Actually, It Sucks

You’re bad at receiving criticism.

How do you tell someone that? If they’re really bad at receiving criticism, doesn’t that mean they won’t react well to the above sentence?

I don’t like it when people ask my opinion and I have solid reasons for it: I am very opinionated and I think a lot so I’m more likely to have an opinion than not. I am really honest and I suck at sugarcoating.

All of which would have been great if you really wanted to know my opinion.

But you don’t.

What you want is affirmation that whatever you’re showing me or telling me is great. You want to hear “nice job” or “that looks great!” And I’m not your guy. (Well, girl in this case)

I don’t mean that the feedback and its presentation aren’t important. What you say and how you say it are both extremely crucial. When I first stared writing, I’d want to know everyone’s opinion right away. I’d hand my short story over to Jake and watch him like a puppy as he read my words. One negative feedback and I’d blow up immediately.

First of all, I wasn’t really ready for feedback. I was way too emotionally attached to my piece to hear anything negative about it. On top of that Jake wasn’t really my audience since he rarely reads short works of fiction. And mostly because of that, even if he didn’t like parts of my piece, he couldn’t tell me why. Which of course frustrated me even more.

With the possible exception of my writing, I ask for people’s opinion often and I always want to know the truth. I don’t just want to know what you don’t like. I want to know why and I’d even love to hear suggestions on how to fix it. I just think that if you give me some thoughtful feedback, I know you really cared and took the time to look at it.

And it’s certainly true that the best way to give negative feedback is to sandwich it between good ones. But no matter how caring you are, there are no correct words to tell someone who’s not ready to hear feedback.

So next time you want to know someone’s opinion on something, make sure you’re ready to hear the truth.

And if you just want reaffirmation, admit it.

Previously? Lack of Knowledge.