Catalyst One Hundred and Twenty-One is: How was/is your relationship with your parents?
The Weekly Gratitude entry I did in July addressed this perfectly so I didn’t want to do something else just for the sake of it.
Journaling Reads:
I have been blessed with the most amazing parents.
I must admit that I have not always been actively aware of this fact. As a child, I spent most of my time wondering how I ended up in this family where I felt like I obviously didn’t belong. It’s not that they were bad people, it’s just that they were so very different than I was. They had different priorities and ideas of fun than I did.
So I did a lot of sulking, a lot of doing my own thing and taking these amazing parents for granted. Yet, they never gave up on me and supported all my crazy and far-fetched dreams. When I told them I wanted to study in the United States, they did every single thing in their power to make it happen for me.
Even though they don’t really understand what I do and sometimes they aren’t sure why I make the choices I make, they are always 100% behind me and they are first to cheer me on. When I falter, they are the first to rush in an help me. I’ve always known that my parents were supportive but it’s only in the last few years that I’ve come to full appreciate them.
Nathaniel woke up at 4am this morning and even after I changed his wet pajamas, he wasn’t able to go back to sleep so I got up with him. And thus my day started on a rough note. I was so tired and it took forever to wake up and get started on my day. But I did do a bunch of work, finish my art journal page, and I even got a bunch of important todos done so the whole day wasn’t a loss.
I snapped this photo of Nathaniel in the morning. He is getting new signs now. Last night he learned to sign flower. But his favorite is food.
For the rest of the day, I got no photos. So when I came back from the doctor’s I snapped this one of David.
And Nathaniel had grabbed some plastic cups from the pantry and was playing with them. He’s so good at focusing on things. He loves playing and I love watching him play.
And I love how he knows I’m trying to snap photos and I call his name and he smiles. He doesn’t look up or stop what he’s doing. But he does smile. I love him so deeply.
That’s all the photos I snapped before it was time to go to sleep.
I had a doctor’s appointment for TMJ today. TMJ is the joint between your jaw and skull. Mine is swollen and causes noises in my ear and a lot of pain in my jaw and headaches. It’s gotten considerably worse since Nathaniel was born. To the point where I am consistently in pain. I’ve had this problem for eleven years and I tried to get it fixed in the beginning but it only got worse so I gave up. Today was the first time I even let anyone talk about treating it. And if I do what the doctor suggests, it means mouth guards night and day and therapy and more. And it might get better. Which is of course worth it but just the thought of all that work and all that effort is making me sad. It’s not something I want to take on. And yet I know I should. Just sucks. And I know many people have it much worse but I am just feeling a bit low so I will let it get to me tonight and then I promise not to whine about it starting tomorrow.
I’ve mentioned it a few times and I plan to write about it in a lot more detail but one of the things I decided to tackle for October (and onward) is my health. More specifically, I’ve been walking 30 minutes a day since Saturday. Today I only did 15 minutes but considering how I felt, that’s a miracle. I have a lot to say about this. I have had issues with the way I look ever since I can remember and while I’d like other areas of my life to improve, I know that at this point in my life, this is the single biggest issue for me. And if I were to actually face it head on and do something about it, it would change my life forever. So instead of putting it off (which is what I’ve been doing for 6 years now.) I am choosing to take it on. For now and November and December and all of 2011. This is going to be focus number one. I will drop other commitments or activities if necessary but not this. More on this later but I wanted to make sure to put it out there.
Today was a long day as is but then I received an email and reacted badly to it. Then I got full of regret and it pretty much killed the rest of my day. I rarely ever regret anything in my life. I tend to think a lot before I commit to things or take a step. I am a firm believer in integrity so I think before I commit to ensure I can deliver and then i just work without thinking of regret. But on the rare occasions where I do regret, especially hurting or disappointing someone, I handle it very badly. I get really really wound up and I want the issue to resolve immediately and wish that I should show the person how very sorry I am. On and on. This sense of urgency to resolve overwhelms me and takes over just about anything else in my life. When it happened today, I got very sad. And I realized that I need to work on this. I need to realize that these things happen sometimes and that I have to learn to be patient. I have to learn to let go and have faith that people know me and will not assume the worst of me. But it’s hard. Really hard. I don’t like disappointing people. So I am going to lay low tonight. Let myself wallow a bit and try hard to be patient. And hope that I didn’t damage anything permanently.
Today, I bought tickets to go to NYC in November. I will be gone for about 40 hours. 10 of which will be on the plane. It will be the first time I am leaving both kids behind. First time I am away from Nathaniel overnight. But I am going to see my sister whom I haven’t seen in a year and a half and her kids and husband whom I haven’t seen in almost 4 years. I miss them. I cannot wait to see them. Even if it means I have to be away from my boys for a little bit. Though that will be hard for me, too. I am glad I am doing it. It’s a step for me. I am not good at leaving my family. And I haven’t been to New York since 2006. It’s my favorite city in the world so it will be nice to walk its streets again, too.
Oh and I meant to say, today’s photo was not a cover. Just another page in my art journal that I was using earlier this year. And thank you for your kind words on it. I am telling myself that it’s not about how it looks. just about the process of doing it.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for glee and some snuggly time coming up tonight.
2. I am grateful the i walked despite the fact that I was feeling overwhelmingly tired today.
3. I am grateful that I bought my tickets to NYC. It had been on my list for two weeks now.
Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. the little book my classmates made me (david told them what he likes – rainbows, trucks, jedis, school – and they each made drawings for him
2. getting my new legos
3. making my rabbit puppet
4. helping avi color today at school
So I am still really afraid of art journaling. Not sure why. I think it’s cause I feel I am really artistically untalented. (Is untalented a word? It appears so since spell-check isn’t correcting me.) I can’t draw. Or paint. Or anything. To top it off, I don’t collect quotes. So I never have ideas on what to make the pages about. But I love the idea of art journaling. I have a lot of supplies I’ve bought in excitement over the years. Expensive ones. I’ve taken many classes and I really enjoy looking at Donna’s or Dina’s pages. So I decided that maybe if I did the same thing I did for scrapbooking in May, I might actually get to get better at this. (Or at least less fearful.) So here’s to a month of art journaling.
My hope/plan is to make a page a day. I know it’s October 5 and I’ve missed the first four days. But who cares. 27 days in a row will be just as powerful if you ask me. I doubt the extra 4 days will make or break this. And I could have done this So instead of waiting until November which is already full of other obligations/projects like my December Daily album and my parents’ visit and a trip to NYC, I’ll choose the better option. Now. Now is always best.
Fair warning, I don’t know how to art journal. I am not talented. These pages will likely suck. I am still going to put them up daily. For me, more than anything. Feel free to skip. My biggest goal here is to conquer the fear. So if I can accomplish that it will be a big success.
So here goes nothing.
My first page is using a lot of Tim Holtz products so here they are:
Keyholes
Symphony Tissue Tape
Alphas Grungeboard
Grunge Paper
Spiced Marmalade Distress Ink
Barn Door Distress Ink
Tumbled Glass Distress Ink
Stormy Sky Sapphire Distress Ink
Shabby Shutters Distress Ink
Antique Linen Distress stickles
Barn Door Distress stickles
Stormy Sky Distress stickles
Bundled Sage Distress stickles
This was published as a guest post on back to school at the twopeas blog.
Journaling Reads:
David, you’re about to start school for the first time. As someone who’s spent a lot of time studying and loved it, I wanted to give you some advice.
1. Always listen to your teacher. Even if you don’t agree with what she says. You can then talk to mommy about it. But you must listen.
2. Pay attention. This is the most obvious but hardest to do thing. You have to always go to class and pay attention. If you do, you will do well.
3. Do your homework. You already know that learning is all about practice. That’s what homework is for. It helps you practice what you learned.
4. Ask questions Never be too shy or scared to admit you don’t understand. It’s ok to ask and it’s the only way you will learn something.
My sweet boy, this new journey in your life will be so much fun and the most important lesson I can teach you is to enjoy every single moment.
The Girls’ Paperie Products I used:
Diecut paper – envelopes
On Holiday Travel Skirt
On Holiday Travel Ticking
Paper Girl Chipboard alphabet
And the upcoming Tinsel and Twig alphabets
Details:
One of my all-time favorite quotes is this gem from Mark Twain:
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” –Mark Twain
I think about this quote often and I try to surround myself with people who are supportive and people who know that there’s enough success and joy and happiness to go around for all of us. This week, I was thinking about this quote in a different context, too. Not for ambitions, but for choices. After I moved to the United States, I met many people who started criticizing and belittling my taste. My choice of music, books, movies, etc. (I don’t think this is related to being in the US, just happened to coincide with that time in my life.)
I’m going to specifically talk about books because that’s nearest and dearest to my heart. You can say many things about me but there’s no question that I am well-read. I’ve read most of the classics as well as most of the award-winning books. I can read literature without worrying and I even enjoy it. I’ve read lots of Shakespeare or whomever else you might consider “high literature.” And yet I loved reading Twilight or Eat, Pray, Love or whatever other books someone else might consider “trashy.”
Before some of you object, the only reason Eat, Pray, Love (which I absolutely loved, by the way) is on that list is because I was sitting at my book-club meeting two months ago and one woman said, “Did anyone like that book anyway?” I almost fell off my chair. It never ceases to amaze me how completely high and mighty some people can be. I replied “I loved it and so did millions of others since her book was a major bestseller.” And it instantly made me mad. I remember when I was living in New York and there was a huge Harry Potter craze (this was when the second book was about to come out.) and people were criticizing how her book was terribly written blah blah blah. I kept thinking, here’s a book that has kids waiting in line at a book store at midnight. it’s a book. not a video game. what more could you possibly want?
When people said things like that in the past, it would just make me feel small. I must be not as “polished” if I liked the music that was too common or the books everyone read and judged as non-literary. But in the last few years, my attitude has been changing and now I keep thinking, these people can go you know where. I don’t need people like this in my life. I don’t need people judging the way I spend my leisure time. Telling me what things are supposed to give me joy.
What do they know? What makes them a better judge? Honestly, most people just worry about looking good and they feel like if they put you down, you will be too embarrassed and not expose them for who they really are. I don’t need any such people in my life. I don’t need others to validate my taste in things. My ability to judge what gives me joy.
So while these people aren’t belittling my ambitions, they’re belittling me and making me feel small. And I say it’s cleaning time. Time to put these people out with the trash. And get some “really great” people in my life. Those who support and love me just the way I am. And it’s also time for me to look at the people who are supportive in my life and appreciate me the way I am and show some gratitude. Those great people are rare and deserve a lot of appreciation.
The following is cross-posted from the Weekly Gratitude Blog. I will post there every Tuesday and decided to post those posts here, too. For those of you who read both blogs, I apologize in advance. Some weeks the content might be different and other weeks, exactly the same.
I don’t know if it’s all the sickness or lots of work but I’ve certainly been in a funk for the last ten days. Not productive. Not inspired. No art. No nothing. Ugh.
Besides working, I have been spending a lot of time with both of the kids. I’ve been reading with David and looking for some math puzzle books for him, too so if you know of any, please let me know. Anything that encourages math learning. He’s really interested so I want to cultivate it. And Nathaniel and I have been snuggling a lot. Laughing, hugging, and just being together. I am really glad to enjoy all this time with him.
He still loves shoes and the backyard. Trying things on and taking them off.
Here, he’s actually bending down to put the shoes on. Crazy boy.
David laughing at him.
And me.
See how it looks like Nathaniel is hugging him?
And yet. Truth is different.
More laughter.
All around!
It’s getting to be fall here. A little chilly but not cold. Almost perfect weather if you ask me. And I am so excited about the holiday season. Ok, not so much for Halloween but for all the others. Especially December. Still thinking about the blog, of course. I wonder about all the range of content. Should I break it up? Is it hard for you to find things? Are you finding it hard to navigate?
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for all the snuggly time Nathaniel and I have been having lately. He’s so so so much fun.
2. I am grateful the 5+ miles I’ve walked in the last three days.
3. I am grateful that it’s promising to be a low-key week.
Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. playing games on mommy’s computer
2. being the star of the day at school
3. checking a Biscuit book out from the library
4. Playing outside with Nathaniel
Journaling Reads:
Little boy, maybe it’s cause you’ve already had David to observe but pretty much from the moment you could walk, you’ve been obsessed with the tiniest of legos. Putting the hat on and off. Taking the heads out and putting them back in and the way you focus on the task at hand is amazing. You are oblivious to the world. All you care about is getting that hat on. You are one amazing little boy. I love you.
Tim Holtz Products used:
Lost and Found paper
Shabby Vintage paper
Symphony Tissue Tape
Journaling Tickets
Alphabet soup Grungeboard
Spiced Marmalade Distress Ink
Barn Door Distress Ink
Chipped Sapphire Distress Ink
Shabby Shutters Distress Ink
Filmstrip Ribbon
Trinket Pins
Mini Pins
Details:
It’s been a lethargic weekend. I kept feeling like all I wanted to do was lie on the couch and doze off. David’s school had a celebration today so we went over for a while and David got to go down slides and bounce around.
I still remember the days he was so afraid of these things.
And now he slides on his tummy, even. My how the time passes.
Then we went to see these pets.
Lizards. Snakes. He didn’t want to touch them but they were cool.
So he and Daddy took a close look.
Starbucks was there and giving away mini-donuts. Nathaniel held on to his for a long while. but did not eat it. I wasn’t a big fan of mine either.
It’s Sunday night. Not my favorite. I’ve been thinking so much about 2011 that I am sort of done with 2010. I even picked my word for 2011, isn’t that weird. We still have a quarter of this year left!
I do have a plan for October and I’ve begun it even. A long term project that I’ve been putting off for years. Time to start. I also have plans for November and December is December daily of course. I’ve been thinking about how next year, I will do these monthly projects. I’m brainstorming ideas. Excited and looking forward. I love fall. I am happy it’s here. Despite the short days which are a bit depressing. But being in California means cool breeze mixed with sunshine and that’s just perfect.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that this weekend’s rough start calmed down.
2. I am grateful the joy of planning for 2011.
3. I am grateful that I’ve been making progress on myself. I am putting an effort to work on myself and I am grateful that I am doing that.
Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. going down the bouncy slide at school
2. eating a minidonut and vanilla ice cream with chocolate on the outside
3. buying books at school (and a lego since he did such an amazing job with reading. he’s on lesson 81 out of 100)
Journaling Reads:
Not in my wildest dreams could I have guessed how much you actually love each other. I am one very lucky mama. I love you!
I did this for the My Mind’s Eye October newsletter sketch. I rotated the sketch by 90degrees so the photos were landscape and not portrait. I combined two small photos to create the equivalent of a 4×6 and then used the bottom section to put all the colored papers I love. The shaped papers are cut off from the bottom strip (where it shows you the back of the paper.) I just layered them and sewed them haphazardly.
Details:
I have always been a huge fan of snap dragons. Especially as a kid. Love them.
This photo is actually from last night but I loved how Nathaniel kept playing with these interlocking cups for a good thirty minutes. He was amazing to watch.
As I was snapping photos this morning, David ran under the table to prevent me from taking photos.
And of course Nathaniel went to “check out” what was going on immediately. Laughing at the smiling David.
And then played with the Tim Holtz containers again and again.
And more. Endless fun.
And laughter.
And here’s a good catch of the big boy who played Wii most of today.
Long day today and yet unproductive. But, I made a trip to Michaels to buy some more punches. I cannot resist those punches. I even got some Halloween ones despite by abhorrant feelings towards the holiday. Too tired today, still thinking about the blog, got words about October. Will write it all tomorrow.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for the few punches I bought. I can’t help it, they make me happy.
2. I am grateful for a fun, sweet book I’m reading. Rare to get one of those these days.
3. I am grateful for date night. Any night at the movies is a good night in my book.
Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. playing wii
2. getting to pick what to carve on the pumpkin with mommy (skulls, ugh!)
3. reading the books I made at school to daddy
Here’s the item we did last weekend.
4. Walk in a 5K…and finish.
There’s a yearly walk/run around my neighborhood that Jake did a few years ago. I knew it was in the fall and coming up. So when I scanned down my list and saw this item was still undone, I decided to sign up. A few weeks later, I talked Jake into signing up, too so last Friday, the four of us drove to Palo Alto for the annual moonlight walk/run. We were registered for the 5k walk which started at 7pm. They also had a 5K run and a 10K run. When we got there, they were playing pumped up music and the place was already full.
We walked in the line to get our numbers.
Here’s the little boy.
And all the boys.
And their crazy girl who is the reason they were here.
I’ve never entered a race in my life. Ever. This was the first time I had one of these so I was really excited. (My number is different cause I still have my own last name and the numbers are by last name it looks like.)
We even got tshirts.
I took a few photos and then it was time to line up.
They were playing Rocky music, of course. Don’t they always at these things?
For the next hour, we walked (mosly slowly) as the sun set and this incredible full moon rose. (I tried really hard to capture that but there were too many moving people and I had no equipment with me.) I had never before seen the moon rise and it was the most stunning view ever.
All four of us finished and it was a wonderful time. I must admit, I wore absolutely the wrong shoes and no socks so I still have a huge blister between my toes but all in all it was truly a wonderful family time and I am really really glad we did it.
Happy Friday!!
I am normally very against putting diaper photos but this was way too cute and accurate representation of the little boy right now. Here he is, pants off cause he will not wear them, shoes on cause he is obsessed with shoes, same for the headphones with the dragging cord, chewing on a lego wheel. That’s pretty much my boy right now.
He’s been playing with the plastic containers of my new Tim Holtz goodies.
He likes opening them, putting little legos inside and then closing.
And then opening again.
I cannot believe this big, wonderful boy is my son. My son.
David’s nose was dripping so I told him to blow it and minutes later this is what we saw little boy doing.
He loves to imitate his brother. And then we all went out to the yard and played ball.
Well the kids did while I read. David also read his “Biscuit Goes to School” book to me. I still cannot believe that he can read. It’s like magic.
Thank you for all your feedback from yesterday, I truly appreciate it. I’m still thinking and planning it so please feel free to give me more feedback. I am also trying to figure out if I will do something for October. I am thinking of trying out journaling daily. I’ve done this before several times but had almost no success each time so I am not entirely optimistic. I am thinking of taking on daily projects for a month like I did in May and June. Despite the struggling in August, I still think this is the right method for me. So I am thinking of things I might want to tackle. Suggestions welcome 🙂
I must say that despite the fact that I love it and my kids are wonderful and easygoing and most days I manage it all well, there are days when I snap at my kids and husband way more than necessary and then I look back on it and I am embarrassed for myself. For the way I behaved. It’s setting a terrible example for my kids and my marriage. I want to work on this. No reason to treat anyone with disrespect especially since I would not like to be treated that way myself. Just felt like I needed a slap in the hand today.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that it’s the weekend!
2. I am grateful that I scrapped last night and this morning. Lately I’ve been doing 80% of a layout at night and then leaving the stitching to the morning and this makes me feel happy both days and gives me something to dig in to in the morning.
3. I am grateful that David can check out a book from the school library all on his own and read it all the way. I am truly truly amazed and thankful for the progress he’s made.
Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. helping avi color his castle shapes
2. coloring my eagle at home
3. having matthew choose me as the star of the day for monday
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projects for twenty twenty-five
projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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