I spent the better part of 2012 and 2013 reading Young Adult novels. I am of the strong opinion that there’s no such thing as a “bad” book to read. In my opinion, any kind of reading is better than many other things you could be doing. So I had no shame or embarrassment about focusing on Young Adult. Some of the best books I’ve ever read have been in the genre as well as some of my most favorite authors. And I will continue to read Young Adult for as long as the high quality stories continue to be told. This genre is exploding at the moment and I am thrilled about that for both myself and my son.

However, I was disappointed that I couldn’t find any General Fiction books that held my interest. Each of the ones I picked up seemed to be full of horrifying acts or deeply depressing plots. And, in early 2012, I had vowed not to read anything super-depressing anymore. This meant that (with very few exceptions) I couldn’t find a single non-young-adult book I liked to read. My struggle continued for a long time and I was starting to lose my faith in books. I couldn’t understand if it was the books or me. Would I never enjoy them again?

Since I still read a lot of novels, I wasn’t deeply worried about this but it became a nagging question at the back of my mind.

And then, suddenly, a few weeks ago, things shifted again. I was reading some of the upcoming books for my book club and I read Seating Arrangements (which was okay) and Where’d You Go, Bernadette (better that the other one). And then I went to the next one which was March by Geraldine Brooks. March had been on my list for a long time but I hadn’t managed to read it. To be honest, I sort of dreaded it because I knew it was historical fiction and thought it would be slow-going.

It wasn’t at all.

I read the whole book in a day and absolutely loved it. And, I’m not sure why, but it reignited my desire to read more. I then read Life After Life (quite interesting but also sad at parts) in a day. I decided I wanted to go back and finish the Delirium series (i love this author but the series left me a bit empty) and then read The Great Gatsby in preparation for the movie. As well as Lean In (very interesting), The Dinner (quite unusual), Before I Go To Sleep (also unusual, made me think of Memento but not as good a story), and The End of Your Life Book Club (absolutely magnificent). I also read Wonder for another book club (absolutely excellent.) All in the last two weeks.

And now I feel like I can’t get enough. It’s like all the books I’ve been putting off, and wanting to read at some point, are calling to me and I must read them all right now.

I went through Amazon’s Book of the Month lists for the last two years and some of what’s been on my to-read list forever and made a list of books that I plan to read while I am in this wonderful place. Here’s what’s on my list at the moment (in no particular order):

1. The Sound and the Fury (haven’t read since high school and determined to re-read)
2. The Woman Upstairs (reading right now)
3. The Reconstructionist
4. Middlesteins
5. Caleb’s Crossing
6. Ready Player One
7. A Discovery of Witches and The Shadow of Night
8. The Dog Stars
9. The Mirror Chronicles
10. The Vanishers
11. Defending Jacob
12. DaVinci’s Ghost
13. The Flame Alphabet
14. Office Girl
15. The One Good Thing
16. The Thief
17. Shine Shine Shine
18. An Uncommon Education
19. Wild
20. Magic Hours
21. The Empty Family
22. Flatscreen
23. The Fingertips of Duncan Dorfman
24. The Violinist’s Thumb
25. Me Before You
26. My Sister Lives on the Mantelpiece
27. Gorgeous
28. How Literature Saved My Life
29. The Humanity Project
30. Beautiful Ruins
31. An Invisible Sign of my Own
32. Why We Broke Up
33. Mr. Fox
34. The Interestings
35. Lake
36. Illumination
37. The Weird Sisters
38. Sweet Tooth
39. NW
40. The Signal and the Noise
41. When It Happens to You
42. Light Between Oceans
43. Amelia Anne is Dead and Gone
44. Seraphina
45. The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry
46. In One Person
47. The Magicians
48. The Family Fang
49. Rules of Civility
50. The Leftovers
51. Girls in White Dresses
52. The Art of Fielding
53. The Orphan Master’s Son
54. Moonwalking with Einstein
55. Behind the Beautiful Forevers
56. Delicacy
57. The Age of Miracles
58. The Beginner’s Goodbye
59. So Good They Can’t Ignore You
60. Steal Like an Artist
61. The Red House
62. Binocular Vision
63. The Scorpio Races
64. Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls
65. The Burgess Boys
66. Carry On Warrior
67. The Disappearing Spoon

Yes, I know it’s long. I also know  it contains several Young Adult titles as well as some Non-Fiction and some Mystery and whatever else. But I love this list. It seems more like me: a variety.

If you’ve read any of these and have strong recommendations (either positive or negative) and/or if you haven’t but have other great recommendations please do let me know. My book postings on Thursdays are a bit behind so you won’t see these mentioned for a while but they will appear eventually. And let’s see how many I get to while this lovely, savoring mood is still with me.

(Ps: sorry I was too lazy to link each of them, but I am confident you can look them up if any of the titles sound enticing enough to you.)

I’ve had many hobbies throughout my life and I’ve loved them all, but the one thing I’ve never ever stopped doing is reading. Books are food for my soul. And this recent bout has felt more like coming home and slowing down and exploring all at the same time.

I’m grateful.

I’ve been grumpy lately. Actually, that’s not accurate. I’ve been down. I’ve noticed that these cycles seem to come and go. I wake up one morning and just seem to feel low for no apparent reason. And then my perspective shifts so that I am seeing everything with negative-eyes.

Which only serves to perpetuate my sadness.

I’ve learned that, at any moment in time, there are things that make me happy and things that frustrate me. The contents of the list might change but both lists are active at all times. How I feel about my day, and life, depends on which list I am focusing on. On the rougher days, I look at the “happy list” but none of the items seems to penetrate through the wall of sorrow. I feel like they are all fake or things that can be taken away at any moment in time. Whereas, on a happy day, the things on the “frustrating list” seem completely surmountable or insignificant.

While I know it’s about my perspective (or maybe hormones), what I don’t know is how to tip it from one to the other. What’s even more frustrating is that when I am in this not-so-positive space, I sometimes do things that disappoint me. Like eating things I know aren’t good for me. Which then perpetuates the bad feeling. So I get stuck in my own cycles.

Since it’s been more than a week, I am agitated and completely ready to snap out of this place. If I could force or shame or even cheer myself out of this place, I totally would. But none of those seem to have worked. So, this morning, I went to my intentions cards from the One Little Word, so I could see what I’d originally chosen for May.

It said “Physically Present:” Go outside. Breathe. Breathe more. Can you do more to be healthy? What needs attention now?

At first I thought, none of this is helpful. Then I thought, why not. Maybe this is exactly what I need right now. To get out of my head. And what’s the best way to get out of my head if not being more physically present? I’ve decided I am going to take long-ish walks every day this week. I’ve also decided to take two days off and be more physically present at some of the events at my kids’ schools and see if these help me get out of my head a bit.

So there we are. If you have these cycles and have ideas on what helps to snap out of them, I hope you leave me a comment. I am up for trying creative solutions at this point.