Ok I have to admit that today passed and I absolutely have no idea what I did all day. I did take Nathaniel for his one-year appointment and I did do one layout but I think that might be it for the whole day. Ouch.

Today was David’s Wii day so he played and played.

Nathaniel ate his legos.

Walked around and watched David play. Occasionally turned off the TV which drove David insane, of course.

And then he picked through the trash which drove Mommy insane.

But then he smiled at us and all was forgiven.

Life with kids is an ongoing craziness. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Note to Self:
I have been listening to the book on Richard Feynman’s letters and there are several to his mom in there and it’s so awesome to see that even when he was doing his PhD, he was interested and excited to have his mom come visit and obviously liked her a lot. I hope that when my kids are grown, our relationship will be that way. I think it’s hard and it’s something I really hope to achieve. Not gulting them into seeing me but having them actually want to see me. I would love that.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Jake and I played a little Wii of our own tonight and it was so much fun. I am grateful that we both like to play together.
2. I am grateful that Nathaniel’s appointment went well and he’s doing great. Yey.
3. I am grateful for a relatively quiet Saturday. I like quiet days and I hope to read tomorrow.

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Wii, of course.
2. Watching batman.

Roses. Beautiful roses.

This is the kind of stuff that happens around here when I am working. Little boy walks around with his toy and laughs at me.

And then plays with his legos.

And then hears my voice, and smiles again.

My older boy will not look at the camera without making a silly face.

And then smiles after a lot of begging.

But the best part of today was that Nathaniel is finally walking around. I mean more than one or two steps here and there. He’s really walking for a few seconds. And trying it again and again.

I tried really hard to capture it but I cannot do a good job. The joy of watching your kid walk for the first time is indescribable.

I still remember David’s first walk. And it still brings tears to my eyes. I feel extra blessed today. Just remembering the value of everyday little moments.

Note to Self:
I haven’t gotten organized for the layout a day. I am thinking should i do something creative a day but then I think that’s a cop out. But then I tell myself it’s not about random rules and that I am doing this for myself and not anyone else and can’t I just let it go. I go on and on in my head. I’m such a basket case sometimes. And if it’s this complicated, shouldn’t that be a sign? Well so I am still planning on doing this. And the plan, for now, is to take it one day at a time. Let’s see how that goes. Without overplanning. Not my style but maybe that’s what I need right now. Something more whimsical and something different.

Ps: Oh and I meant to mention that we’re having a weekend long crop at AMM this weekend. BIg prizes! Come join us.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am so grateful to be able to be at home to get to experience the milestones and the everyday moments with my kids.
2. I am grateful that I live close to work. I had to go in to work today for a security thing and I was grateful to be able to do it quickly and with both kids in tow.
3. I am grateful for people who let me help them. I find it a privilege to help people and it gives me a boost of happiness. So I am always grateful when someone comes to me for help or allows me to help.

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Grateful for getting some yummy snacks at the fair at school.
2. Grateful for playing with legos! (seriously, they’ve become an obsession here)

Today wasn’t a good photo day. I didn’t capture enough. I am guessing I am a bit worn out from the WIL project I did last week and a bit overloaded on photos. It’s ok, I don’t mind the fluctuations. I’ve learned it’s a part of life.

Here’s David running towards me with a story. That little boy can talk!! He takes after his mommy. Tells me stories all day long.

And here he is posing for camera. I’m not a fan of the posed look. But when he tells me to take a photo, I take a photo.

And here’s the only good one of the little boy.

I worked a lot today, didn’t do much else but I am ok with that. I am feeling better though still in back and jaw pain which I am not particularly happy about. But it shall pass. This week literally flew by and I can’t even remember anything I did with it.

I did start Pam Carriker’s class last night tho and I love it so far! Here’s my first sketch from last night:

it’s got a long way to go and all the ones I did after this are even worse but I am still playing. I am drawing. I can do this. I promised myself I will draw at least one face every day this week before I move on to the next lesson.

Note to Self:
Soooo…I decided to do something crazy today. A part of me is still undecided about it but then another part wants to plunge ahead. So let’s see what I actually end up doing. I have been feeling blah and unmotivated etc. lately as you already know. While some of it is gone, the rest is still here so I decided I will jumpstart the process and “Fake it till I feel it” so I am going to do a Layout a Day in May. I might sprinkle in some art journal pages in there, too but I am not sure yet. That sort of feels like cheating. Is that cheating? I still need to plan and prepare so let’s see if I have time to do that in the one day before the month starts! Am I crazy? I think a bit. And I am not feeling 100% good about this yet. But…maybe it’s best just to take the plunge. I wonder if it will leave me more depleted or invigorated…

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Almost Friday baby! This is going to be a bit more of a hectic weekend than I’d like but still I love the weekend.
2. I am grateful for chocolate today. I love chocolate. A little too much.
3. Grateful for feeling and being more productive, too. It makes me feel better to feel better, isn’t that crazy?

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Grateful for Daddy.
2. Grateful for playing with Nathaniel.

Well finally it was a better day! I woke up at 5am and decided to just get stuff done. I worked and worked very hard and then I finished some smaller but nagging items on my list. I even did an art journal page which is also for an upcoming creative therapy. It wasn’t as productive as I usually am but it’s certainly a move in the right direction. Happie, happie.

This morning David was trying to get me to take a photos of the two of them but Nathaniel refused to cooperate. Hard to capture two kids simultaneously.

But I did a bit better when they were playing together. David loves pushing him around and Nathaniel loves being pushed. Happy kids make a happy mommy.

Today was pajama day in David’s school so he got to wear his new Lego Batman PJs. He was very happy.

And while he was at school and I was working, Nathaniel rummaged through my papers. Maybe he’s trying to remind me that I need to scrap more often.

After I picked up David, we all went to lunch together and that was great but then we came home and I was suddenly exhausted. I could barely hold my head up. So my productivity in the afternoon was considerably worse. Thankfully, I’d done enough in the morning to feel good that I am not upset now. I also always get another rush of productivity in the evening so we’ll see.

I haven’t mentioned my Silliness class cause I’ll be honest, I haven’t been working on it. I guess I am not silly enough 🙁 I thought it would be more about drawing but I was wrong. I don’t regret taking it cause David and I had a lot of fun doing many of the worksheets but I can’t say it was the best choice for me. I rarely rarely ever not do ALL of the work in a class so this is definitely an exception.

On that note, my order from dickblick finally arrived and I am off to sign up for Pam Carriker’s Pursuing Portraits class. I think I can never have enough portrait classes and I am in awe of her art so even if only 5% of it rubs off on me, it will be worth it.

Note to Self:
One of the things that really helps with feeling better is starting the day on a good note. On either a really productive note or a really fun note. So this is for me to remember that if I wake up tired and cannot be productive right away, I should do something that’s fun for me. This might be obvious but it isn’t always to me. I often check my mail and my reader and then get caught in the circle of checking more mail, more blogs, etc. While this might be interesting at times, it’s rarely fun or productive. Instead, I should play with my kids, go on a walk, draw, paint, scrap, work, or even take a bubble bath first thing. I think this is important. It sets the tone of the day. Are there any of you out there who, like me, aren’t morning people but are stuck getting up early? What do you do to get yourself in the mood of the day and to start it on the right foot?

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that I am finally feeling a little better. Here’s to baby steps.
2. I have started listening to a book by Richard Feynman. His letters. He is so amazing and so inspring and just listening to his daughter talk about him makes me happy. I am grateful that there were (are) people like that in the world
3. I am grateful for lunch with my kids. As we were sitting in the coffee shop, chatting and eating, I sat back and realized this was exactly the life I’d wished for and I am so blessed and thankful to have it.

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Going out to lunch with Mommy and Nathaniel
2. Playing with Noah’s Glass Ironman at school

Well, not much to say today. I was slightly more productive but I am still grouchy and in pain. My jaw and back and head are hurting so I am going to go crawl somewhere instead of writing not so nice things.

Nathaniel has been playing with the duplos nonstop. So has David to be honest. I am so glad legos are finally taking over our house. I love legos.

Nathaniel’s also taken to shrieking randomly. And it’s not very much fun.

Well that’s about it from the karenika household for today. Off to get my coffee and hide in the sand until I feel better.

Note to Self:
I’ve been working really hard not to attribute any meaning to this lack of enthusiasm I’ve been feeling. It might be hormones. It might be pain. It might be more, it might be this it might be that but I am trying to just let myself go through it and not over-analyze it (which is definitely my default instinct.) I am just trying to let it do its thing and then pass. It’s hard. It’s been longer than I’d like but I know it will pass. I will wake up and feel like myself soon. I hope it’s really soon, though.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for Glee tonight. Love Glee.
2. I am grateful that I did actually accomplish a bunch of todo list items today.
3. I am grateful that my husband’s been sitting with me so much, trying to keep me company so my mood improves. And I love being around him so much. I am so lucky.

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Playing at home. He’s been keeping busy.
2. I’m grateful for Nathaniel’s toys, he told me today. For all of them.

The tulips are almost over. Almost at their life’s end but they are still so very beautiful.

So I was feeling much better this morning. I even thought the grouch was gone. But it appears to be back now. It was all going so well. After picking David up from school and eating lunch, I thought it would be great to get the kids to play outside. Nathaniel has been skipping his afternoon naps so I thought it would help with that, too.

They did really have fun being outside.

Though Nathaniel wasn’t sure about the grass and kept his leg raised the whole time.

Here’s a closeup. Isn’t it funny?

And it did work. After outside time, I put him down and he took a nice 1-hour nap. Success. or Coincidence. Who knows.

After that I just got less and less productive and my energy went down. I am just not feeling motivated. I wish I were. Maybe I should just go to sleep really early for a few days and see if it makes a difference.

Note to Self:
One of the things I struggle with the most is creativity. I’ve never wanted to be a singer or a dancer. But I’ve always wanted to be an artist (and a writer). I crave the ability to draw. The passion, the creativity, the talent. My desire is deep and wide and I so wish I could draw. I could sculpt. I could draw my feelings. I wish I could make scrap pages, art journals, etchings, paintings, sewing like many of the artists I admire. It’s like an ache.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for the tiny path of yard we have. It was so nice to get to sit outdoors today and let the kids play while I worked. My dream.
2. I am grateful for my patient husband who never takes it personally when I am grouchy. He’s always kind and wonderful.
3. I am grateful that I seem to be feeling a bit better. Here’s to an even better tomorrow.

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Playing at school (he played batman and is apparently climbing something.)
2. Snack time at school (pretzels and tangerines today)