My sweet friend Evelyn quit her job six years ago to be come a writer. She was lawyer before but decided she wanted to write. And this year she published her first novel. It’s a Young Adult novel called The Crown’s Game. The book became a huge hit and debuted at #3 in the New York Times best seller list.
Doesn’t she make it look easy?
I know that she spent a lot of those six years writing, rewriting, throwing away, beginning again, doing a lot of putting herself out there, etc. But it’s still quite an amazing story to be able to set such an audacious goal and then to meet it. (Exceed it even!)
I am so proud of her and so very happy for her.
When her book launched, she had a big event at our local book store. Part of the event was the amazing food. She had a friend make Russian pastries that were in the theme of the book. These swans were part of the story. The entire event was magnificent and a wonderful celebration to her amazing accomplishment. I was so very grateful to get to be there to celebrate with her.
She is in the process of revising the sequel and I cannot wait to read it!
Stories from 2016 is a year-long project for 2016. You can read more about my projects for 2016 here.
 Today’s card says: You get to choose your past. What you choose to remember, what you choose to bring to the present moment, what you choose to still hang on to is all up to you.
When I was in 6th grade (or maybe 5th grade), we were assigned Jonathan Livingston Seagull as summer reading. I remember immediately falling in love with the story and going through a Richard Bach period where I read all of his books. Nothing measured up to JLS for me but I spent quite some time on Illusions. And there’s a quote in that book that says:
“You are led through your lifetime by the inner learning creature, the playful spiritual being that is your real self. Don’t turn away from possible futures before you’re certain you don’t have anything to learn from them. You’re always free to change your mind and choose a different future, or a different past.” -Illusions by Richard Bach
I didn’t understand this quote at all at the time. How were you free to choose a different past? But then, over the years, I’ve made my own interpretation of this and wrote about it here and here. (sidebar: How is it possible that I wrote that first post fifteen years ago!) And I find it to be a powerful reminder each time I see myself falling back into my old patterns.
Choosing the word choose was all about reminding myself that I hold the power to choose not only what to do, how to respond but also what to hang on to and what to let go of. What I make things mean. What I bring into this present moment. What I take away from this moment. What I move into the future with me. It’s about choosing what I learn and what I forgive and what I embrace. It’s about all of it. Remembering that I hold the power of how I live my life.
How I choose to interpret it.
Choosing Means is a Monthly Project for May 2016. You can read more about my projects for 2016 here.
As I watched Ali post her Week in the Life posts, I realized how much I enjoyed looking at them and decided I wanted to go ahead and try for this week. I have no idea whether I will be able to sustain it all week but I will try. I don’t think I’ve done one of these since 2014 and my life is quite different since then.
This morning was exceptional for several reasons. I usually wake up around 4:45 to 5:15 because I have meetings with my team in Zurich but today was a national holiday there so I got to sleep in until 6:30, which would have been a miracle except I woke up at 5am and tossed and turned. I didn’t sleep well all night because I was sad about the small car accident I got into yesterday (i am ok!) It was also an unusual morning because Jake’s back home in Boston for his uncle’s memorial. So it’s just me and the kids until later this week.
Since I didn’t have any meetings until 9am, I did what I’ve been doing a lot lately which is to turn on CNN. I’ve been obsessed with this election cycle and can’t seem to stop watching CNN. It’s to the point of an unhealthy obsession and I am sad to see that most often the news is not really fit for my kids. (Like this morning.) So I turn it off and Skype with my mom. (and then my sister too!)
Nathaniel slept with me last night and it was so nice to wake up and give him a big hug. He then got dressed and came down to make lunches for both kids.
The kids ate their oatmeal and brushed their teeth and it was time to leave for the shuttle. Since I usually have back to back meetings in the morning, they usually take the shuttle which is only 4 minutes away and allows me to leave one meeting a bit early and be a bit late to the next one.
We took a selfie on the way to the shuttle.
And there they go. On Mondays and Wednesdays, they have a good friend on the shuttle so they like riding it.
Since it was a very rare day of not having a meeting right after, I drove to Starbucks and got a Latte and the spinach foldover (which wasn’t great today) and got a moment to enjoy breakfast (with more CNN.)
I organized my June project and put a new banner on my site for it. And started thinking about what I might want to do for July. It helps to think ahead in the summer months.
This is my calendar for the week. It’s not pretty. I have a lot of meetings. Especially those back to back 30 minute ones in the early mornings are not my favorite. I was gone for a work offsite Wednesday to Friday last week so I am really behind in email and I just don’t see myself catching up super soon.
Here’s how I spend most of my day. Reading email, writing email, or in meetings.
I often work with both my computers in front of me. Meeting in one, doing work on the other.
I was waiting for one of my workmates to show up to a meeting and randomly had a need to put this temporary tattoo on me. Love these little gems.
Meeting gets canceled last minute so I take the opportunity to plan out my week and write down my todos.
More work, more meetings, and then time for lunch. I had a coaching client today over lunch so actual lunch is while I work. Crackers + goat cheese + tomato = happy place. I spend a lot of time on a presentation I will give later this week on Mentoring.
Another hour of work and then it’s time to interview a candidate. I take notes furiously as he speaks. So I can remember my feedback when I put it into the system.
As soon as the interview is done, I jump in the car because it’s time to pickup the kids. Yep, it’s so very sunny outside. Pretty much every day.
Nathaniel’s class is already out.
He’s got an art project and a card from his reading buddy.
David gets out about 15 minutes after Nathaniel so I sit at the playground for that time and chat with the other moms while Nathaniel plays. This is Adriana who is also often there.
The kids are hot and ask me if we can please get some ice cream. I tell them we can’t go to where they usually like to go because I am still shaken up from yesterday’s car thing and would like to park somewhere easy. So we decide to stay local. When I see this mirror, I can’t resist taking a shot.
The chocolaty ones are Nathaniel’s and mine, the crazy colorful one is David’s. I threw mine away because it had a lot of nuts. Way way too many nuts.
We grab a few bagels and finally make it home. David jumps into the shower and the boys get ready for swimming which is in an hour. They eat the bagels we got and Nathaniel and I spend this time doing a Udacity course that David and I did years ago: Intro to Algebra Review. The beginning is easy and he flies through the lessons. (David and I are now doing the College Algebra one, the beginning of that one is easy too, we’ll see how hard it gets.)
The kids eat dinner and then it’s time for swimming class.
After we come home from swimming, the boys do a quick video chat with Jake and his brother’s family and his parents. Then, the boys shower and David and I do some math and then Nathaniel and I do a tiny bit more so he can finish the first section. David does his homework. Then it’s time for the little boy to go to bed. He’s going to sleep with me again tonight so David and I tuck him in.
I then come down and turn CNN on again. David’s in his room, reading. I send a few more emails, work some more on my presentation, type up the “choosing means” post for tomorrow, and I will go to bed as soon as I finish typing this up. Tomorrow’s first meeting is 5:30am so I need all the sleep I can get.
 Today’s card says: You get to choose who you are at every moment of every day. nothing is set in stone, including you. who you are can change moment to moment, you get to choose.
I wrote this down because I think about this a lot. Often enough that I have created a few cards this month that say the same thing. Because I can’t remember this one often enough. The biggest reason I picked the word choose this year was to remind myself that I get to choose who I am at any moment. How I can respond and not react to events. Part of this is remembering that who I’ve been does not have to be who I will be in this moment. Or who I will be tomorrow.
As we grow up, we form parts of our identity. Good at math, not good at sports, geeky, introverted, shy, loud, bad at writing, good at music, etc. etc. And I made mine just like most others I know. I then spend my days perpetuating this identity, especially in my head. When opportunities come up to do things, it goes through the filter of how I see myself. I am not good at social events, so when I am invited I choose not to go. I love reading so when it has to do with books, I go. Hiking/running – no. Quiet conversations – yes.
But the thing is, just because it’s been true, it doesn’t have to continue to be true. As much as I believe in stepping into who we are wholly (and i really really do) I also believe in choosing to be anything you want to be. If i want to be a runner, I just have to get up and do it. Yes, I will suck at first, but I’ve had years of practice not being a runner so I have to give this new identity some time to grow. I can be a runner. Someone who’s social. Someone who can dance, drive on the freeway, play a musical instrument, or whatever else I choose to be.
The important part is the choice part. I don’t have to do any of these things for other people or for society. I don’t have to do them at all.
But I can.
The choice is up to me.
Choosing Means is a Monthly Project for May 2016. You can read more about my projects for 2016 here.
 Today’s card says: Choosing the life you have is so much easier than fighting everything. Choose to see the amazing gifts that already exist in your life. Choose to see what’s there, not what’s missing. There’s so much there.
This is something I should frame and put up in my room, my desk, my ipad, everywhere, so I can see it again and again because I can’t remind myself this truth enough times. My life is so blessed, so lucky, so amazing. There are times I sit in this coffee shop by my house and look around and I can’t believe this little girl from Turkey is now sitting at this cafe, in the sunshine, with this amazing husband, these beautiful children, wonderful friends, incredible family, challenging/interesting/rewarding job. How is it possible that I got this lucky?
And of course there are many moments when I am sad. I wish for parts of my life to be different. For myself to be different. I wish for different things on some days. I feel bad not doing more, not being more. I feel guilty, I feel less than, I feel frustrated, lost, angry, hopeless and all the other feelings.
There are days when I wish some things were different and days when I wish everything was different. But then I know that my life is what I make it. What I made it. I worked so very hard to build this life that I have. This life that is such a gift to me.
This life that feels like a miracle most days.
And I remember that it’s so much easier to choose what is. This is my life. It’s not perfect. I’m not perfect. But perfection is not the goal for me. It’s never been the goal for me. What matters is that I get up each day and I try my hardest. I show up and do what I can. And part of that is choosing what is here. Seeing it. Being grateful for it.
Because it’s pretty darn magical.
Choosing Means is a Monthly Project for May 2016. You can read more about my projects for 2016 here.
 Today’s card says: Just because things aren’t going as planned doesn’t mean you don’t get to choose anymore. At any moment you can choose to self-correct and choose a different path.
This is something I don’t remember often enough. I often think of that quote about man making plans, and God laughing. As a planner, I like to always think that I am in control of my life. That if I plan things, worry about things, be specific about my choices, etc. things will work out as I anticipated. But of course they do sometimes and they don’t other times and it has a lot less to do with me than it might seem. Either way, when things don’t go as planned, it’s so easy to just give up and assume that nothing is now up to you.
This is a reminder to me that I always have moments of choice. Even when one thing happens outside of expectations, I still get to recalibrate in this new moment and make more choices. At a minimum, I can choose to accept this moment. I can choose to be present with it. This is what’s here now and I can step into it.
But I can also still change things. I can decide what I want next and how to get there. I can say “ok this happened, it wasn’t what I wanted but here we are. Now I will do this other thing.” or what would it take me to be ok with this? what would i like to do/feel next. I get to choose how I feel about things. I get to choose what things mean. I get to choose so many things at every moment. When things don’t go just right, it’s easy to forget that I have these moments of choice. But they are always there and always with me.
It’s never too late for it to be what it might have been. It’s never too late to start. It’s never too late to stop. To give in, to keep going, to give up, to push forward, to apologize, to accept an apology, to change course, to pick a new life. To create new values. To find friends, love, kindness, etc. It’s just never too late for anything. And I want to remember that. I want to remember that I have millions of moments of choice all day long.
I am so grateful for those moments.
Choosing Means is a Monthly Project for May 2016. You can read more about my projects for 2016 here.
Today’s card says: Sometimes choosing not to hurt others ends up meaning you have to choose to hurt yourself. At times, that’s okay but it’s not ok to choose to put others first every single time.
I feel like as women we are more often brought up with the expectation to sacrifice ourselves for others. As mothers, even more so. And I personally think there’s nothing wrong with choosing others over me, many many times. I often choose to do things for my kids because seeing my kids makes me happy. So it’s also sort of choosing for myself. Same goes for my husband, parents, friends, etc.
But as I get older, I realize that it’s easy to go overboard with this. To always choose others. To always sacrifice. For work, for kids, for husband. And there are dangers with that, resentment, expectation of reciprocation, losing sense of self. I think all of these are possible outcomes I’ve seen over the years.
I’ve learned to always ask myself whether I am choosing to do this for them or for me and if I can’t find a way to bring it back to me, I try not to do it. I drive my kids to school because I love having conversations in the car on our way. It’s good for them, good for me. I help my husband because his business doing well makes him happier and when he’s happy, I am really happy. I work harder some times because having the tasks done allows me to relax and be more present. I always try to be aware of why I am making the choice I make. Is this something I value? Something that is for a good cause? And if I always make it about me, then there’s no other person to resent. I don’t think “ugh, i sacrificed myself for him and then he wasn’t even thankful.” This way I am accountable to myself, I am aware of my choices and I own how I feel about it.
But sometimes I still need to remember that I need to choose more time just for myself, just to restore and rebuild my own soul/body/heart. So I need to remember that I am also one of those people I need to sacrifice for. One of those people I need to choose not to hurt.
Choosing Means is a Monthly Project for May 2016. You can read more about my projects for 2016 here.
I’ve had so many of these book reviews on draft for months now, so I decided it’s better to write just a few words and post them than to keep sitting on them. Excuse my brevity.
I read The Name of the Star because of a random whim. I read about it somewhere and then jumped in.
It was a super fast read. I think I might have read it in one sitting. I loved it but not enough to feel compelled to read the next two. Maybe one day. If this is your cup of tea, it’s not bad. Recommended.
If not, there are many others to choose from in the world of books.
Today’s card says: Choosing means knowing what matters most and being willing to let go of the rest. Even when you wish you could have it all or even both.
Even though I know this is a fact and can intellectually articulate it, I notice that when it comes to my life, I don’t “choose” to remember this.
I often “choose” a path directly or inadvertently and then judge myself on both the path I took and the one I didn’t take. I do this with small things like eating something that’s bad for me and then judging myself on my weight or looks. I do it on big things like choosing to do or say something at work and/or my personal life and then fretting constantly that I said what I said. I choose not to focus on cooking, cleaning, dressing a certain way etc but then I judge myself on how I do those things.
I feel like a lot of my personal values are not always in line with some of the cultural and societal norms I grew up with (and am still in, in some ways) so this double-standard is extra tough for me. I often choose to do things according to my own values (which is good!) but then the conversations and judgements in my head are constantly about the norms I grew up around (bad. mostly because they don’t reflect who i choose to be.) This is a formula for constant frustration and sorrow and self-judgement.
And I want to choose to stop doing it.
I think the first step to this is writing down what I believe in. What I think matters most. And then the next step is writing down what I don’t believe in, what I think matters less. Because choosing is not just about the thing you’re choosing but it’s also about the thousands of things (that you didn’t choose) that choice implies. So I can remind myself that I have actively made this choice not to hold myself accountable for the things I’ve specifically not chosen to focus on.
Letting go of the rest, of the choices I didn’t make starts with choosing to not choose them. Choosing to actively let them go. Choosing to fully step into who I am and step out of who I am not.
Choosing Means is a Monthly Project for May 2016. You can read more about my projects for 2016 here.
I start my days really early. Sometimes as early as 4:45am. So by the time the evening rolls around, I am wiped. I often feel like I don’t want to move an inch from the couch.
Thankfully, bedtime is relatively easy in my house. Both of the kids go down between 6-7pm and there is no routine except their brush their teeth and say goodnight. We spent years doing baths, reading in bed, etc. but now they are both old enough to do much of that on their own. However, they still liked to be tucked in.
Each night when Nathaniel asks me if I’d be willing to tuck him in, my instincts are to say no. I am too tired. I don’t want to walk up the stairs. I don’t want to move a muscle. But last year, I made a promise to myself: I will never say no when the kids ask me to tuck them in.
I don’t have a huge amount of time left with my kids being kids. David’s already 11 and Nathaniel is 7. My bet is that within 8 years (if not less) no one will be asking me to tuck them in again. (Well maybe my grandkids one day!) And I want to remember to cherish each of these years, days, moments. I want to tuck them in while they are still here and still willing to be tucked in.
So I never say no.
I get up and walk up the stairs holding their soft, wonderful hands and love and kiss and hug them every night that I am home.
And I am so very glad that I get to.
Stories from 2016 is a year-long project for 2016. You can read more about my projects for 2016 here.
 Today’s card says: You get to choose the way you interpret the “truth”. The definition of truth changes more often than it might seem because rarely is the truth not infused with your story. Choose what works.
This is something I think about often. As I get older, I notice it even more. How people’s “truth” is rarely just the facts. Most of us have preconceived ideas of who we are, who others are, and we have conversations in our head. We process all of the world’s information through these conversations in our mind. And we make them mean things. Things that might or might not be true.
I’ve learned that it’s impossible to know the “truth” especially when it involves other people. As someone who’s often had worries around being worthy, being loved, liked, etc, I’ve learned that it’s impossible to know what others really think of you. It’s impossible to do the “right” things so they like you more. These things are not possible because people spend a lot more time thinking about themselves than they spend thinking about you. And making everyone or even any one person like you forever is nonstop work. It’s not worthwhile work. Because here’s the thing, if I don’t change what I think of myself (the conversations in my head) it doesn’t matter what others do or say. It’s constantly going through the filter I have in my head. The filter that colors every conversation, every action, every event with “I’m not worthy” so things happen in the real world, and I interpret them to support the story I already believe about myself.
This is true for all of us, for both the good and the bad. When you think you’re great, it’s often your story. When you think you suck, the same thing. Of course, there are exceptions. Real facts that happen in the real world. But the meaning that those facts have are fully attributed by us. We decide what they mean and we choose what we do next, depending on what decision we made. How we chose to see the “truth.”
So this is what I want to remember today. That I get to choose how I perceive the truth. I get to choose what meaning to attribute to events, to people, to words, to life. I get to choose. And I want to choose the meaning that makes me the best version of myself. So that what I do next comes from that place. So that I can keep being the best version of me.
Choosing Means is a Monthly Project for May 2016. You can read more about my projects for 2016 here.
 Today’s card says: Some days things choose you and you just have to let go and lean into the things that chose you. It makes it easier when you swim with the current than against it.
There’s a book that came out a bunch of years ago called Now Discover Your Strengths and it was all about how instead of focusing your weaknesses and trying to constantly make them better, maybe we’d do better by focusing on our strengths where we have the potential for much more quick improvement (and we can use our support systems and delegation to fill in some of the holes – weaknesses. ) There’s a lot more to the book of course but this was one of my take aways. I remember there’s a scene about how when your kids comes to you with their report card and when they have 4As and 1C we focus so much on the class where she or he got a C instead of focusing on the As. Here are things the kid is amazing at.
As someone who always looks at the “things to improve” section of her peer feedback way before she spends time on “here’s what she does well,” it’s easy for me to focus on the bad. Focus on what I should be doing more or better.
And yet.
It’s so much easier to go with the flow. To do more of what comes naturally. To do more of what is joyful. More of what’s something I love to do. More of something that I inherently like spending my time on. Or something I value.
I had a meeting at the school a few months ago, where we were discussing things about Nathaniel and the teacher made some suggestions on what we could do. We nodded and thanked them. We intended to do them but week passed and then we got another call to meet again and check in. At first, I felt really guilty about all the things I didn’t do but then I took some time to really look into my soul. And I realized that instead of saying I will do things that would be incredibly hard for me as a person, what I needed was to find things that I could do that come naturally to me and still support my son. I can swim against the current for a while, do all the uphill work, but it will leave me tired and I will give up much more quickly. Whereas if I find something that allows me to do this in a way that works for me, I can sustain it and make my son happy without completely wearing myself down in the process.
The trick I am learning is not to feel guilty for all I am not. It’s to really focus on what I am, to know myself well and to choose fully own who I am. Choose to step into myself and my life. That’s when the magic happens.
Choosing Means is a Monthly Project for May 2016. You can read more about my projects for 2016 here.
|
projects for twenty twenty-five
projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
|
