This is the first layout that David and I are both featured on. I want
to make sure that when he looks back, there are photos of Mommy and
Daddy as well as all of his.
Journaling Reads:
Since I am the official family photographer, there are very few photos
of you and me. I didn’t want you to look back years from now and wonder
what your mom looked like back then, so I told Daddy that we’re going to
start a new tradition where he takes pictures of you and me once a week.
When it was time for our shoot, I got both of us ready and got the
camera all setup for Daddy. The thing with two-year-olds is that they
don’t always adhere to your plans, so even though I thought it was time
for us to have some photos together; you didn’t necessarily feel the
same way. You weren’t in the mood to have your picture taken; you were
in the mood to play with chalk and to eat cookies.
We decided to go ahead with the shoot anyway and, as expected, most of
the photos came out with you making a funny face or running away. But I
am still so glad we did it because I love looking at the photos,
remembering how much we laughed trying to get you to pose, and now I
have proof of the wonderful times we spend together.
I always tell my clients that posed photos are not special; it’s better
to have authentic family moment photos, those that are genuinely you and
couldn’t have been created by anyone else. And now we have a set of our
own. Here’s to creating more next week.
I don’t know that this is the prettiest layout I’ve ever done but it’s
important for me to store this memory. David’s speech is a bit behind
and the doctor told me to go to a speech therapist with him for an
evaluation. I tend to have the personality of a person who’d completely
freak out at this kind of information so I used this layout as therapy
to show myself all the words David does say and how much he’s progressed
compared to two months ago.
I’ve recently bought eleven scrapbooking books. I am a big book person
and it only made sense that I would buy books when I decided to
seriously get into this hobby.
At the time, I didn’t know that Cathy Zielske’s fantastic Clean and Simple Scrapbooking – The Sequel was
exactly what I was looking for. I bought the sequel cause I was sure I had the first one. It turns out I didn’t. I had Scrapbooking Made Easy, but not Cathy’s first book. I loved this book so much that I am now considering going back and buying the first one.
So why did I like it so much?
Cathy’s book is exactly why I scrapbook. It’s all about the stories to tell. The essence of the people, of the memories, of the times. The pictures and the story are the most important part of the experience.
The paper, the embellishments; those are there to serve the story better. To draw attention to the photos in the right way, etc. Not that the embellishments are not important or fun, but just that having
the newest and prettiest isn’t the only way.
I love her honesty. Her ability to put her feelings and thoughts into words so well and her very clean, crisp designs that look easy to duplicate but really aren’t.
If you’re into plain and simple looks like I am and want to work on finding the story behind the photos, this is a fantastic book to use to help yourself get there.
I’ve been here. I know I’ve been quiet. But I’ve been here. Working
hard. Working long. Spending all my free time with David and Jake and
scrapbooking and reading and sleeping and watching TV and doing a bunch
of other not very constructive things.
Funny thing is. lately I’ve been thinking more and more about my life
before. Don’t ask me “before what?” Just before. I’ve been thinking
about all the classes I took, the languages, the saxophone, the
volunteering, the writing, the photography, and now the scrapbooking.
I’ve done a lot and I like living a full life.
Maybe I’m being too optimistic, but expect some changes soon.
So very precious.
I live with guilt twenty-four/seven.
No matter what time of the day or week you catch me, I can list five
things I feel guilty about. There are the typical things like the
chocolate I ate a few minutes ago, or the exercise I didn’t do, or the
emails sitting in my inbox. Things that are common to everyone’s life.
Things that make up New Year’s resolutions that never get met. They are
such shared experiences that books are written about them, careers are
made trying to monetize them, and they even have Hallmark cards about them.
`
These pangs of guilt live in the surface of life. The place where you
know it doesn’t much matter if I ate chocolate half an hour ago or end
up a size smaller or bigger next week. I know that the inbox will fill
again. I know that the friends will forgive me, and often will be too
busy to write back themselves. All it takes to fix these things is
admitting that while I would love for these issues to disappear, I don’t
really want to do the work or sacrifice they will need.
And then there is the big stuff. Spending time with family vs working
all hours of the night. Snapping at my husband when I’m pissed at a
coworker. Ignoring my kid because I am too tired and don’t want to deal
with whatever small thing he’s frustrated about right then. There are
the things that make you pick sides. Living in America vs being near my
family. Working vs staying home with David. Things that don’t come with
right answers. Things that a lot of work might not make go away. Things
that are not obvious.
Those are the cases where I wish someone would pull me aside and tell me
the secret answers. I know that guilt is a wasted
emotion. Yet, I can’t help it. I don’t want to have to sacrifice one
for the others. I want to know that I can love my son and be there for
him without taking the frustration out on my husband. I want to spend
time with the things I love and my son and get my work done. I want to
do a good job of it all.
I think that’s why I take so many pictures of David: to prove I was
there. I saw those moments, I experienced them. The funny thing is, the
camera is the reason I don’t end up experiencing them. Capturing the
moment and being in the moment are mutually exclusive. At least for me.
As much as I love the photos, I end up missing out in a bigger way.
Each time I am in one place, doing one thing, I am feeling guilty about
not being in the other place doing the other thing. Guilty that I am not
at home feeding him. Guilty that I didn’t go to work early and finish my
overflowing task list. Guilty that I am reading when it’s one of the few
hours in the week I get to see my family.
My new plan is to put a stop to all the guilt. Life’s too short and
maybe I could see more of David if I didn’t work so much. And maybe I
could be more successful at work if I didn’t have a family to go home
to. And maybe I could spend more time reading if I didn’t have either.
But I do. And I love all of them. And I can enjoy all of them. If only I
can enjoy the moment I am in instead of the one I’m not getting to
experience.
We pick sides all the time. And I am picking mine. I will have it all.
Maybe not simultaneously, maybe not even in equal doses at all times.
But, even the small doses can be magical if I stop worrying about where
I am not and instead enjoy where I am.
Next to my family, my favorite way to spend time is to read. With the
exception of horror and fantasy, I read and enjoy almost every kind of
book. But every now and then there’s that one book that comes along and
stops my whole life. When I find one of those, nothing else much
matters. I completely fall into the story. I take the book with me to
the bathroom. I take it in the car. I read it while I am waiting for the
microwave. I read it as I walk from room to room. I don’t put it down
for a second. I am so engulfed in these characters’ lives that I don’t
want to miss a moment of it.
Today was one of those days and My
Sister’s Keeper was that book. I can’t even remember why I put this
book on hold. I think I saw it at Walmart (in one of the very rare
occasions I sadly visited this establishment whose politics and employee
treatment I vehemently oppose) and I had heard of the Jodi Picoult many
times before and wanted to read her. I can’t tell you what made me pick
up the book last night over the 22 books I have checked out. But I can
tell you that since I picked it up, I didn’t put it down until I
finished it. I spent a good time crying afterwards just to get all the
pent up emotion out.
Jodi Picoult has a way with words. Not only does she create the most
relatable characters, but she knows how to take emotions and wrap them
around such simple, natural words that you wonder why no one else
thought to express that emotion in that exact way before. It’s like you
know exactly what she means.
This story is tragic. It’s horrifying. It’s a situation no parent ever
wants to be in. From the outside, you can take sides, you can judge. But
when you see the story from all the points of view, you can see the
conundrum so well. You know there’s no easy answer here. Even from the
very beginning, you know it’s not going to end well. But still, like the
parents, you keep hoping. But the author doesn’t disappoint. She doesn’t
cop out. She doesn’t create a Hollywood ending. To the contrary, all the
way to the very twist at end, the story holds true to its point.
Life is too short and no one gets to have a say at how things turn out.
When I read A Dirty Job back in January (or was it December?), I loved it so much that I wanted to read more Christopher Moore right away. So I checked out another book by him (The Stupidest Angel) and was really frustrated by how much I didn’t like it. A few months ago, I wanted to give it another try, so I checked out Coyote Blue. The book was funny and overall I enjoyed it. However, in the end, it lacked the un-put-downable-ness of A Dirty Job. I want to read more by him cause I do like his unique sense of humor, but I am not sure which of his books to pick up next…
When David stopped waking up every 35 minutes, we made a pact never to
go into his room in the middle of the night and with few exceptions
we’ve stuck to the rule. Lately, our little boy picked up two
interesting habits that make us wander what he does behind closed doors.
First of all, he randomly wakes up at all hours and shrieks like his
eyeballs are being plucked right out. The sounds are so scary that
you’re convinced he must be bleeding. However, two seconds after I walk
in, he’s in great humors and pointing to the door and making the
enthusiastic sounds of “please let me out so I can play.”
Secondly, he has managed to master zippers, pants, diapers and any
other forms of clothing such that he can go from fully dressed to stark
naked within seconds. He loves doing this during naps and in the morning
before we even know he’s awake. For all we know, he does it in the
middle of the night. What we do know is that we come in and he’s naked.
The bed holds what would usually be so well covered by the diaper. Add
to that, the fact that David loves pooping first thing in the morning
and you should have a good visual of our morning surprises.
To get a better sense of exactly what’s going on behind the dark, closed
doors, we just bought a baby video monitor. This lets me watch David all
night long and it has quickly become my favorite channel.
When you do a writing exercise, teachers tell you to imagine this
peaceful place. A place that’s quiet and happy. A place that gets your
creative juices flowing. This is exactly what crossed my mind when I saw
this spot. This is part of a park that’s only open to Palo Alto
residents. The park is pretty just like all parks are, but this
particular spot took my breath away.
Another shot from our weekend away. Aren’t they lovely?
We spent President’s Day Weekend in Avila Beach, right below San Luis
Obispo. The day we got there, it was raining. We drove 3 hours for
beautiful weather so we were really bummed, but the next day was
beautiful and we had a wonderful time. Especially when we stopped at a
local park on the drive home and David explored all around. As no
holiday tends to be, this was relaxing and grounding.
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projects for twenty twenty-six
projects for twenty twenty-five
projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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