Lately, I’ve been thinking about the power of expectations. Or more like the downside of having too many of them. I’ve decided that one of the biggest contributors to unhappiness is when expectations don’t align with reality.
When I was pregnant with David, Jake and I took a baby prep class and a month after our kids were due, we all came back to the same hospital to meet and talk about our babies and how things went, etc. We noticed, at the time, that the couples who had an unexpected problem (however small it was) felt like their hospital/birth experience was terrible and in the cases where everything went smootly, the parents thought the hospital was amazing. There might have been some cases where the staff varied enough to cause this, but I really think it had more to do with the alignment of expectations vs reality. If you go into it thinking you’ll have a one night stay at the hospital and end up having to stay 3 days, suddenly it’s the hospital’s fault or something went wrong. Instead of focusing on the good, like how your baby is healthy, you focus on how things didn’t go as planned.
This is true in the smallest things in life like getting caught in a red light when you expect to be somewhere at some particular time. It’s also true in the biggest things like career, love, home, etc.
I’ve been trying to figure out what this means to me. Do I lower my expectations? Do I purposefully not set expectations? But aren’t expectations also a bit of a driving-force behind acheivement? How are they different from goals? I am not entirely sure of the answers. But I did decide that I will spend more time thinking about the crux of the issue and try to figure out what matters most to me and hope that, that particular thing goes well and try to refrain from having any more expectations than that. So, for example, concentrate on having a healthy and happy baby and let go of getting to control the timinig, location, and other, smaller issues.Or focus on getting somewhere safely even if it means I have to be a few minutes late. Cause safety matters more. Spend the extra few seconds to hug or calm David down even if it means I get that much less sleep.
I guess it’s a way of learning that you can’t have it all and you should stop expecting it. And it’s also taking your expectations, especially the subconscious ones where you just take things for granted, and living each day more aware of them and making sure you’re not expecting more than what’s realistic and, more significantly, more than what matters.
Today’s the Purim celebration at David’s school so all the kids and the teachers were dressed up in costume. Being the great mom that I am, I completely forgot. So I was really thankful when the teachers put together this quickie for David. He even had a crown and all. But he said he’s not “king David” he’s a prince.
I’ve also been meaning to write this little story that happened between us last week. It was one of those nights Jake was working late so I had put David to bed and he was being whiny and I was almost at the end of my patience and took a deep breath to make sure I wouldn’t blow up at him and changed course. So I slowed down and said “I’m so happy you’re my son, David. I love you. Thank you for being my son.” There were a few moments of quiet and then he said “You’re welcome.” and then he said “I’m so happy you’re my Mommy.” It made me feel so much better and it made me realize the importance of taking a breath and stepping back every now and then.
On another note, today’s my best friend Levent’s birthday! Happy Birthday my wonderful friend, I love you!!
Another fun day at school. David was elated to find out that he can cut the little piece of foam. Small things make him so happy. Of course, on the other side of the same coin, small things set him off too.
A long day today as Mondays are for me but then the week gets lighter so I know that I just have to get through today. Not much else to write so far today.
Daddy’s back and it has brought much rejoicing into our household. It’s wonderful to have our wholefamily together. David was so happy, he kept giving him hugs all day long.
I had planned to take the whole day off and just relax and be with Jake and David and not worry about getting things done and it’s been a lovely day so far. Despite the strong heartburn, I feel calmer and more positive than yesterday.
The household is quiet as everyone takes a nap and relaxes on this Sunny Sunday. I finished the latest Grisham novel I was reading and honestly it was so bad that by the end of it I was mad at him for taking my time and wasting it like that. Who wants a “whoddunnit” novel that doesn’t actually tell you who did it. What a waste of hours I won’t ever get back.
Off to read another book and take a short nap myself. Hope you’re having a happy weekend.
My words:
I’ve always been a worrier. All the time and about everything. When I was pregnant with my first baby, I put a sign over my door that said “give up that there’s something wrong.” and I looked at it every day. Over the last four years, I’ve gone up and down on this. And this year, I’ve decided to put extra focus on achieving peace and letting go of worry. Though, I must admit the relatively rough pregnancy hasn’t helped a lot, I really have been working hard at letting it go. If there’s one thing I’d love to learn, it’s letting go of worry.
Technique Highlight:
This piece is inspired by the amazing Kelly Rae Roberts. I used several of the techniques she teaches in her book “Taking Flight.” The wings have glitter glue on them that makes them shine and they are made out of wire and tissue paper.
The rain has finally stopped and I am really glad. It was starting to get to me. The nice thing about all this rain is that it makes some beautiful greens in the backyard.
A relatively productive day today. I did two catalysts, a bunch of laundry, read some, played with David a bunch, and prepared tomorrow’s catalyst for posting. However, it was also a pretty rough day emotionally. I seem to be up and down a lot and maybe suffering from a bit of this. Hoping to go to bed in a few minutes and get a good night of rest. It’s amazing what some rest can do.
Jake comes back tonight and I am excited to see him. I miss him when he’s gone. I know many women like taking time off but I seem to be happiest when my kid and my husband are around me. Even if it’s more work, I just love having their presence.
As someone who struggles with feeling creative constantly, I found this to be an inspiring and thought-provoking lecture. It’s worth the 20-minutes of your time. [thanks to viv who led me to the link]
Also, I loved Eat, Pray, Love and look forward to her next book.
This week’s question was “what was the last brave thing i did?”
It might seem odd but the first thing that came to my mind was my pregnancy. Even though I really want this baby and I am so happy she or he is coming, this has been a long, hard pregnancy. I know it could be much worse but, for me, it’s been a journey in being brave. Trips to ER, a LOT of throwing up, anemia, resulting in more medication than I wanted. But, I’m almost at the end of this journey and can’t wait to meet my little one.
This week’s technique was simple. I drew a profile of a pregnant woman looking down. I put glossy glaze all over it and then microbeads on the glue. I left it overnight and then put another layer of glossy glaze over it so the beads wouldn’t fall off. I made a little heart out of wire with a small flower on it which I glued to the pregnant woman. I then inked the rest of the tag and wrote along the profile. That’s it.
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I am combining Emily Falconbridge’s art journal questions with trying a new technique each week. You can see the full list: here
Another school shot. I like these cause I know I will want records of what school and class was like years from now.
Finally relaxing a bit. The end of the week is always easier than the beginning at work and allows me to rest more which is great. Still got one more thing due and then I can focus on doing some creative therapy art this weekend. I also plan to rest as much as possbile. I have to clean up my table first though since it’s messiest it’s been in months.
These are photos from david’s 4th birthday. i tried to blur the other kids just in case. i wanted the album to be messy and fun so i used gesso and paint and a bunch of rubons. tfl.
we received this toy
for your birthday last year
but forgot it in the closet
so when i finally took it out
you were instantly fascinated
and wanted to spell everything.
i patiently helped you
a little bit every day
but my favorite moment.
was when you called me.
into the kitchen and said
“I have a surprise for you.”
You had spelled “MOM”
all by yourself.
you were very excited to celebrate
your birthday at school
we bought tiny little brownies
one for each of your classmates
and four for you.
even daddy took the morning off
so we could celebrate together.
after we lit the candles
everyone sang for you
and you waited patiently
until it was over
so you could blow out the candles.
what you didn’t know
was that they were
trick candles
so just when you thought
they were out
they came right back.
just watching the surprise
on your face was worth it.
