Here’s a continuation of Random Thoughts I’ve been having lately. You can read part I here.
Here we go for more random:
5. Don’t believe what you see on TV. Ok this one is a complete side note but a few weeks ago, Jake and I went to the movies and there was this one scene were two people were having sex for the first time (with each other, not ever) and suddenly one said she only had 45 seconds and the other said “no problem” and so within that time, they both finished at the same time and it was implied that it was magnificent for both. It was a Thursday night and the theater was mostly empty. At the end of that scene, one person in the back shouted “Yeah Right” and everyone began to laugh.(sarcasm anyone?) Because, of course, it was so beyond unrealistic. It was almost ridiculous. But at the time, you didn’t really think about it. You were caught up in the scene. And this is so common in media these days. Giving us messages of “typical” marriages or relationships or intimacy. It makes everyone feel like they must not be the norm. They must be failing, messing up. Like how if you’re not a size 2, you’re fat. Consciously or not, we’re receiving these messages and trying to measure up. I think it’s terrible and wish they would stop feeding us these made up lies. I think if we all spoke the truths a bit more often, people could connect better and in general feel less messed up.
6. I’m Bad with Transitions. When I was at the airport for CHA, I noticed that I am bad with transitions. Sitting there and waiting for the plane was stressful because I kept wondering if I would get to carry my bags on and be able to fit it and who would sit next to me and on and on. I do this quite a lot. When I am on my way to something or somewhere I am often anxious and worried. Once I get there, I adjust and I am almost always ok. It’s the unknown that throws me off and brings in stress. I know this is common with kids and parents often have routines for transitions. Like going from dinner to bedtime or play to naptime or school to home etc. Maybe I need routines for my transitions too. More prep time. Maybe it will reduce my anxiety. I think it’s worth a shot. So for the next month or so, I will pay attention to when anxiety arises and try to see if it’s something I can establish a routine around. If you’ve done this, I would love advice.
7. Worry Lists I worry often and a lot. From huge things like something happening to my family to tiny things like oversleeping or doing some art badly. Worrying is a constant on my mind and takes up more room than I’d like and I often look for ways to get rid of it. I’ve mentioned the God Box idea before which I think is wonderful and I will do it. But I wanted more, so while I was flying to CHA, I decided to try something new. I sat down and brainstormed a long list of everything I was worrying about at that very moment. Big or small. Every single thing. Then a week later, I went back and wrote whether that item happened that week or not. And if it did happen, what consequences that brought. Were they as bad as I had imagined? Some of the items are long long term like something happening to one of my kids. For those I just check if something happened to them that week and then they go on the list again the next week. For others, they are short duration and get completely resolved that week. Like a meeting I am worried about. The meeting comes and goes and it’s over. So I can permanently get rid of that one item. The idea is that if I see week after week that a high percentage of my worries do not come true, maybe I will calm down more, worry less. If I see that nothing happened to my kids 98 weeks in a row, my senses of statistics starts kicking in and telling me it’s ok to worry a small amount less. Maybe. I figure it can’t hurt to try, right?
8. You’re not that special. Just like I am done with sarcasm, I am totally over the attitude of “i won’t do it cause everyone else is doing it.” People who don’t go to a place, listen to a music, read a book, etc. cause others are doing it drive me insane. What makes you so special. Are you above and beyond all normal people? Here’s a quote I found on Amy’s friend’s site that I love:
Andre Dubus III, author of House of Sand and Fog, another OBC selection responded to Franzen with, “It is so elitist it offends me deeply. The assumption that high art is not for the masses, that they won’t understand it and they don’t deserve it – I find that reprehensible. Is that a judgment on the audience? Or on the books in whose company he would be?”
This was in response to Franzen’s snubbing Oprah for picking his book. But I love this quote. What’s wrong with masses? Why are you so superior? I just don’t get this. Truly. I like the music I like and the books I like. Some of them are popular and others aren’t. This doesn’t make me less or more special. It just makes me, me. I feel that as long as you’re authentic to you, you’re special. And if you stay clear of everything “the masses” like, you can easily miss out on some wonderful things. Seems plain silly to me.
There you go. A bit of a brain dump for you. I have one more thing to write about but that’s for later. This one’s too long already and I am sure you’ve had enough of my thoughts for today.
Great list, Karen!
I absolutely LOVE #7!!
I’m cutting and pasting #7 and sharing it with my friend, who could definitely use that kind of epiphany, that all we worry about is mostly for naught…
and seeing it in writing, in black and white, will help for sure!!!
Thanks!!!
i hope it helps your friend! it has been helping me!
#7 I try to remember this bit of advice from just before my heart surgery, “If you are going to pray don’t worry, if you are going to worry don’t pray.” this is so true for the big things we have to learn to give up to a higher power because there is just no way we are in control on some things. Your idea of tracking the outcome of your worries is right on track most of what we worry about 1. never happens or 2. is never as bad as what we imagine and punish ourselves with when we worry about it. I find myself worrying about what other think of me, wow concited or what? most people are also worrying about that too! So another quote I found is “Your opinion of me is none of my business.” How true no matter your opinion is nothing I can say is going to change it if your mind is closed so….back to worrying about that it should be oh well I am what I am and take me as I am or leave me alone, your choice.
Blessings
Oh Karen! You continue to inspire me so much! If only I could get the whole ’embrace imperfection’ idea out of the dark recesses of my brain and actually into my daily life. Thanks so much for sharing so much of yourself with us!
I am totally the person you write about in #8. If everyone is doing something, I DON’T want to do it. If everyone is reading something, I don’t want to read it. If Oprah says to buy it, I don’t want to buy it. Ironically, this is for the same reason you brought up: I want to be authentic to myself. I’m not not following the masses because I think I am better than anyone else, not at all. I’m not not doing it because I don’t want to be lumped in with the masses. But the resistence IS based on the feeling that just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t make it right for me. It sometimes feels like doing it (whatever “it” is) only because someone richer or more powerful/famous/important than me said so. Which doesn’t feel like being authentic to myself. So, I tend to think about things a LOT before I do them. Am I doing them to be like everyone else, to fit in and follow the trend? Or because the thing (whatever the thing is) will benefit my life in some way? If I do jump on the bandwagon it’s usually long after everyone else has. But then I also am certain it is a ride I want to take.
I hope that makes sense and comes across not in an argumentative way, but just pointing out my perspective. I love reading your thoughts!
I love this Amy and it’s not argumentative at all!! Just like i don’t think you should avoid doing something just cause everyone else is doing it, i equally think you shouldn’t choose to do it just cause everyone is doing it. I think as you said authentic is the key. I think that’s why I self-reflect so much. I feel like the more I know who I am, the easier it is for me to be authentic to that person, if that makes any sense 🙂 i think a lot too, which is why I think i am blessed with rarely regretting things. i like to remind myself that i put a lot of thought into it at the time and with the variables i had at hand then, i made the best choice i could at the time. (cause when i do regret, it’s generally awful so i try to think a lot so i can avoid that :)) thank you so much for your thoughts, i am sure you know by now but i always appreciate and respect them.
Hi Karen,
One thing I can tell you about the worrying is that it does seem to lessen as you age. (Then again, maybe I worry less because my kids are all out of the house, and I don’t know exactly what they’re doing at any given moment!) I tried to remind myself not to worry unless worrying could “help” what I’m worried about. It never does, so that’s just a reminder not to bother! Sometimes you just can’t help it, especially in the context of children. Mothers seem to be handed a heightened imagination for disasters that can befall their kids, don’t you think? But like you say, most of the bad stuff never happens, and worrying isn’t what keeps it at bay anyways.
Also, the flip side of not doing things because the masses are is to do your own thing regardless of popular opinion. It can be a mental struggle either way! You have the right idea though, we should dance to the beat of our own drum. (I know, that’s not the way the rest of the world says that, but it works for me!) 🙂
Have a wonderful weekend! Thanks for the thoughts, I do love when you share them!
well i am going to hang on to the idea that it lessens with age!! 🙂
Why worry about tomorrow? It could change overnight! Yet, we all do it.
I just wanted to share this (and please let me).. Ive learned this thing about worrying from a good speaker..worrying doesn’t change anything in your present situation. It is like you only have a dot in your paper but your putting so much effort about worrying about it and you let that to cover the whole paper.. well, i am sharing it not because i love the way that speaker delivers it but i can testimony.. worrying something very small just can aggravate my mind, my feelings towards it..it doesn’t lift me up at all..and im not even optimistic..
you’re absolutely right and thank you so much for sharing that with me!!