywhere. He just played and looked at it and touched it some more. It reminded me that I need to let go more (yes, i know i say this every day). It’s ok to make a mess. It’s ok to give up a bit of control. I cleaned up and then we had a fun bath and all was good as new.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. I am grateful for friends like Tonya and Lori who are online for me to chat with and vent to when I need it.
2. I am grateful for a long and nice conversation with my friend Diane whom I look up to in so many ways. It’s an extra privilege to be able to help someone whom you look up to so much.
3. I am grateful that Jake is back home, safe and sound. Our home is so much better with him in it.
I am every bit as grateful for you!!!!! xoxoxo