I believe in making mistakes.

I know that in the overall scheme of life mistakes are meant to be bad. They lead us to failure and who wants to fail?

But that’s not entirely true, similar to yesterday’s point, the importance of learning firsthand also applies to making mistakes.

Let’s say you didn’t want to learn firsthand, how could you avoid making mistakes? Well, by listening to other people of course! With that approach, you’re making two fundamental assumptions:

One. What they consider to be a mistake in their environment and circumstances is also going to be a mistake in yours.

Two. Repeating the actions that led them to their mistake will result in your facing the same mistake.

I believe that both of these have cases where they become incorrect assumptions.

Let’s take the first case. Decisions and choices are extremely environment-based. Divorcing an abusive partner may be considered a huge mistake in some societies and the correct path in others. Same goes for abortion and many other controversial issues. Dropping out of school to help save your family’s financial situation might seem shortsighted to some people but might lead you to go through doors that would not have been available to you in some societies because in yours family values are extremely highly regarded. What I consider to be a stupid move might be an act of genius for you.

On a related note, just because you do the same thing I did doesn’t mean you will reach the same results I did. We could both cut school and go to the movies and while I get caught and end up getting detention, you might end up meeting someone who changes your life in that movie theater. (okay, it’s not likely but it could happen) A lot of our life depends on people or events outside our control. The likeliness of a certain set of actions resulting in the same exact outcome is very low.

Even if we ignored the above points. I still think there’s much to be said for making your own mistakes and learning from them. When you make a mistake, depending on the significance of that mistake, it stays in your mind for quite a long period of time. You don’t need someone to explain to you why it’s a bad idea, you lived through it and you learned. Even when the same actions result in a mistake, there might be different reasons why it was a mistake for you than why it was a mistake for the other person. And it’s important to know the difference.

When we make mistakes, we learn about ourselves more than anything else. Yes, we learn about our environment, too, but we learn so much more about our logic. Our assumptions. Our ignorance. Our unrealistic expectations. Our naive outlook. We try to sit and pinpoint where exactly things went wrong. At what point did the great idea turn into a disaster?

That’s not something any other human being can teach you.

Previously? Show Me.

I think there’s a skewed opinion of body image in the world.

Well, at least in most of the cultures in which I’ve lived.

Many women try to change their body structure to fit the range of what’s ‘desirable to a man’. Most of the women I’ve talked to who are struggling with their weight or self image seem to link it to being wanted. If I’m pretty, men will get attracted to me more, and then I can find someone to like me. It might sound convoluted and desperate to some people, but I’ve heard this concern multiple times.

Putting the issue of whether you need someone else in your life to feel good about yourself aside, the notion of getting thin to please men doesn’t really work, in my opinion.

From what I’ve experienced, the ones that judge women’s bodies are other women. Most men I’ve met are not really affected by weight as much as women think they are. Some like thinner, some like fuller but none of them notice the extra five pounds you gained last week. At least not the men who are worth having.

Women, however, size you up and down and can tell if the skirt you wore yesterday is a tiny bit tight, if you’re bloated from your period, if the shoes you’re wearing are scuffed. Women scrutinize other women. It’s as if they find you to be a constant threat and therefore need to find fault. Not only do they analyze you to bits, but then they call up your mutual friends and share.

Of course I’m generalizing. Of course it’s not true for every woman. Some women are wonderful and kind and caring and don’t spend any time feeling good about other women’s weaknesses. But, in my experience, women notice other women’s body structures and criticize them a lot more than men do.

Most of the women’s magazines give tips on losing weight and looking thin. They promote thinness simply by plastering their magazines with thin people. They don’t come out and tell you that it’s bad to be above a size 4 but they imply, coax and leave subtle hints.

In my opinion, many of today’s eating and self-image issues are caused by the women in our lives. The magazines, the movie stars, the family members, siblings, and many others.

So if we want to address these problems, I think we should really start looking within our gender.

Previously? Web People.

I don’t think I could ever live in Florida.

We drive down streets surrounded by palm trees. The sky is covered with soft, white clouds like dots on a Dalmatian. The buildings are a rainbow of pastels.

We leave the jacked-up air conditioning to be taken over by the humid heat. A block from our hotel, we can see locals walking on the beach, colorful bikinis showing much of their perfect bodies. People are suntanned. People are dancing on tables while they sip fruit drinks. They’re laughing, chatting, partying.

It all seems too good to be true.

I stare at my surroundings and mentally compare the environment to the one at home, in New York. New York is just as hot right now. But it has no palm trees. The buildings are much taller and they are brown, gray or mirrored. They tower over you and pierce the sky. People have no time to chitchat. They’re walking down the street in hurried steps while talking on the phone about an urgent matter.

Women wear stockings. Men are in suits and ties. Each person is carrying a nondescript briefcase and looking at their watches every three minutes. Most of them don’t acknowledge their surroundings. Who has the time to look around? They all have things to do, places to go.

No one notices the trees on Wall Street.

Life here seems so different. People are relaxed, they try to enjoy life. They don’t seem to spend their time running from meeting to meeting and even if they were, the streets and the weather make running so much more fun here. The entire place feels like a continual summer resort. How can anyone be miserable in this weather, in these surroundings?

I look at the beach again. I wonder what I was thinking when I turned down the job offer in Florida.

And then I realize that I could never live here. This feels too much like vacation. If I lived here where would I go for vacation? If these beaches were the norm for me, I’d be so spoiled. I’d probably end up taking it all for granted.

And then I’d have nothing to whine about.

Previously? Spontaneity.