This morning, after Jake came home from dropping off the kids, he was chatting with me about the wedding he went to this weekend and asking me how I am doing, etc, when I had one of those I-think-I-might-be-losing-my-mind moments. I started telling him all the ways in which things were falling apart and then got myself more and more riled up as I talked. It wasn’t pretty.
And, to add insult to injury, after having just yelled at him for a while, when he tried to kindly help me, I said “I don’t want to waste my time talking about this stuff.”
Right. Not pretty.
Instead of getting mad or upset, he just hugged me and let me go on with my day and went to work (as I asked him to so I could be alone and calm down.)
Typically, I would spend the rest of the day trying to explain what happened. I am hormonal. I didn’t get enough sleep. Feeling a lot of pressure. Blah blah blah. Looking for excuses. Looking for things to fix. Looking for things to blame. We’re meaning-making machines after all. So when something like this happens, I try to immediately pinpoint the cause so I can either absolve myself or fix it (or both.)
Instead, I did neither today. I just let myself feel bad for a while. I did my sketch (which always makes me feel peaceful.) I then focused pretty hard at work and got a bunch of stuff done (which also has a tendency to make me feel better.) And when it was time to pick up Nathaniel, I walked instead of driving to his school. The school is about a 7-minute walk and he loves it when I come on foot. I went a little bit earlier than usual so I could sit with him for a few minutes cause he likes it when I am there with him.
On the way there, I called Jake and thanked him for being so nice to me and told him not to worry about my craziness this morning. I told him what makes me happiest is seeing him and the kids happy. And it does. It truly gives me a deep sense of peace.
When we came back home, Nathaniel went down for his nap, and I worked more. I even spent twenty minutes on an art journal page. I then had food, worked more, etc. until David and Jake came home. Since it was nice out, I decided we should all go have a bite to eat. Which we did.
And then I worked a bit more and now I am off to spend some time with Jake and then David. Then I will read some. And then my day will be over.
So, in the end, I will have done a bunch of things I love (spend time with family, do art, read), a bunch of things I need to (work, exercise, walk outside), a bunch of things I shouldn’t have (eat chocolate, not do strength exercises, oh and scream/cry). But what I won’t have done is spend any more time or energy on today’s outburst.
I didn’t make up reasons for it. I didn’t look into why it happened or try to solve it. I didn’t wallow. I didn’t make it bigger. I didn’t look for meaning. I just let it get lost in the events of my day. I took opportunities to make myself happier and to savor the things that do bring me joy so that the frustration and sorrow naturally took a back seat.
I am not saying that it’s not important to stop and think about what might be making you sad. Or making you cry. There’s a time and place for that, too. And if you’re regularly upset, of course you should figure out why. Of course you should get help.
But, sometimes, you just have a crappy day. A crappy moment. And giving it more attention than it deserves can make that worse instead of better.
Sometimes it’s better to just not look for meaning but, instead, take steps to turn it around. To run (or at least walk) in the direction of joy and let that be the solution.
Today, for me, was one of those times.
so sorry you had a melt down – just think about searching deeper for the real reason you get so worked up with the ones you love the most. I only say this out of kindness because it is hard being the partner always patient and waiting for the other shoe to drop. It is a stressful situation to be in.
The roots usually are from childhood and do not relate to the person except in the way we react.
hugs and blessings
i just did it with him cause I work home alone and he was the only one there š I appreciate your kindness and know exactly what you mean. Thankfully we’ve been together a long time and he knew it wasn’t about him at all. But I think you’re absolutely right in that we do often take it out on the ones we love most because they are kind and we know they will take it and that’s not the right way to treat them. I try to be very conscious of that š
Several years ago I came to the realization that we are simply a bag of chemicals. Yes I reflect on my actions and reactions and emotions, etc, but sometimes I simply let it go and know that I just have to wait until the chemical reactions stop, or head in a different direction. While waiting I tend to do things that soothe me – art, walks, music, etc.
I can relate to you, as I had an emotional day yesterday that set off the water works! Today I’m feeling better and the opportunity to speak with two dear friends that lent a shoulder to cry on really helped. I managed to go for a morning walk but had a rather unproductive day. I just let it be and today my plan is to make better use of my day which I have already begun to do. I’m in better spirits today. Hope you are as well. : >
There are days like that and the super full moon over the weekend exuding too much insanity never helps the situation. Meltdowns can be cleansing. Sometimes, we just need to cry and then we can move on.
WOW this was so powerful and inspiring!! Thank you Karen for sharing and I’m so happy you went about your day and got things done. What a lucky girl you are to have Jake who totally understands and is there for you!! My hubby and I do this sometimes as well. HUGS!!