Today’s page was week two’s homework for the Soul Restoration class.
This is a representation of the timeline of my life. I will be turning 37 this year and this goes up to 40. Each row is 10 years. There are many sentences and markers. Black is for the hardest times in my life. Grays are for the not-so-great times. Colors mixed with gray are times when there was a mixture of really good and not so great. And the textured wallpaper one is for times when it was overall good but had some roughness day-to-day. Reds are love and children. That’s about it. It all means stuff to me of course but no need to explain step by step since it would be meaningless to most people here.
However, I wanted to talk about some of the interesting things that came up for me when I did this exercise:
1. If you look carefully, you’ll notice that the “really bad stuff” is less than 10% of my life. I am blessed to have never really suffered to anything terrible in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my share of sorrows, shitty friends, broken hearts, rejections, etc. When I was little, my parents got divorced and I took it quite hard. But, they got back together and remarried each other and are married to the day. Wonderfully, I might add. I’ve never lost anyone to a grave illness or really even out of order. I’ve lost my paternal grandfather very young but he passed before I was born. My maternal grandfather died younger than he should have but he wasn’t young. My paternal grandmother just died last year at the age of 92. She was probably the closest person to me who died. I’ve been blessed to never suffer from real abuse of any kind (small case here, i’ll admit but I’ll talk more about this later.) I’ve never been assaulted, robbed, in debt, homeless, hungry. I’ve never suffered from a grave illness or had a close family member who did. I’ve never had to truly hide my identity or beliefs. As I mentioned, I’ve had rougher moments and I’ve worked really really hard in my life, but I’ve also been truly lucky and blessed. And yet, I often live my life like I’ve survived a tragedy. I feel a bit broken inside. I have abandonment issues. I feel undeserving and not enough. I am insecure. I worry constantly about losing my kids, husband, job, anything really. And yet, I have no reason to. Life’s been wonderful to me, and it’s time I start being grateful for it. It’s time I shed the victim mentality. This page shows it to me in black and white. I have much so much to be grateful for. Time to wake up.
2. I’ve also noticed that most of the “bad things” are things I’ve dragged on longer than they needed to. If you look at the last 25 years of my life, the first black is a relationship that wasn’t working and yet I simply wouldn’t walk away. I refused to let it go and I waited until it reached a breaking point. The second one is TFA where I drained every single bit of myself before I let myself walk away. Both of these times could have been at a minimum lighter gray. And yet I pushed the situation until it reached a bad point. I can stop myself from doing that next time by recognizing that I have a tendency not to admit defeat when a situation is obviously bad for me. Defeat is not always bad. Sometimes it’s better to walk away.
3. The last bad thing that happened to me “without my control” was over 25 years ago. The last really gray time was 20 years ago. I need to stop clinging to those things. It’s been a long time and it’s ok to let it go now. I have friends now. People like me and people love me. I can stop clinging to that time and the sadness that surrounded me then. I can be happy now. It’s ok to let it go. It’s ok.
4. I tend to go through periods of flurry of activity and often times even the good periods come with some rough moments. This is expected and normal. The rough times last a lot shorter than they seem.
5. There are rougher times that are there for a reason. Four years ago, I worked really really hard for two years. I mean really long days, for a long time. But it paid off, it’s how I was able to establish the trust and groundwork that led me to be able to work from home now. That’s when I was putting the seeds in so that I could collect them now. Just like I am doing it with exercise now. Working really hard so I can reap the benefits later.
6. I am most definitely in the golden period of my life. I feel more like I’m thriving than I ever felt. I feel more in my element than I’ve ever felt. It’s time to celebrate that and push it even further. Time to use that strength to let the past rest. Give myself permission to let it go and to know that if I lay all this burden down, things will be ok. It is no doubt that rougher times will come. These things are cyclical for sure. So I might as well truly enjoy these moments. Appreciate them, make the most of them. And when the rougher times come, remember to make sure I don’t drag them out and make them worse than they need to be.
I have a lot more thoughts that came up this week. I hope to write about them more but these ones were all directly tied to the timeline art. Isn’t it amazing how much you can realize about your life with one piece of art?
Details:
Weekly Art Journal is a weekly project for 2011. You can read more about it here.
wow – this is wonderful stuff! your thoughts and art are very inspiring to me.
thank you jill!!
Your time line is truely incredible! I love the blue watercolor(paint)background because it is the first thing that stands out for me. What I especially love are all the little details in your timeline (ribbon, felt, diecuts, strips of paper, fabric, alphabet stickers and punches). You are one talented woman!! Thank you for the visual inspiration I want to create a timeline of my own.
Were you given instructions for the timeline or was it entirely up to you to represent your life as you saw fit? I have also been noticing that you incorporate fabric in your work. Do you buy pieces you like or are they left over scraps from a sewing project?
The detail must have taken a very long time and to piece your “life” together. It’s wonderful. You have a very interesting life and I feel as time passes by I’m getting to know more about it. Thank you once again for being so open and honest with your life and emotions.
Jesa, first of all thank you so so much!! i actually did that blue watercolor last cause the white was standing out and i didn’t want it to! We got many examples of the timelines others did and there were many with colored fabrics which are the ones that spoke to me. I am lucky enough to have lots of leftover fabric that my mom and sister bring when they come to visit so I use those. I actually worked on this one over several days which is rare for me. I wrote my list. Laid the first layer and then just kept adding until I was happy. I probably could keep adding for a few more weeks 🙂 🙂
thank you so much for your kind comments!! 🙂
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Wow! This is amazing!! I am sort of regretting not taking the class now, though I am currently taking 4 online classes and another 3 are starting in February (with one ending). This class and the Shifting Ground class you are also taking look the most interesting to me.
Love love your art!!
You have such a gift. This is a story in words and pictures that can be cherished. What a fabulous keepsake.
la pagina è già bellissima di per sè…ma tutta la storia che racconta è fantastica! un’idea geniale, e la tua consapevolezza di fronte a ciò che hai capito della tua vita è ammirevole: brava! se dovessi fare una pagina così, purtroppo, avrei molte linee nere, ma ho la fortuna di avere un carattere ottimista che mi sostiene, grazie soprattutto alla fede in Dio… quindi anche i periodi più neri e bui hanno sempre avuto sprazzi di luce.
grazie per aver condiviso
Thanks for sharing your timeline and insights. I am taking the class as well but I find myself procrastinating on doing this project… seeing your finished project inspires me.
i totally did too but it was so worth it. i loved loved loved working on this project. just sit and do it, i promise you won’t regret it!!
Ohhhh, so beautifully done. and how well you articulate your thoughts and feelings! I admire you so much; your work, your art, your gratitude 🙂 Can you tell me what product line those darling angel girls are from? Or maybe it is something not out yet?
thank you so much for your kind words 🙂 they are both from october afternoon. modern homemaker stickers. right here: http://www.twopeasinabucket.com/shop/october-afternoon/100402-modern-homemaker-12×12-shape-stickers/?filters=october-afternoon
😉
Wow!! This is great. What a wonderful idea to do a timeline of your own life. The honesty of your work and writing is amazing. Soul Restoration sounds wonderful.
what an amazing overview of your life…thanks for sharing all these things, it’s so encouraging and inspiring.
This is amazing! So inspiring and beautiful! Thank you for sharing it!
wow this is soooo beautiful!!!! love it 🙂
I found your site from a Twitter search for art journals. Your page is gorgeous and very inspiring. I included it, with link and credit, in my Mosaic Monday post, here:
http://blog.rearting.net/2011/01/mosaic-monday-2011-01-31.html
I also added your site to my feed reader. *wave*
thank you so much 🙂 🙂
[…] ago, I was reflecting back upon my life and the different milestones I’ve been through. I did this exercise for Brave Girls’ Soul Restoration class about 18 months ago. I remember it was quite profound […]
I just love how you created your timeline for Soul Restoration. Very creative. I’m in Soul Restoration class right now and this is the week that we work on our timeline. I thought I’d do a search and see others that had gone through this process. Part of me is procrastinating going there and doing the digging and journaling but I am signing off now so I can get to work. Thanks for sharing… you did a great job with yours. Blessings!