These are from Ali’s 31 More Things class. More context here.

So here’s my day nineteen – cook.

(journaling below)

Journaling:
I don’t cook.

In the almost twenty years since I’ve graduated from college, I’ve maybe cooked a total of twenty days. For a brief period, when we moved into our current house, I cooked fancy meals for David, Jake and me but I quickly cook tell that the reward was never equal to the work involved. And the meals weren’t any healthier. In fact, they were considerably less healthy.

So now I don’t cook. Most people are very surprised to hear this and often ask me what I eat and what my kids eat. My kids are pretty picky eaters, so they often eat almost the same thing every day. They eat oatmeal or cereal for breakfast. For lunch, at school they have sandwiches, carrots, yogurt, and fruit. For dinner, they eat green beans, bagels or cracker sandwiches (crackers with cream cheese), yogurt, and fruit. Sometimes they have hot dogs and meatballs. So while it’s not super varied and not amazingly healthy, it’s not terrible either considering we don’t cook.

Jake and I also eat simple things. On my good days, I might have oatmeal for breakfast or just coffee/tea. Then I will have yogurt with granola and fruit. I might snack on more fruit. I can’t eat carrots or celery or other similar healthy snacks because I have pretty bad TMJ and my jaw will instantly start hurting. So if I can’t eat something healthy, I try not to snack. I will then have eggs and vegetables and tomatoes. And towards the evening I might have some tea and a small bar. We used to also snack with airpopped popcorn for a while but we ran out, so I have to buy more. On my bad days, I will eat much more erratically and often just whatever I can get my hands out.

During the week, we rarely ever eat out. Every now and then, if I am feeling really cooped up in the house or if I am meeting a friend I will eat out but not otherwise. On the weekends, however, we generally eat at least one meal out. Often it’s lunch on Saturday and dinner on Sunday. We will go to Cafe Borrone because it’s nearby or Bagel Street Cafe because the kids really like it. We almost never order delivery or go to fast food restaurants. We used to before the kids but not anymore.

So, despite the lack of cooking, I’d say we do relatively well here, most days.

These are from Ali’s 31 More Things class. More context here.

So here’s my day seventeen – rhythm. (sorry I blurred the photo, it was my work calendar.)

(journaling below)

Journaling:
One of the biggest changes that came with my move to the Maps team has been the hours. The meetings at 5am have meant a whole change in the rhythm of my days. It’s been over nine months and I still haven’t really found my footing.

I used to wake up at 5am even before the job, but it used to be my quiet hour. I would sit and journal and do some art and exercise and slowly ease into my day. Now I wake up to a long list of emails and by the time I’ve given them all a quick read, the slew of morning meetings descend on me. In the middle of the meetings, I need to shower, make breakfast, and make sure the kids’ lunches are packed. I then quickly rush out the door at 7:30 or 7:45 depend on whether we’re taking the shuttle or driving to school.

For months, this meant that my exercise and personal time completely went out the window. Lately, I’ve been trying to make up for this by taking a walk right after my big block of morning meetings are over. But it feels much less calm to do it in the middle of the morning than it did during the early morning hours.

The mornings are definitely no longer calm and centering. But the upside of this schedule means that I now have quieter afternoons. It means I don’t have to rush or feel guilty or worried when I pick up the boys from school. It means that when we come home from school, for the most part, I’m done with my day, too. It means I can be with them. Help with homework, make dinner, or just relax.

There is another major factor in this season’s rhythm and it’s that David’s in the middle of the middle school process so for the last three months, there’s been a lot of studying and for next three months there will be a lot of visiting schools during the weekend, missing school to shadow at other schools, driving all over town, filling out applications, etc. The rhythm of our daily life is definitely strongly impacted by this phase of our life.

And, finally, since the mornings start so early, the evenings are considerably shorter around here, too. I am usually in bed by 7-8pm and lights are out by 9pm latest. If I don’t get my full eight hours of sleep, I feel completely useless so I do my very best to ensure I can have lights out at a reasonable time.

These are from Ali’s 31 More Things class. More context here.

So here’s my day fifteen – feet.

(journaling below)

Journaling:
I have so many body issues. I can make a very long list about all the different body parts that I would want to alter, but my feet aren’t really on that list. My feet are sometimes too dry because I don’t take the time to put the kind of care and cream they deserve. My feet are of average size: 7.5 and they are long and narrow. My toes are relatively even and uneventful.

I feel relatively similarly about my hands, too. Nothing amazing but not problematic. Perfectly ordinary.

Not that there’s anything wrong with perfectly ordinary. In fact, when it comes to body parts, I wish I could just be perfectly ordinary all over. I wish that like my feet and hands, my body was average enough that I wouldn’t spend so much of my time feeling bad about it.

On the other hand, I am very grateful for my body. For how long, and well, it has served me. When I was little, I used to get sick often. In my twenties, I had an injured back and a lot of pain in my jaw. But, here I am, in my forties and my body is being really kind to me. I have a little bit of back pain sometimes and some jaw pain but, for the most part, I am doing well. I’ve had two healthy children. I’ve been sick very few times in the last ten years.

My feet have carried me through countries and cities, through stages of life, through weight gains and weight losses. They have never, ever failed me.

Here’s to hoping the next twenty years are as smooth and painless as the last ten have
been. I think after all the work its done for me, it’s maybe time for me to take better
care of my body and my feet. It’s always been on my list to prioritize such self-care but I just never do it. Or at least never do it consistently.

But as I get older and my body gets weaker, if I don’t start prioritizing it sooner than later, I know that I will regret it. So I am trying to take small steps. Small steps like walking daily. Small steps like drinking more water. Small steps like remembering to put some cream on my feet. Sometimes all I can do are the little steps. But they are still better than no steps. Here’s to one small step at a time.

These are from Ali’s 31 More Things class. More context here.

So here’s my day thirteen – quote

(journaling below)

Journaling:
Here’s my favorite quote of all time:

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” – Mark Twain

Mark Twain owns pretty much all the best quotes. He is both funny and pithy. Lately, a lot of the quotes I love come from Rumi. Here are some other favorites on my list:

“Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”

“You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean.” – Rumi

“Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with everything they have.”

“Allow beauty to shatter you regularly. The loveliest people are the ones who have been burnt and broken and torn at the seams, yet still send their open hearts into the world to mend with love again, and again, and again. You must allow yourself to feel your life while you’re in it.” – Victoria Erickson

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” – Oscar Wilde

“You are confined only by the walls you built yourself.”

“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” -Thoreau

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you are right.” -Henry Ford

And in honor of the word I plan to have for 2016:

“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.” – Eckhart Tolle

These are from Ali’s 31 More Things class. More context here.

So here’s my day eleven – memory.

(journaling below)

Journaling:
I have very few memories from when I was a child. It’s not that I had a sad childhood or anything, it’s really that I seem to have a really bad memory. I remember the shirt in this picture. I remember how much I loved wearing it. I remember Yona teaching me how to read on mom and dad’s bed. I remember going to Polenezkoy. I remember riding the camel. I remember long car trips and my singing Tembeli Tembeli, Oy so much that Dad had to pull over and ask me to stop. I remember getting carsick, a lot. I remember the fights and the divorce but I also remember the moment my parents told me they were getting back together. I remember going to the wedding. But I don’t remember much else. Not until after fifth grade.

Which is when I started keeping a diary.

I kept diaries for years. All the way through middle and high school. Even a little in college. And then I started a blog back in 1999 when they were first emerging. I’ve always had this need to write things down. My feelings, yes. But not just my feelings, also my thoughts, what happened, what I learned. I like to write it all down.

I think the reason I like writing things down (and taking pictures) is because I know that my memory is not very good. I know that I tend to forget so much of what happens and so I use these tools to help me remember. To help me freeze these otherwise ordinary moments of my life. To help me see that all of the magic of life is in these fleeting moments. So when I preserve these moments, I get to preserve some of that magic.

I know that our memories aren’t perfect. We rewrite history all the time. We are selective with what we remember. And even selective with what we forget. And maybe it’s not important to remember it all, perfectly. Or at all. Maybe we’re not meant to look back. Maybe we’re not meant to relive the moments again and again. Maybe we’re meant to experience them, learn what we learn then and then move on.

I know they say that those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it but maybe my bad memory is yet another sign that I am supposed to be here, now and live in this moment and soak it in and be present to my life as it happens. And maybe that’s all that matters.

These are from Ali’s 31 More Things class. More context here.

So here’s my day nine – laugh.

(journaling below)

Journaling:
I don’t laugh that much. As my husband often says, I don’t really have a sense of humor. At least not in the typical sense. I don’t find most humor funny. And I tend to take life on the serious side. If you need things done, I’m your gal. If you want to talk, I’m your gal. If you want to talk about books, life, frustrations, or even celebrations, I’m your gal.

But I’m not the gal to have superfluous conversations with. I am not the gal to go shopping with. (unless we’re shopping for book.) I am not the gal to drink with. I am not the gal you go out with if you need a night of laughter.

I used to think this meant something was missing inside me. That I was somehow less than. Why can’t I be fun when so many others are? Why can’t I laugh and be silly with the best of them? What’s wrong with me?

But as I get older, I am realizing that this is just who I am. I take things seriously. I care about people deeply. I care about things deeply. And this is what makes me a good friend, a kind wife, a reliable employee and a loving mother. This is what makes me, me. It’s not good or bad, it’s just who I am.

And I’ve also learned that I do laugh. There are times I will laugh so hard that I can’t control the laughter. There are times I am laughing with pure, unbounded joy. There are times when I tickle my kids or laugh at their silly jokes. These are my moments. Most of my laughter comes from joy. From gratitude. From moments of letting go and being right here, with the people I love and letting them love me in return.

They don’t happen often but when they do, I am so grateful for these moments. For these reminders of how special life is, how lucky I am and how there’s so much treasure hidden in the tiny moments of ordinary life.

Maybe I am not the silly type. And maybe I don’t laugh as much as I should. But I am
learning to be okay with that because, for me, it’s a part of learning to be okay with who I am and there’s so much joy and contentment in embracing all of myself. In the meantime, here’s to the rare people who can make me laugh anyway.