I’ve always felt like I’ve lacked solid female friends. Over the years, I’ve had several and some closer than others. Most of my local friends live hectic lives like me and we don’t often make the time to hang out as much as we should. I don’t have any friends here who do scrapbooking and/or art journaling like I do. So I’ve been itching, for quite some time, to get together with a group of women for a weekend away. A weekend full of art and soulful bonding.
This particular retreat that we had in Santa Cruz a few weeks ago was many many months in the making. The idea was formed at least eight months ago and the first email went out in October of 2009. For many, many months it looked like it wasn’t going to happen. And then it looked possible and then went back to highly unlikely. Until it really started solidifying and next thing we knew, it was actually happening.
The numbers went from over twenty to only eight back up to the teens and then back down to seven. And finally ended up with six. A plethora of handicaps, anxiety, and planning later, we finally got to meet in a beautiful house by the beach in Santa Cruz.
I had specifically setup this item on my list with the hopes that I would have the courage to accomplish it on this weekend:
28. Drive to santa cruz by myself
But by the time the weekend rolled around, I was feeling really down, a little sick, and definitely not up for doing any driving, let alone, by myself. For those of you who don’t know (I am not sure how much I’ve mentioned it here.) I don’t drive on the freeway. I never really drove until we moved to San Diego (we lived in NYC before and there was no reason to drive) and I was almost 30 when we moved so it was considerably harder to learn at that point. Add to that the really really big (for me, scary) freeways in San Diego where the lane you come into suddenly becomes exit-only and where sometimes the exits are on the left side instead of right. I just got frazzled and freaked out really early on and over the years it became this big thing so now I don’t and can’t get on the freeway. (Thankfully, I don’t need to almost ever.) Anyway, so as amazing as he is, Jake and David drove Nathaniel and me down to Santa Cruz.
Nathaniel was coming with because I am still nursing him (I nursed David until he was two.) and I don’t pump at all. I don’t even know where my pump is. So I had no choice. I knew having Nathaniel there would take away from the feeling I was hoping to have but it was this way or no retreat at all. So off we went.
Here’s a view of where we were. We were literally one block from the beach:
Despite the small numbers there was no one who actually knew all the women. Most of us knew one or two of the others in person and one of us knew none of us. Which was one of my goals. In the end, we all really got along beautifully and I, of course, didn’t actually snap as many photos as I would have liked. Here’s one of the five of us right before we left and then one of Colleen who had to leave early to make sure her store was ok. (It was.)
All in all, it really was a wonderful weekend. Nathaniel was very well behaved during the day. Some of the nights were challenging but we made it just fine and it was odd but nice being just the two of us. I had never spent 3 nights away from David ever before and I did miss him terribly and I missed Jake a lot, too. I was really happy to be home on Sunday. I just feel a really strong sense of belonging in my home. But it was also nice to be in the company of women for a few days and to talk, talk, talk. We didn’t end up doing enough art this time but we’ll have to make up for it next time.
I learned a lot about myself through this process and a lot about putting together a gathering. I am still processing a lot of what I learned and how I feel. But I am really grateful I did it. I have been wanting to go to an art retreat for a long time but since I am still nursing and it’s really expensive and I have no friends to go with, I’ve been unable to go. I’m hoping and planning to go in 2011, once I stop nursing the little boy. And I think another soulful weekend will be a blessing, too.
Nathaniel has been hungrier than usual lately. Maybe he’s bored. Maybe it’s that his schedule has been so off. Maybe he’s having a growth spurt. Not sure. Either way, I try to make sure to give him food whenever he wants. I give him the nurition-filled food first and then give him the puffs he loves so much.
He will stuff his mouth with several of them simultaneously.
And then much away.
My parents have left this morning. Most of today was catching up on work, email, setting up my computer, etc. Nothing all too exciting. I know I said I wouldn’t but I think I will make a todo list tonight just to get myself back on schedule and see all the places where I dropped the ball in the last ten days. My parents and sister and her kids are off to Disney World right now. I am so sad that I cannot be there and be with them. I was supposed to go but traveling with both kids across the country alone was supremely daunting no matter how I thought of it. So I decided we’ll have to go next time. I am sure they will have the time of their life, though and I will be thinking of them. (And talking to them I’m sure.)
Note to Self:
I’ve always been one of those people who got her homework done as soon as I got home. I can’t stand the idea of having things dangling over my head. Knowing I have stuff due and it’s not done yet. This is something that makes my life hard at times but it also make me good at my job, good at school, etc. The thing is I can’t stand it when others aren’t like that. It drives me insane to leave work unfinished or to not do it until the last minute. It leaves me anxious and stressed out even when it’s not my task. I think this must be annoying for people who aren’t like me. And I think it’s something I need to pay attention to more. Respecting that not everyone does things the same way.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I love love love my laptop. It’s blazing fast. It’s so beautiful. Thank you soooooooo much, Mom!!
2. I am grateful that it’s the weekend and I will have some time to relax and to catch up on my life.
3. I am grateful that my time with my parents went so well and I got so much of what I wanted done and we chatted, and we spent so much quality time together. It hasn’t always been this way but this time it was almost perfect.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Playing on the computer. Jake spent the time today to fix David’s computer so he got to play Mr. PotatoHead on it.
2. Getting to have a lollipop. To be honest, he ate maybe 10% of it but it was enough to make him happy.
The journaling reads:
In Turkey, we have some of the world’s most amazing sunrises. I’ve had the privilege of watching several (especially as a teenager coming back from a night out) and they are truly breathtaking.
Much like the sunsets in California.
Since California is on the West Coast of the United States it’s easy to find a spot with beautiful sunsets. I took this above photo at La Jolla Shores beach and I remember that day as if it were yesterday. People walking on the beach, surfers in the water, birds digging into the sand. Yellow, orange and red lights dancing in the sky as the rest of the skyline turns dark. It never ceases to awe and inspire me.
I remember visiting the Muir Woods in Marin County and looking at the colossal redwood trees. The sea, the trees, and the sky always make me realize how big the universe is and how small my problems seem in comparison.
Well this time it was my mom’s turn. Here she is with the little one.
And a few with both kids.
David kept making funny faces.
I cannot believe it but my mom and I went through my entire list of possibly 47 items while she was here. We have touched every single room in my house. Added little accents to every little corner. Redid my wardrobe. Went shopping. Spent a lot of time bonding and being together. They spent a lot of time with the kids, too and both the kids adore both of them. Much to my dismay, they leave tomorrow. We will miss them both so terribly much. I am the luckiest person to have them in my life.
Note to Self:
This weekend is going to be all about relaxing. Reading. Art. TV. Nothing else. I plan to relax and then relax some more. I need it. I am writing this down so that if I find myself tempted to do lists, I can come here and remember that I told myself I would relax. I have a book to read. Some silliness drawings for my class. A new computer to set up and lots of sleep to catch up on. Rest. rest. rest.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I got a new Macbook Pro today. My first mac since college. (I have had several corporate ones but this one is all mine. I am thrilled to bits and can’t wait to play with it.)
2. I am grateful for my mom’s patience with me this whole week. We ran so many errands, did so many small and big things and she did not complain one single time.
3. I am grateful that David’s home from school for another few days. I love having him around all the time. He’s so awesome.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Playing with opapa. (My dad’s been telling David stories, playing with him all the time and it’s been the highlight of David’s days.)
2. Getting to eat pancakes and apple juice for lunch.
You are welcome to play with these as much as you want and use them anywhere you’d like. You are NOT allowed to sell them ever. You don’t have to but I’d appreciate a link back if you do use them.
This is part of a weekly digital download series. They are posted every Thursday. You can find all of the ones that were posted here. If you like my downloads, please click here and give me ideas/requests for 2010. I would like to continue this feature but I am not sure I can come up with enough ideas on my own.
This week I decided I wanted something quick and easy. So I picked Emily Giffin’s Something Borrowed. I knew it was chick-lit but I knew nothing else about the book. I thought it would be light and sweet like most chick-lit.
I did not like this book.
I didn’t know the book was about cheating and for some reason the overpowering sense of how wrong the whole premise was interfered with everything else about the story. I felt this way when I read The Bridges of Madison County so many years ago. But this was even worse. I know the author tried to get me to sympathize with Rachel by making her friend not so desirable (but throwing some gems to make sure she wasn’t totally 2-dimensional) but I did not feel any empathy at all. I felt like I was being told to feel empathetic and not actually feeling it. I never cared enough about her to root for her. I kept thinking the plot would twist and she would end up with someone else. (there was a twist but something completely different and in my opinion a totally inappropriate one for the characters she was building but I can’t talk about that without spoilers.)
Anyhow, I can go on and on but I’ll just say for me this wasn’t a good book. Characters were flat and uninteresting and the plot left much to be desired. If you’ve ever read her, please let me know if all her books are this way or should I give this author another chance?
We got even more stuff done today if you can believe it. Tomorrow is when the final stuff comes in and then the house will be all set and beautiful. Not that it wasn’t before but these are the extra little bits that just make it magnificent (in my opinion of course.)
I apologize for mentioning Carla’s class but not linking to it earlier. Here’s the link to: The Art of Silliness. I certainly can use some silliness in my life and I thought it might be fun stuff for David and me to do together, too. Starts tomorrow!
Note to Self:
I haven’t done art journal or scrapbooking stuff since my family arrived. While I love them so much and cherish every moment we’ve had together, I do miss doing some art. Especially since my mom brought me some divine fabric, too. This weekend, I am looking forward to sitting down and playing for a while. It’s amazing the role art plays in my life. Reading and art have become two things I cherish, crave, and need. They heal my soul and calm my spirit.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that my kids are wonderful and kind spirits. Nathaniel is standing up all the time now and today he was patting his belly; he looked just like a prairie dog. David’s so kind and wonderful with him and they both make my heart swell.
2. I am grateful for good heating. It’s cold outside again today and I love that I am in my warm home. I am grateful to have one.
3. I am grateful for my parents. They are so kind, so generous, such good good people. I am so very lucky.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Going to the movies with my Dad (they saw “How to Train a Dragon”)
2. Getting a new Didj game from my parents (Indiana Jones)
Nathaniel has way more fun playing with David’s toys than his. Advantages of having an older brother.
So we took a few photos with my dad today. Nathaniel wasn’t all that cooperative.
I tried to get all three of them.
And then it was just David and Dad.
And then we started the tickling session. My favorite.
We went to the movies again last night. The Ghost Writer. A political thriller. I hadn’t seen a thriller in a long long time. It was quite fun. I crashed as soon as I got home.
Note to Self:
My parents are only here for one more day after today. They leave Friday. It all went by like a blur and who knows when we’ll see each other again. I miss them so much. Thankfully we speak on Skype almost daily. My mom has helped me so much with the house in the last week. It looks thousands of times better. I will take photos and show it all as soon as I have a moment to breathe. We have 2-3 small tasks left and we are magically done with everything I hoped to do while she was here. It’s amazing how natural she is at these. Just another example of how when you know what you’re doing, it feels so easy and yet feels so monumental to those who don’t know it.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful to get to see yet another movie! To get to dress up and go out.
2. I am grateful for the beauty my mom added to my house. Grateful that she’s been so kind with her time and talent.
3. I am grateful that work is a bit less busy this week allowing me to have extra moments with my family.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Strawberry desert my mom brought
2. Playing with Opapa (my dad)
Thoughts:
My grandmother, Maya, was a magnificent human being. We lost her on February 16, 2010 (I wrote a long entry here.) and I will never ever forget her. I love you Omama.
The following is cross-posted from the Weekly Gratitude Blog. I will post there every Tuesday and decided to post those posts here, too. For those of you who read both blogs, I apologize in advance. Some weeks the content might be different and other weeks, exactly the same.
Nature. Stunning nature. (also our gratitude theme for April)
So I cut my hair. This is a bad photo but I wanted a record. I will try to get a better one this week. It will look cuter when my hair is natural (which is wavy.)
here’s Nathaniel coming to say hi while I work on the couch.
here he is asking for some milk.
here he is getting mad for not instantly getting what he wants.
yeah it’s fun. not.
but i love him so!
I am still feeling exhausted. I did a lot of work and cleaning up today since my parents were in the city. The house is looking much better between my mom, the cleaning lady and me. Oh and I finally got a coffee machine. A dinky little one but still….let’s see how it works.
Note to Self:
Tomorrow David goes on vacation for about 10 days. I want to make sure that we spend some of this time together doing things that we don’t normally get to do. I also have summer break coming up and there, too. It’s hard to juggle it all together but in a few months he starts kindergarten and then he’ll be in school all day long. I will miss having him around so much. He’s such a low maintenance and wonderfully helpful little boy.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for a more relaxing week this week. One that I hope to spend productively.
2. I am grateful that two books I am looking forward to and have preordered are coming out next week.
3. I am grateful that I signed up for a new workshop with Carla Sonheim and it starts in two days!
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Daddy bought him squeezable yogurt treats
2. Getting to watch some TV with mommy (while mommy folded laundry!)
Yesterday, by the time we came home from the movies (we saw Greenberg) I was way too tired to do anything at all. I didn’t even remember to take Nathaniel photos until at bedtime. Here he is looking out the window.
And more
ok, and one more.
I have so much to write but I’ve been so busy. My parents are only here for a few more days and I will catch up at length once they are out of town, I promise.
Note to Self:
I always stress when my schedule is off. It’s like things take just the right amount of time in my day so when I add something on, it throws everything off balance. I need to schedule “free time” more often maybe? Or prepare to just have it all go out the window when I have company. So I don’t ever stress.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Some more house improvements and just general small things. Love the difference they made in my home.
2. Sweet, wonderful date night with my hubby.
3. Family dinner at Donato, our favorite restaurant. Despite Nathaniel’s screams.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Getting to have a chocolate croissant.
2. And chocolate ice cream!! (big day for little boy.)
