Jake and I were talking about birthdays a few weeks ago. How we treat people extra-special when it’s their birthday. How we feel it’s ok to ask for a little more special treatment when it’s our birthday.
It made me wonder why we don’t do this more often. Why we reserve the extra-special for birthdays. I know, it’s once a year and it’s easier and more realistic to drop everything and prioritize someone once a year. But imagine if we picked a select few people in our lives and decided we would treat them as if it was their birthday every single day. So you could always treat them with a little something special?
Maybe special would lose its meaning then? Since every day will be special and all…
But I think not.
I think it would make the relationship that much stronger. That much better and deeper. And wouldn’t it be cool to know that you don’t have to wait for their birthday to make those special pancakes, to give that awesome gift, to make them feel as special as they are in your life?
It just feels right to me. I want my loved ones to know that everyday is their birthday. That I can make them feel special every day. I want to.
Nathaniel had napped a lot this morning so when we went to pick David, I suggested we take a fun detour. So we went to get ice cream. And ate it before lunch. Sometimes you just have to eat your dessert first.
A little more productive today but it’s still continuing to be not-the-best-week-ever.
I know it’s a bad shot but while I was chatting with my sister today, I turned around as saw David kissing Nathaniel over and over again. I had to snap a shot, no matter how crappy. I am so blessed.
Not a productive day. I haven’t been able to find my groove this week. Weeks like this frustrate me. But I am telling myself it’s going to be ok.
You are welcome to play with these as much as you want and use them anywhere you’d like. You are NOT allowed to sell them ever. You don’t have to but I’d appreciate a link back if you do use them.
This is part of a weekly digital download series. They are posted every Wednesday. You can find all of the ones that were posted here.
I made this layout for A Million Memories. And for Ali’s Yesterday/Today class.
It’s a photo of me when I was little. Here’s what the journaling reads:
I look at this picture and I see this little girl who looks like she’s having a good time. It’s her birthday. Maybe the third one. She doesn’t look sad to me. She doesn’t look like life has broken her yet. I want to take her into my arms and give her a hug.
I want to tell her that she’s going to go through some rough patches in her life. That she will be teased mercilessly, rejected by her so-called friends. She will feel lonely and sad and some of these feelings will stay with her for the rest of her life. She will feel an insurmountable need to run away. To start fresh. She will think that she can’t trust anyone to keep her secrets. She will pour her heart out to her diaries. For years. She will feel like if only she could leave and start over, another life, another place, she could fix it all. She will be loved but it won’t feel like it’s enough. There will be years of feeling small and feeling sad. Alone.
I want to give her a hug and tell her to just hold on. To have faith.
Because on the other side of this sorrow and loneliness, she will find an amazing life. She will make forever friends. She will find a man who loves her as deeply as she loves him. She will have two amazing children and feel more love than she imagined possible. A successful career that she actually enjoys. She will travel. She will experience life. She will discover art. And photography. And writing. Books will save her life over and over again. She will be loved. Truly loved.
I want to tell this little girl her life will be amazing. She will have to go through some turbulence to get there but it will be worth every second of it. I want to hold her and say:
Hold on, little girl, it’s all waiting for you on the other side.
Today was one of those days where I forgot to take a photo until it was too late. Until all the light was gone. So what I got is too imperfect. But some days are like that. And this project is not about perfect photos. It’s about having a chronicle of our lives. My kids’ growth. And with that, I mark today.
Thank you for your kind words to yesterday’s post. They mean a lot to me and I am still thinking about it all. Still unsure how to move forward but I’m working on it. In the meantime, I’m spending more time with my son. Working on his letters, reading him bedtime stories. And kissing both of them a ton.
I consider myself a productive person. In an ordinary week, I get a lot done. Here’s a typical list: creative therapy art piece, layouts for amm, layouts for the BPS class I am taking, organizing/writing BPS class that I am planning to teach, a new tag, a photography video, a photoshop video, a book to start and finish in the same week, my writing homework for the week, writing for my upcoming submission to the critique in my class, digital downloads for the week, photos every day of the week – taking them, processing them, uploading them, and posting them. Preparing and posting each week’s creative therapy catalyst. Emailing artists to see if they would guest for us. Following up on guests that are coming up due.
I’m tired just listing them all. And none of these are required. On top of of all this, I have my actual obligations in life. Like my job and my almost five year old and my six month old and my husband. Attending meetings. Taking David back and forth from preschool for two hours a day. Making breakfast, lunch, and dinner for him. Nursing Nathaniel – day and night. And now preparing and giving food to Nathaniel.
The thing is, I love being busy. I love scrapping, taking photos, doing art, reading, writing. I love it all. But because I am doing it all, I am always in such a rush that I can’t seem to enjoy any of it. I find myself running from one task to another. Making 27 item-long todo lists each weekend. Telling my son he has to go to bed without a story so mommy can do her stuff. Not replying to emails. Not inviting friends over so I can do my stuff.
And, on top of all that, I am not even happy with what I do. I often find myself seeking validation. I annoy my husband to read my words, to look at my pages. I post them online and refresh constantly for feedback, never believing the good stuff and constantly reading into the words, looking for the criticism. I am obviously not made out of whatever it takes to do this stuff. Ten times a day, I think of withdrawing myself from everything. Giving up all my obligations (most of which are to myself) and just living life.
But I also know that being busy is what stops me from going crazy. From being depressed. And as I mentioned a few days ago, I often need a purpose to execute.
I think the trick is to find a little more balance. To take the time to seriously sit down and analyze which parts I enjoy the most. While there might be days I don’t enjoy having to remember to take a photo, I love seeing daily photos of my son. And I love that because of that practice I have some amazing photos of both of my sons. Of our lives. Of our events. I love creative therapy. I love the environment it’s created on the web. I love the guests we’ve had. The art I’ve done. The team we have. I love reading. I love the layouts that focus on the words and the photos. I love having our scrapbook pages to look at, the stories I get to remember, the moments I get to preserve. And I’ve been getting a lot out of the videos, digital work, classes, etc, too. But I can’t do it all.
I don’t want to do it all. I want to be able to do art for four hours one night and not worry about the other items on my list. Or read for seven hours. Or just be with my kids and do workbooks. Read stories.
So something’s gotta give. I don’t know what yet. I feel too sad giving any of it up. But as the holiday season approaches and I get to have more days at home with my kids and I think about gratitude and family and thankfulness, I want to look within and see what fulfills me the most right now. Yes, I love the idea of writing that novel, but I am not really loving writing it right now. Maybe it’s ok to let it go. It doesn’t mean I failed.
Living my life authentically for me. For the values I cherish. And not for looking good for others. Not for validation. Not for approval or admiration. But for joy, love and gratitude. I am going to try to practice that for the next nine weeks. I will still create art and take photos and read books. But I am going to try my hardest to give up the need for validation. I am not even sure I can do it. But I am going to try hard. I think that if I didn’t need the validation, I might be a better person. And I know that life would be considerably more pleasant.
Here’s to nine weeks of authenticity and joy.
—
ps: no photoshop video this week. I have no more ideas. If you have ideas of what you’d like to see email me. karen AT karenika DOT com.
Well this is the book. The one that started the whole thing. The one that led me to start Creative Thrapy. I had put it away a long time ago, not sure what I wanted to do with the cover. I took it out and took a piece of fabric and stitched some interlocked hearts. Some beads and a heart and a note to remember: loved. This book is a reminder that I was loved. I am loved.
I picked up The Knitting Circle pretty randomly. I wanted something lighter and quicker to read.
Well it was quicker. But not lighter.
As it turned out, this book is about a mom whose five year old daughter just died from meningitis. The story is personal cause the author herself just recently lost her own daughter. And this book was well written.
But it was so painful. So so dreadfully sad. Having an almost-five year old myself, I couldn’t stop imagining the worst and kept getting freaked out over and over again. I am not sure it was a good idea to read it.
It did, however, make me want to knit again. The soothing, repetitive motion is quite calming.
I must also say that the woman who taught me to knit was nothing like the store owner in this story. She was unwelcoming and snotty. All in all, I would say do not read this unless you’re into really sad stories.
I picked up The Knitting Circle pretty randomly. I wanted something lighter and quicker to read.
