Journaling the Good

I’ve been spending some time evaluating my life and choices lately. As I’ve mentioned before, the last few months have been tough on me and I haven’t bounced back like I would have liked. I am frustrated with myself for how long this is taking and how bumpy the ride is. So, as I was thinking about all this and how there are a few items of my regular schedule that fell off way back in March that I haven’t managed to pick back up, I decided to put two together.

I haven’t journaled in a long time. Well, let me rephrase: outside of the writing recommended by the classes I took, I haven’t done any personal journaling just for me in a long time. I used to take 15-20 minutes to write every morning and that quiet time of reflection was really profound for me. I miss it. But for some reason, I can’t seem to get back on the horse. I can’t seem to pick the pen up and make it habit again.

I think about it a lot but don’t do it.

I am not sure if this is subconsciously a way to protect myself. Maybe I am worried all the negative thoughts hiding in the corners of my soul will pour out and take me to a dark place each day. And I can’t afford a lot more dark moments. In fact, I don’t want any of those. This might not be the issue at all. It might just be that I am more rushed and do not take the time to slow down lately. I have also given up meditation and the strength training. In fact, I haven’t read to the kids in two weeks.

But coming back to my topic of journaling, I’ve decided to try something for the month of July. (And I won’t even be anal about how it’s already July 2 and I haven’t done it so far. I will give myself permission to start now.) Instead of doing the typical journaling of pouring whatever’s on my heart or mind on to paper, I am going to do positive journaling.

That means I am going to fill a page in my notebook writing only good things from my life. This is not to say I will avoid the bad stuff (I am working on looking at the bad stuff, too.) but that I will turn this journaling exercise into just focusing the good things.

Here’s why: the problem I’m struggling with that’s really bringing me down is in an area of my life that I’ve purposefully decided to focus less on. So while I can’t get rid of it, I can definitely not let things get to me as much. I can definitely shine the light on the abundance of good things on my life. And I think writing a page will help me refocus. It will allow the things that matter to come to light more often. Those are also the things I take for granted more often. They are the “working” parts of my life so I don’t “worry about them.” But I also don’t pay as much attention to them. I don’t celebrate them as much as I could. I don’t deeply enjoy them because I am putting so much focus on the areas where I am struggling. So I want to move the studio lights to where the joy is.

And I think journaling the good for a page each day will help me do that.

I am not exactly sure how it’s going to work yet. I might spend one day listing all the things I am grateful for. Another day on all my happy wishes. Another on what made me happy the previous week. I might spend a day on all the things I want to learn. Whatever I do, I will focus on the good. I will focus on the joyous moments. The nuggets of happiness from each day that I normally let wither.

My hope is that this will allow me to see my world in a different light. And show me that my life is full where it matters most. And maybe that can squash the darkness better than no journaling or pouring out the angst.

It seems worth a try, at least.