I’ve been thinking a lot about roller coasters lately. When my older one started middle school, the head of school told us all that middle school is tricky and a lot happens and that our kids would be riding up and down a rollercoaster over these three years.
And that our job was to not get on the coaster with them. Instead to wait at the bottom with a plate of cookies and be there for them when they get off.
I’ve been thinking about this analogy for my life in general. I can easily get caught up on helping people around me and getting on the rollercoaster with everyone around me who is experiencing difficult emotions.
Which is not helpful. Because at the best case I am riding with them and now experiencing things too and thus less able to help. And in the worst case, I’m now on a rollercoaster myself, involving myself into a conversation that wasn’t about me, making it about myself and now I am involved and part of the problem too.
So lately, I’ve been reminding myself that this is not happening to me but to a person I love. It is not about me (unless they tell me otherwise) and the best way in which I can be helpful is by staying grounded and asking them what would help.
It works wonders when I manage to do it.
Yes to supporting the people I love. Yes to not getting on the rollercoaster with them. Yes to awareness.
I was telling someone at work about this project today and how much it’s served me.
And I was talking about the nutrition aspect and how I am still struggling with it so much.
With exercise I’ve created a routine and a set of things I do daily. Maybe with nutrition I need a similar process. A set of nutritious things I eat and I focus on what to eat not on what not to eat.
I was walking to the car from the climbing gym today when I saw this drawing. Things feel like this more often than I would like.
There are many things going well in my life. And today’s news was a sigh of relief for a moment at least. And I am grateful for so much of everything I have. Everything I get to do and more.
And yet there’s still more to do and so much going on. And so much of living life anyway. I was doing email tonight since I was wildly behind from being away last week and everyone I emailed replied within minutes. Tons of others doing email at 8, 9, 10pm at night. We are all working all the time. My kids have not seen their friends or been to their school in person in over a year. My little one will get to celebrate his yet another birthday during a pandemic.
Things are “fine.” And yet…
Yes to acknowledging what is. Suppressing or ignoring things doesn’t help us move past them.
I’ve been looking for a way to have Turkish tea. There’s a place near our house that serves it and it’s so aromatic and reminds me so much of home.
I don’t know which tea it is so i found one on Amazon that can be used with a pot and made some today. Alas it wasn’t the one. It’s tasty but not aromatic.
Still enjoying it and the slowness it encourages in my life.
Weekly Intention: My intention this week is to stay in this quiet place as long as I can. I know this week will be busy at work and then it will culminate in little boy’s birthday and I want to go through this week with kindness at my heart and gratitude for the people around me.
This month’s intention is:April: The Quiet Yes: Be still. Listen to the whispers of your soul. See what your heart is telling you. Listen to the conversations in your head. Hear yourself. Ok so I haven’t been doing daily journaling but I have been quiet more often than not in April. The restorative yoga is really helping.
One way I will leap this week: so I would still love to journal and find some way back to art. but I also would love to find a painter for the house and make the appointment for my real id. Those are my current big to dos.
One boundary I will set this week: i am working on this advice my kids’ principal gave a few years ago. that when someone i love is on a roller coaster, i don’t get on the roller coaster with them. instead i wait at the bottom with a plate of cookies. so i am going to work on not feeling other people’s feelings and not being responsible for their feelings either. being there for them without making it about me.
One area where I will go deeper this week: hmmm some work around the designing work book so i can think about my work a bit.
What do I need to sit with this week? some ideas on how to incorporate art back into my life
I am looking forward to: celebrating little boy
Focus onCore Desired Feelings (lighter, kinder, enough, magic, wild): i do feel lighter now that the days are warmer and longer and i can sit outside more. now i have to start being kinder and slower.
This week’s challenges: there’s a lot to do at work this week. I am hoping that I can go through it with grace and calm. and without working too many long days.
Top Goals:
Work: finish prep for review. clean email. figure out plan for E.
Personal: get back to drawing and journaling.
Family: celebrate N. find painters, book real id.
This week, I want to remember: There are very few things time cannot heal.
The Best Part of this Week: it was really wonderful to get away a little this week.
I celebrate: booking our vacation, even if very last minute
I am grateful for: getting to spend some days over the water. water always centers me.
This week, I exercised: I climbed 3 times a week, rode every day i was home times, did 10 mins of core and 10 mins of arms 5 days a week. And did 50 mins of restorative yoga and 40 mins of stretching.
This week, I said yes to: working even though i didn’t want to.
I said no to: canceling my vacation for work.
I honored my values (love, learn, peace, service, gratitude): i am feeling grounded and peaceful for now. working on staying in this quiet place.
Top Goals Review: n/a
My mood this week was: calm
I am proud of: i am proud of all the exercise i am doing and how calm it’s making me feel.
I release: the desire to absorb others’ pain. it’s so hard for me when people i love aren’t happy..
Here’s what I learned this week: it’s always always worth going near the water.
” Alan Carver was what Tim had needed in his life. And he could have had his father back. If only his father had tried harder. Or if Tim had been able to forgive. Amy felt a wave of forgiveness wash over her like Roberta’s soap. If she had a second chance with the people she’d lost, she wouldn’t waste it. She’d forgive them and at the very least have her friends again.”
I loved this book from the moment I started it. I loved the author’s voice, I loved Amy. I was rooting for her from the beginning and didn’t stop for a moment. I loved how she loved all these flawed people around her and could see the magic in them and how she supported who they were.
“She didn’t have the heart to tell them that really, it was not the plants that mattered to her. It seemed strange that some people could be so kind while others destroyed beautiful objects for no reason.”
This is the story of Amy, whose best friend and boyfriend disappeared eleven years ago and she’s not heard from them since. She started hanging on to things and never let go so her house is a full-on hoarder house now and she still works at the company where she was doing an internship at 11 years ago. Her whole life is stuck.
‘Richard appeared at Amy’s gate. “We all have baggage,” replied Amy. She glanced back into her house. “No one travels lightly anymore.”’
But then a new family moves in next door and slowly little things start happening that unravels her life. I loved all the characters and how they were each flawed in their own way but none of them were perfect good or perfect bad. Even the tangential characters weren’t caricaturish.
but most of all i loved the voice this novel was written with. I felt drawn to it and found so much joy reading it.
with gratitude to Gallery Books and netgalley for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review
