Sign



Journaling Reads:
When I told my mom that we were going to teach you sign language, she
thought I was crazy. “What if he never speaks?” she asked. “Kids who
grow up learning sign language don’t become mute just because they can
learn to talk with their hands,” I replied patiently. It turns out
babies who are taught sign language have higher IQs and bigger
vocabularies by the time they are in elementary school. But that’s not
why I wanted to teach it to you; I just wanted to help you communicate
earlier so you got frustrated less.



In the beginning I didn’t make enough of an effort, but even with that,
you quickly mastered milk, more, food, and the other basics. As you grew
older you’d make the signs with the sounds and now you still sign even
though you can also say the words. When you see a dog, you
simultaneously say “woof, woof,” sign your version of dog, and scream
“doooog!” You’re only two and can already understand three languages.
Who’s crazy now?

Easter 2007



Here are a bunch of old layouts from months ago and even though now it
seems like I’ve already changed my style. But I love the photos and I
love the journaling in many of them so here goes nothing.

After you woke up form your nap, you were groggy and grouchy, but then
you found the little Halloween bag where you’d stashed all your Easter
candy. You took your little bag and ran out to the backyard, so you
could enjoy your treats in peace. I knew this would be a good
opportunity, so I grabbed my camera and followed you. Each time I got
close, you moved to another corner. So finally, I just stepped back, and
shot from a distance so you could enjoy the last bits of your wonderful
Easter day.

Imperfect



Journaling Reads:
Every mom thinks her kid is perfect. He sits up the first. He has
perfect manners. He learns quickly. He never hits. He’s an angel.



Well, my little boy, you’re no angel. You throw six tantrums before
lunch. You hate eating veggies and won’t swallow one unless I mush them
and mix them with yogurt. When you don’t get your way, you lie flat on
the floor and make your whole body go limp so I cannot make you get back
on your feet. You find a way to get your hands on every one of our
things no matter where we hide them and how safe we think they are from
you. When we call for you from one side of the house to the other, all
we hear is a resounding “No!” coming from the room where you’re wreaking
havoc. You still can’t put two words together to form a sentence (except
for “No Way!” which you’ve mastered.) You hate having your hair washed
and will run out of the bathtub at the sight of the shampoo bottle. You
hate circle time and refuse to be a part of it. You’re impatient and
won’t wait for your turn in line, instead you will scream like your arm
is being chopped off until some mom takes mercy on me and lets you cut
in line.



Yes, my son, you’re not perfect.



But, you’re sweet and kind. You are an equal opportunity hug giver. If
you hug me, you run around the house until you can find Daddy so you can
hug him, too. If you eat something you like, after you take a bite, you
reach over and give me a bite as well. With a paper and pen, you can
play by yourself for hours. You will not hurt, push, or shove another
kid. Ever. You say hi to everyone and give them one of your magical
smiles. In case they didn’t hear you well, you say ten more hi’s, louder
and with more enthusiasm each time until they can’t help but laugh. You
get very excited by dogs, birds, cats, and bugs, but you won’t ever hurt
them. You crouch slowly and watch them from a distance. When you eat
something you like, you go “Mmmmmm,” persistently until I reciprocate.
You let me tickle you even when you’re mad. You love running around the
house with me chasing you. You giggle loudly as you run and you look
back every few seconds just to make sure I’m still there. When I leave
for work in the mornings, you come to the door and wave “bye.” When I
put you down at night, you blow me big, loud kisses and then say “shhh”
and “bye” before you lie down. You are so full of love that it pours out
of your eyes.



I love that you’re not perfect, David. I love that you’re a little human
being and like all of us, you have your bad moments and your good ones.
I love that we get to celebrate every day together. I love that you’re
in my life. You are my life. – march 2007

My Joy



And let’s top off the evening with a recent layout.

Journaling Reads:
David, my favorite memories of the last few weeks are from the fifteen
minutes we spend every week trying to capture photos of you and me.

A few weeks ago, I complained to Daddy that there weren’t enough photos
of the two of us, since I am the official family photographer. So we
started these weekly sessions and you have quickly learned not to
cooperate.

When we go out in the yard, you think we’re going out to play, so when I
tell you to sit down, you quickly get annoyed with me. You completely
ignore me and walk in the opposite direction. You find a random toy and
act like I am not calling out to you. This is when I start to improvise:
I bribe, I tickle, I beg, I do whatever it takes for you to give me a hug.

Each time we do these sessions, Daddy and I give up after ten minutes,
admitting that you just will not play along. So imagine my surprise when
I download the photos and find some of the most precious photos I’ve
ever seen.

When I look at them, I can’t help but smile. Daddy did a perfect job of
capturing the joy of loving you and the laughter that you have brought
into my life. I am so thankful for each and every day we get to spend
together.

Fake Sneeze

And here is the fake sneeze we were actually trying to capture. Isn’t he
a sweetheart?

Nervous Laughter

Last week, David was fake sneezing. We thought it was so funny that we
decided to videotape it. While going through the footage we took, we saw
this little scene where David’s trying to pull the broken, green leg of
a toy and struggling really hard with it. When Jake laughs at him, David
notices that we’re noticing him and gives this fantastic nervous laugh.
It makes me laugh each time I watch it so I wanted to share it. Maybe
you have to be his mom, but even if it’s just for my enjoyment, I wanted
to preserve this moment.

I’ll post the actual fake sneezing video next.

Laughing with Joy



Sick of Mommy and David photos yet? Too bad.

Rejected

I must admit, I’ve been rejected from many things before and for many
reasons, but I have yet to be rejected for being too young. A book club
here just rejected me because they said I was too young to join them. If
at 32, I am too young, I suppose I should take that as a compliment!



What’s amazing is how much rejection hurts, even being rejected from the
smallest things. Even when you know you have no hope of getting
accepted. I try out for things, just to encourage myself to get projects
completed. And then when I don’t get accepted or win, I feel so sad.
Sometimes I feel sad for days. Even though, mentally, I know there was
no chance or that it doesn’t mean anything, emotionally it’s not
possible to ignore the rejection.

The good thing is, it doesn’t seem to have stopped me from trying to
submit, however I don’t know if that’s the answer either. Why is it so
important to me that others accept my work? Why do I need an “official”
stamp of approval? Why can’t my work be enough for me? I think I really
need to think hard about the answers to these questions so that I know
what my motivations are. If all this is just to seek approval, I need to
find other forms of it. If it’s to stretch myself and give myself
deadlines, those are good reasons. The best thing about those reasons is
that they don’t depend on the outcome. By the time I submit my work, I
have already completed something and I have also stretched myself. Those
should be enough to feel good.

If I am going to submit my work and keep putting myself out there, I
think it’s important to keep that in mind.

Rejection is part of day to day life. We get rejected in small and big
ways regularly. Just like we get accepted in small and big ways. It’s
important to celebrate the acceptances and grow from the rejections
without taking them personally. I need to remind myself of this
regularly. I need to stop diminishing the good and exaggerating the bad.

I know I have this terrible personality flow where if someone thinks I
am great, I quickly stop respecting or looking up to that person. I
figure they must not know what they are talking about. And if someone
doesn’t think I am hot shit, why they must be totally right.

And you thought you were fucked up.

Escaping into the Open


I have been a big Elizabeth Berg fan for quite some time. During my
pregnancy, I went through a period during which I read all of her adult
novels. I’ve also spent a good four years writing novels of my own, so
it should come as no surprise that I picked up and devoured Escaping
into the Open
, the Art of True Writing.

Back in the days when I wrote all the time, I read every book known to
man on writing. Anne Lamott, Lawrence Block, Natalie Goldberg. You name
it, I read it. And while this book may be a bit more about her than
writing compared to some other books, a bit less inspiring than Anne or
Natalie, a bit less instructional than Lawrence, it’s actually a
balanced combination of all. It’s inspiring. It’s full of good,
practical ideas, and it covers all aspects of writing. It talks about
fiction and non-fiction. It talks about how to come up with ideas. It
gives plenty of prompts. It talks about getting published. It even talks
about reactions from friends and loved ones. (while many at amazon
thought this was vain, I actually really thought it was pithy to mention
it.)

Most importantly, it made me want to write again. And isn’t that the
point, after all?

Laughter



Photos from one of the mommy-David sessions.


Didn’t journal for this one because I thought the photos said all I
could ever think to say.

One Buck



Bleh, not my favorite layout. Just didn’t have the creativity flowing
tonight. Oh well, still love the memory.

Journaling Reads:

One dollar. One single dollar. That’s how much we paid for the cash
register that you’ve been playing with night and day for the last two
weeks. You love it so much, you carry it around with you everywhere you
go. Daddy’s taught you how to put a coin at the top and see it come out
on the side. That’s your favorite game.

But sometimes the coin gets stuck. Then, you look at me and say, “Where
it go?” You pick up the register and shake it around. When you’re
satisfied with the amount of shaking you’ve done, you press the button
and scream with joy at the sight of the coin.

You play thins game hundreds of times a day. Your level of joy at
discovering the coin never dissipates. Your enthusiasm is catching and
soon Daddy and I are laughing, too. Who knew a toy we bought for a buck
would spread this much joy to our whole family?

Winner by Elimination

Crap.

Crap. Crap.

So Jake and I have been watching the Tour De France. We got hooked on
the Tour four years ago. We watched it minute by minute in 2004 and
2005. Last year we missed it because we were in Turkey, but this year,
we upgraded our Dish subscription just so we can get Versus and we’ve
been watching it since day one.

So, of course, we started by rooting by Leipheimer. But then he was
obviously not going to make it and while I loved Rasmussen’s drive, I
was still rooting for The Discovery Team, so Contador it was. During
today’s stage, I kept waiting for Contador to take off. Waiting and
waiting and waiting. And then Rasmussen took off. And I got bummed.



So you’d think that once I read the news about Rasmussen being fired by
his team (due to lying about where he was and missing drug tests), I’d
be dancing on my coffee table.

But I am not.

I wanted Contador or Levi to win because they deserved it and because
they rightfully beat Rasmussen by riding faster for the time trial or
something like that. Not that they don’t deserve it but this is such a
bummer way.



It’s all so sad. Rasmussen. Vinokourov. Moreni. Not to mention all those
who were suspended last year and didn’t even get to ride this year. Why,
oh why?

I was looking forward to tomorrow’s time trial very much, especially
since it’s not Rasmussen’s forte and it might have changed the race. But
now looks like Contador will win by elimination. Not really the way I
wanted it to turn out. Reduces the excitement considerably.

What a bummer.