During the late Nineties, I spent some time writing novels. I’ve always been a voracious reader and, like many people, have dreamt of writing my own books. I did what I always do: I signed up for classes, both online and in person. I got involved with the community. I even wrote a class. I wrote some novels, of course. I continued this for a few years and then walked away.
I can’t remember one instance that made me stop but maybe I got busy. It was around the time I joined TFA so I am guessing life just got in the way. But I never picked it back up again.
Over the years, I’ve revisited the goal a few times. Each time I made a wish, life, mondo-beyondo or any other list, “write and publish a novel” always made it to the list. After the mondo-beyondo class, I even signed up for a fiction writing class but I just wasn’t feeling it.
So I decided maybe it was time to put this particular dream to rest.
Well, of course it won’t stay dormant for long because each time I see someone else publish a book, a piece of me wishes I did it, too.
But here’s the thing: I don’t know if I like to write. Many writers will say they feel a strong need to tell stories. That they write cause they have to. They want to. They feel to pull. Etc. etc.
Me…not so much.
I think I like the idea of having written more than the writing. I think I like the idea of having my published book. More than telling stories that are inside me, itching to get out. I like having it all done. Not doing it.
Which makes me believe this is not something I should be dreaming of. Not something I should be aiming for. If I don’t have the strong desire to write, I am likely not going to enjoy all that it takes to get a book out there. As it is, for those who crave the writing, it’s a long and difficult process to actually get a book published. So it seems silly for me to aim for it.
I am learning to differentiate between wanting to do something and wanting to have done it. One is about enjoying the process and the other is about looking good. Since life is all about the journey, the process, the steps along the way, I think it’s best to spend my time with things I love to do. And not things I will suffer through just to have it be done.
Life’s all about enjoying the journey. Enjoying the doing.
So maybe it’s time to permanently say goodbye to this one dream.
Hi Karen,
I think it is really hard to look at yourself and the picture that you have created in your head about who you are and what your dreams are, and then be realistic about whether that person is still relevant today. We all grow and change, and it can be hard to let go of dreams created by an earlier version of yourself. Bravo for being brave enough to take that challenge head on. I am struggling with this at the moment, and it is nice to hear someone say, you can let go of a dream if you realise it isnt what you want to do. A thought provoking post, as is so often the case in your blog. Thank you.
Cheers
Ruth
I’m not entirely convinced that you should kill this dream..what about writing a play? You already write a blog.. so to me its not that far off. Sometimes the dream is uncomfortable but if it keeps coming back maybe its not something to be ignored?
not giving up entirely yet. but i think i don’t want to really commit to it until I know I will enjoy the writing process. I want the journey to be as meaningful as the end result 🙂
Are you kidding? Writing a blog as consistently as you do is more of a commitment than a book. You are already churning out words and telling stories. St a word count goal for a short amount of time and see what happens. Make a decision from facts, not fear. I for one can’t wait to see what happens.
I remember after one particularly frustrating experience in a fiction writing class in college, I decided…ok, maybe poems and essays are my only strength. But I still feel the pull to be writing fiction. Your post made me think, though: do I only want to have written something, so I can be in the club and go to book signings and speak at book conferences? I confess: that is part of it. But I also love the experience of writing itself, too.
Also, I love Ann’s comment. While blog writing is different than writing fiction, there is a certain truth to the fact that it takes dedication and skill. (except…I don’t think you’re deciding from fear, but from logic.)
This month’s WD has an article about turning your blog into a piece of published fiction. Next time you’re in a bookstore it might be worth browsing the mag. I think it’s called ‘Blog Your Way To A Book Deal.’
what’s WD?
oh! writer’s digest? 🙂
Yes! (Sorry for the delay in replying – I live in a very different time zone from you.) I adore your blog.
You have undergone major growth from the days when novel writing was of prime importance. I’ve watched you blossom and excel at the new experiences you’ve encountered. Writing fiction will always be something you want to do. I believe the desire to be “published” is what is really important now. Why can’t you publish your art? There are places to do that. Plus, you can have my David go to the library and take pictures of YOUR book on the shelves! It may not be the same art form but it does take the same commitment and dedication. And looking at that picture will bring tears to your eyes. I know. Been there, done that!
Karen hello! To add to previous comments have you thought about publishing in the crafts world? Your area of expertise and knowledge about scrapbooking, art, art journaling, journaling, photography, just to nsme a few, would be a great source in book form. Everything would be compiled in a book written by Karen. You have been featured in blogs, articles, scrapbooking magazines and have designed for some companies. You have many years working in this field plus you have contributed so much and taught classes. I think that qualifies to begin writing a book. It may not be fiction but it’s a book nevertheless. I would purchase your book!! The customer could be right. Just a thought. ;>
I love the way you put this. Having it done. I totally understand your point there and I also accept your decision to say enough of the dream but form what I know of you (so yes just reading your blog) I know you could do it, you could succeed and be a published author because of your desire and ability to grow and achieve what you want to.
I also think you’d write a great novel!
Have you ever considered doing a children’s book with your wonderful art? Your blog is incredible!