The Best Part of this Week: The best part of this week was having a 3 (maybe 4-) day weekend.
I celebrate: taking a little downtime
I am grateful for: a conversation i had with a friend at work that helped put my mind at ease
This week, I exercised: I climbed 3 times a week, rode thrice, did 10 mins of core and 10 mins of arms 4 days a week. And did 30 mins of yoga and 40 mins of stretching and 10 mins of cardio.
This week, I said yes to: hosting a social.
I said no to: doing overtime.
I honored my values (love, learn, peace, service, gratitude): things are still touch and go here but I am working on leaning into love and peace way over anything else.
Top Goals Review: did not get that much done this week :/
Work: did not write up the 3 for L and 3 for D. did not finish coaching assessment. did not prep for reviews.
Personal: did not really get back to drawing and journaling.
Family: did not take walks with J. did one thing with N and did not do one thing with D. did not book vacation for April.
My mood this week was: i’ve still been anxious but i am working on it actively and some days are definitely better than others.
I am proud of: all the exercise i am trying to do. i wish i could say the same about the nutrition too.
I release: i’ve been in my head a lot this week, about work, about my body, about my trip. on and on. i’d like to release all of it.
Here’s what I learned this week: that i might be okay after all.
It was 71 (22) degrees here today. I got to take a nice walk and also got to sit in the backyard for the first time since last year.
California spoils us with decent weather most of the year. And even though it has one of the shortest winters, I still find myself waiting for spring with baited breath.
I am so excited to sit in the yard, listening to the birds sing and breathing the fresh air again.
Yes to sunshine and flowers and birds and drinking the wild air!
It was a really long day today. I started at 8am and it’s 9pm and I still have a lot of email to read but I can’t keep going to it will have to wait till tomorrow.
Instead now I will do some stretching and maybe yoga and then I will journal and read.
Tomorrow I can start over and maybe actually get through my email. Or maybe not.
Earlier this week I got to paint a little bit. It was magical. I am not sure how to get into a routine with it. But I know that I’ve done it in the past.
Right now I am prioritizing exercise during the week so maybe the trick is to start with once a week on the weekend.
By noon today I was already deeply wishing it was Friday. I am finding that my mood is all over the place. I can be euphoric and super frustrated and really angry and full of anxiety all in the span of a few hours.
Which means by the time the day is over, I feel like I have emotional whiplash.
There’s so much in the world I don’t understand and feel powerless against. There’s so much in my own life I feel I can’t control. There’s so much about myself I am often struggling with.
And at any moment, any one of those things can make my mood swing in a particular direction. Then add my husband, kids, friends, family to the equation. Then add the news. Then add the pandemic. And I am just done.
So today I am sitting here, feeling tender and sad and angry and a little broken with the weight of all that.
And right now, I’m saying yes to being here with all this. To letting myself be tired.
Tomorrow I will get up and try all over again. Because giving up is not an option.
Yes to being with it all and yes to showing up and doing it anyway.
Some days feel like progress and other days feel like a huge step back. And I find that it’s hard for me to predict which day is going to end up where.
So I’m aiming for more good days than not. Let’s see if I can increase the chances that a day will end up in the progress bucket.
Here are some things I’ve found that helps me:
1. Exercise early in the day: I feel better about myself when I’ve exercised so doing that first thing increases chances my day goes well because I know I did at least one thing for my health that day.
2. Get my veggies in: the smoothie in the morning loaded with broccoli and spinach is another way I am paying my body first thing. Even if I eat cookies and chocolate the rest of the day, at least I got 2 servings of broccoli and 2 servings of spinach and some fiber from the chia seeds.
3. Tell my people I love them: a bit of gratitude never hurt anyone. I tell my kids and hubby how much I love them. On a good day, I send some appreciation notes to folks I work with and on a really good day I call my mom too. Best thing for getting out of my head is reaching out to others.
4. Write stuff down: making a list of what I need to do increases the chances that I will do it tenfold. I just can’t count on my brain to remember so when I write it down, I no longer have to. And once I write it, there’s something to cross off. Crossing tasks off is great joy for me and a visual sign of a good day. Writing stuff down also works well for journaling and clearing out my head. Morning pages are gold.
5. Setting structures and routines for the things I want to do more: making room on my calendar to go climbing three times a week and having a partner to feel accountable to. Meditating first thing in the morning before I get up. Etc. Just small things to increase the chances that the day is more likely to go well then not.
I am trying hard to pay attention and notice what is meaningful to me and what drains my energy. Some days are still a net loss but if I can get more good days in then net net there’s progress.
