I am sick and tired of reading/hearing how parents feel like their kids owe them things. I understand that different people have differing points of view and all are valid. Well, this is my space so here goes nothing. Kids don’t ask to be created. Having a baby is something people decide to do (or accidentally fall into in some cases but we’re going to ignore those cases for today’s point) and people try to set up their lives as much as possible to accommodate this new being.
Having a baby is hard work, bringing it up is even harder. I am only at the very beginning of it and I can already admit it’s very very hard at times. And he hasn’t even come close to being a teenager yet. By no means, do I feel the need to belittle the amount of work, emotion, money, and sacrifice that goes into raising a human being. However, I feel like parents lose sight of the fact that this was completely their own decision. You had this baby because you wanted to. You fed and clothed and educated him/her because it was your obligation as a parent since this being that you decided to bring into this world would be helpless without you. Since you chose to create this person, I believe it’s your responsibility and duty to see it all the way through. Then, if the now grownup decides to “pay you back” by taking care of you and wanting to be with you, that’s great. But I don’t feel like that’s the kid’s duty. I feel like it’s my duty as a parent to raise my child such that he can learn to take care of himself and be the kind of parent that he’ll want to be around.
I remember reading Khalil Gibran’s words many years ago:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
I know many parents wish the best for their kids and tell themselves that all the things they don’t allow them to do or tell them to do are for the kid’s best interest. But the desire to control one’s children seems too enticing. It seems so overwhelming that everyone does it. Even when the kid has kids of his/her own. The parents still have expectations and still try not to let go.
You’re going to be/are such a great mother. Guiltless love is the greatest thing a mother could possibly give. And such a rare gift it is.
I realize your post is a rebuttal to what you have read and heard about, but I find it strange that you start out with such a harsh tone for (some) other parents before describing what a wonderful attitude of tolerance you intend for your own child.
I wish you the best in embracing your baby throughout his life.. and everyone else too.
This is very late, but I need to apologize for the holier-than-thou tone of my previous response. I meant what I said, but I was less polite than you deserved.