One of my all-time favorite quotes is this gem from Mark Twain:
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” –Mark Twain
I think about this quote often and I try to surround myself with people who are supportive and people who know that there’s enough success and joy and happiness to go around for all of us. This week, I was thinking about this quote in a different context, too. Not for ambitions, but for choices. After I moved to the United States, I met many people who started criticizing and belittling my taste. My choice of music, books, movies, etc. (I don’t think this is related to being in the US, just happened to coincide with that time in my life.)
I’m going to specifically talk about books because that’s nearest and dearest to my heart. You can say many things about me but there’s no question that I am well-read. I’ve read most of the classics as well as most of the award-winning books. I can read literature without worrying and I even enjoy it. I’ve read lots of Shakespeare or whomever else you might consider “high literature.” And yet I loved reading Twilight or Eat, Pray, Love or whatever other books someone else might consider “trashy.”
Before some of you object, the only reason Eat, Pray, Love (which I absolutely loved, by the way) is on that list is because I was sitting at my book-club meeting two months ago and one woman said, “Did anyone like that book anyway?” I almost fell off my chair. It never ceases to amaze me how completely high and mighty some people can be. I replied “I loved it and so did millions of others since her book was a major bestseller.” And it instantly made me mad. I remember when I was living in New York and there was a huge Harry Potter craze (this was when the second book was about to come out.) and people were criticizing how her book was terribly written blah blah blah. I kept thinking, here’s a book that has kids waiting in line at a book store at midnight. it’s a book. not a video game. what more could you possibly want?
When people said things like that in the past, it would just make me feel small. I must be not as “polished” if I liked the music that was too common or the books everyone read and judged as non-literary. But in the last few years, my attitude has been changing and now I keep thinking, these people can go you know where. I don’t need people like this in my life. I don’t need people judging the way I spend my leisure time. Telling me what things are supposed to give me joy.
What do they know? What makes them a better judge? Honestly, most people just worry about looking good and they feel like if they put you down, you will be too embarrassed and not expose them for who they really are. I don’t need any such people in my life. I don’t need others to validate my taste in things. My ability to judge what gives me joy.
So while these people aren’t belittling my ambitions, they’re belittling me and making me feel small. And I say it’s cleaning time. Time to put these people out with the trash. And get some “really great” people in my life. Those who support and love me just the way I am. And it’s also time for me to look at the people who are supportive in my life and appreciate me the way I am and show some gratitude. Those great people are rare and deserve a lot of appreciation.
The following is cross-posted from the Weekly Gratitude Blog. I will post there every Tuesday and decided to post those posts here, too. For those of you who read both blogs, I apologize in advance. Some weeks the content might be different and other weeks, exactly the same.
Yes, Karen! I am an intelligent woman, but that doesn’t mean that I must read a Nobel prize winning author or watch an independent, award winning film documentary to find joy. Most often, I find joy in much simpler things! I’ve been on a young adult reading kick lately, and a couple of people have turned their nose up at it. My true friends have asked for the book titles. I can enjoy reading Gregor the Overlander or the Immortal Instruments trilogy just as much as I can by reading Dicken’s David Copperfield! It is sad it takes us so long to learn these lessons.
What I have found is this…those people that try to belittle or criticize in demeaning manner {notice I said criticize, not offer constructive criticism} or can’t offer up compliments and words of encouragement are usually people who don’t feel confident about themselves. Their behavior is a reflection of how they feel about themselves, jealous of how you feel good about yourself.
Hi Karen, it’s an amazing co-incidence that you wrote about books this week. I want you to know that your reading project has influenced me so much over the past few months, that I decided to search for some of the books from your reading list at my local library. There’s two I’m going to start with, ready for me to collect them today: The Forgotten Garden and The Happiness Project. So thank you very very much for inspiring me through your projects and sharing them. Deb xxx
Hi Karen,
I am sooo with you on this! I dance to the beat of a different drummer (yes, that’s a mangled quote, but it’s what fits me!) I have never quite fit the mold as far as what I was ‘supposed’ to do or be, and it’s hard to stand up and say that’s ok, I don’t have to–I know what works for me.
My current concern is for our little ones learning that lesson–my Carmen and your David. Once you start school, other people’s opinions become so important, you want to fit in, you want the other kids to like you. There’s a Robert Fulgham essay about how when you walk into a kindergarten class and say “let’s dance/sing/draw/paint” the kids will be full of enthusiasm, but when you do the same to a group of college-age people, you hear a lot of “I can’t”, “I have a terrible voice” “I have two left feet” and on and on. That’s because somewhere along the way, someone convinced them that their efforts (truly, their gifts) weren’t good enough. I don’t know if we can stave that off, but I really hope our kids (grandkids!) can have enough confidence in themselves to spread their wings and fly, even if they are not flying in formation with the other kids!
Have a great day!
Hi Karen,
I just want to let you know that you really mean a lot to me.
You don’t know me and I don’t know you, but I visit your blog almost every day and I love to read your thougths and to see your work (and your ever-so-cute boys).
You are so open-minded in what you are thinking and feeling, and your words and your work are so full of love and care! It gives me so much to read how you deal with life, how you stand up against your fears, how you think about things. I often find myself in what you are writing about yourself, I find my thoughts in yours and even my secret fears.
Thank you so much for sharing it all!
And I simply love what you are creating. Your Photos and your pages are beyond beautiful and your journaling always sweeps me off my feet. I love your art, I love your creativity, and I love how you use both to handle life.
For me, you are the most inspiring person ever.
Maybe this seems to be a bit over the top, but it is just the truth.