Today started our badly. I woke up at 3am cause Aurelia refused to go to sleep after having eaten just a few hours prior. After a while of his wailing, I just gave up, nursed him again and thankfully we both passed out in our own beds. When I woke up, David had already taken his pullup off and put it outside (which he does every morning) but because something is wrong with our back door, it wouldn’t close. So he left it for me to do. And I couldn’t either. So I had to call an emergency line and they came an hour later to close it (not fix it. that won’t happen until after the holidays). While I am thankful that it’s now locked, I am annoyed that I can’t use it until January who knows when. I use this door 16 times a day. What crap.
Since I got so little sleep, I was in a total daze all day, even after two coffees. So finally, in the afternoon, I told David we should go take a walk. We all got bundled up and went out.
Since we were going to walk for about 20 mins, I got the dinky stroller we use for such occasions. I was worried Aurelia might be too small for it, but it worked out ok.
I tried taking several photos of Aurelia along the way:
But he either made funny faces or sucked his thumb. But the big one smiled wonderfully.
And then played around.
And then once the kids were down, I wrote some code. It was a long, long day. Hope yours was well.
Last year, in the beginning of the year, I made an album for my creative therapy catalysts. I cut a bunch of the patterned paper I was saving and put it in the book and decided I was going to make each of my entries using the pre-prepared pages.
This Sunday is our final catalyst for this year. Here’s what the book looks like now.
I love it and it’s a book I will cherish forever.
So for this year, I decided to make another one. This time, I didn’t fill it with pages because this year I plan to make this my art journal. I want to experiment with sewing, stitching, fabric, paint, etc. Anything my heart desires. I am not going to worry about whether it’s “pretty enough.” Since I am not doing the tags again, I wanted to have an outlet for trying new things and since I already do a catalyst each week, I decided to couple the two.
I am going to use this album I made. It’s using my word of the year so it fits perfectly. (More on that later.)
As the numbers of this month get higher, I get sadder and sadder. I don’t want this year to end yet. Not because it was the most magical year (though it did have some amazing moments) but because I am not ready for 2010 yet. I haven’t finished my 2009 tasks yet (still got three tags to make.) and I need to rest a bit, too. Can time stop for just a tiny bit?
Today I was in an inexplicably grouchy mood. I think it’s cause Aurelia struggled with all of his naps and hence I didn’t get enough quiet time and when he was awake, he was super-cranky so that didn’t help either. Not that you can tell from the photo.
And David was subject to a lot of my random frustrations. Even though I made up for it a little bit at the end of the day, he spent a lot of today doing workbooks and watching movies and trying to play quietly (though not succeeding a lot.)
I did work on my December Daily tonight and have almost all the pages done. I find that towards the end of the month, I get tired and my table gets really messy which drives me crazy and it all goes a bit wonky. Oh well.
For 2010, I decided I wanted to try some new things and push my personal boundaries a bit. So I made a list of things I want to try and I will attempt one each week. Some are things I am planning on doing anyway and others scare me. Of course, I reserve the right to change my mind, add to the list, etc. But here’s my first attempt at the list.
When I had my first son, David, I was working from home. Even though it was hard at times, I loved watching him grow and being there to see it all. And when he turned eighteen months or so, I took a job with Google and was working in an office for the first time since he was born. Although his dad was home with him, I missed him everyday and regretted not being there with him. And then I got pregnant with Aurelia. I told myself that there was no way I was going back to work once the little baby came. My job at Google wasn’t something I could do from home and I was determined not to miss Aurelia’s childhood which meant I had to quit my job.
Then, a month before my maternity ran out, I went into work and told my manager I would be happy to stay at work but only if they would let me work from home. I would be willing to do any job, as long as it meant I didn’t have to come into the office. As it turned out, they were very wonderful and helped me move into another job in the same group. One that I could do (and have been doing) from home. As it turned out, I got the best of both worlds: I get to see Aurelia (and David) grow up and I get to work at a wonderful company, with a product I am proud to be a part of.
Today was full of entertaining David. Jake and he played cards, made a puzzle, made legos together and then we attempted to decorate the gingerbread houses we made but the attempt was aborted when David was much more interested in eating the M&Ms then putting them on the house.
When Aurelia woke up David played with him for a while and just hugged him spontaneously. And I just grabbed my camera and snapped.
I love these boys and I love seeing them together.
And then everyone played with their Christmas presents. David played Spongebob Operation and then with his gears and Aurelia ate his toys.
I spent most of my day relaxing and reading and writing blog posts. And I started a new book. Falling even more behind than usual but I don’t care. I need time to do nothing for a while.
During December I took a wonderful class from the amazing Stephanie Lee (she’s offering the class again in January and you can see more detail here). The class was amazing in many many ways that I can’t even put into words. And even though I didn’t keep up with my daily journaling (I will work on this for 2010), I still awaited her posts with baited breath every single day.
During the weeks the class was on, I had some rough days. I was feeling down and frustrated. And then one of her posts completely changed me. It made me realize that joy is a choice.
While I’ve read this many times before and probably knew it deep down, it didn’t hit me until the moment I read her words. Every single moment of my day I get to control how I feel about that moment. And since I am a major worrier, this is a life-changing perspective for me.
For example, I spend a lot of time worrying about all the bad things that might happen. And the fact is, they might. Something terrible might happen to my child. My house could burn down. My husband might leave me. I could lose my job. I could hurt myself. I could get cancer.
No one can tell me that these things can’t happen because they are all in the realm of possibility and no one can tell the future. And while I am a math-person, knowing that these are all low-probability events still doesn’t really help me. Even if the chances are one in a million, the possible result is so devastating that it really upsets me.
But here’s something that does help:
Choosing Joy.
It sounds simplistic and stupid, but I swear it works. If indeed something is going to happen to my child isn’t it better that I enjoy every single moment I have with him? That we play, laugh and make the most of our time? If my husband is going to leave me, shouldn’t I savor it while he’s still here? Shouldn’t I appreciate my beautiful home while I have it?
As I said, it does sound simple but a worrier like me doesn’t focus on the good. I need to concentrate on what’s here right now. What’s wonderful and possible and magical about what I have, what I can do, what great things could happen if I had the best attitude at this very moment.
If I choose joy over worry. Joy over frustration and anger and sadness.
How would my life be if I just chose joy every single moment?
When I read Stephanie’s post, I was overwhelmed with all these thoughts and my perspective changed immediately. I was filled with so much joy that I felt compelled to email my husband (he was at work) and tell him about my new revelation.
So I decided that this is something I want to embrace. I plan to make a big sign for my desk that reminds me to choose joy every time. Reminds me that I have a choice. And that I can make the choice that makes me happy instead of the other, not-so-productive, ones.
If I remember nothing else from this amazing class, this will be the best present I have ever received.
One thing I started a few months ago was to get back into the habit of reading a book each week. Doing this helped me remember how much I like reading and how happy it makes me. I really enjoy the arts and crafts, too but reading has a special place in my heart. So for 2010 I decided to continue my “a book a week” goal. Some weeks I on’t get to finish it and that’s ok but I know that I will read a whole lot more if I set this goal.
With that, here is my current list of books. They’re alphabetically sorted and you’ll see most of them are fiction. The ones with the star at the end are non-fiction. The little “a” in the paranthesis is a link to amazon, mostly for me since I like to read about the book each week when I am choosing my next book.
Here’s to a year of high quality reading. As always, if you have suggestions please leave comments. Last year, I read a lot of the suggested books and loved them.
Recently, I decided I need to take more videos. My kids are growing up too fast and I will miss it a lot. Knowing exactly how they do something. So here’s my way of documenting.
Aurelia loves eating these puffs and I love watching him. Warning:might be super-boring for you.
Excuse the dirty tray, he had just eaten so it’s a mess.
Christmas in our house started last night when David got to open one present.
As it turned out, it was a science toy so, of course, we got to working on it immediately.
While Aurelia hung out with Daddy and relaxed.
Then, everyone went to bed and Aurelia decided today was to start at 4:00am which is when he began crying and would not stop. So after we all woke up, he fell right back asleep and slept all the way until 8:30.
While he slept, I set the table.
This year, I’d decided to make some pancakes. The recipe was from the Barefoot Contessa book I have and it’s baked pancakes. I had never tried them before and while they look a bit funny, they actually tasted quite good.
David got “full” immediately because he knew we’d open presents after breakfast. And as soon as he was allowed, he opened everything in his stocking and moved on to his presents.
Since Aurelia showed no interest in opening his, David kindly opened all of Aurelia’s presents, too.
Here’s a shot of our room right after all the presents were opened.
After all the present-opening was done, Jake fell into a deep sleep on the living room couch.
While the kids both played with their new toys.
And then while Aurelia napped, we all watched Mary Poppins and then Jake and David made some of David’s new pirate legos while I relaxed and worked on some upcoming posts.
And we ended the day by making some royal icing and preparing our graham-cracker gingerbread houses so we can decorate them tomorrow.
Baths, nursing, stories, snuggling and the kids were both asleep by 6:30. Now it’s time for us to relax and enjoy the last few hours of Christmas Day.
I hope your day was full of delight and joy like ours. I feel very blessed today.
It’s been a while since I posted one of these, I know but this was the last one I recorded a long time ago so I wanted to make sure to post it.
I was just talking about this lens to my friend Manu last night. This really is the greatest lens. It takes beautiful photos in low light and it’s the perfect focal length and most significantly it’s really affordable. The thing with having expensive photography equipment is that it makes you worry about it constantly which might make you reluctant to use it and you should never be worried enough about your camera/lens that you don’t take the photos to document your moments. In my opinion, of course.
