Fair warning that this is a rambling post…

I am hoping I am not the only one with this problem but I am feeling quite scattered lately. Even though I didn’t really get jetlag when I came back from Turkey, I still haven’t been able to get my brain organized. I sort of go through the days getting what needs to get done, done but not really working ahead much.

I am not panicked about this since all my must-get-done items are done. I am working diligently and hard at work. I am still running 3 miles a day. I got my CHA work done. And I am sketching and doing art and savor project each week.

but something is missing.

I feel disconnected from it all. Not sure how to explain it better. I feel like hours pass, I do some stuff and then it’s 7pm and I am worn out, tired, and uninspired. I can’t even seem to pick a book to read lately, I am literally in the middle of 5 books. This is unheard of for me. I like to pick one, read it all the way, and then move to the next. But I can’t even seem to be able to make up my mind about which book to read lately.

There are things I wanted to do in June and I am worried that the month is quickly coming to a close and I am not getting to them:

  1. I want to reflect on the last six months. Review my goals from January and see how I am doing. Sort of like I did here. I am thinking I might use this download I found at Susannah’s site. Even though it was meant for 2012’s beginning, I can use it to look back on the first half of 2012 and plan for the second half.
  2. I want to go through the little changes list I made and sort of schedule them into my days, months, plans.
  3. I want to get some math and writing books for David for the summer. I want to work with him on his writing.  I need to schedule daily/weekly summer time with him.
  4. I want to resume our reading book with Nathaniel.  I need to schedule daily/weekly summer time with him, too.
  5. I am thinking of possibly writing a new class. It would be about savoring every day. It would be mostly about reflection, journaling exercises. It would also involve artsy exercises but you can use medium of your choice like photography, scrapping, drawing, art journaling, or none of the above. I haven’t fleshed it out but I can’t decide if it’s worth writing it or not. There are a lot of online classes now. This wouldn’t be super-cheap. Would any of you be interested? (I know I didn’t sell it well but I am feeling tired now 🙂 ) But before I work for hours and hours and really pour my soul into it, I sort of want to get a feel for how much interest there even is and I am not sure how to do that….
  6. I have sort of begun thinking about 2013 too. It’s not too soon for me. I want to plan some of my projects. See what I want to keep from 2012 and what I want to change up. I want to make time to think more around this.
  7. My inbox is loud with emails I haven’t returned. I feel overwhelmingly tired when I look at it. It makes me sad to feel this way.
  8. I need to get back on schedule with the food, driving, strength exercises, and journaling. I miss them all.
  9. Nathaniel’s school ends Friday and I need a bit more of a schedule for the kids if I am to survive this summer.
  10. I am tired. Feeling unmotivated always does this to me. I think this means I should get up and do some art.

So that’s what’s on my mind today. I think maybe I need to go out 1-2 nights this week and spend some quality time with my journal. I know feeling organized is the first step to feeling inspired for me. How about you? Anyone else having a scattered summer so far?

8 comments to Scattered

  • Oh yes Karen, I am feeling exactly the same as you. I am past exhausted for a reason I still cannot fathom…littleman finishes school in 2 weeks and a half and I am nowhere near ready as far as planning the summer goes. I will still be working some over the summer which involves juggling schedules…phew, I’m exhausted just thinking about it. I would be interested in hearing more about your tentative project for a new class. I feel the need for some soul searching right now. Hang in there, things will smooth out in a few days or weeks. In the meantime, don’t forget to be kind to yourself. You deserve it!

  • Liz

    Once again, I read of your struggles and my first thought is that I’m going through the same thing! Thank you for posting the link to Susannah’s site. I immediately printed that off and I’ve already made a date with myself for Friday afternoon to sit down and give it (and me) the attention it deserves.

    I hope you find your balance soon.

  • Susan

    I was going through my project bin yesterday and came across my Reclaiming my Time album. I loved that class and that project. Some much has changed since then but the advice in my album rang true. So in answer to your question yes I’d take your class…you have a way of inspiring, challenging and helping others to grow. Enjoy being scattered because I am sure it means everything will come back in to focus soon; cleared and more purposeful.

  • Sue SG

    I always think that feeling like this is your body and minds way of telling you just to slow down for a few days and not worry about what is getting done or not. I do that when I feel like this and in a few days I am back to my Type A, organized and creative self. Give yourself some karen time if possible.

    I would love to hear more about your tentative class!

  • I’m a bit older than you (44), with one child and a work-at-an-office-with-a-commute career. I wish I could fit work, creative projects, reading, writing, time with daughter, time with husband, communicating with friends, cooking real food, and exercise into every day. OK, I’m tired just typing that. What happens in reality is that only some of those things happen, even on a weekly basis. I’m choosing to celebrate the successes and not feel guilty when I get derailed. I’m trying to be more spontaneous (not my normal state of being) when husband or daughter suggests doing something. If I’m tired, I don’t push through it, I rest. I’ll echo Sophie’s comment: be kind to yourself. 🙂 You will find your equilibrium.

  • Mel

    Hey. I would love to take one of your classes. I love reading your posts an agree with Susan about your inspiring nature. Hang in there, all will be well.

  • I am feeling tired too. May and June have been really hard for me.
    I finally decided to let drop (definitively or until fall) some of my “2012 projects”, just to have some time to rest and dream. I try not to feel guilty about that.
    With 2 teenagers (14 & 15) claiming 18 year’s old freedom, acting like the teenagers they are, my family time is really hard right now. I have to admit I am just waiting for them to leave for 1 week sports camp. The dream of beeing just the two of us, without kids at home… I know they will miss me after a few days, but I do need a break

    I would love to take another class with you. I am looking for a place (notebook, artjournal) where to write, jot, draw, collage my feelings about theses difficult teenagers’ years and maybe find the way to even savour theses hard years. I try to start an artjournal alone, but do not kwon where and how to start and more of all I need some support/encouragement of class mates.

  • Daney

    oh, sweet one. i think we all get to feeling this way. I described myself as “crispy around the edges” today. As if pieces might gently flake off… not held together, not fresh and green. At my house, it’s 2 girls (6 and 9) with ballgames, dance recital, taekwondo, hometown festivals, upcoming class reunions (25 yrs!), family reunions…. it never seems to slow down long enough for a day or two of quiet.

    I am drinking water, doing my yoga and maintaining my unsweetened, low glycemic diet… but that’s all I can manage for myself. (ok, and a few dips into your blog)

    I am hoping it is cyclical and that my edges will be lush and pliable again, soon. like the garden after a good soaking.

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