Thoughts and Creating a Clearing

I’ve been feeling a little off for a few days, now. Nothing terrible but I can feel the negative feelings creeping in. The negativity is running constant conversations in my head, keeping me from being productive, and most importantly, from being happy.

Today, I decided it was time to do something about it. I think it’s time to create a bit of a clearing for myself. And I want to tackle it both physically and psychologically.

So I started to make a list of things I want to do:
– Go through and unsubscribe from all email lists (ALL of them)
– Clean up the little pockets of clutter in the living room (like the mail bucket, etc.)
– Move scrap albums to a new location where they can all be together and organized
– Clean out and clear off under my scrap table
– Reply to emails I have been putting off responding to (from laziness more than anything)
– Clear out the mess by my side of the couch
– Fold and put away laundry
– Clean out fridge, throw away anything that’s no longer good

Some other things:
I’ve noticed that there are certain blogs I read that make me feel bad. This has nothing to do with the blogger him or herself. It’s because of the state I am in right now that I find myself feeling resentful, frustrated, and upset. And I am not feeling these things in a productive way where it’s causing me to get excited and motivated. Instead, I feel not good enough. Not enough like these people. Not enough in general. And while I’d like to think and say that I am better than that, for now, while I am in this negative state, I decided maybe it’s best I stop reading them for a while. Until I stop comparing so much. I piled them all up and put them away in a folder called “not anymore” and one day if I feel stronger, I can venture there again. And if not, that’s ok too. Their life won’t change cause I stopped reading them but mine might.

Tonight I’m going to make a long list of things that are bothering me right now. I will look at the list and pick out any of the actionable items. If they are things that can be changed, fixed or otherwise modified, I will put them on a different list and assign dates, times, durations, action plans to work on them. If not, I will journal on the others until it’s a bit out of my system. The next day, I will journal (or art journal) some more. I will do this on and off for a few weeks.

I realize that I have some long term plans I made that are not interesting/fulfilling to me anymore. These are not commitments to other people (just to myself) and I think it’s time to revisit some. For example, today, I was supposed to be working on creating digital downloads for my site but I kept dreading it and dreading it and when I sat to do it. So I decided today that I will no longer be doing them. At least not regularly. If the fancy strikes me again, I might. Or if I feel like I have some ideas, I might. But I don’t want to feel pressured and like it has to get done. I have a full-time job, two kids, and a lot of other more important (to me) commitments. It’s time to stop feeling guilty and stressed about the less important stuff. If you were coming to my site just for these, I am truly sorry to disappoint you. Feel free to send me an email and I’ll let you know if/when they start up again.

My eating habits and my exercise (lack thereof) habits are on my mind lately. I want to work on both. I am not sure exactly how and I want to be mentally ready to commit to whatever I decide. Find something that works for me. Maybe the trick is to commit to something and then just go for it. Not sure yet. But I plan to work on a plan for this, this week, too.

And finally I want to make a list of things that I do which end up making me feel frustrated or upset. This will take some time but each time I feel frustrated, I plan to track it back and see what event I did triggered it. I know it can always be traced back to me. Once I find the root, I can eliminate it.

There’s likely more to go on this list but this is where I am for now. I think this is actually a biological slump, the one that I get regularly but I am using it as an excuse to do some things I should have been doing all along.