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And here’s page five.
Something slightly different today. Linen background with a bunch of ribbon and some wire. Old text paper and that’s it. Just felt like doing something different. Not my favorite but I cannot put my finger on what I dislike. Maybe all of it…. Details:
For the last few days, I’ve been feeling more and more exhausted. Where lifting my arms has become an effort. I am also shivering and my head hurts. So it’s possible that I am getting sick. Not idea. It’s also meant that I am low on productivity and energy in general. I’ve been exercising and doing my art journal and then just letting everything else go. I’ve been going to bed at 8:30-9pm hoping to catch up on sleep to see if that will fix things. I am guessing it’s the extra exercise that’s making me tired but who knows. When David’s at school, Nathaniel quietly goes through all of his things. Unless he’s destructive, I don’t meddle.
Today he discovered this sheet of star stickers I was using with David. And then stuck them all over himself.
And when I called him, he gave me this look, of course.
He also signed more for the first time. Did it perfectly. Flower, more, food, bye, thank you. all the ones I’ve tried to teach him, he’s learned. But no spoken words yet. After I picked up David, I was so tired, nauseous and sick that I decided we needed to go out. So we went to a cafe and had some snacks and then did some shopping at Trader Joe’s. Now we have lots of fruit. I am always happiest when we have lots of fruit at home. When we got back, they played outside a bit while Jake and I chatted and I rested.
And now they’re asleep and I plan to snuggle up with Jake and then read some and head to bed. Plans for this weekend include some scrappy time, art journals, walking, writing BPC courses, and reading. I get to have some pampering time at the hair dresser, too. Small things. That’s what life is all about. I changed my header today. Felt like it. I love this butterfly. It goes with my word for 2011 too. And I’ve been asked by several people if they can subscribe to my blog by email and now you can. If you look on the right, there’s a place for you to put your email. It will email you my new posts when I post them. i was thinking maybe next year I’ll do monthly newsletters with some inspiring content. would that be interesting? Three Things I’m Grateful For: Three Things David’s Grateful For: And here’s page three.
Yep, a bit of the same theme as yesterday. And similar colors but I still love it. Paint, trim that I colored with copics, some beads and some alphas. Now is always always always the best time to start. Details:
Journaling Reads: This year, I decided to take the tradition even further and not wait for a “big year.” Life is short and one birthday is no more significant than another, if you ask me. Why wait until we reach a big, round number when I can make a meaningful present now? So my hope from now on is to make something meaningful as often as I can. These presents take time and effort from not just me but others, so it won’t necessarily be an annual event. At least not at this scale. But it will be frequent and it won’t wait for a 50, 60, 90. It will be as often as I can and whatever birthday comes next. Or I won’t even wait for a birthday. Any day is special, right?
Not sure how i feel about that photo but I love the deep color in it. I should start writing these earlier in the day, I’ve realized that after five pm, i hit a low for the day. I am exhausted and it all just descends on me suddenly so I am low on energy and positivity. Anyhow… Here’s the face Nathaniel makes each time he sees the camera, now.
These shots were taken right after he woke up so his cheeks are red and he looks happy and rested. I love these photos.
And his funny, subtle, quirky faces.
My sister-in-law, Andee, makes these calendars for the whole family each year and both my kids love love LOVE looking through them. Thank you, Andee!
When we went to David’s school last weekend, we bought some used books for him. And he’s been reading them.
And there’s nothing that gives me as much joy as watching my son read.
Literally, nothing.
I love reading so much that seeing my kids doing it makes me deeply happy. I hope they love it as much as I have all my life. I’ve been thinking more and more about 2011. And the rest of this year. My focus for October is the art journal and the walking. November will be a bit tricky with deadlines and short trip out of town and then my parents visiting. So I plan to keep walking and possibly pick something more flexible for the daily activity. Not sure why. Open to suggestions. Maybe drawing. Or watercolor. Something small, I can take with me. And then it’s December. December is all about December Daily for me. Tons and tons of family time. And planning and preparing for 2011. For next year I think I will have year-long focuses like I did 52 things this year, and then monthly ones like LOAD. They both really help me in their own way. I also will be continuing with some of the things that I’m committed to or things I love like: layouts for The Girls’ Paperie, Tim Holtz, and A Million Memories, weekly books, daily diaries, creative therapy. Some things will end like 52 things, weekly gratitude (though I will continue the daily practice) and Crafting with David (which ended a while ago). And then some new ideas like: bringing back digital downloads, practicing other crafts like sewing/knitting/emboridery/etc., weekly art journal, weekly focus on health/exercise/diet, weekly books with david and journals with david. Those are some of my current ideas. I might get more or remove some. Who knows. I also want to do some more “thoughts” posts. Like the ones I do on Tuesdays for Weekly Gratitude. I used to write a lot of my thoughts on this blog and it sparked discussion and I loved it. So I am thinking it might be another good thing to do. I will likely do a blog redesign. Probably a simple one that’s not drastically different but if you have input/feedback on the current blog look/feel let me know. I am open to comments. That’s what’s on my mind today. How about you? What’s on your mind? Three Things I’m Grateful For: Three Things David’s Grateful For: And here’s page three.
I’ve been thinking a lot about starting things where you are instead of where others are or where you wish you were. For me this is specifically about the struggles I’ve had around exercise and getting in shape, etc. This is a reminder to me to start where i am. and that it’s time to start now. don’t wait. it’s ok to be where i am. i can do this. I channelled my inner-donna for this one. I used some golden paints, beads and flowers and alphas. simple but i love it. Details:
I generally pay attention to an author if her name happens to pop up several times in a week. And Kristin Hannah did exactly that. I read about her in several blogs, all about different books. So I thought it was time I read one of hers. I looked around a bit and decided to giveBetween Sisters a try. I must admit that it was hard to get into it. I didn’t like her voice or her writing for a while. I kept waiting for the story to begin. Hundred pages in, I still didn’t care too much for any of the characters. Too one dimensional, too obvious. I could tell it would be one of those Hollywood stories of strife and sadness but a perfect, happy ending. And it was. But somewhere along the line, I did sort of start to like the characters. They all grew in their own ways a bit and in the end I was sort of sad to see them go. All in all, I am not sure I will read any more of her stories but I cannot say that I hated it fully. Just a little too simplistic and obvious. But it was a happy ending and I needed one of those after the hard books I’ve been reading. All in all, it was ok.
Argh. Today got away from me really quickly. But I am not complaining as I was able to work, do art journal page, read a tiny bit, and do my walk. I am low on photos today, thought. The big boy:
The little boy:
And again the big boy:
That’s all I got today. And I have to run out the door for a dinner and I have yet to do several items on my todo list. And I can’t believe it’s almost Thursday already. Sometimes days seem to crawl and other times, they just zoom by. I am feeling better today, thank you for your kind kind words and for telling me it’s ok to sulk on my blog. I try to be honest and realistic but not whiny. I don’t think that’s productive. But anyway. Things are better now and my jaw is in less pain, thankfully. I have several things I want to write about but I haven’t been able to get organized. I am hoping tomorrow is the day for that. Three Things I’m Grateful For: Three Things David’s Grateful For: And here’s page two. focused on yesterday’s thoughts of regret.
My page is using a lot of Tim Holtz products so here they are: Details:
Catalyst One Hundred and Twenty-One is: How was/is your relationship with your parents? The Weekly Gratitude entry I did in July addressed this perfectly so I didn’t want to do something else just for the sake of it. Journaling Reads: I must admit that I have not always been actively aware of this fact. As a child, I spent most of my time wondering how I ended up in this family where I felt like I obviously didn’t belong. It’s not that they were bad people, it’s just that they were so very different than I was. They had different priorities and ideas of fun than I did. So I did a lot of sulking, a lot of doing my own thing and taking these amazing parents for granted. Yet, they never gave up on me and supported all my crazy and far-fetched dreams. When I told them I wanted to study in the United States, they did every single thing in their power to make it happen for me. Even though they don’t really understand what I do and sometimes they aren’t sure why I make the choices I make, they are always 100% behind me and they are first to cheer me on. When I falter, they are the first to rush in an help me. I’ve always known that my parents were supportive but it’s only in the last few years that I’ve come to full appreciate them.
Nathaniel woke up at 4am this morning and even after I changed his wet pajamas, he wasn’t able to go back to sleep so I got up with him. And thus my day started on a rough note. I was so tired and it took forever to wake up and get started on my day. But I did do a bunch of work, finish my art journal page, and I even got a bunch of important todos done so the whole day wasn’t a loss. I snapped this photo of Nathaniel in the morning. He is getting new signs now. Last night he learned to sign flower. But his favorite is food.
For the rest of the day, I got no photos. So when I came back from the doctor’s I snapped this one of David.
And Nathaniel had grabbed some plastic cups from the pantry and was playing with them. He’s so good at focusing on things. He loves playing and I love watching him play.
And I love how he knows I’m trying to snap photos and I call his name and he smiles. He doesn’t look up or stop what he’s doing. But he does smile. I love him so deeply.
That’s all the photos I snapped before it was time to go to sleep. I had a doctor’s appointment for TMJ today. TMJ is the joint between your jaw and skull. Mine is swollen and causes noises in my ear and a lot of pain in my jaw and headaches. It’s gotten considerably worse since Nathaniel was born. To the point where I am consistently in pain. I’ve had this problem for eleven years and I tried to get it fixed in the beginning but it only got worse so I gave up. Today was the first time I even let anyone talk about treating it. And if I do what the doctor suggests, it means mouth guards night and day and therapy and more. And it might get better. Which is of course worth it but just the thought of all that work and all that effort is making me sad. It’s not something I want to take on. And yet I know I should. Just sucks. And I know many people have it much worse but I am just feeling a bit low so I will let it get to me tonight and then I promise not to whine about it starting tomorrow. I’ve mentioned it a few times and I plan to write about it in a lot more detail but one of the things I decided to tackle for October (and onward) is my health. More specifically, I’ve been walking 30 minutes a day since Saturday. Today I only did 15 minutes but considering how I felt, that’s a miracle. I have a lot to say about this. I have had issues with the way I look ever since I can remember and while I’d like other areas of my life to improve, I know that at this point in my life, this is the single biggest issue for me. And if I were to actually face it head on and do something about it, it would change my life forever. So instead of putting it off (which is what I’ve been doing for 6 years now.) I am choosing to take it on. For now and November and December and all of 2011. This is going to be focus number one. I will drop other commitments or activities if necessary but not this. More on this later but I wanted to make sure to put it out there. Today was a long day as is but then I received an email and reacted badly to it. Then I got full of regret and it pretty much killed the rest of my day. I rarely ever regret anything in my life. I tend to think a lot before I commit to things or take a step. I am a firm believer in integrity so I think before I commit to ensure I can deliver and then i just work without thinking of regret. But on the rare occasions where I do regret, especially hurting or disappointing someone, I handle it very badly. I get really really wound up and I want the issue to resolve immediately and wish that I should show the person how very sorry I am. On and on. This sense of urgency to resolve overwhelms me and takes over just about anything else in my life. When it happened today, I got very sad. And I realized that I need to work on this. I need to realize that these things happen sometimes and that I have to learn to be patient. I have to learn to let go and have faith that people know me and will not assume the worst of me. But it’s hard. Really hard. I don’t like disappointing people. So I am going to lay low tonight. Let myself wallow a bit and try hard to be patient. And hope that I didn’t damage anything permanently. Today, I bought tickets to go to NYC in November. I will be gone for about 40 hours. 10 of which will be on the plane. It will be the first time I am leaving both kids behind. First time I am away from Nathaniel overnight. But I am going to see my sister whom I haven’t seen in a year and a half and her kids and husband whom I haven’t seen in almost 4 years. I miss them. I cannot wait to see them. Even if it means I have to be away from my boys for a little bit. Though that will be hard for me, too. I am glad I am doing it. It’s a step for me. I am not good at leaving my family. And I haven’t been to New York since 2006. It’s my favorite city in the world so it will be nice to walk its streets again, too. Oh and I meant to say, today’s photo was not a cover. Just another page in my art journal that I was using earlier this year. And thank you for your kind words on it. I am telling myself that it’s not about how it looks. just about the process of doing it. Three Things I’m Grateful For: Three Things David’s Grateful For: So I am still really afraid of art journaling. Not sure why. I think it’s cause I feel I am really artistically untalented. (Is untalented a word? It appears so since spell-check isn’t correcting me.) I can’t draw. Or paint. Or anything. To top it off, I don’t collect quotes. So I never have ideas on what to make the pages about. But I love the idea of art journaling. I have a lot of supplies I’ve bought in excitement over the years. Expensive ones. I’ve taken many classes and I really enjoy looking at Donna’s or Dina’s pages. So I decided that maybe if I did the same thing I did for scrapbooking in May, I might actually get to get better at this. (Or at least less fearful.) So here’s to a month of art journaling. My hope/plan is to make a page a day. I know it’s October 5 and I’ve missed the first four days. But who cares. 27 days in a row will be just as powerful if you ask me. I doubt the extra 4 days will make or break this. And I could have done this So instead of waiting until November which is already full of other obligations/projects like my December Daily album and my parents’ visit and a trip to NYC, I’ll choose the better option. Now. Now is always best. Fair warning, I don’t know how to art journal. I am not talented. These pages will likely suck. I am still going to put them up daily. For me, more than anything. Feel free to skip. My biggest goal here is to conquer the fear. So if I can accomplish that it will be a big success. So here goes nothing.
My first page is using a lot of Tim Holtz products so here they are: |
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