And another shot from San Francisco.

Here we are in day three and I am still snapping a lot of photos. Not coherently and not all are going well but I am having fun with it. I am not documenting as much as I should but I am also trying not to give myself a lot of should and musts. This is why I was never able to do this before so I am trying not to talk myself out of it this time around.

I am still heavily unmotivated. Maybe hormonal? Maybe lack of sleep? Maybe meaningless? How about I document some right now?

My beautiful, handsome boy. Doesn’t like to get out of his pajamas. He wakes up and starts playing with his legos pretty much immediately. It takes me a few minutes to nurse the baby, change him, check my mail, and wake up enough to make food for the kids. So David gets a mix of Oatmeal (Cinnamon Roll) and Cream of Wheat (same flavor). He doesn’t know about the cream of wheat but once I mix the two, he eats it just fine. I put it in for iron which it has a lot of. Nathaniel gets to have a slice of bread, a banana, and some cheese (right now it’s white cheddar but he likes gouda, too.) While they eat, I empty the dishwasher and fill it up. I then check some more mail, etc.

Nathaniel is really into his water right now. He usually eats all of his food pretty quickly and then waits for me while sucking his thumb. He makes loud noises occasionally to ensure I don’t forget that he’s still sitting.

After breakfast, we all get to sit around and play. I read some of the blogs I follow or if I am feeling super-ambitious, I might do an art journal page. I will often check my work email, reply to anything urgent, etc. David plays with his legos or he draws. Nathaniel crawls around the room and chews everything he can get his hands on and then more. He’s still not walking but he likes to get up a lot and practices it often.

After that, David gets dressed (all by himself), I change Nathaniel, shower, get dressed and we’re off to drive David to school. In the car, we generally chat or I listen to one of my books on tape. Right now, I’m listening to Easier than you Think. I much prefer non fiction. After we drop him off, we come home and I put Nathaniel down for his nap. Some days he struggles and other days (like today) he’s so tired from being up since 5:48 am that he falls into a deep sleep. While he sleeps, I finally get to have my breakfast, which is coffee, graham crackers, and Dairy Milk chocolate (and some water). I also do work sometimes with TV, sometimes with music. I try to accomplish a lot during this time since it’s often my quietest time in the day. Around 11:30, I get Nathaniel and we go pick David up from school.

When we get home, I prepare lunch for all of us. Nathaniel gets veggies, yogurt, oatmeal and water. And then some pear or strawberries or apples. David gets to have green beans and meatballs. If he finishes quickly, he also gets some fruit of his choice and sometimes bread or yogurt. I have lately been eating a cheese sandwich with one slice of salami. If it’s CSA delivery day (Wednesdays), I get to have a fresh salad with carrots, etc.

And while we eat, we often chat with my Mom and Dad. It’s around 10pm their time.

As they continue eating, I do work. After lunch, they get to play for a while and then I put Nathaniel down again. I drink another coffee, David plays, and I do more work. Today, Nathaniel refused to nap so after a long while, I gave up and decided to take a short break to do chores. So I folded all the laundry that had been piling up for too long a time and Nathaniel took the opportunity to destroy my books. He also loved playing with the hangers.

After all that, some more playing time, and more work for me, it was dinner time. Nathaniel got some oranges, strawberries, yogurt, cheerios, and a few pears. David go to have a half of cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese and some yogurt. And some pears, too. Jake came home around then and we were all so happy to see him. After he went running, we finished up the food, and headed to the bath. Two kids washed, teeth flossed and brushed, numbers 1 and 2 in the toilet, and it is officially bedtime.

While I nursed and dressed Nathaniel, David picked our book for the night (here’s Nathaniel wanting to “explore” it by mostly destroying it.) and even though A Visitor for Bear is the most recent favorite, tonight we read Please, Baby, Please. Short and sweet. We were running late.

And then Nathaniel went to bed (and complained of course) and David, too, but he got to read some on his own. About an hour later, I went up to ask him his two things and he was already in bed with the lights off. He told me his two things, we said our goodnight words (Goodnight, sweet dreams, I love you with all my heart, I’ll see you in the morning) and I tucked him in.

I went back downstairs, made myself my third cup of coffee and here we are.

how’s that for documenting? my boring, predictable day. I love it.

Note to Self:
I spent a long time thinking about a Week in the Life today and whether I was going to do it or not and how. I love what Wilna, Cathy and Ali are doing. Simple words and photos. But four pages a day is 28 pages for the week. Plus the front and back makes 30. That seems like so much ink and photo paper for something I can keep on the computer. I don’t know why I am feeling frugal suddenly but it feels huge suddenly, enough to make me not want to do it. But I also felt sad and bad walking away from it, so I decided I am going to it fully digital. And once I am finished, if I still feel like pinting it, I will decide then.

Another thing I noticed is that I need more photos with me in them. I tried to put my wide-angle more today but didn’t do a good job. I will try more tomorrow. This is something I am not too good at, as you already know.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I have been listening to “Gives you Hell” still and it makes me so happy. I am grateful for the amazing power of music.
2. Despite the blah’ness and lack of motivation, I am still feeling so happy about my life and I am grateful that I’ve been able to appreciate my life so much.
3. I found out today that one of my best friends from childhood is coming to visit me on Saturday. I cannot wait to see him!

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. He said he’s still so grateful for legos 🙂
2. And very grateful for Daddy and that he came home early today.

Another shot from San Francisco.

I still haven’t decided whether I am doing the Week in the Life or not but I am still taking photos and trying to document a bit more than usual in case I do decide to do it. I took 121 photos today and some 130 yesterday. So far, so good.

I finally completed some long-standing items on my todo list. I have like 45 more but I am feeling more optimistic. Even though I started my day with an art journal page that made me unhappy enough to cover the whole thing. I did work on some more pages later in the day and I am trying to teach myself to let go more. Not try to be perfect. To practice. That’s the goal. Practice.

I know this photo is terrible but the sentiment is so amazing that I had to put it there. I love that David goes and hugs his brother randomly.

The little boy laughs a lot. All day long. He’s just a happy little one.

A lot of people ask me how I can get work done with two kids and no help, but this is a common scene in my house. The big boy sitting at the table, playing. The little one crawling around and playing too (or napping) so I can do it cause I have the world’s best kids.

Late afternoon, David and I practiced writing all the words he’s learned to spell. There’s around 14 or so. He whined a bunch but he did write them all 5 times each. But I am not sure how much he retained. Baby steps, I tell myself.

And here’s one I snapped while he was playing with his Didj.

I am totally hooked on the song “Gives you Hell” the Glee version and can’t stop listening to it. Now that the kids are in bed, I hope to get creative therapy ready and then sneak in a quick art journal page before Glee. Let’s see if I can pull it off.

Note to Self:
After I finished Karen‘s new book, I saw that she was having a retreat right here in a few weeks. I immediately wanted to sign up but then I worried about going alone. Was it a bad idea? Would I feel lonely and crappy? I asked two different people at two different times but neither could go. So I spent ten days mulling it over back and forth. I am not so great at going to places by myself. But I really wanted to do this. So last night I just bought the tickets and decided to take the plunge. I am anxious of course but I am also excited. I certainly could use a full day to meditate and listen to the amazing Karen talk. Here’s to taking a step on my own.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Glee! I am so excited about tonight’s Madonna episode.
2. We woke up to pouring rain today but then the sun came out and it was such a beautiful day that it lifted all my bad moods immediately.
3. I am grateful for the few but important tasks I’ve accomplished today. My scheduling technique is working a bit so far. Not bad.

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Legos! They have taken over the dining table.
2. He had a wonderful day at school today where each class was a different city and they “flew” from city to city and played games, ate snacks, did crafts. When I picked him and asked about his favorite part of the day, he said “I am grateful for the whole day, mommy.”

I love Nature. I cannot get enough of it.

Today, I was all set to put in place my new schedule but, as always, my day went on an unexpected path. I hadn’t decided if I was going to do A Week in the Life or not (still haven’t) so I figured I’ll take some photos just to have them either way.

I grabbed my camera as Nathaniel was having breakfast and as I snapped one shot, the camera went insane. It flashed “err 99” and then the shutter wouldn’t stop clicking. So I took the battery out and put it back in. One more photo and then the craziness again. After six more attempts the camera simply wouldn’t stop. Even with different lenses or batteries or CF cards. Even with no CF card. A bunch of research on Google explained that my camera’s shutter was kaput and a replacement would be around $300. Since I was planning on upgrading anyway, I decided this was a sign from the universe.

And I bought a Canon 5D Mark II. And since my 10-22 won’t mount on that. I went ahead and bought a 17-40L. And I bought an 85mm 1.8 since the 50 is wider angle now and not as perfect for portraits. Man that 1.8 is sharp! I don’t even need to sharpen my photos anymore.

So I have a lot to learn with this new camera but I love it already and I am giddy with joy. When the battery did fully charge, I went ahead and snapped hundreds of photos for WIL in case I do decide to do it.

Nathaniel is still walk-crawling in his funny way. But at bedtime he was playing with David and did actually take 5 whole steps!

And one of David, of course.

He looks so much like me in this photo. It always amazes me.

David kept trying to get him away from the chair, thinking he would fall down but Nathaniel is getting into everything now. He is unstoppable.

And I also captured one of him lifting the curtains at bedtime. His favorite activity is looking out that window.

I have hundreds more.

We chatted with my aunt Ruthy in England today and also chatted with Mom and Dad while they ate dinner and while my mom was in bed. I love Skype. And David and I did some fun stamping today. I am hoping tomorrow will be more “typical” and I can be more productive. I also hope nothing else breaks.

Note to Self:
I decided recently that I will change some of my vocabulary. More like how I put things. I say “Oh I can’t make cards.” when I mean to say “I don’t like making cards.” I feel like the latter makes me sound pompous. But the former makes me sound like I am putting myself down. And a long time ago a friend told me that it’s best not to put yourself down too much because sooner or later people believe you. I worry so much about sounding cocky that I think I overcompensate sometimes. I think knowing yourself and knowing what you like and don’t like and want to spend your time on and what you don’t want to spend your time on is important. And I want to use that language more, for me if not for others around me. I want to pay attention to what I say, how much I belittle myself. Because doing it to myself is almost like giving others permission to do it to me, too.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am so grateful for my mom for being so generous with me. She’s amazing.
2. I am so grateful to my husband for putting up with my kind of crazy. I am certifiable and he loves me anyway.
3. I am grateful for my new camera and the joy it’s already bringing into my world.

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Stamping with mommy’s stamps
2. Skipping veggies for lunch

A shot from San Fran from yesterday’s trip.

Today was not a good photo day. I was in such a funk that I did not feel inspired to take photos.

But of course I took a few anyway.

He’s almost one. My year of taking daily photos of him is going to come to an end. And then what do I do? I think I will focus on both kids more. David’s been a bit neglected (photographically) this year and I want to capture him more often, too. Knowing me I will likely create a schedule to ensure I capture each kid at least weekly or something like that.

Feeling sleepy. Haven’t I been saying that every day this week? It feels like I’ve dragged down and can’t get up. I will need some sort of jolt of adrenaline. Got any?

I will sadly admit I didn’t touch my art journal this weekend. Nor did I read more than 3 pages. Ugh. Here’s to hoping the week is more productive than the weekend was.

Note to Self:
I am not exactly sure why I am in such a funk lately. I feel unproductive, disinterested, tired, and too overwhelmed to be productive. Days are passing uneventfully and that’s inspiring me even less making the frustrating day even more unbearable. I hate it when I go to this place where nothing at all is inspiring or motivating me. But I still fight it and don’t sleep (like I should) and don’t play (like I should) and instead I lie on the couch, sulk, and make everyone else suffer.

I was just listening to a book which talked about how your attitude is in your control and how you can choose to be positive. Which I wholeheartedly believe. At the same time, I can’t seem to get myself out of this funk. I’ve listened to music, I’ve gone outside, I’ve watched movies. I haven’t done some art so I am off to do that now but not much seems to be working….

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Nathaniel took his very first step today. It was for a split second and if I had blinked I would have missed it. But I didn’t and it was a moment of pure pure joy for me. I am so grateful I got to see it. I know soon he’ll be walking and it will be no big deal but it is to me.
2. I am grateful that so many people share their talents online. I am so inspired by so many artists and I am so grateful for blogs and for getting to see everyone’s art so readily. What an amazing luxury!
3. I am grateful that my kids go to bed so early. I really need the quiet time tonight and I think I will actually head to bed soon, too.

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. He got to play a tiny bit mor Wii today and that was a major highlight.
2. He’s been obsessively playing with his legos lately and it’s really most of what he does all day and he loves loves the little lego men.

Today started out blah like everyday in the last week but then I’d asked Jake if we could go to the city for the day and walk on the Golden Gate Bridge (which is on my list for the year) and it was a fantastic day in the city so we decided to go do it. And it was absolutely awesome. More about this in a few Saturdays.

As soon as we parked, I asked Jake to take a photo of us. Nathaniel had napped in the car so he was still groggy.

And one more of us.

There are many more photos but I will save them for the 52 Things entry and post some throughout the week. As it turns out my camera is really dirty. I generally leave my shutter wide open to 1.8 but of course today I had closed it to 8 or 16 to capture some of the beauty which sharpened all the dirt and man there’s a LOT of it. I will have to get my sensor cleaned very soon.

Nathaniel’s been able to stand on his own for quite some time but for some reason I could never get a photo of it and finally today I managed to catch one.

I am going to wrap this up cause the babysitter will be here in 15 minutes and I still have to go get dressed. Happy Saturday.

Note to Self:
Wow, I’ve decided one of my biggest pet-peeves is guilt tripping. I so very much hope that this is not something I do often and I plan to do it never and I absolutely abhor it when others do it to me. It’s such a passive agressive way to communicate. A class I took a long time ago always said that you ask for what you want and you take what you get. You take what you get. I think it is important to remember to do that. Not to feel sorry for yourself. Not to make others do something for you out of guilt. What a horrible way to get something you want. Not only will I no longer cater to such people but I will work diligently to ensure I don’t do it. It’s amazing to see the effect it has on me when others do it and what better reminder for me not to do it to anyone else?

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Getting to walk across the bridge. It was loud and windy but also incredibly fun and stunningly beautiful.
2. Even more grateful that we didn’t have to walk all the way back. Jake ran back, grabbed the car and came to pick us up. Yep, my superhero.
3. Very grateful for date night tonight. A wonderful ending to an incredible day. I am truly blessed.

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Wii, of course. Today was the Wii day.
2. Going to San Francisco. David ran, skipped, jumped, and walked across the bridge with us and didn’t complain one single time.

One week from tomorrow Nathaniel turns one. One. I can’t believe how quickly a year passes. So much has happened in that time and yet it feels like it was just yesterday that I was in the hospital, giving birth to him. I will write more next week, I’m sure but I find myself wanting to document more and more of him before the moments pass.

He loves walking on the edge of our large couch and grabbing David’s toys.

When I tell him to put it down, this is what he likes to reply with.

And then he puts it right in his mouth. He’s gotten better at not eating things that aren’t food. He will still put it in his mouth first, but he will spit it out.

He loves playing with the TV and has learned that the Tivo remote turns it on. As soon as he or I pick it up, he looks at the TV to see if it turns on. Today he managed to record two shows and almost bought some stuff on the Tivo.

He loves playing with this toy, especially when it’s up there. He loves standing up and leaning over to play with it. He can stand up and down all by himself but he hasn’t walked yet unless one of us holds his hand.

His most favorite thing to eat is a tangerine. He can clear one off his plate in under two minutes. He also really loves drinking water ever since he’s figured out how to do it and doesn’t ask to nurse as many times a day now. (He was thirsty my little boy.) He also loves to eat all fruit, bread, cheese, yogurt. Some items on the so so list: meatballs, pasta, and veggies if mixed with yogurt.

He loves bath time and plays with (chews) all the toys. He doesn’t complain when I dump water on him but you can tell he’s shocked each time. As I am getting him dressed, he loves to squirm away and lift the blinds and look out the window. I always act surprised as he crawls that way and he giggles as he lifts the blinds. When I put him to bed, we play this game where he picks up his little rabbit and throws it. I giggle. He does it again and he giggles too. It’s wonderful until I walk away which is when the crying commences.

I love him so much, so deeply. There are no words to express my love.

Not to leave out David, I wanted to take the time to note three words he still says incorrectly but in the most amusing way. He will say sarcaspert instead of sarcastic. Destruction instead of construction. And protective instead of detective. They each make me laugh so much that I almost don’t want to correct him. (He also uses “for” instead of “so” often but we do try to correct that a lot.)

Long, useless day here. I am glad weekend is here and I hope it will give me some rest time.

Note to Self:
As promised yesterday, I spent some time getting organized today. I basically chunked my day into sets of hours. I first marked the things I cannot get out of like driving David to school and back, etc. Then I marked recurring things like meals, bathtime, bedtime, etc. And then I took the chunks of hours for work and allocated specific tasks to each part of the day, giving me cushion time to check my mail, handle last minute things, etc. Then I added some kids and me time. And finally some just me (or Jake and me, depending) time. I put specific tasks on days they need to get done. For example, I post on the Weekly Gratitude blog on Tuesdays so I generally write that Monday night so I added it to Monday’s calendar, etc.

I don’t know if this system will work or not but I am hoping it will stop the “I have so much stuff, which one should I be doing?” phenomenon I seem to be suffering from lately. Cross your fingers for me.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. This week, I am super grateful it’s Friday. I was last week too. I need to sleep this weekend and get myself some much-needed relaxation.
2. I am grateful that we have a babysitter coming tomorrow and I am looking forward to date night tomorrow, watching the movie Date Night.
3. I am grateful that I got organized. I am hoping this will work because I really need it.

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Playing with legos. Again 🙂
2. Playing rockets at school