Today was a quieter day with fewer accomplishments. That’s usually the way it goes. Ebbs and flows.
To be honest, it’s cause I’m trying to force myself to read this book and despite my attempts, I am really not enjoying it but I can’t get myself to put it down (for the third time! i’ve attempted to read this book before.) but then when I try to read it, I fall asleep, I get distracted. Anything but read the book. Maybe it’s a sign.
I love watching the kids play together. It’s the best part of having two (at least so far.)
Nathaniel’s gotten old enough to eat a bunch of finger foods. He can now eat bananas, cheerios, and the teething biscuits all by himself. Without biting too much. He’s learned to pace himself and chew first. He has almost six teeth now so that’s a lot to bite with.
And he doesn’t stop at food. He will bite any and everything he sees and he will put everything in his mouth. David never did this as a baby. He was good at differentiating between food items and non-food items. I wish that were true of Nathaniel, too.
A short visit to my friends Nicholas and Ty’s house (where I got to meet their new bulldog, Peaches) and a trip to Michael’s where the other highlights of my day. I finished my week-in-life project. And now I can relax and see if I can read more of this book.
I hope your weekend was relaxing, fun, and joyful.
Note to Self:
Over the years, I’ve had different ideas on how long you read a book before you put it down. For a while, it was never, and then I decided it was 100 minus my age so when I’m 20, I have to read 80 pages before I can abandon. Now that I am 35, I can read 65 before I make up my mind. I know some people decide more quickly than that and others don’t ever abandon. I don’t know the right answer. I do know that if I spend time reading an 858-page book and in the end I still hated it, that time was not spent in the best way it could have been and I will never get it back. I also know that some books do get better and if I stick with it, I end up being grateful that I did. So what’s the magic? What’s the “I’ve read enough and I know if the rest will be worth it or not” point in a book?
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for friends like Cole and Ty. For simple presents like honey.
2. I am grateful for some new edge punches I got. They always seem to make me happy.
3. I am grateful I feel fulfilled and happy at the end of this wonderfully simple and ordinary weekend.
This is done with the December A Million Memories Kit. Journaling Reads:
My little boy, I can’t believe you’ve already turned six months old. You now have two bottom teeth and can crawl a little here and there, especially when you’re really motivated. You suck your thumb with all your might and it keeps you calm and happy. You can now sit up and do so often in bed to play with your little teddy bear and bunny.
Your naps are finally getting a bit more predictable and I know that if I put you in your bed and leave you alone, you’ll be sleeping within minutes. You have just begun eating solid foods and so far you like pears and bananas and don’t really care for peas. (Neither does your older brother!)
David, your Daddy, and I are all in love with you. We all want to hug you and kiss you nonstop. And you always smile and laugh and welcome the attention and love. You are impossible not to love.
We cannot wait to see what the next six months bring and we’re so thankful you’ve come into our lives, we love you so very much Nathaniel. Happy six months.
Great, wonderful day! I got a ton of work done. I got to spend tons of time with my family. I embroidered. I did some art. I watched TV and I am off to read some now. Can it get any better? I think not.
Nathaniel was really cranky all day today. He had some blotches in his face (maybe the strawberries I gave him? or it could be his drool. hard to tell.) but mostly he was super tired and weepy and sad. I am hoping it was just a mood and he’s not coming down with something. It’s so hard to see him so sad. But so cute when he wakes up from a long long nap.
This morning, the three of us were sitting on the couch together, talking to my mom so I asked Jake to snap a photo (look at me, two times in two weeks!!) and I love this one of us laughing. Love my kids.
Well not much to chat about today. Trying to get organized and see what more I have to get done.
Note to Self:
I’ve noticed that having Nathaniel cry drives me insane. Even if he’s crying for no reason. When he’s grouchy and I can’t do anything to stop him, I get snappy at everyone around me. I am rude and mean and feel frustrated. The truth is, I feel incompetent. I don’t know why he’s upset. I can’t stop it. And he can’t tell me. All of this drives me insane. I have a biological response to it. A need to take his sadness away. And yet I can’t. I know this will happen again and I need to make my peace with it. It will happen to David, too. People will hurt him. He might even hurt himself and I can’t always take it away. I can just be here and make sure he knows that I am here. I can also try not to be mean to other people who love me. I am sorry, Jake. I love you.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Jake spent a lot of time with us today and played with the kids a lot. Wrestling, the Wii, laughing, hugging. I love seeing them together and am grateful for family-filled days like this.
2. I am really grateful for my little week-in-the-life project that I started last weekend. It’s turned out really beautiful and it’s been a joy to work on it all week.
3. I am grateful for a productive day. It’s rare that it’s family-filled and productive all in one and I am so thankful for it.
This was another one of the items that got done during our trip to Big Bear/LA:
19. Learn to change a tire
My intention with this one was for me to actually change the tire but since I wanted every step, I am going to count it for now because I did learn to change one. I will still plan to change one by myself this year, too and if I do, I’ll come back and edit this.
When we went to Big Bear, our tire was being funny but we added air to it and got on the road. After the three days it sat in the driveway there, it was completely flat. So we had to change it.
As it turned out, we were missing the toolset for it, but thankfully Kendall’s car had what we needed the most. (Kendall and Holly were in Big Bear with us and had rented a car.)
The first thing was to take off the spare. We have a CRV so we had a full-sized spare.
He then unfastened the bolts in the tire (the flat one) one quarter turn and then jacked up the car (you had to find the part under the car that the jack hooks into to make sure the car doesn’t topple over.
After he jacked up the car so the tire was completely off the ground, he took of the bolts and the tire and put the new one on. Then he fastened the bolts (not too tight cause it will break the rim and it will make it hard to remove the next time.) Then we slowly put the car back down and put the flat tire in the place where the spare was sitting and bolted it back and we were pretty much set.
It all sounds easy and Kendall made it look easy but I think it’s pretty hard and I just hope never to have to do it by myself.
A sampling of what I’ve been doing in Teresa’s class. Loving it so far.
Lots of photos today. We went to the park with playgroup today so I snapped a lot of the kids.
I love these shots. Seeing David play with Nathaniel.
And some more of the sweet boy.
It was his first time on the swing.
And I can kiss this guy fifty times a day and it won’t be enough.
Got more work done today. Not a lot but still feeling ok about it. This was a rough week for me. A lot of crying. A lot of headaches. Not enough sleep. I am hoping I can be productive and rest a lot this weekend.
I hope you have a great weekend.
Note to Self:
I have a long list of todo items this weekend and it’s always so stressful to know that I have two days and everything must get packed into these days. Which is ridiculous of course. So I need to be realistic and just know that it’s only two days. And all that matters now is being with my family. The other stuff is nice but also can wait. Maybe if I say it enough times, I will believe it.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Our short visit to the park was wonderful. I was grateful for the good weather and some fun company. I like being around other people and so does Nathaniel.
2. I am grateful that my kids like to play together. I love watching them.
3. I am grateful for the embroidery class. It’s so relaxing and just what I need right now.
The journaling reads:
It might seem odd to file coffee as something that’s good for my soul but, for me, it really is. With two kids and a job, my mornings are really hectic. The kids get up early and I am often drowsy and in pain from too little sleep. Then there’s the making breakfast for everyone, changing, nursing, and feeding the baby and getting everyone dressed. Next thing I know, we’re driving to David’s school.
After I drop David off, we come back home and I put Nathaniel down for his nap. While he’s napping, I prepare my coffee and grab some graham crackers (and maybe a chocolate if we have any left.) Then I get to sit down and enjoy the first quiet moment I got that day. For the next forty-five minutes or so, I cherish the solitude and “me” time.
These forty-five minutes have become my favorite part of my day. I love my kids and my husband and my job and my crazy life but there’s something magical in pausing for a short while every day and just taking some time for myself.
Another one from our walk.
Today was David’s school had its 100th day in their new building. So they had a pajama party and counted tons of snacks in tens and visited other classrooms. They had a lot of fun and it was great to see him so happy. I snapped a few photos of him in class and when I put Nathaniel down to take the photos, he hugged and kissed his brother.
I love these boys madly.
A little more productive today. At least at work. Feels great to be almost caught up. I’ve been having headaches every day this week though and I am feeling really tired. Sleeping fitfully. I am hoping this weekend will bring some rest.
Note to Self:
My audiobook has been discussing things like why siblings fight or how much teenagers lie to their kids. All of these things make me shudder with fear. I am so worried about all the milestones my kids will be passing. All the friends they might make. The choices. The struggles. There is so much room for things to go wrong. I just hope that the ramifications aren’t too high. It’s hard work raising kids.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Helping my husband get some stuff done tonight (some eat the frog stuff even!). It always makes me feel good to help someone else.
2. I am really enjoying my project this week (more on this next week) and I love getting to do some scrapping every night.
3. I got my Somerset Studio in the mail today and I love that. I don’t get any magazines except for this one and one more so I am always excited when they come in the mail. Just seeing Kelly Rae’s beautiful art on the cover makes me happy.
Kim, this one’s all your fault. I listened to an audio excerpt of Karen’s new book (Hand Wash Cold which I have on preorder.) and then I saw Kim’s thoughts on Momma Zen on her blog and decided I had to have it.
Momma Zen took me a day to read. I couldn’t put it down and there were so many excerpts I underlined that I don’t even know where to begin. Since I want to meditate more and be more self-aware this year, there were a lot of lessons here.
Here are some excerpts I liked:
In actuality, there is never any such thing as solid ground, but strapped securely inside our heads, where we live most of the time, things seem pretty predictable and safe. We think we are the captain of the ship. We are prepared to steer, to give orders, and to reach our intended destination just the way we want to. How we fear our navigational errors! How earnestly we aim! When you go into labor, you see that you are not the captain of the ship. You are the ship. There is no captain. There are only waves.
—
I am devoted to the schedule. I am devoted to the routine to maintain physical and mental health. For my daughter, yes, but above all for me. The structure lends security. The focus gives me sanity. The predictability begets, in a paradoxical way, freedom.
—
The point is not that we lose our cool, the point is how quickly we find it again.
—
You don't have to work so hard at this. You don't have to do so much. You don't have to endeavor to be natural, normal, and good. It happens by itself when you least expect it. If you're confused about what you should be doing, this this. Stop what you are doing. Take care of what is in front of you, when it is in front of you, and the confusion will pass. This is called the effort of no effort. No effort is what powers the universe.
—
Happy matters most of all. And here's the surprise ending. You don't have to wait for happiness, because there's no time but now to be happy. You don't have to go somewhere else, because there's no place but here to find it. You don't have to do something else, because there's nothing more to it. You don't have to get something else, because everything you already have is enough. You just have to be happy.
—
Amen.
This week’s download is some circular sayings. Here is what they look like:
You can download it here: circular sayings download.
You are welcome to play with these as much as you want and use them anywhere you’d like. You are NOT allowed to sell them ever. You don’t have to but I’d appreciate a link back if you do use them.
This is part of a weekly digital download series. They are posted every Thursday. You can find all of the ones that were posted here. If you like my downloads, please click here and give me ideas/requests for 2010. I would like to continue this feature but I am not sure I can come up with enough ideas on my own.
From our walk yesterday.
Thank you for all your kind comments and words. They mean more to me than you will ever know. My grandmother’s funeral is tomorrow and I am heartbroken that I can’t be there with my family. I ache to see them right now.
It’s been a mellow day here today. A small plane crashed into Palo Alto today and knocked out electricity for hours. So David went to school in the dark (with emergency lights on actually.) It was odd to drive down the street while none of the traffic lights worked.
For the rest of the day, I attempted to work a little, rest a little and play with the kids a lot. Nathaniel finally decided his walking toy is actually fun and played with it quite a bit today.
I have several things I was supposed to do last night that are looming over me so I am off to get them done.
Oh, and, I’ve been thinking of teaching a class at A Million Memories. A lot of people tell me they struggle with journaling and figuring out what to write. What if we made a book on gathering your stories? A minibook that you could have on your desk full of your story ideas so that next time you’re sitting down to make a layout, you can use your book to give you ideas on what to journal. It would include tips on what photos to match it with, how to remember older events, organized by person, time etc. Is that the kind of class you’d be interested in taking? Let me know your thoughts. And any other classes you might be interested in. (I do have a journaling+photo one I am supposed to work on for BPS but I’ve been putting it off for a while. I have to buckle down and work on it.)
Note to Self:
I’ve noticed that it’s hard for me to come down from a week of high stress and a lot of work. I’m still not very productive at work this week and the longer I go without getting through my todo list, the more items pile on and grow. It’s all sort of depressing. I need to find a system that allows me to accomplish a whole lot early in the day so I can ride the energy that provides me with and get more done. I know that getting things done always leads to getting more done so I need to find a way to leverage that more.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. All your comments and kindness. Thank you. They lifted me up all day long.
2. The laughter of my kids. Today even more so. David was entertaining Nathaniel during dinner and hearing him laugh made us both so happy. And seeing them play together makes me so thankful.
3. I am grateful for distractions today. Usually I’d try to avoid them but today they came in handy as I tried to not sit and think too much.
Catalyst One Hundred and One is: What was your childhood like?
Thoughts:
While I had a wonderful family who loved me very much, I was always a shy and lonely kid. I remember feeling lonely and sad. I didn’t have a lot of friends who liked me. I didn’t like them much either but at the time all that seemed to matter was that they didn’t like me. I am guessing that’s why I turned to books. Books were my salvation. All these years later, they still are. Though now, I know that I am happy and know that even as a kid, I had many more happy memories than most people.
We lost my grandmother tonight 6pm my time (4 in the morning in Turkey.) My grandmother, Maya, was one of the most special people I’ve ever known. We’ve always been close to her and she’s always been the rock in our family. The one who brings everyone together. In the summertime, our house is in the same garden as hers and we used to go to her house all the time. So many of my childhood memories are full of her.
When I was little, I used to be afraid of my grandmother. She was strict and talked to us with a stern voice. But she was also incredibly generous with us from the very beginning. My all time favorite present (which was actually given to my sister but I got to inherit them from her) was an encyclopedia set she got. It may seem odd in today’s Internet age but encyclopedias were a big deal when I was a kid and they were very very expensive. It was a present I treasured for a long time.
Over the years, my grandmother softened up but she stayed as the solid power that always drew the family close to each other. All religious holidays were celebrated at her house. I have so many memories of delicious dinners surrounded by all of our family at her house. She spoke French better than Turkish and as a kid, I was always mesmerized by her stockings. (She wore garters, which I am guessing was something she adopted during the 50s and 60s.) She was a master tennis player. She had started at 5 and was still playing at 75. She was famous.
She was also a master bridge player. She made the most delicious chocolate dessert (mousse au chocolat) and would make a point of making it each time I visited home. No matter what. Back when I used to drink them so much, she also made a point of having Diet Coke on hand for when I visited. After I moved to the US, she instated family night where one night a week, any family members who wished to were invited to dinner at her house. No pressure, just an open house. And my family went often because without the pressure, it was actually fun.
I remember she had so many crystal bowls and as a kid, I loved going through them and discovering the candy, chocolate or nuts that awaited me. She loved playing Scrabble and could play for hours. (In French, of course.) I remember the fascinating books that filled her bookshelves. In French and English and Turkish. She also loved to travel and until her first heart attack, fifteen years ago, she used to travel all the time. She had so many friends. People who loved her.
I can go on and on. I loved my grandmother so much. So so so much that my heart aches. She was 91 and the night before she had her heart attack, she went to the movies and had a great time. I am glad that she enjoyed her life all the way to the last moment and I am so glad that she didn’t suffer. I know she lived a full life and she now gets to join her husband who was gone before I was born. But I am still so heartbroken. And I already miss her so much.
I love you so much, Omama, and I am so thankful for each and every moment that we got together.
Note to Self:
It is so easy for me to focus on all the regrets. How my grandmother never got to meet Nathaniel. How I wish she’d spent more time with David. How I wish I’d known more about her. Seven years ago, I took this course that changed my life and when I was telling her about it, she mentioned that she wished she’d taken it and how she had so many regrets and I ached to ask her more (at the time we were having a big family dinner and I felt like that was a 1-1 conversation.) but I never did. I regret so much. And yet, I think it’s better to focus on the good. I am so lucky that I got to live so close to my grandmother. That I got to enjoy 35 years of my life with her. That she got to see both my kids. (even if through Skype.) That I know (I always knew) how proud she was of me. How much she loved me and how very much I love her. These are the things I want to focus on. The amazing and long life she lived. She was quite healthy for 91 years of life, may we all be so lucky. So, I am forcing the bad thoughts away from my head and focusing on the good today. Celebrating her. Feeling the love and letting it fill me up.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am so grateful my grandmother didn’t suffer. And I am grateful for the 35 years we had together. That I got to know her as much as I did.
2. I am grateful for a long and wonderful walk I took with my kids today. I’ve wanted to do this walk for months but kept postponing it. I am glad we took the time today.
3. I am grateful for my family today. For Jake hugging me tight and holding me while I cried, knowing exactly what I needed. For my kids who are the definition of bliss. For my parents who are so loving, so kind, so generous and truly one of a kind. For my sister who is there for me through and through. And her husband who is amazing and her kids whom I adore. And my other grandmother who shines with each smile. And my aunt and uncle who’ve always supported us and encouraged us. I am blessed and I know it. I will not forget it.
And, of course, the little boy. Always the little boy.
|
projects for twenty twenty-six
projects for twenty twenty-five
projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
|
