And let’s top off the evening with a recent layout.
Journaling Reads:
David, my favorite memories of the last few weeks are from the fifteen
minutes we spend every week trying to capture photos of you and me.
A few weeks ago, I complained to Daddy that there weren’t enough photos
of the two of us, since I am the official family photographer. So we
started these weekly sessions and you have quickly learned not to
cooperate.
When we go out in the yard, you think we’re going out to play, so when I
tell you to sit down, you quickly get annoyed with me. You completely
ignore me and walk in the opposite direction. You find a random toy and
act like I am not calling out to you. This is when I start to improvise:
I bribe, I tickle, I beg, I do whatever it takes for you to give me a hug.
Each time we do these sessions, Daddy and I give up after ten minutes,
admitting that you just will not play along. So imagine my surprise when
I download the photos and find some of the most precious photos I’ve
ever seen.
When I look at them, I can’t help but smile. Daddy did a perfect job of
capturing the joy of loving you and the laughter that you have brought
into my life. I am so thankful for each and every day we get to spend
together.
And here is the fake sneeze we were actually trying to capture. Isn’t he
a sweetheart?
Last week, David was fake sneezing. We thought it was so funny that we
decided to videotape it. While going through the footage we took, we saw
this little scene where David’s trying to pull the broken, green leg of
a toy and struggling really hard with it. When Jake laughs at him, David
notices that we’re noticing him and gives this fantastic nervous laugh.
It makes me laugh each time I watch it so I wanted to share it. Maybe
you have to be his mom, but even if it’s just for my enjoyment, I wanted
to preserve this moment.
I’ll post the actual fake sneezing video next.
Sick of Mommy and David photos yet? Too bad.
I must admit, I’ve been rejected from many things before and for many
reasons, but I have yet to be rejected for being too young. A book club
here just rejected me because they said I was too young to join them. If
at 32, I am too young, I suppose I should take that as a compliment!
What’s amazing is how much rejection hurts, even being rejected from the
smallest things. Even when you know you have no hope of getting
accepted. I try out for things, just to encourage myself to get projects
completed. And then when I don’t get accepted or win, I feel so sad.
Sometimes I feel sad for days. Even though, mentally, I know there was
no chance or that it doesn’t mean anything, emotionally it’s not
possible to ignore the rejection.
The good thing is, it doesn’t seem to have stopped me from trying to
submit, however I don’t know if that’s the answer either. Why is it so
important to me that others accept my work? Why do I need an “official”
stamp of approval? Why can’t my work be enough for me? I think I really
need to think hard about the answers to these questions so that I know
what my motivations are. If all this is just to seek approval, I need to
find other forms of it. If it’s to stretch myself and give myself
deadlines, those are good reasons. The best thing about those reasons is
that they don’t depend on the outcome. By the time I submit my work, I
have already completed something and I have also stretched myself. Those
should be enough to feel good.
If I am going to submit my work and keep putting myself out there, I
think it’s important to keep that in mind.
Rejection is part of day to day life. We get rejected in small and big
ways regularly. Just like we get accepted in small and big ways. It’s
important to celebrate the acceptances and grow from the rejections
without taking them personally. I need to remind myself of this
regularly. I need to stop diminishing the good and exaggerating the bad.
I know I have this terrible personality flow where if someone thinks I
am great, I quickly stop respecting or looking up to that person. I
figure they must not know what they are talking about. And if someone
doesn’t think I am hot shit, why they must be totally right.
And you thought you were fucked up.
I have been a big Elizabeth Berg fan for quite some time. During my
pregnancy, I went through a period during which I read all of her adult
novels. I’ve also spent a good four years writing novels of my own, so
it should come as no surprise that I picked up and devoured Escaping
into the Open, the Art of True Writing.
Back in the days when I wrote all the time, I read every book known to
man on writing. Anne Lamott, Lawrence Block, Natalie Goldberg. You name
it, I read it. And while this book may be a bit more about her than
writing compared to some other books, a bit less inspiring than Anne or
Natalie, a bit less instructional than Lawrence, it’s actually a
balanced combination of all. It’s inspiring. It’s full of good,
practical ideas, and it covers all aspects of writing. It talks about
fiction and non-fiction. It talks about how to come up with ideas. It
gives plenty of prompts. It talks about getting published. It even talks
about reactions from friends and loved ones. (while many at amazon
thought this was vain, I actually really thought it was pithy to mention
it.)
Most importantly, it made me want to write again. And isn’t that the
point, after all?
Photos from one of the mommy-David sessions.
Didn’t journal for this one because I thought the photos said all I
could ever think to say.
Bleh, not my favorite layout. Just didn’t have the creativity flowing
tonight. Oh well, still love the memory.
Journaling Reads:
One dollar. One single dollar. That’s how much we paid for the cash
register that you’ve been playing with night and day for the last two
weeks. You love it so much, you carry it around with you everywhere you
go. Daddy’s taught you how to put a coin at the top and see it come out
on the side. That’s your favorite game.
But sometimes the coin gets stuck. Then, you look at me and say, “Where
it go?” You pick up the register and shake it around. When you’re
satisfied with the amount of shaking you’ve done, you press the button
and scream with joy at the sight of the coin.
You play thins game hundreds of times a day. Your level of joy at
discovering the coin never dissipates. Your enthusiasm is catching and
soon Daddy and I are laughing, too. Who knew a toy we bought for a buck
would spread this much joy to our whole family?
Crap.
Crap. Crap.
So Jake and I have been watching the Tour De France. We got hooked on
the Tour four years ago. We watched it minute by minute in 2004 and
2005. Last year we missed it because we were in Turkey, but this year,
we upgraded our Dish subscription just so we can get Versus and we’ve
been watching it since day one.
So, of course, we started by rooting by Leipheimer. But then he was
obviously not going to make it and while I loved Rasmussen’s drive, I
was still rooting for The Discovery Team, so Contador it was. During
today’s stage, I kept waiting for Contador to take off. Waiting and
waiting and waiting. And then Rasmussen took off. And I got bummed.
So you’d think that once I read the news about Rasmussen being fired by
his team (due to lying about where he was and missing drug tests), I’d
be dancing on my coffee table.
But I am not.
I wanted Contador or Levi to win because they deserved it and because
they rightfully beat Rasmussen by riding faster for the time trial or
something like that. Not that they don’t deserve it but this is such a
bummer way.
It’s all so sad. Rasmussen. Vinokourov. Moreni. Not to mention all those
who were suspended last year and didn’t even get to ride this year. Why,
oh why?
I was looking forward to tomorrow’s time trial very much, especially
since it’s not Rasmussen’s forte and it might have changed the race. But
now looks like Contador will win by elimination. Not really the way I
wanted it to turn out. Reduces the excitement considerably.
What a bummer.
Another gem from the very same shoot. Isn’t he the bestest?
A gem from our weekly Mommy-and-David shots.
Here’s another recent layout. This was for a transparency competition
over at AMM. Hard to see
the effect from a photo.
Journaling Reads:
I guess it’s only fair that a picky eater like me would get a picky
little boy. The list of foods you eat is teeny tiny. Thankfully, you
like a lot of fruits. But not much else. Here’s all you eat without a
fight:
Pear
Apple
Grapes
Bananas
Blueberries
Strawberries
Graham Crackers
Veggie Burgers
Meatballs
Cheese
Yogurt
Bread
Here’s a closeup of the inside of this layout:
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projects for twenty twenty-six
projects for twenty twenty-five
projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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