You in the Picture

in November, I did a guest post for shutter sisters and I wanted to put a copy of the text here for posterity.

In the last three years, I’ve taken over 200,000 photos. Most of these are pictures of my family. My kids, my husband, parents, etc. I just went back and looked at all of them. Guess how many of these photos have me in them?


I am not making this up. Out of the hundreds of thousands of photos we have of our family from the last three years, my face is in eleven of them. Eleven.

I hate having my picture taken. Since I am the official family photographer, I rarely ever face having to be in the pictures myself. On the rare occasions when someone asks me to get in the photo, I always respectfully refuse to do it. I am quiet about it but also firm. This is how I’ve successfully managed to avoid being in most of them.

I’ve learned that many photographers are like me; they prefer to stay behind the camera. For me, the biggest reason is that I have a hard time seeing myself in a picture. When I look at a photo, all I can see is the bulges of fat or the imperfections in my features. I see the blemishes on my face. My too-big nose. My belly. My sunken eyes. Bushy eyebrows. I can go on and on. I don’t see the happy mom or the loving wife, I just see a flawed human being.

I don’t know how much of this is common across all people and how much of it my low self-esteem but here’s what I do know: I need to get over it.

I need to get into the picture more often.

There are many reasons why it’s important to take the time and effort to be in more of our photographs. This list might be different for each person but here are some of my reasons:

I lost my grandmother last February. One of the first things I did after she passed away was collect all the photos of her I could find. I wanted pictures from all throughout her life from childhood to old age. Those photos were the faces of all my memories of her. They are what brought my thoughts to life and I held them close for a long time. They allowed me to mourn and remember all at the same time. I don’t think it’s fair to deny that to my children or loved ones. I can’t imagine a world where I didn’t have any photos of my grandmother. Photos are one of the most significant ways we’re remembered. People don’t look at how big your nose was,; they’re just so happy to have anything of you left to them. So I remind myself that even if I don’t want to do it for myself, I owe it to my kids, to my husband, and other people who love me.

While it has tangible benefits to others, I think having my picture taken more often is also going to be beneficial to me. Repetition has numbing power. If I just get in the photos all the time no matter how dressed up I might or might not be, I think I will stop seeing all the details of myself in each photo. It will just become the norm that I am in pictures and I will start looking at it the way I look at the other people in the picture. Seeing myself again and again, hugging the people I love, smiling, and being happy is bound to have a positive effect on me eventually. And even if it doesn’t, it means I will have hundreds of proofs of my joyful life.

Because I get my photo taken so rarely, I have never experimented with different angles or looks. I don’t know if I have a good side. I don’t know if it’s better for me to lean on one foot or lean forward. I don’t know if I should smile with an open mouth or a closed one. Many of these things might seem silly to think about but a lot of being photogenic is about knowing the small details about yourself. Even the most beautiful person can look terrible if the picture is taken from the wrong point of view. So having more photos of myself will give me exposure and opportunity to learn.

I take pictures of people all the time. I do professional shoots of families. I take photos of my kids, my husband, my parents and even strangers. I guarantee you that most of these people feel the discomfort of being in front of the lens. As a photographer who never has her own picture taken, it’s easy for me to forget how uncomfortable it feels to be in front of the camera. And since I do this as a profession, I think it’s important for me to remember that delicate feeling. It will make me a better photographer.

Because of these reasons, and more, I decided that 2011 will be the year when I get in the picture more often. I will create opportunities to make sure it happens. Each month, I will set up our tripod so we can get a full-family shot. I will hand over the camera to my husband. I will learn the intricacies of the self timer and find the best spots to use it in my house. I will experiment with angles and creative shots. I will take enough photos of myself that I can see myself as just another person in the photo. I will do this for myself and for my children. And I won’t wait until January.

The holidays are the best time to start such a project because there’s a lot of joy and festivity. Also because most people have visitors during the holidays so there are more people to hand over the camera to and more reasons to capture each moment. So, if any of you are like me and tend to avoid being in the picture, I challenge you to get in the photo more this holiday season. Just let go of your worries and embrace the opportunity. Hand over that camera and hug your loved ones. Put on a big smile and say cheese. I am confident you will not regret it.

In the meantime, I would love for you to share the last time you were in front of the lens. If you can’t find one, how about you take a photo right now and share it with us?

12 comments to You in the Picture

  • Keshet Shenkar

    I’m in the photos often, but it’s only my hubby and me right now! But you’re so right, in the end all that will matter is that there are photos of you, not how made-up or perfect looking you were.

  • Martina

    WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did you just read my mind? I too am the same as you, I probably can’t even hit 11. I think I will go and see and count for myself. I read your blog everyday and just know that you inspire me to be better in everything I attempt to do. Have a very Merry Christmas.

  • Canim canim cook tatlisiniz:)))

  • Deena

    I feel the same way! I think we both need to remember that it is our own individual “flaws” that make us that much more beautiful! Time to get out the tripod & learn how to use the self-timer don’t ya think?

  • Canim iyiyim burda hersey ayni nasil biraktiysan pek fark yok yani aklinda bisey kalmasin:-)) cok sukur ben ve ailem cok iyiyiz. Seni de okuyorum cok seviniyorum hersey yolunda gozukuyor. Cocuklarin muhtesem canlarim her resimde onlari yemek istiyorum senide herzaman ozluyorum. Mua mua mua

  • Brenda in Sunny SoCal

    Hi Karen, that souns exactly like me, except the part of the 20000 pics plus doing it for a living. I am seldom on the pictures, actually in 2010 I was only in 6 and 4 of them where taken by friends by accident at a party (I am just in the background). I think I should get more in front however my husband takes horrible pictures! So I can’t let him do it! I wish he showed some interest in learning about compasition and how to use the auto mode of our point and shoot.

  • Rosie

    I am so often not in the photos either and for the same reasons…I am super critical of myself. I have to tell myself that I do not see myself the same way others see me. They have a much kinder and positive persepective of me than I have of myself.

  • […] written quite a bit about how I don’t like to have my photo taken. That post is what started my family photo journey and I am deeply grateful for it. While I still […]

  • I am just like that! All I see is my puffy, tired looking eyes, bad teeth, old face and thin lips. It’s just horrible.
    I think you look lovely, btw.:)

  • Monica

    Dear Karenika.
    This is a beautiful photo of you and your little one! I totally get what you are saying about being in photographs. I am so delighted for you that you have decided to be in more photos.

    I don’t like to be in photos either; especially in the last few years. I too have a big nose (from the photos and videos you have posted, we have a similar nose it looks like) but I also have bad teeth. When I was young and thin, I felt more confident, but in recent years my face has swollen from stress. No one has ever said I was beautiful!

    But I feel that self acceptance helps to make our good qualities shine through in spite of our physical imperfections.

    So glad to have found your blog 🙂

    I wish you the best!

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