If you remember from my post about the yearlong classes my one goal for January’s Move More, Eat Well class was to find a personal trainer. I had sort of been looking for one for a few months without success. To be honest, I didn’t really know how to find one and just kept getting more agitated as time passed. So when I was setting my one goal, I gave myself an out. I wrote that my one goal for January was to find a trainer and to write everything I eat down. I figured this way I could be successful if I hit either of my goals.
Oh the ways we give ourselves a way to get out of jail for free.
I started to track my food in early January but it was so boring that I stopped. I eat almost the same thing everyday so it seemed pointless. And I was making no progress on the trainer either. So last week, as I realized how close the end of January was I started getting annoyed with myself for not achieving either of my goals.
And then things just magically fell into place.
I was at a show with my friend Nicholas and I was complaining about how I was having trouble finding a trainer. He suggested I use Yelp. I did it right then and there on my phone and lo-and-behold there were four trainers I could call right by my home. So I called one the next day and gave her two days to respond.
When she didn’t, I called three other places on Monday and finally found one. As it turned out it was a three-minute drive from my house. I made an appointment for Wednesday and felt good about finally making progress.
In the meantime, I had another session of my The Science of Willpower class on Monday night. During the class, amongst other things, the teacher talked about several studies around increasing willpower. One of the exercises they tested was tracking things that you don’t usually track. I decided that maybe this was the sign I needed to get my other 1-goal going as well.
So Tuesday morning I started tracking my food.
Today, after dropping off the kids and doing my sketching, I drove to the personal trainer center and met with my new trainer. I was there for one hour and he gave me about thirteen exercises (after collecting some baseline information). Now I have a set of exercises, some kind of plan, and another appointment.
And I am sore.
I will admit that I am so very inclined to walk away from this whole thing because I am really aching all over for the first time in a long while. But I know that this means I am using muscles I haven’t used in a while and this was exactly why I wanted to get a trainer. While losing weight is great, my goal is not just that. I want to be healthy and strong. The running is great for my heart but doesn’t really do a huge amount for my core strength. I want my arms, legs, thighs, and stomach to be firm and strong. So I can be healthy and not just thin.
So I have begun yet another part of my “healthy for life” journey. I will admit to being scared and maybe a bit overwhelmed. But I am also determined. I know that a few months into this I will be stronger and the exercises will be easier. I know that this is another part of establishing a new baseline for my body and my overall health. And I know that this is the right thing to do for my body.
Even if it’s a bit hard at the moment. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy after all, is it?
So there we go. Tracking food: Check. Personal trainer: Check.
Tomorrow, I get up and do it all over again.
And here’s the spread for week two:
These full spread photos are hard for me to take because my lens is not wide-angle enough but I am trying my very best.
Let’s get into a bit more detail. Here’s the left side:
The left side is about how Nathaniel’s always happy and finds a way to occupy himself when I have to work and David’s at school. The other story is about how much I love watching the kids play together. I can see telling this story again and again and again. I will never get enough of it.
Here’s the right side:
The first story is about how David and some of my current thoughts of the boy he’s growing up to be and how much I love him. The second on is our family photo for the week and how much I adore these photo sessions. This, too, I can totally see telling again and again.
As usual, the bottom has my art along the bottom. Even if the art is sideways, it doesn’t bother me. I like having a record of it.
So there we go. That’s week two.
Happy Savoring.
The Savor Project was supposed to be a weekly project for 2012. You can read about my setup here.
Well back to dystopian this week with The Declaration. I must admit that I read this book in about one breath. It was hard to get into it in the very beginning and I never really connected with Anna all that much but Peter seemed very real to me and I think he was the reason I ended up finishing the book so quickly.
Which, of course, makes sense as he was the more real and less conditioned character. I liked this book and will likely read the others. Alas, not right away. I often tend to prefer to take a break between my “series” books and give myself room to think about them for a while and digest each book.
A slightly unusual version of dystopian novel compared to the others. And while there was a lot of violence, it was more real since it wasn’t so constructed like many of the other dystopian novels. Which, for me, made it that much more harrowing.
Life’s been a bit of a whirlwind lately. I feel like since 2012 started, I’ve been go-go-go. I’ve had commitments several nights a week and appointments, meetings, doctor checkins, etc. I’m going to CHA this weekend and then have in-laws visiting next weekend and then it’s David’s birthday. And to top it all, work’s also at an all-time high pace.
Ordinarily, this would be enough to stress me out and make me want to curl up and cry. But alas, it’s one of the things I’ve been working on for 2012. So I think it’s just good luck that all this chaos is coming my way early in the year to test my resolve and commitment.
When you live as structured a life as I do and you have as many goals and tasks each day as I do, curveballs or one-off changes aren’t easy to handle. Last year, I noticed that when such things occurred, I didn’t do a good job of reacting to them and recovering from them. My goal this year was to be better about it.
To accomplish this, one of the things I did was to create a more flexible schedule. I changed my goals so instead of sketching daily, I told myself I would do it 4 times a week. Same with art journaling and several of my other daily tasks. The goal was to take the pressure off such that if I had to skip one day, I was still meeting the goals I set for myself. The only thing I do each day is my exercise, everything else was more flexible.
As it turned out, I have been sketching daily but making only 1-2 art journal pages a week. If that. I’ve learned over time that creative ventures have an ebb and flow so I am choosing to let it go where it flourishes more at the moment. And sketching is the fun part for me, for now.
Last night, as I sat in class, we talked about how there are theories that consider Willpower to be a muscle. And just like any muscle, you can wear it out, so then you need to rest and rebuild and while you’re doing that, it’s not as strong. This led our teacher to say “Pay attention to where your willpower goes each day.” And that’s the part that really resonated with me. The trouble with setting so many goals, restrictions, plans in my day is that I have to use willpower for each of them. And then as the day wears down, so does my muscle.
So now I pay attention to where my willpower goes. I set my goals accordingly. I prioritize. Things that “must” get done that day and things that would be nice to do. I leave room for last minute changes (because with two kids, a job and a hubby those are not as rare as I might like to think) and I regularly let go. I also know that eventually things do calm down. So I fit in whatever I can into the nooks and crannies of my day and take time to be grateful for them.
Even as I’ve become more flexible, I still have a lot of structure to my days and I still have my non-negotiables (more on this some other time). But as I learn more and more about willpower, I am learning to grow, adjust and leave room for rest. The trick is being able to take the curveballs with grace.
And to be better with adding more flexibility to my life, one of the habits I will add to my morning routine is this idea of prioritizing my willpower. So I can make sure to savor this rare resource and use it well.
Here are the sketches from last week:
Monday:
Tuesday:
Wednesday:
Thursday:
Friday:
Saturday:
Sunday:
Those last ones are balloons! And the one on Friday is supposed to be a wreath.
Daily Sketching is a weekly project for 2012. You can see a detailed post on my steps here.
In 2002, I taught fifth grade in the South Bronx. I had a very large class and struggled regularly to keep it under control. What I learned in just a few weeks was that I had three types of students in my class: the ones who were quiet even if everyone else climbed the walls, the ones who acted out even if the whole class was quiet, and the ones who went with the flow of the class. The first two groups were always tiny. Maybe three kids in each. This meant that the the amount of chaos in the room at any moment really depended on my ability to have those three “not so quiet” students not act up. Let’s just say I failed more often than I succeeded.
Over the years, I’ve realized that humans in general aren’t very different from my classroom. There are those who have a strong sense of self that just doesn’t get swayed (at least not perceptibly) by the crowd and then there’s the rest of us. The ones who mold, shift shape, accomodate, and go with the flow.
I can’t decide which is better.
Some days, I think it’s good to be the kind of person who can shift so that she fits well into the crowd. This is what makes you a good employee, community member, PTA member, or whatever. Your ability to change and act and prioritize differently in different settings. Not all situations are the same and being able to pick up on the context and adapt accordingly is a solid skill in life.
However.
Well. There’s something so powerful in consistently being who you are. In holding on to your character. Maybe I am not comparing apples to apples here, I am not sure. But I’ve been thinking lately that I would like to be able to be myself more often. I think it comes with a deep sense of self-acceptance.
My husband sent me this video shot at Burning Man the other day. I’ve always wanted to attend the event but it just didn’t work out. He sent it to me to show that I might not like it as much as I think I would. As I watched it, I knew, of course, that this wasn’t exactly the kind of environment I would be into. I am very straight-laced. Organized. Relatively serious. I mostly wear black, gray, blue. I am not what you might consider eccentric in any way.
However I always wished I were.
I watched that video and I wished I was a creative soul, eccentric, not afraid to be a colorful person. I wished I was a more visual, liberated, freer person. The people in the video seemed so free. So…themselves.
But that’s the thing, you see.
Once I stepped back to take a good look. What I realized is that it’s not as much their eccentricity that is alluring (though it is that, too) but it’s mostly their ability to be so wholly who they are. That’s what I want for myself. Just being 100% ok with who I am. Not feeling the need to change my personality to fit in. I don’t mean that in an obnoxious way. Of course, there are orders to different settings and I can behave accordingly. But outside of that, I just would like to fully embrace who I am. My personality. Good and bad. There’s something so magical, so truly wonderful in being 100% at peace with you.
Just as you are.
This is the one a layout I made for My Mind’s Eye January newsletter.
And the journaling says:
There are so many things that I love about you two but at the very top of my list is seeing the two of you laugh together. Even though these aren’t the highest quality photos I’ve ever taken I just love everything about them. I love how you’re lying on the couch together and laughing with so much joy.The two of you just light up every single of my days. I love you.
details:
As I mentioned, I plan to keep this project simple and fun for both of us. So, I did the same thing with the letter B as I did for letter A. I cut them all up and then, Nathaniel and I glued them down together to create this simple page:
Like last time, w e talked about each of the words and then differentiated between big B and little B. Then we colored all the B’s.
Here he is gluing:
and coloring
Yey for week 2. Nathaniel loves showing this book off and I love that he loves it!!
Letters with Nathaniel is a weekly project for 2012. You can read more about it here.
A lot of photos this week and they don’t even cover all the craziness of this week. I am guessing it’s more than usual because Monday was a holiday. Each week I fret I am not taking enough photos and then I end up with too many!! Nathaniel’s school is covering colors and shapes this week but he still doesn’t have them down much. I would worry but I am determined to worry less this year. He’s been a joy to have around. He loves wearing his fireman hat and making “bad guys” out of legos and shooting other legos or people. He’s been playing by himself and entertaining himself quite a bit. Still demanding and getting more and more vocal. David’s also doing great. He’s got a really good best friend at school who came over for a playdate this week and it was wonderful seeing how much they like each other. I am so grateful he adjusted to his school wonderfully. Besides reading and writing and chores, he likes to spend time on the lego gallery so he can look at the kinds of things other people built with legos.
Jake’s work is going well, too and I he is maybe finally recovering from being sick for so long. And I’ve had a busy but great week. I had book club (The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet) and I got to go to Cirque de Soleil Michael Jackson. Both were awesome. I also had to move the site over which sucked but now it’s so so much better.
This weekend is going to be a quiet one. I just plan to be with the kids and work on my savor project and maybe art journal a bit. I’ve been not so great at keeping up with the art journaling lately so I want to see if I can change things up a bit.
Anyhow, here are some highlights from last week:
Nathaniel glueing our letters down.
David working on his book of good memories.
David got this circuit set for Christmas and loves playing with it.
And I love those blue eyes.
Nathaniel found this old old minibook I made and went through all the pages, naming all the letters.
Big boy building cool things.
little boy watching.
nathaniel coloring his letters.
my funny boy.
who always makes me laugh.
more circuit fun.
nathaniel invented his own game with them too.
And then they played together.
when it was time to put stuff away nathaniel was not happy.
but as he always does, he got over it.
and then we took some shots with the hat.
i just love these.
and couldn’t pick one favorite.
cause i love them all.
here is the bad guy lego shooting me.
playing with daddy.
who loves him so so much.
we now take photos right after Nathaniel wakes up from a nap. so we get some of these.
but we still do tickle time!
here’s david and his friend playing and Nathaniel playing with them. they we very kind to nathaniel.
they all made art. when i took a photo of the two boys, nathaniel wanted a photo with his photo too!
and here we go. Another wonderful week gone. Here’s to a great week next week!
Weekly Diary is a project for 2012. You can read more about it here.
Hello everyone! If you’re seeing this you’re seeing my site on the new server. Still getting things to work. Come say hi!
And the next page in the “collage” book:
I wanted to make a page that was more collage-y. I don’t think I succeeded. A bunch of tape, paper and rubons on this one. I wrote my journaling on the pink Studio Calico fabristrip but you can’t see it well on the photo.
So far, I can’t say this project is going as I had envisioned. But I know to give things time. More next week.
Journey into Collage is a project for 2012. You can read more about it here.
I don’t believe a marriage is about meeting halfway. It’s not about 50/50. To me, it’s always been 100/100. If both parties give 100% as often as they can, there’s a chance things might work out. Marriage is hard. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying.
So is parenting.
Hard.
One of the things Jake and I started doing a long time ago is following this “one thing” rule. The deal was that I tell him the one thing that matters to me most. The one area where I really really need him to give 150% and do/give what I need. And then for all the other things, I would work very hard to just let them go or work with him through them. Same for him. He got his one thing. This is not to say we don’t have many things we’d both like and that we don’t try to make each other happy in all areas. But this is just to say, if all fails and you feel tired and worn out just remember the one thing. And it also means that for as long as he’s making a genuine effort on the one thing, he’s working on our marriage and I can let the other things go. Because he can’t do it all, all the time. (Same goes for me, of course.)
Over the years the “one thing” has sometimes changed and sometimes stayed steady. But I always keep mine in mind. When I am annoyed cause he’s leaving the dishes on the counter, I’ll remind myself of my one thing and that the dishes don’t matter. Nothing matters. At least not as much as the one thing. And like the bare essentials I mentioned earlier this week, this is my one essential thing. And I keep it close to my heart and soul so I can keep all else in perspective and when life with kids and jobs and homes and cars and all the crap you need to deal with on a daily basis makes you grouchy and unable to keep things in perspective, I have my one thing.
I was thinking today that it’s a good idea to apply that to parenting, too. Just like with Jake, I get to have the one thing I need from my kids and the one thing they need from me. Nathaniel is still a bit too young to vocalize but I talked about this with David a while back and his one thing for now is being “fair,” it matters to him that I am fair across the two boys and in general. And he knows that my one thing is “honesty.” That he tells me the truth no matter what. I know this will change over time, and I will have the conversation with him regularly to make sure we keep up with changes in our lives. And when Nathaniel is older, he gets to have his one thing, too.
I also think it’s good to have the one thing for your own self and your expectations of the kind of parent you hope to be. I can beat myself up about all of the areas where I drop the ball for my kids. Between a fulltime job, schools, personal goals, marriage and many other things, it’s not realistic to think I will ever be the perfect mom (not that such a thing exists anyway.) I will drop the ball all the time. But if I have the one thing that I know I want to always have present, I can do the same thing I do in my marriage. I can hold that close and forgive myself on all others. (Or at least be kinder to myself.)
I decided today that my one thing will be “being home base.” I want my kids to know that I am always there for them no matter what. They can come to me with anything and I will not judge them and I will love them and accept them the way they are. I might scold/punish them for doing something wrong or dishonest. I might get upset. But I will never stop loving them and always be listening with an open mind. Giving them the benefit of the doubt and the gift of truly listening.
That’s the kind of mom I want to be.
So the rest I’m gonna let go. (or at least not grip so tightly) If I can accomplish this one thing. If I can truly have them see that I am there for them and that I am their one person in the world no matter what, well then I don’t care about what vegetables they won’t eat. I don’t care about not wearing the jacket when it’s cold. I don’t care about so many little things that drive me insane today. The play dates I don’t setup. The classes he’s not taking. The lunches that are imperfect. So many little things where I beat myself up. What matters is that when he needs me he knows he can come to me. Always.
That’s the one thing.
Everyday I succeed in prioritizing that, I am willing to let the others go.
Ps: After this post, I will be turning email notifications off for a while. Just to test some things out. Don’t worry, if you get this one, you’re still on the list when I turn them back on. I apologize for the inconvenience. If it helps, I post generally once around 7-8am daily and then once more around 4-6pm M-Th.
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projects for twenty twenty-five
projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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