Updates

Some updates on my earlier posts. After her post having prompted mine, Heather wrote about her thoughts on personal space. They are definitely worth reading and they made me think for a long time.

Six wrote me a real nice and interesting email on my post about the blame game. You can read most of it on his post and he has some insightful things to say. One of his greatest points is that blaming others is about not wanting to face yourself. And, of course, he’s right.

At one point in our relationship, Jake and I fought a lot. What started as a quibble over where the dishes should go would quickly evolve into a twelve-hour shouting match. Since we’d already been together for quite some time, we knew exactly what to say to get the other party upset. We would sit there, blaming each other for the obvious shaky status of our relationship.

We both figured it was the other person’s fault. If only he fixed this and did more of that and less of this other thing, we’d have the best relationship. We knew each other’s faults. We knew each other’s deepest fears. The weaknesses. We were really good at fighting and even better at making it the other person’s fault.

At one point I realized that this game was bound to end ugly. It’s funny that we choose partners cause we think they’re so amazing and then we spend the rest of our relationship trying to change them. Especially funny considering we have the power to change no one but ourselves. So I told Jake that all he should concentrate on is trying to be the best that he can for our relationship. And that if he only worried about whether he was being his personal best and I worried about being my personal best, our relationship would be much smoother and happier.

I’m not sure whether we grew up, we changed, or whether we just stopped for no reason, but Jake and I have stopped fighting, almost completely. We seem to have fallen in love all over again. We work together now and love each other and support each other. Mostly, we face who we are, accept responsibility for our flaws and try to improve constantly.

I think this is working much better for us.

Previously? I love you.